Warning: This probably sounds like a bunch of whining. And in part, I guess it is. If you can handle that, read on.
This is a topic that's been on my mind for quite a while. It's something Brian and I have discussed throughout our marriage, as we both feel strongly that tithing - giving back to God - is something we need to be committed to doing.
Last Sunday night, the pastor talked about, among other things, making time to be alone with God, and asking God to help you identify the areas in your life where He really wanted you to let go and let Him work. He talked about one of his own experiences, when he was the new pastor at our church a number of years ago, things were not going well, and he was concerned that the church would close its doors, or split, or somehow things would fall out that he'd be without a job with a wife and three kids to take care of. He realized that what he needed to let go of was his fear about provision and needs being met, and as he talked, I realized that that was something I really needed to let go of as well. I was the sole or primary breadwinner for my entire marriage to K, and I'm still the primary breadwinner now (although I am very, very thankful Brian is working!), so the responsibility of making sure family is taken care of has weighed heavily on my shoulders my entire working life. If bills aren't getting paid on time, I take it personally, I feel like *I've* failed somehow, like *I* haven't tried hard enough or pinched pennies enough or done enough to bring home the bacon. I wasn't raised to not pay my obligations in full and on time, and it upsets me when ends don't meet like I think they ought to. This is one really big area where I feel like God wants me to get out of the way and let Him work, and even now, I struggle with it.
I find myself trying to put a time limit on God, expecting Him to conform to my timetable and my agenda. Malachi 3:10 says, "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." God doesn't tell us to test Him very often, but here, He does. So Brian and I will freely admit that yes, we're testing God. We've made our commitment to give, and we're doing it. And logically, I know what the pastor meant when he said that God promises to meet our needs, not to make us rich. But when things aren't getting paid on time, I begin to wonder. (I know, again logically and not emotionally, that the lack is with me and not with God - it's not that He doesn't keep His promises, it's that I don't keep the faith.) And hence, the struggle. I'm not feeling very blessed right now, not in the least, and I'm wrestling with what exactly it means to have faith that God will meet our needs. Does that mean constantly living on the financial edge, scraping from paycheck to paycheck, and just trusting that the money will be there to cover necessities and not much else? Do I have to have faith strong enough to trust that we can be balanced on the edge and not fall over, and is that what getting our needs met will mean for the rest of our lives? Somehow I can't imagine that that's what God meant. But right now, this is what I'm turning over and over in my head.
And on a slightly related but not-quite-identical note, there's Bright Blessings. I love making candles and scrubs and goodies. I enjoy it and I'm pretty decent at it, I think. I'm getting the word out in all the ways I know how and all the ways I can afford, and yet I'm not seeing a whole lot of growth. I'm on a couple of message boards where the chat about bath and body products is pretty prevalent, and I see people talking up what they've gotten and tried. It just seems like people seem to forget to mention when they've ordered from me. I've seen good reviews of my products, so I know people like them. I just don't seem to get the word of mouth that other companies do, and I can't figure out why. So, this leaves me wondering, should I just cut my losses and pack it in? Should I put up all my supplies for sale and take my website down and close my Etsy shop and be done with it? I know that right now, I could not handle a huge influx of orders - I know there are e-tailers who get a ton of business, and I'm not equipped to handle THAT much business right now. But a steady stream of orders would be nice, and just having people mention that they got the stuff they did order would be nice, too. I've been doing this for over a year now, and with the way things have been going, I'm honestly not sure it's worth my while to keep it up.
See, I said I was whining. I'm going to go wallow in the pity pit for a while with the lovely chocolate peanut butter cupcake from Sugar Dreams that my friend Kelly brought to me today.
Showing posts with label Bright Blessings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bright Blessings. Show all posts
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Monday, August 18, 2008
Friday, May 09, 2008
A lot rolling around in the old noggin
I seem to be all full of thoughts and happenings today.
I thought I was going to have to reach through the phone and smack K this morning. I mentioned that J wasn't inclined to work on his spelling words last night, and K got all on his high horse, saying, "Well, you have to make him study!" Um, no, can't do it. K couldn't seem to grasp the difference between consequences for refusing to study/not doing well and actual studying being done. I can yell, take away TV, take away computer time, take away the Wii and the DS, but I can't MAKE J practice his spelling words with me if he's not of a mind to. I can't MAKE the words come out of his mouth if he's determined not to say them. K kept arguing with me that I had to make him study - it doesn't work that way. I can make life unpleasant if he doesn't, and if he does poorly when he should have done well, but I can't make learning happen no matter what I might try. So that was a wearing start to my morning.
Brian had a half-day assignment teaching fourth grade at J's school. Yay! Half a day of pay is better than a kick to the head, right? Of course, he came out after school to find that the van had a flat tire. *sigh* He has a full-size spare, so he made it home OK, but that means that at some point we'll have to buy at least one new tire (or perhaps two, to keep things even). He just had an alignment done and put two new tires on to the tune of $200+ earlier this week. It's always something, isn't it?
This weekend's big plans: cleaning the garage! Woo woo!!! It needs a cleaning, and some stuff needs a damn good throwing away. J has talked me into a trip to Burger King, too. He doesn't care so much about the food, he just wants the Iron Man toys. Oy.
I'm going to have samples in May's Little Black Box, and hopefully that will drum up some business for the birthday sale I'm having in June. Tonight I've got to box up samples. I meant to do it last night, but I was so tired, it just didn't happen. I really hope that brings in some business. Seriously, since Monday I've had virtually no traffic on my website - less than ten hits a day. ???? I had something like 46 each day on Sunday and Monday, and then big fat nothin' since then. Days like this make me wonder whether Bright Blessings needs to continue, or whether I should just call it a rather pricey lesson learned, take down the site, sell off the supplies, and call it quits, and maybe just make stuff as gifts for friends and family and for our own personal use. I keep telling myself I haven't even been in business for a year, and it may take time to really build up a following. It's just discouraging sometimes, though, especially after Spring Fling wasn't what I'd hoped for.
I don't know if I'll make my Denver trip after all (I'd planned to go to Denver this fall to meet up with a group of ladies I've known online for a good number of years - I may not have met most of them in person, but I'm proud to call them friends). I just found a flight to Denver from DFW for $168. The bad thing is, I don't know if I should book a flight or not. I really really really really want to go, but realistically, I'm not sure we'll be able to swing it. Yeah, the ticket is relatively cheap. But then there'd be my share of the house that the group is renting and spending money, and none of that is cheap. The trip comes before Brian's first paycheck would be due (assuming he does indeed have a full-time job for the 2008-09 school year, and I can't see why he wouldn't) - school starts August 25, which means the first pay period doesn't even end until after the trip, and his first paycheck wouldn't come until late October. I just don't know if we can justify spending $500 or so on a trip for me to see my friends, no matter how badly I may want to do it. Dammit, being a responsible grownup sucks rocks. This will be the third get-together I've missed if I don't get to go, and it makes me sad. I entered a contest where the prize is 250,000 airline miles, and that would help if I won, but that's no guarantee.
And I worry about things like finances, and then something pushes that back into perspective. An online friend knows a family whose little boy has some form of cancer, and his life expectancy was short, as in a year or so. Then suddenly they found out he had a slow bleed where the tumor was, and if that picked up and started bleeding more, his life expectancy would drop down to weeks or days. Yesterday the parents were arranging hospice care for their son. This really got to me. I cried half the way home, because I just can't imagine the wrenching pain of thinking you have a perfectly healthy child, to finding out your child is seriously ill, to finding out your child is terminal and doesn't have much longer to live. I had to thank God for my busy, stubborn, messy, loud, junk-food-eating, video-game-playing, not-sleeping, strong, healthy little boy, and I had to give him lots of hugs last night.
OK, to lighten things up just a little, here's a random question for the day: You know whenever you post on some message boards, you get the little message saying your message has been posted, please wait for your browser to forward you, and then it says something to the effect of, "if you do not wish to wait, click here"? If you can "click here" and not wait, why wait at all? That makes no sense to me. (Yes, it's Friday, and I'm distracted easily. LOL)
Hooray, it's almost time to go home! In case I don't post again this weekend, Happy Mother's Day to anyone reading this who's a mom! :) And go hug your own mother and tell her you love her - I'd pay money to be able to hug my mom.
I thought I was going to have to reach through the phone and smack K this morning. I mentioned that J wasn't inclined to work on his spelling words last night, and K got all on his high horse, saying, "Well, you have to make him study!" Um, no, can't do it. K couldn't seem to grasp the difference between consequences for refusing to study/not doing well and actual studying being done. I can yell, take away TV, take away computer time, take away the Wii and the DS, but I can't MAKE J practice his spelling words with me if he's not of a mind to. I can't MAKE the words come out of his mouth if he's determined not to say them. K kept arguing with me that I had to make him study - it doesn't work that way. I can make life unpleasant if he doesn't, and if he does poorly when he should have done well, but I can't make learning happen no matter what I might try. So that was a wearing start to my morning.
Brian had a half-day assignment teaching fourth grade at J's school. Yay! Half a day of pay is better than a kick to the head, right? Of course, he came out after school to find that the van had a flat tire. *sigh* He has a full-size spare, so he made it home OK, but that means that at some point we'll have to buy at least one new tire (or perhaps two, to keep things even). He just had an alignment done and put two new tires on to the tune of $200+ earlier this week. It's always something, isn't it?
This weekend's big plans: cleaning the garage! Woo woo!!! It needs a cleaning, and some stuff needs a damn good throwing away. J has talked me into a trip to Burger King, too. He doesn't care so much about the food, he just wants the Iron Man toys. Oy.
I'm going to have samples in May's Little Black Box, and hopefully that will drum up some business for the birthday sale I'm having in June. Tonight I've got to box up samples. I meant to do it last night, but I was so tired, it just didn't happen. I really hope that brings in some business. Seriously, since Monday I've had virtually no traffic on my website - less than ten hits a day. ???? I had something like 46 each day on Sunday and Monday, and then big fat nothin' since then. Days like this make me wonder whether Bright Blessings needs to continue, or whether I should just call it a rather pricey lesson learned, take down the site, sell off the supplies, and call it quits, and maybe just make stuff as gifts for friends and family and for our own personal use. I keep telling myself I haven't even been in business for a year, and it may take time to really build up a following. It's just discouraging sometimes, though, especially after Spring Fling wasn't what I'd hoped for.
I don't know if I'll make my Denver trip after all (I'd planned to go to Denver this fall to meet up with a group of ladies I've known online for a good number of years - I may not have met most of them in person, but I'm proud to call them friends). I just found a flight to Denver from DFW for $168. The bad thing is, I don't know if I should book a flight or not. I really really really really want to go, but realistically, I'm not sure we'll be able to swing it. Yeah, the ticket is relatively cheap. But then there'd be my share of the house that the group is renting and spending money, and none of that is cheap. The trip comes before Brian's first paycheck would be due (assuming he does indeed have a full-time job for the 2008-09 school year, and I can't see why he wouldn't) - school starts August 25, which means the first pay period doesn't even end until after the trip, and his first paycheck wouldn't come until late October. I just don't know if we can justify spending $500 or so on a trip for me to see my friends, no matter how badly I may want to do it. Dammit, being a responsible grownup sucks rocks. This will be the third get-together I've missed if I don't get to go, and it makes me sad. I entered a contest where the prize is 250,000 airline miles, and that would help if I won, but that's no guarantee.
And I worry about things like finances, and then something pushes that back into perspective. An online friend knows a family whose little boy has some form of cancer, and his life expectancy was short, as in a year or so. Then suddenly they found out he had a slow bleed where the tumor was, and if that picked up and started bleeding more, his life expectancy would drop down to weeks or days. Yesterday the parents were arranging hospice care for their son. This really got to me. I cried half the way home, because I just can't imagine the wrenching pain of thinking you have a perfectly healthy child, to finding out your child is seriously ill, to finding out your child is terminal and doesn't have much longer to live. I had to thank God for my busy, stubborn, messy, loud, junk-food-eating, video-game-playing, not-sleeping, strong, healthy little boy, and I had to give him lots of hugs last night.
OK, to lighten things up just a little, here's a random question for the day: You know whenever you post on some message boards, you get the little message saying your message has been posted, please wait for your browser to forward you, and then it says something to the effect of, "if you do not wish to wait, click here"? If you can "click here" and not wait, why wait at all? That makes no sense to me. (Yes, it's Friday, and I'm distracted easily. LOL)
Hooray, it's almost time to go home! In case I don't post again this weekend, Happy Mother's Day to anyone reading this who's a mom! :) And go hug your own mother and tell her you love her - I'd pay money to be able to hug my mom.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Boy, do I have a lot to catch up on!
We're settling in to married life, J is doing well and seems to be benefiting from having a man around the house, and now if Brian could just get some more sub work rolling in until he finds a full-time job, life would be dandy! So much to write about!
But first - Bloggy Giveaways. I had no idea such a thing existed, until someone posted it on the Lush forums. I'm entering the ones that appeal to me, and with 700+ giveaways posted, there are a lot of those! I'm hoping to have a giveaway of my own the next time they have a Bloggy Carnival.
I've got my first craft show coming up on May 3 - Bright Blessings will have a booth at Midlothian's Spring Fling. It's from 10 AM to 3 PM in Heritage Park, if any of my readers are in the D/FW area, come by and say hi! I'm freaking right out, wondering if I'm anywhere near prepared for this. LOL
And in other news, it looks like Brian will be in a band! He's going to be a bass drummer (*the* bass drummer?) for World Gone Mad. Thanks to my friend Heather and her husband for giving him the opportunity - he's really excited to be getting back to playing, and is driving me bonkers with the sticks and the practice pad. LOL
Busy afternoon at work, I'll write more later! No, really, I will!
But first - Bloggy Giveaways. I had no idea such a thing existed, until someone posted it on the Lush forums. I'm entering the ones that appeal to me, and with 700+ giveaways posted, there are a lot of those! I'm hoping to have a giveaway of my own the next time they have a Bloggy Carnival.
I've got my first craft show coming up on May 3 - Bright Blessings will have a booth at Midlothian's Spring Fling. It's from 10 AM to 3 PM in Heritage Park, if any of my readers are in the D/FW area, come by and say hi! I'm freaking right out, wondering if I'm anywhere near prepared for this. LOL
And in other news, it looks like Brian will be in a band! He's going to be a bass drummer (*the* bass drummer?) for World Gone Mad. Thanks to my friend Heather and her husband for giving him the opportunity - he's really excited to be getting back to playing, and is driving me bonkers with the sticks and the practice pad. LOL
Busy afternoon at work, I'll write more later! No, really, I will!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Looking
At the suggestion of a fellow blogger who was kind enough to post a comment, I'm looking for crafters' groups in the D/FW area. I've done a couple of online searches and come up with - well, nothing. Not so far, anyway. There is the Dallas Craft Guild, but they appear to offer classes on everything BUT candlemaking or soapmaking. There's a piano tuners' guild, a group for calligraphers (which I have considered joining, as I do calligraphy, but I'm sticking to one hobby at a time for now!), but so far, nothing for chandlers or soapers. ??? But I'm determined. I'll keep looking, because you learn from people who've done this before, and I know there have to be people who've done this before in the Dallas area. I don't know if Bright Blessings will ever be sufficient to be a full-time sole source of income for me, but it can be more than it is right now. Other than my son, it's what I do that I enjoy most, and if I want it to succeed, I have to work at it. So, I'll work. Starting with a few more Google searches to see what comes up.
I also need to make myself a lightbox. I can use that to take vastly improved pictures of my products, as the ones on my website aren't all that. I'll need good photos for my brochures that I'm working on to send out with wholesale orders. And I'm really debating a revamping of my website altogether. I wish I knew more about HTML so I could do it myself, but I may have to spend the money to get a good complete overhaul. It seems a bit overwhelming at times. I really wish I could take a couple of months off work and focus on Bright Blessings, but I can't. Bother. A little at a time, though, and it may eventually fall into place.
I also need to make myself a lightbox. I can use that to take vastly improved pictures of my products, as the ones on my website aren't all that. I'll need good photos for my brochures that I'm working on to send out with wholesale orders. And I'm really debating a revamping of my website altogether. I wish I knew more about HTML so I could do it myself, but I may have to spend the money to get a good complete overhaul. It seems a bit overwhelming at times. I really wish I could take a couple of months off work and focus on Bright Blessings, but I can't. Bother. A little at a time, though, and it may eventually fall into place.
Friday, March 21, 2008
I'm a groovy mother hen
So says the quiz!
I never thought of myself as particularly groovy, but I'll go with it.
It's FRIDAY!!! Yay!!! I think everyone who could take the day off, did. I'm wishing I was one of them, because I am not motivated to be at work. We're short-handed, and I'm really hoping lots of people think Good Friday is a bank holiday and don't call. I've got so many things rolling around in my head, it's a wonder they don't start leaking out my ears.
This weekend is Brian's yard sale. We'll sell what we can, and whatever doesn't sell goes to Goodwill. I'm going to box up a few things and take them down for the sale - might as well get rid of some of my junk while we're at it. Oscar the cat will be coming back home with me, so she can start getting acclimated to her new home. She's stayed with us before, so it's not completely unfamiliar territory.
Next weekend - the move! Brian's got the job fair for our local school district on the morning of the 29th, and during that time, J and I will be picking up dishes (I found someone selling a ton of stoneware in my discontinued pattern), going to his counseling appointment, and maybe getting our hair cut. That afternoon and Sunday (if need be), we'll be shuttling back and forth, getting the rest of Brian's stuff and getting his old house cleaned up.
And the weekend after that - wedding! I told Brian that we'll probably just crash from exhaustion and spend that weekend sleeping. LOL "So, what did you do on your honeymoon?" "Slept. For eighteen straight hours." LOLOL
I've also got possibilities for wholesale orders for Bright Blessings. So much to think about - marketing materials, products, pricing, website upgrades to have a wholesale section.... It makes my head spin. In a good way, but still - lots of spinning. And the Spring Fling is coming up, as are the Boutique Boxes. GAH. I need a sabbatical from my day job to work on Bright Blessings stuff!
What type of Mother Hen Are You?
by Montessorimom.com: Educational Resource
I never thought of myself as particularly groovy, but I'll go with it.
It's FRIDAY!!! Yay!!! I think everyone who could take the day off, did. I'm wishing I was one of them, because I am not motivated to be at work. We're short-handed, and I'm really hoping lots of people think Good Friday is a bank holiday and don't call. I've got so many things rolling around in my head, it's a wonder they don't start leaking out my ears.
This weekend is Brian's yard sale. We'll sell what we can, and whatever doesn't sell goes to Goodwill. I'm going to box up a few things and take them down for the sale - might as well get rid of some of my junk while we're at it. Oscar the cat will be coming back home with me, so she can start getting acclimated to her new home. She's stayed with us before, so it's not completely unfamiliar territory.
Next weekend - the move! Brian's got the job fair for our local school district on the morning of the 29th, and during that time, J and I will be picking up dishes (I found someone selling a ton of stoneware in my discontinued pattern), going to his counseling appointment, and maybe getting our hair cut. That afternoon and Sunday (if need be), we'll be shuttling back and forth, getting the rest of Brian's stuff and getting his old house cleaned up.
And the weekend after that - wedding! I told Brian that we'll probably just crash from exhaustion and spend that weekend sleeping. LOL "So, what did you do on your honeymoon?" "Slept. For eighteen straight hours." LOLOL
I've also got possibilities for wholesale orders for Bright Blessings. So much to think about - marketing materials, products, pricing, website upgrades to have a wholesale section.... It makes my head spin. In a good way, but still - lots of spinning. And the Spring Fling is coming up, as are the Boutique Boxes. GAH. I need a sabbatical from my day job to work on Bright Blessings stuff!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Home again, home again, jiggety jig
We took a road trip to see family this weekend. Two days at my dad's house, one day at K's parents', and a stop for lunch with Brian's parents. 800+ miles and a good 13-14 hours in the car. I'm tired, and really wishing I'd taken today off from work to recover!
Healthwise, my dad is doing about as well as can be expected. The Parkinson's is progressing to some extent, and the doctor just changed his meds. His blood sugar is OK most days - not great, but OK. But mentally/emotionally, I'm worried about him. I'm worried about my dad, though. He's fine with me and J, but he's getting mean in some ways. He's always been a difficult person to live with - very outspoken, very blunt, quick to anger and slow to admit he's wrong. With me, at least, that's mellowed somewhat as he's gotten older. My stepmom and I had a chance to talk, though, and he's getting to the point where he'll say things to other people that are really just hateful. If he'd said them to me, I'd have stopped talking to him, that's for sure. She said his tendency to do this is driving their friends away, and I hate that. I don't know if it's age, if it's some transmogrification of the Parkinson's, if it's both, if it's just that he's scared to death that he has no control over how things will progress, or if it's just a magnification of personality traits that are already there, but I don't like the mean streak. They got a puppy - three months old. He's a cute pup, bouncy and hyper and jumpy and barky like puppies are. J doesn't do well with bouncy barky dogs, so I'd hold Jake (the puppy) while J went by. We were getting ready to leave and Jake was all excited and kept trying to climb in my car. I didn't care, I'd just shove him away gently and tell him no. I figure he's about like a little kid, he has to hear it forty-seven thousand times before he gets it. LOL But my dad shoved Jake and hit him, hard, and that worried me. I told him that wasn't necessary on my account, that Jake would get it with time and repetition, there was no need to be so rough. And sometimes it's like he's looking for things to pick a fight about. My stepmom had gone to Monroe to see her great-grandbaby, and was on her way home when I got in Saturday, so she wasn't there when I got there. It never occurred to me to be in the least upset about it - that meant that her daughter and granddaughter were with her, so I got to see them, too, and I got to see pics of the grandbaby, yay! That was fun for me. My dad told me on Monday that he was sorry my stepmom gave me the cold shoulder, that she'd known I was coming way before she'd planned that trip to Monroe, and it was like he was upset she'd gone instead of staying there to see me. ??? I told him she and I were just fine, we get along well, and that if I had a problem with anything she said or did to me, I was a grown woman and would certainly tell her how I felt, that he didn't need to get all worked up over some perceived slight to me. I don't get that at all. He just seems to see things so differently than I do, and I hurt for him. If he keeps it up, he's going to chase off all his friends, and he'll be alone. I know getting old sucks, and he's always been such a control freak that the Parkinson's must scare the bejeezus out of him, but that's no reason to be hateful to people. And he's 81 - the likelihood of his behavior changing at this point is slim to none, especially if any part of it is just the progression of the disease.
It worries me, too, because should he become incapacitated, someone will need to handle his affairs. My stepmom is the logical choice, as she's there and she's the one running the house and keeping things up. But given the conversation he and I had this weekend, I don't know if he'd ever sign anything naming her power of attorney. Sure, I could do it, but it seems silly for him to name me when I'm seven hours away. I just worry as to how all this will get taken care of when he sometimes seems to have this mentality that the whole world is against him, even his wife.
Other than that worry, the trip was good. J came home with more stuff than I don't know what, and K's parents sent us home with enough groceries that I shouldn't have to shop for a month. It was good to see everyone, even if it meant a long trip for us. It rained a lot on the drive home, but we made it safely, and the house was still standing when we got home, so it's all good.
J's teacher sent home a Conner's scale, a survey that looks for ADHD characteristics. She said she filled out the teacher's scale, and sent the parent's version home for me to fill out and return. The counselor will then score the surveys and let me know the results. Some things are "never or seldom" for him, like being angry and resentful (not so much), having no friends, checking things over and over again, fussy about cleanliness (I laughed out loud when I read this one - hardly! LOL), irritable, headaches, blaming others for mistakes/misbehavior. Some things are "very much true" - inattentive/easily distracted, easily frustrated, easily distracted by extraneous stimuli, interrupts others' conversations/games, has a hard time waiting his turn/waiting in line, always "on the go". I'm curious to see how my answers compare to his teacher's, and what the counselor sees. It will certainly give us something to talk to our counselor about. On the one hand, it makes me nervous - you hate for your child to be labeled in any way, even if having a label can help in areas where help is needed. On the other, I know his teacher is just offering a tool, something we may be able to use to address behavior concerns even if things don't rise to the level of ADHD, and that's a good thing. Also, if there is a real, genuine problem, then it's better to know sooner rather than later. I honestly don't know what the counselor will see when the results are tallied. I don't know how much of J's bounciness and inattention is due to some possible diagnosable issue and how much of it is just 5-year-old boy dealing with a lot of change in his life. We'll see.
So. Ten days until Brian's move, seventeen until the wedding! K's grandmother was there this weekend, and bless her, she gave me some money as a wedding gift. I don't know what I'll do with it - she suggested some nice lingerie. LOLOL I love Granny, she is an absolute card. Anyway, I'm going to Brian's this weekend to help with the yard sale. Whatever doesn't sell, if he doesn't want to move it, we're taking it to Goodwill. I'm going to see if I can get motivated and box up some stuff I might want to sell, too, while we're selling.
And good news - Brian has found a retail outlet that may be interested in carrying Bright Blessings goodies! The man who's opening the shop is looking for Texas-made products to offer, and I'm going to get a sample basket made up to take down there this weekend. Keep your fingers crossed!
Healthwise, my dad is doing about as well as can be expected. The Parkinson's is progressing to some extent, and the doctor just changed his meds. His blood sugar is OK most days - not great, but OK. But mentally/emotionally, I'm worried about him. I'm worried about my dad, though. He's fine with me and J, but he's getting mean in some ways. He's always been a difficult person to live with - very outspoken, very blunt, quick to anger and slow to admit he's wrong. With me, at least, that's mellowed somewhat as he's gotten older. My stepmom and I had a chance to talk, though, and he's getting to the point where he'll say things to other people that are really just hateful. If he'd said them to me, I'd have stopped talking to him, that's for sure. She said his tendency to do this is driving their friends away, and I hate that. I don't know if it's age, if it's some transmogrification of the Parkinson's, if it's both, if it's just that he's scared to death that he has no control over how things will progress, or if it's just a magnification of personality traits that are already there, but I don't like the mean streak. They got a puppy - three months old. He's a cute pup, bouncy and hyper and jumpy and barky like puppies are. J doesn't do well with bouncy barky dogs, so I'd hold Jake (the puppy) while J went by. We were getting ready to leave and Jake was all excited and kept trying to climb in my car. I didn't care, I'd just shove him away gently and tell him no. I figure he's about like a little kid, he has to hear it forty-seven thousand times before he gets it. LOL But my dad shoved Jake and hit him, hard, and that worried me. I told him that wasn't necessary on my account, that Jake would get it with time and repetition, there was no need to be so rough. And sometimes it's like he's looking for things to pick a fight about. My stepmom had gone to Monroe to see her great-grandbaby, and was on her way home when I got in Saturday, so she wasn't there when I got there. It never occurred to me to be in the least upset about it - that meant that her daughter and granddaughter were with her, so I got to see them, too, and I got to see pics of the grandbaby, yay! That was fun for me. My dad told me on Monday that he was sorry my stepmom gave me the cold shoulder, that she'd known I was coming way before she'd planned that trip to Monroe, and it was like he was upset she'd gone instead of staying there to see me. ??? I told him she and I were just fine, we get along well, and that if I had a problem with anything she said or did to me, I was a grown woman and would certainly tell her how I felt, that he didn't need to get all worked up over some perceived slight to me. I don't get that at all. He just seems to see things so differently than I do, and I hurt for him. If he keeps it up, he's going to chase off all his friends, and he'll be alone. I know getting old sucks, and he's always been such a control freak that the Parkinson's must scare the bejeezus out of him, but that's no reason to be hateful to people. And he's 81 - the likelihood of his behavior changing at this point is slim to none, especially if any part of it is just the progression of the disease.
It worries me, too, because should he become incapacitated, someone will need to handle his affairs. My stepmom is the logical choice, as she's there and she's the one running the house and keeping things up. But given the conversation he and I had this weekend, I don't know if he'd ever sign anything naming her power of attorney. Sure, I could do it, but it seems silly for him to name me when I'm seven hours away. I just worry as to how all this will get taken care of when he sometimes seems to have this mentality that the whole world is against him, even his wife.
Other than that worry, the trip was good. J came home with more stuff than I don't know what, and K's parents sent us home with enough groceries that I shouldn't have to shop for a month. It was good to see everyone, even if it meant a long trip for us. It rained a lot on the drive home, but we made it safely, and the house was still standing when we got home, so it's all good.
J's teacher sent home a Conner's scale, a survey that looks for ADHD characteristics. She said she filled out the teacher's scale, and sent the parent's version home for me to fill out and return. The counselor will then score the surveys and let me know the results. Some things are "never or seldom" for him, like being angry and resentful (not so much), having no friends, checking things over and over again, fussy about cleanliness (I laughed out loud when I read this one - hardly! LOL), irritable, headaches, blaming others for mistakes/misbehavior. Some things are "very much true" - inattentive/easily distracted, easily frustrated, easily distracted by extraneous stimuli, interrupts others' conversations/games, has a hard time waiting his turn/waiting in line, always "on the go". I'm curious to see how my answers compare to his teacher's, and what the counselor sees. It will certainly give us something to talk to our counselor about. On the one hand, it makes me nervous - you hate for your child to be labeled in any way, even if having a label can help in areas where help is needed. On the other, I know his teacher is just offering a tool, something we may be able to use to address behavior concerns even if things don't rise to the level of ADHD, and that's a good thing. Also, if there is a real, genuine problem, then it's better to know sooner rather than later. I honestly don't know what the counselor will see when the results are tallied. I don't know how much of J's bounciness and inattention is due to some possible diagnosable issue and how much of it is just 5-year-old boy dealing with a lot of change in his life. We'll see.
So. Ten days until Brian's move, seventeen until the wedding! K's grandmother was there this weekend, and bless her, she gave me some money as a wedding gift. I don't know what I'll do with it - she suggested some nice lingerie. LOLOL I love Granny, she is an absolute card. Anyway, I'm going to Brian's this weekend to help with the yard sale. Whatever doesn't sell, if he doesn't want to move it, we're taking it to Goodwill. I'm going to see if I can get motivated and box up some stuff I might want to sell, too, while we're selling.
And good news - Brian has found a retail outlet that may be interested in carrying Bright Blessings goodies! The man who's opening the shop is looking for Texas-made products to offer, and I'm going to get a sample basket made up to take down there this weekend. Keep your fingers crossed!
Friday, January 11, 2008
So many good things!
Look!
Indie of the Week on Wickedly Chic
It's me!!!!!!! It's Bright Blessings!!! And the reviews are GOOD!!! I'm so excited, I could cry. Hopefully this is the beginning of really good things for my little brainchild.
In other news: It's time for a change. Brian's lease ends at the end of March. He's told his boss he'll be leaving his current job, and he'll be moving up here. He's going to substitute teach for the rest of the spring semester - there are enough schools around here that he shouldn't have a problem finding assignments - and hopefully he'll be able to find a full-time job for the fall. It's scary, but exciting, too. Would I feel better if he had a definite job lined up? Sure. I'm nothing if not practical, and I like to know the how, why, where, when, how much. But it's come to the point where we either have to decide to be in the same place and make it work, or give up on it. We've been together for over two years, I love him, he loves me, J thinks he's great, things are all good on the meeting-the-family front - time to fish or cut bait. So, it's time for a leap of faith. Eek! Yay! Eek! Yay!
I'm sure I've got more to write, but I'm far too fidgety to focus for that long right now. (And I wonder where J gets it.)
Indie of the Week on Wickedly Chic
It's me!!!!!!! It's Bright Blessings!!! And the reviews are GOOD!!! I'm so excited, I could cry. Hopefully this is the beginning of really good things for my little brainchild.
In other news: It's time for a change. Brian's lease ends at the end of March. He's told his boss he'll be leaving his current job, and he'll be moving up here. He's going to substitute teach for the rest of the spring semester - there are enough schools around here that he shouldn't have a problem finding assignments - and hopefully he'll be able to find a full-time job for the fall. It's scary, but exciting, too. Would I feel better if he had a definite job lined up? Sure. I'm nothing if not practical, and I like to know the how, why, where, when, how much. But it's come to the point where we either have to decide to be in the same place and make it work, or give up on it. We've been together for over two years, I love him, he loves me, J thinks he's great, things are all good on the meeting-the-family front - time to fish or cut bait. So, it's time for a leap of faith. Eek! Yay! Eek! Yay!
I'm sure I've got more to write, but I'm far too fidgety to focus for that long right now. (And I wonder where J gets it.)
Friday, December 14, 2007
Better
J went to school on Thursday with the understanding that he would apologize and offer to help clean up the mess. One of the guys at the Y program told me that evening that J offered to help not once, but twice. So he did well, my little boy, and I hope this will stick with him and there'll be no more coloring on the floor.
Today was the first day Brian might possibly have heard from the Dallas Zoo. No word. Hopefully that means he'll hear something Monday, and not that he didn't get the job. Twitch, fidget.
I'm going to be up late tonight, trying to finish up Bright Blessings orders and get 'em out the door. I wish I had more hours in the day, so I could devote more time to that. Heck, I wish I could quit my day job and do Bright Blessings full time, but I'm nowhere near that point, and may never be.
Today was the first day Brian might possibly have heard from the Dallas Zoo. No word. Hopefully that means he'll hear something Monday, and not that he didn't get the job. Twitch, fidget.
I'm going to be up late tonight, trying to finish up Bright Blessings orders and get 'em out the door. I wish I had more hours in the day, so I could devote more time to that. Heck, I wish I could quit my day job and do Bright Blessings full time, but I'm nowhere near that point, and may never be.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Ups and downs
Ups: My goodies are getting good reviews - the October Little Black Box has gone out and November's won't be far behind. Check it out! Hopefully my little business will start to take off here pretty soon.
Downs: Tonight is J's first real trick or treat experience. He's going with K, which makes logical sense, because my neighborhood isn't conducive to trick or treating. The houses are spread out, there are no sidewalks, it's not well lit. K lives in a nice tidy little subdivision with proper sidewalks and the houses close together. I like living in the country, but I know we can't go door to door out here. So, logically, it makes sense that he go with K and have fun trick or treating with his stepsiblings. Emotionally, though, I hate it. It's his first trick or treat, and I won't be there to see it. I'm miserable. I told K to take lots of pictures, and I'm going to go console myself with the biggest cup of chocolate frozen custard that I can buy.
Downs: Tonight is J's first real trick or treat experience. He's going with K, which makes logical sense, because my neighborhood isn't conducive to trick or treating. The houses are spread out, there are no sidewalks, it's not well lit. K lives in a nice tidy little subdivision with proper sidewalks and the houses close together. I like living in the country, but I know we can't go door to door out here. So, logically, it makes sense that he go with K and have fun trick or treating with his stepsiblings. Emotionally, though, I hate it. It's his first trick or treat, and I won't be there to see it. I'm miserable. I told K to take lots of pictures, and I'm going to go console myself with the biggest cup of chocolate frozen custard that I can buy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)