Christy tagged me with this, and I've only just now found it! Right now we've got a small boy who spent a good chunk of the afternoon asleep in the car seat as we ran errands, and now he won't stay awake if we hold him but won't sleep in his crib or anywhere else, so it's a good time for me to remind myself of some things I love about parenting.
1. Spontaneous expressions of affection. Julian is six now, and I know the day will come when he thinks he's too cool for Mama to hug and kiss him, and when he'd rather swallow nails than tell me he loves me, especially if he thinks anyone might overhear. So when he tells me out of the blue, "Mama, I love you!", that just makes my whole day. And he's not too big yet to give me kisses - I took lunch to him at school yesterday, and he gave me a goodbye kiss in front of all his friends. Those spontaneous expressions of affection, given simply because that's how he feels, make up for all the sleepless nights and homework struggles and frustrations that also come with the parenting territory.
2. Watching them learn. Rhys isn't doing a whole lot yet other than eat, sleep, and poop, but Julian learns and changes all the time. When he was a baby, it was so much fun watching him discover that hey, these wiggly things are attached to ME, and look, I can make them move! When he was learning to move around, he didn't crawl first, he scooted on his butt. It was such a joy seeing him figure out that now he didn't need mama to get him from one place to the other. And it thrills me when he realizes, hey, I can do something new by MYSELF!, be it learning how to snap snaps and button buttons or moving up a level in reading or learning to add two-column numbers or taking pictures with the digital camera. OK, I'll admit the trend toward independence also makes me a little misty around the edges, because it means he's growing up and getting closer to the day where he doesn't *need* mama's help anymore, but still. It's a good thing, and he's so excited with himself when he accomplishes something new, how can that not make me happy? I'm so blessed now to have another opportunity to watch a sweet boy learn and grow, too, and I look forward to seeing Rhys reach milestones as he gets bigger.
3. Reading! I'm an avid reader, have been since I was very young. One thing I really wanted to pass on to my kids was my love of the written word. Julian isn't quite as fond of reading as I was - I was never without a book in my hand, and he'd just as soon play video games as anything else. But he does like to read, and we always read stories at bedtime. We read his books, and I'm also introducing him to some of my childhood favorites, like The Phantom Tollbooth (and some more recent favorites, like the Harry Potter books). He's started asking to read stories to Rhys, and I'm hopeful that they'll both grow up to appreciate books, if not quite as much as I do, at least enough to where they'll always enjoy the chance to read a good book from time to time.
4. The chance to play. As an alleged grown-up, I find it far too easy to get caught up in the whirl of "things that need my attention" - the laundry, the dishwashing, the bills to be paid, the car maintenance that has to get done, what have you. There are times Julian wants to play, and he won't take no for an answer. He's not concerned about all that grown-up nonsense, he just wants me to spend time with him. So we'll play Lego Batman on the Wii, or go outside and hit a baseball, or play space rangers and shoot imaginary bad guys, or squirt each other with water guns. And for just a little while, I can reconnect with the part of me that still remembers what playtime is like and wishes there was more of it in daily life.
5. Childlike faith. I grew up in the Baptist church, and became a Christian at the age of eight. Now that I'm older, it often seems that childlike faith was a lot easier to have when I was, well, a child. It was easy to say when I was a child, "God will take care of me" and deep-down believe it. Julian brings that back to me. He doesn't question it at all that God isn't visible to our eyes - it's just how things are for him that we see God with our hearts, and that He's always there, and that He hears us when we pray. It reminds me to take time to nurture my own spiritual life, to refresh my heart and my faith, and to remember that yes, God does hear us when we pray, even if His answers may not be the ones we want to hear or given according to our timeframe.
I'm going to tag Celeste, Melissa, Bethany, and Jenn. Y'all have fun with it!
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Just feeling overwhelmed
Not so much with newborn stuff, per se. Rhys is doing quite well for being less than a month old. My only real gripe is that he tends to have a longish stretch of being awake (and fussy) late in the day, at the same time I'm usually trying to get Julian settled. Julian has a hard time settling and sleeping if Rhys is crying, and in the late evening, Rhys usually is crying. I'm feeling especially anxious this evening, as Brian went back to choir practice and this is my first time to handle bedtime for both boys by myself. I'm worried that no one will be in bed and I'll be ready to drink heavily by the time Brian gets home.
I also find myself worrying about finances. We've been tithing faithfully for several months now, and I know God promises to meet our needs if we are faithful to Him. And thus far, no needs have gone unmet. Sometimes they're met at the last minute and with a whole lot of pinching and scraping and scrambling, but they've been met. Now we're adding all the expenses of a new baby to the household - diapers, formula, daycare once my maternity leave is over. We're always cutting it fine just before payday, and I find myself wondering where the money will come from. I'm not sure what else we can cut from our budget, and I guess I'll have to get better with using coupons and finding ways to economize on things we need. I'm trying to keep the faith here, but it scares me. I feel like I've been chasing my tail financially ever since I married Julian's dad, because once we got married, things just went downhill, and I'm still trying to dig my way out from that. But I know God had a plan when He blessed us with Rhys, and I can't believe He'd give Rhys to us and not provide a way for us to make ends meet. It just makes me nervous not knowing what that way may be, and it makes me more nervous given that Brian and I both have full-time employment already, and I know not to expect any raises or bonuses at my job. It also seems like any financial news is always negative, like the fact that Brian will owe $500 and change for his new CPAP machine. Sure, we can pay it out over time, but it's one more thing to add to the list of People We Owe Money To, and it feels like that list just never seems to get any shorter, you know? Just once, I wish financial news would be good, like "you've won enough in the lotto to pay off your house note". I'm not greedy, we don't have to win the Mega Millions jackpot - I'd be thrilled if we did win just enough to pay off the house note.
And then there's the whole job situation. I like my job well enough most days. I like my manager, he's a good guy. I like my co-workers. Hate my commute, hate the fact that it takes me away from home for pretty much twelve hours out of every day, but it is what it is. I just don't think I'm truly suited for corporate America, and it kills me to have to tell Julian (and knowing that one day I'll be telling Rhys), "I'm sorry, sweetie, Mama can't come to such-and-such at school because I have to work." And while I do like my job well enough, it's just that - a job. I'm fairly competent at it, but I'm not passionate about it. I can't fathom having a job I'm passionate about. I can't even think of anything that I'm passionate about that would ever come close to making me any money. I guess I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, and not having much success. I'd make a change if I could think of something to change to. But I've likely been out of the legal arena long enough to disqualify myself from most legal jobs, and honestly, there are a lot of jobs in the legal arena that I wouldn't want anyway. I'd love something closer to home, but the options just aren't here - not that I know of, anyway. I'd really love to find something that would allow me to work from home, but I can't think of anything that 1) would replace my current salary, and 2) wouldn't require me to invest time and money (both of which are currently in short supply) in further education/certification/something to get started on a different path. I find myself wondering what I was thinking when I made the choices I did when I was younger, how might things be different had I chosen differently, and sometimes (like right now) it just makes me want to cry.
Then there's my own personal wallow in the pity pit. I've mentioned Bright Blessings before - it's my little sideline/expensive hobby, on hold for now until I feel like I can maybe make a decent showing of it. I've still got my Etsy shop, but haven't sold anything recently. I'm on a couple of boards that deal with, among other things, bath and beauty-type stuff, and I see people starting their Etsy shops all the time and selling things like gangbusters. I find myself wondering something similar to what Melinda wondered here - is my fairly significant lack of success God's way of trying to tell me I'm spinning my wheels trying to ever make anything of Bright Blessings, either on my own site or on Etsy? I see others succeeding where I have not, or at least making a reasonably good showing of their businesses, and I find myself thinking that I must be doing something wrong. I like making candles and scrubs and what have you, and when people have ordered in the past, they seemed to like what they got. Bright Blessings has just never taken off, really. So that's rolling around in my head, too.
I'll have to post later and share some happy things, since I've been such a Debbie Downer here. I just needed to get it all off my chest.
I also find myself worrying about finances. We've been tithing faithfully for several months now, and I know God promises to meet our needs if we are faithful to Him. And thus far, no needs have gone unmet. Sometimes they're met at the last minute and with a whole lot of pinching and scraping and scrambling, but they've been met. Now we're adding all the expenses of a new baby to the household - diapers, formula, daycare once my maternity leave is over. We're always cutting it fine just before payday, and I find myself wondering where the money will come from. I'm not sure what else we can cut from our budget, and I guess I'll have to get better with using coupons and finding ways to economize on things we need. I'm trying to keep the faith here, but it scares me. I feel like I've been chasing my tail financially ever since I married Julian's dad, because once we got married, things just went downhill, and I'm still trying to dig my way out from that. But I know God had a plan when He blessed us with Rhys, and I can't believe He'd give Rhys to us and not provide a way for us to make ends meet. It just makes me nervous not knowing what that way may be, and it makes me more nervous given that Brian and I both have full-time employment already, and I know not to expect any raises or bonuses at my job. It also seems like any financial news is always negative, like the fact that Brian will owe $500 and change for his new CPAP machine. Sure, we can pay it out over time, but it's one more thing to add to the list of People We Owe Money To, and it feels like that list just never seems to get any shorter, you know? Just once, I wish financial news would be good, like "you've won enough in the lotto to pay off your house note". I'm not greedy, we don't have to win the Mega Millions jackpot - I'd be thrilled if we did win just enough to pay off the house note.
And then there's the whole job situation. I like my job well enough most days. I like my manager, he's a good guy. I like my co-workers. Hate my commute, hate the fact that it takes me away from home for pretty much twelve hours out of every day, but it is what it is. I just don't think I'm truly suited for corporate America, and it kills me to have to tell Julian (and knowing that one day I'll be telling Rhys), "I'm sorry, sweetie, Mama can't come to such-and-such at school because I have to work." And while I do like my job well enough, it's just that - a job. I'm fairly competent at it, but I'm not passionate about it. I can't fathom having a job I'm passionate about. I can't even think of anything that I'm passionate about that would ever come close to making me any money. I guess I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up, and not having much success. I'd make a change if I could think of something to change to. But I've likely been out of the legal arena long enough to disqualify myself from most legal jobs, and honestly, there are a lot of jobs in the legal arena that I wouldn't want anyway. I'd love something closer to home, but the options just aren't here - not that I know of, anyway. I'd really love to find something that would allow me to work from home, but I can't think of anything that 1) would replace my current salary, and 2) wouldn't require me to invest time and money (both of which are currently in short supply) in further education/certification/something to get started on a different path. I find myself wondering what I was thinking when I made the choices I did when I was younger, how might things be different had I chosen differently, and sometimes (like right now) it just makes me want to cry.
Then there's my own personal wallow in the pity pit. I've mentioned Bright Blessings before - it's my little sideline/expensive hobby, on hold for now until I feel like I can maybe make a decent showing of it. I've still got my Etsy shop, but haven't sold anything recently. I'm on a couple of boards that deal with, among other things, bath and beauty-type stuff, and I see people starting their Etsy shops all the time and selling things like gangbusters. I find myself wondering something similar to what Melinda wondered here - is my fairly significant lack of success God's way of trying to tell me I'm spinning my wheels trying to ever make anything of Bright Blessings, either on my own site or on Etsy? I see others succeeding where I have not, or at least making a reasonably good showing of their businesses, and I find myself thinking that I must be doing something wrong. I like making candles and scrubs and what have you, and when people have ordered in the past, they seemed to like what they got. Bright Blessings has just never taken off, really. So that's rolling around in my head, too.
I'll have to post later and share some happy things, since I've been such a Debbie Downer here. I just needed to get it all off my chest.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Rhys is here, and we're home!
Rhys Daniel was born on April 17, 2009 at 8:32 AM. He weighed 8 lb. 10 oz. and was 20.5 inches long. (For comparison, Julian weighed 8 lb. 8 oz. and was 20.25 inches long. Pretty close, huh?) He came out screaming - no question that his lungs worked! LOL We were in the hospital until Monday, April 20, and then we came home. A few pictures for your viewing enjoyment:
I die of the cuteness.
Yep, my lungs work!
Bonding with Daddy.
Ready to go home.
Daddy loves me!
"What is this, and did I say you could bring it home?"
Hanging out in my crib.
First bath - not crazy about the idea.
Mmm, fingers! Tasty!
I'm still moving a bit slowly, but getting better. I have my first follow-up with my doctor on May 4. I'll be able to drive by then, woo! (I had to laugh - I told Julian I wouldn't be able to drive for two weeks, and he looked at me with this astounded expression on his face and said, "Well, who'll be able to do it, then?!" LOL I reminded him that Brian could drive, too.) I'll be glad when I can sleep comfortably on my side again.
Brian's mom came to stay for the better part of a week. It was wonderful having the help, and Rhys got to spend time with Nana. I know she loved that!
Rhys had his first doctor's appointment last Friday. He's up to 8 lb. 13 oz., and he handled the whole check-up thing pretty well. So far he's been a pretty laid-back kid. He actually sat in his bouncy seat for a while one day, just content to hang out. Vastly different from Julian, who wanted nothing other than mama to pack him around all the time. I joked that I felt like I was neglecting Rhys because I wasn't holding him constantly! LOL
He has had a couple of fussy days, most notably last night, that have made us think we may be better off going with soy-based formula. Julian had to have the soy as well, and last night was such a screamfest and so out of character for Rhys' normal demeanor (I know, I know, hard to judge "normal" after only eight days, and newborns are subject to change without notice) that we figured the soy was worth a try. It's seemed to help so far, which is good - it just hurt my heart to hear him screaming last night and not to be able to figure out anything to help him or to make things better.
I'm off work until July 10. I'm sure it will fly right by, and I'll be back to work before I know it. So I'm going to try to cherish every minute of this time with Rhys.
I die of the cuteness.
Yep, my lungs work!
Bonding with Daddy.
Ready to go home.
Daddy loves me!
"What is this, and did I say you could bring it home?"
Hanging out in my crib.
First bath - not crazy about the idea.
Mmm, fingers! Tasty!
I'm still moving a bit slowly, but getting better. I have my first follow-up with my doctor on May 4. I'll be able to drive by then, woo! (I had to laugh - I told Julian I wouldn't be able to drive for two weeks, and he looked at me with this astounded expression on his face and said, "Well, who'll be able to do it, then?!" LOL I reminded him that Brian could drive, too.) I'll be glad when I can sleep comfortably on my side again.
Brian's mom came to stay for the better part of a week. It was wonderful having the help, and Rhys got to spend time with Nana. I know she loved that!
Rhys had his first doctor's appointment last Friday. He's up to 8 lb. 13 oz., and he handled the whole check-up thing pretty well. So far he's been a pretty laid-back kid. He actually sat in his bouncy seat for a while one day, just content to hang out. Vastly different from Julian, who wanted nothing other than mama to pack him around all the time. I joked that I felt like I was neglecting Rhys because I wasn't holding him constantly! LOL
He has had a couple of fussy days, most notably last night, that have made us think we may be better off going with soy-based formula. Julian had to have the soy as well, and last night was such a screamfest and so out of character for Rhys' normal demeanor (I know, I know, hard to judge "normal" after only eight days, and newborns are subject to change without notice) that we figured the soy was worth a try. It's seemed to help so far, which is good - it just hurt my heart to hear him screaming last night and not to be able to figure out anything to help him or to make things better.
I'm off work until July 10. I'm sure it will fly right by, and I'll be back to work before I know it. So I'm going to try to cherish every minute of this time with Rhys.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
T minus one.
This time tomorrow, I'll be at the hospital. My c-section will be underway. And tomorrow, I'll become the mom to two kids. Yikes.
I'm not ready to have two kids! The last couple of days with the one I have have taxed me almost beyond belief. I guess it's too late to change my mind, huh? LOL I joke. We're excited about Rhys's arrival (although I'm more nervous about the c-section this time, since I've had a whole lot more time to think about it). I just know it's going to be an adjustment for us all (and probably an especially difficult one for Julian, since he's been the center of attention for six years now), and I'm really not looking forward to that part.
I'm not ready to have two kids! The last couple of days with the one I have have taxed me almost beyond belief. I guess it's too late to change my mind, huh? LOL I joke. We're excited about Rhys's arrival (although I'm more nervous about the c-section this time, since I've had a whole lot more time to think about it). I just know it's going to be an adjustment for us all (and probably an especially difficult one for Julian, since he's been the center of attention for six years now), and I'm really not looking forward to that part.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Back to life as we know it
So another election season comes to a close, and life goes on.
We're home today, as we were yesterday. Julian came home Monday complaining that his throat hurt, and he woke up crying with it yesterday, so we went to the doctor. Hooray, we've got strep! A couple of his friends came to school sick, and I'm sure they were just sharing the love. Anyway, the doc gave us a prescription for Omnicef and said this meant three days out of school, so we're home. Using vacation for this is no doubt blowing my Christmas travel plans to bits, but I've gotta take care of the boy, right? :) (Besides, it's not like I've minded the break from work. LOL) Brian will be in tonight, so he and Julian will be home tomorrow, and I'll be back at work.
We had our follow-up for his ADHD meds a week or so ago, and for now, we'll just keep on keepin' on. There's been a lot of improvement, although there's still room for progress, and his doctor did say that we may need to increase the dose at some point to see full improvement. But for now, we're good. The counselors at the after-school program have told me pretty much every day how well-behaved Julian has been, and he did a lot better on a second 20-minute evaluation by the school counselor - he was only off task 30% of the time, down from 65% in the original evaluation, and that after only six days on meds. I thought that was encouraging. His handwriting has gotten better, too, and he's gotten stickers for good days four days in a row! Woo! I don't think that had happened since the first week of school. So things are looking up in that department.
Brian's job search continues. We don't know what will happen with his current job. Enrollment apparently hasn't picked up, but we don't know if that will mean half shifts for everyone so that everyone can have some work (in which case it's not worth him driving out there), or if they'll find busy work/projects around camp for the staff not out in the field and have everyone keep working full shifts, or what. Brian said they made a big deal out of reassuring everyone that no, there would be no lay-offs, that jobs were safe. I don't know about you, but when people go out of their way to reassure me that, no, of course the worst case won't come to pass, I start to get worried. Anyway, he's looking here for any- and everything that might get him a foot in the door somewhere, bring home enough to pay the bills, what have you. It's just a shame that *this* is the school year that Dallas ISD way overbudgeted and overhired - they've just laid off 400 or so teachers, so any kind of education-related job is really at a premium right now.
On that happy note, I'm going to make cookies. I seldom do, because I'm usually at work, so today I'm going to do something that's a nice treat for all of us.
We're home today, as we were yesterday. Julian came home Monday complaining that his throat hurt, and he woke up crying with it yesterday, so we went to the doctor. Hooray, we've got strep! A couple of his friends came to school sick, and I'm sure they were just sharing the love. Anyway, the doc gave us a prescription for Omnicef and said this meant three days out of school, so we're home. Using vacation for this is no doubt blowing my Christmas travel plans to bits, but I've gotta take care of the boy, right? :) (Besides, it's not like I've minded the break from work. LOL) Brian will be in tonight, so he and Julian will be home tomorrow, and I'll be back at work.
We had our follow-up for his ADHD meds a week or so ago, and for now, we'll just keep on keepin' on. There's been a lot of improvement, although there's still room for progress, and his doctor did say that we may need to increase the dose at some point to see full improvement. But for now, we're good. The counselors at the after-school program have told me pretty much every day how well-behaved Julian has been, and he did a lot better on a second 20-minute evaluation by the school counselor - he was only off task 30% of the time, down from 65% in the original evaluation, and that after only six days on meds. I thought that was encouraging. His handwriting has gotten better, too, and he's gotten stickers for good days four days in a row! Woo! I don't think that had happened since the first week of school. So things are looking up in that department.
Brian's job search continues. We don't know what will happen with his current job. Enrollment apparently hasn't picked up, but we don't know if that will mean half shifts for everyone so that everyone can have some work (in which case it's not worth him driving out there), or if they'll find busy work/projects around camp for the staff not out in the field and have everyone keep working full shifts, or what. Brian said they made a big deal out of reassuring everyone that no, there would be no lay-offs, that jobs were safe. I don't know about you, but when people go out of their way to reassure me that, no, of course the worst case won't come to pass, I start to get worried. Anyway, he's looking here for any- and everything that might get him a foot in the door somewhere, bring home enough to pay the bills, what have you. It's just a shame that *this* is the school year that Dallas ISD way overbudgeted and overhired - they've just laid off 400 or so teachers, so any kind of education-related job is really at a premium right now.
On that happy note, I'm going to make cookies. I seldom do, because I'm usually at work, so today I'm going to do something that's a nice treat for all of us.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Lying
This is another topic weighing heavily on my mind. Julian is with Kevin this weekend, and he'd told Kevin he had a blue day at school (the best kind) and gotten a sticker. This is something easily verified - all either of us has to do is look in Julian's folder that comes home from school and see if there's a sticker on the calendar for that day. Kevin looked at the folder, and not only was there a sticker, but there were notes from the teacher. Julian continues to struggle with things like talking out of turn and playing when he should be listening. So Kevin called me to give me the heads up and to tell me that he and Julian had a little talk about the importance of honesty.
The problem is not that Julian got into a little trouble in class. This happens. He's a chatty kid, and he's got a hard time turning it off. Brian said he was the same way in the early years of school, and that it took him until second grade or so to figure out that he needed to be still and listen in class rather than be running his mouth. No, the problem is that Julian told his father a bald-faced lie about it. To my knowledge, I've never told Julian a lie (OK, other than telling him I had no idea what Santa might bring him for Christmas). He's not seeing that behavior here at home. And for him to lie about something that's so easily verified bothers me. He told Kevin he lied because he was afraid he'd get into trouble for getting the note, and Kevin told him no, he wasn't upset about Julian getting a note from the teacher, but he was upset that Julian felt the need to be dishonest about it.
So, parents who are farther along the road in raising your kids and wiser than me, what's the best tack to take with this? Would the punishment be too far removed from the crime to have consequences for the lie here at home (I'm thinking of taking away Wii time, because that's the thing he loves more than anything)? He's six years old - is that old enough to connect what happened yesterday with what happens tomorrow when he gets back home? I don't want him to grow up thinking it's OK to lie to get out of trouble, and I'm just not sure how best to nip this in the bud now and help him realize that he can be honest with me, with Kevin, and with Brian about anything, that a lie will get him in more hot water than whatever the truth is.
The problem is not that Julian got into a little trouble in class. This happens. He's a chatty kid, and he's got a hard time turning it off. Brian said he was the same way in the early years of school, and that it took him until second grade or so to figure out that he needed to be still and listen in class rather than be running his mouth. No, the problem is that Julian told his father a bald-faced lie about it. To my knowledge, I've never told Julian a lie (OK, other than telling him I had no idea what Santa might bring him for Christmas). He's not seeing that behavior here at home. And for him to lie about something that's so easily verified bothers me. He told Kevin he lied because he was afraid he'd get into trouble for getting the note, and Kevin told him no, he wasn't upset about Julian getting a note from the teacher, but he was upset that Julian felt the need to be dishonest about it.
So, parents who are farther along the road in raising your kids and wiser than me, what's the best tack to take with this? Would the punishment be too far removed from the crime to have consequences for the lie here at home (I'm thinking of taking away Wii time, because that's the thing he loves more than anything)? He's six years old - is that old enough to connect what happened yesterday with what happens tomorrow when he gets back home? I don't want him to grow up thinking it's OK to lie to get out of trouble, and I'm just not sure how best to nip this in the bud now and help him realize that he can be honest with me, with Kevin, and with Brian about anything, that a lie will get him in more hot water than whatever the truth is.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Today, I got nothin'.
No witty title, that is.
Yesterday was another less-than-stellar day for J. The note from the teacher said she had to ask him ten times to sit down and do his classwork, and he didn't finish it. I told him he was lucky she didn't just wash her hands of it and send him to the office. So we had to finish the work at home last night. Oh, the drama. He screamed and cried and said it was too much and that he couldn't do it. And when he finally sat down and did it, it didn't take long at all.
I'm learning that J needs lots of hands-on attention with his work - he's not internally motivated like I was as a kid. He got through his work a lot quicker with me sitting there encouraging him and telling him he could do it. As he went, he saw that he was in fact doing it and then he probably could have finished it up on his own. But he needed that push, that encouragement from me to get started. How can I help him learn that he can do things, he just needs to jump in and start and keep on going until he's done?
I e-mailed his teacher today. I explained about Brian's job and the fact that he was due home this week, and said that perhaps that had something to do with why J has had such a hard time staying focused this week. I told her I appreciated her letting me know what's going on with him, and let her know we're working at home to address the issues as well. I don't want her thinking J's parents just let him run wild, and I want her to know that we can work together to help J do well in school. This is just so foreign to me. I would no more have gotten out of my seat in class when it wasn't time to do so than I would have jumped off the roof of the school. I hope I'm handling it OK.
In other news, I get to ring handbells! I'd signed up on a list expressing interest back in June, and the director of the advanced handbell choir called. They have two openings, and since they practice at 4:45 on Sundays and there are activities for the kids from 5:00 until 7:00 on Sundays, it looks like I'll give it a shot! I'm so excited. I love handbells, and the logistics of me ringing just didn't work out when I was single - J didn't want to go to Sunday school, and didn't want to sit by himself in the congregation during the times when we rang, so that didn't leave many options. (One time he came and sat by my feet behind the handbell tables while we rang.) But now that he's older, I'm hoping he'll be better able to be somewhere without me and make friends and give me a chance to do something I enjoy.
And Brian is home! Yay!!! He got home a bit after 8:00 last night. So, six more sleeps before he starts it all over again. He went to sub training this morning, and he said that given what he's doing now (working with middle school and high school kids with behavioral issues), he'll take middle school assignments as well as older elementary. Hopefully that will open the door to more sub work for him, and hopefully that will ultimately open the door to a job closer to home.
Yesterday was another less-than-stellar day for J. The note from the teacher said she had to ask him ten times to sit down and do his classwork, and he didn't finish it. I told him he was lucky she didn't just wash her hands of it and send him to the office. So we had to finish the work at home last night. Oh, the drama. He screamed and cried and said it was too much and that he couldn't do it. And when he finally sat down and did it, it didn't take long at all.
I'm learning that J needs lots of hands-on attention with his work - he's not internally motivated like I was as a kid. He got through his work a lot quicker with me sitting there encouraging him and telling him he could do it. As he went, he saw that he was in fact doing it and then he probably could have finished it up on his own. But he needed that push, that encouragement from me to get started. How can I help him learn that he can do things, he just needs to jump in and start and keep on going until he's done?
I e-mailed his teacher today. I explained about Brian's job and the fact that he was due home this week, and said that perhaps that had something to do with why J has had such a hard time staying focused this week. I told her I appreciated her letting me know what's going on with him, and let her know we're working at home to address the issues as well. I don't want her thinking J's parents just let him run wild, and I want her to know that we can work together to help J do well in school. This is just so foreign to me. I would no more have gotten out of my seat in class when it wasn't time to do so than I would have jumped off the roof of the school. I hope I'm handling it OK.
In other news, I get to ring handbells! I'd signed up on a list expressing interest back in June, and the director of the advanced handbell choir called. They have two openings, and since they practice at 4:45 on Sundays and there are activities for the kids from 5:00 until 7:00 on Sundays, it looks like I'll give it a shot! I'm so excited. I love handbells, and the logistics of me ringing just didn't work out when I was single - J didn't want to go to Sunday school, and didn't want to sit by himself in the congregation during the times when we rang, so that didn't leave many options. (One time he came and sat by my feet behind the handbell tables while we rang.) But now that he's older, I'm hoping he'll be better able to be somewhere without me and make friends and give me a chance to do something I enjoy.
And Brian is home! Yay!!! He got home a bit after 8:00 last night. So, six more sleeps before he starts it all over again. He went to sub training this morning, and he said that given what he's doing now (working with middle school and high school kids with behavioral issues), he'll take middle school assignments as well as older elementary. Hopefully that will open the door to more sub work for him, and hopefully that will ultimately open the door to a job closer to home.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Home again, home again, jiggety jig
We took a road trip to see family this weekend. Two days at my dad's house, one day at K's parents', and a stop for lunch with Brian's parents. 800+ miles and a good 13-14 hours in the car. I'm tired, and really wishing I'd taken today off from work to recover!
Healthwise, my dad is doing about as well as can be expected. The Parkinson's is progressing to some extent, and the doctor just changed his meds. His blood sugar is OK most days - not great, but OK. But mentally/emotionally, I'm worried about him. I'm worried about my dad, though. He's fine with me and J, but he's getting mean in some ways. He's always been a difficult person to live with - very outspoken, very blunt, quick to anger and slow to admit he's wrong. With me, at least, that's mellowed somewhat as he's gotten older. My stepmom and I had a chance to talk, though, and he's getting to the point where he'll say things to other people that are really just hateful. If he'd said them to me, I'd have stopped talking to him, that's for sure. She said his tendency to do this is driving their friends away, and I hate that. I don't know if it's age, if it's some transmogrification of the Parkinson's, if it's both, if it's just that he's scared to death that he has no control over how things will progress, or if it's just a magnification of personality traits that are already there, but I don't like the mean streak. They got a puppy - three months old. He's a cute pup, bouncy and hyper and jumpy and barky like puppies are. J doesn't do well with bouncy barky dogs, so I'd hold Jake (the puppy) while J went by. We were getting ready to leave and Jake was all excited and kept trying to climb in my car. I didn't care, I'd just shove him away gently and tell him no. I figure he's about like a little kid, he has to hear it forty-seven thousand times before he gets it. LOL But my dad shoved Jake and hit him, hard, and that worried me. I told him that wasn't necessary on my account, that Jake would get it with time and repetition, there was no need to be so rough. And sometimes it's like he's looking for things to pick a fight about. My stepmom had gone to Monroe to see her great-grandbaby, and was on her way home when I got in Saturday, so she wasn't there when I got there. It never occurred to me to be in the least upset about it - that meant that her daughter and granddaughter were with her, so I got to see them, too, and I got to see pics of the grandbaby, yay! That was fun for me. My dad told me on Monday that he was sorry my stepmom gave me the cold shoulder, that she'd known I was coming way before she'd planned that trip to Monroe, and it was like he was upset she'd gone instead of staying there to see me. ??? I told him she and I were just fine, we get along well, and that if I had a problem with anything she said or did to me, I was a grown woman and would certainly tell her how I felt, that he didn't need to get all worked up over some perceived slight to me. I don't get that at all. He just seems to see things so differently than I do, and I hurt for him. If he keeps it up, he's going to chase off all his friends, and he'll be alone. I know getting old sucks, and he's always been such a control freak that the Parkinson's must scare the bejeezus out of him, but that's no reason to be hateful to people. And he's 81 - the likelihood of his behavior changing at this point is slim to none, especially if any part of it is just the progression of the disease.
It worries me, too, because should he become incapacitated, someone will need to handle his affairs. My stepmom is the logical choice, as she's there and she's the one running the house and keeping things up. But given the conversation he and I had this weekend, I don't know if he'd ever sign anything naming her power of attorney. Sure, I could do it, but it seems silly for him to name me when I'm seven hours away. I just worry as to how all this will get taken care of when he sometimes seems to have this mentality that the whole world is against him, even his wife.
Other than that worry, the trip was good. J came home with more stuff than I don't know what, and K's parents sent us home with enough groceries that I shouldn't have to shop for a month. It was good to see everyone, even if it meant a long trip for us. It rained a lot on the drive home, but we made it safely, and the house was still standing when we got home, so it's all good.
J's teacher sent home a Conner's scale, a survey that looks for ADHD characteristics. She said she filled out the teacher's scale, and sent the parent's version home for me to fill out and return. The counselor will then score the surveys and let me know the results. Some things are "never or seldom" for him, like being angry and resentful (not so much), having no friends, checking things over and over again, fussy about cleanliness (I laughed out loud when I read this one - hardly! LOL), irritable, headaches, blaming others for mistakes/misbehavior. Some things are "very much true" - inattentive/easily distracted, easily frustrated, easily distracted by extraneous stimuli, interrupts others' conversations/games, has a hard time waiting his turn/waiting in line, always "on the go". I'm curious to see how my answers compare to his teacher's, and what the counselor sees. It will certainly give us something to talk to our counselor about. On the one hand, it makes me nervous - you hate for your child to be labeled in any way, even if having a label can help in areas where help is needed. On the other, I know his teacher is just offering a tool, something we may be able to use to address behavior concerns even if things don't rise to the level of ADHD, and that's a good thing. Also, if there is a real, genuine problem, then it's better to know sooner rather than later. I honestly don't know what the counselor will see when the results are tallied. I don't know how much of J's bounciness and inattention is due to some possible diagnosable issue and how much of it is just 5-year-old boy dealing with a lot of change in his life. We'll see.
So. Ten days until Brian's move, seventeen until the wedding! K's grandmother was there this weekend, and bless her, she gave me some money as a wedding gift. I don't know what I'll do with it - she suggested some nice lingerie. LOLOL I love Granny, she is an absolute card. Anyway, I'm going to Brian's this weekend to help with the yard sale. Whatever doesn't sell, if he doesn't want to move it, we're taking it to Goodwill. I'm going to see if I can get motivated and box up some stuff I might want to sell, too, while we're selling.
And good news - Brian has found a retail outlet that may be interested in carrying Bright Blessings goodies! The man who's opening the shop is looking for Texas-made products to offer, and I'm going to get a sample basket made up to take down there this weekend. Keep your fingers crossed!
Healthwise, my dad is doing about as well as can be expected. The Parkinson's is progressing to some extent, and the doctor just changed his meds. His blood sugar is OK most days - not great, but OK. But mentally/emotionally, I'm worried about him. I'm worried about my dad, though. He's fine with me and J, but he's getting mean in some ways. He's always been a difficult person to live with - very outspoken, very blunt, quick to anger and slow to admit he's wrong. With me, at least, that's mellowed somewhat as he's gotten older. My stepmom and I had a chance to talk, though, and he's getting to the point where he'll say things to other people that are really just hateful. If he'd said them to me, I'd have stopped talking to him, that's for sure. She said his tendency to do this is driving their friends away, and I hate that. I don't know if it's age, if it's some transmogrification of the Parkinson's, if it's both, if it's just that he's scared to death that he has no control over how things will progress, or if it's just a magnification of personality traits that are already there, but I don't like the mean streak. They got a puppy - three months old. He's a cute pup, bouncy and hyper and jumpy and barky like puppies are. J doesn't do well with bouncy barky dogs, so I'd hold Jake (the puppy) while J went by. We were getting ready to leave and Jake was all excited and kept trying to climb in my car. I didn't care, I'd just shove him away gently and tell him no. I figure he's about like a little kid, he has to hear it forty-seven thousand times before he gets it. LOL But my dad shoved Jake and hit him, hard, and that worried me. I told him that wasn't necessary on my account, that Jake would get it with time and repetition, there was no need to be so rough. And sometimes it's like he's looking for things to pick a fight about. My stepmom had gone to Monroe to see her great-grandbaby, and was on her way home when I got in Saturday, so she wasn't there when I got there. It never occurred to me to be in the least upset about it - that meant that her daughter and granddaughter were with her, so I got to see them, too, and I got to see pics of the grandbaby, yay! That was fun for me. My dad told me on Monday that he was sorry my stepmom gave me the cold shoulder, that she'd known I was coming way before she'd planned that trip to Monroe, and it was like he was upset she'd gone instead of staying there to see me. ??? I told him she and I were just fine, we get along well, and that if I had a problem with anything she said or did to me, I was a grown woman and would certainly tell her how I felt, that he didn't need to get all worked up over some perceived slight to me. I don't get that at all. He just seems to see things so differently than I do, and I hurt for him. If he keeps it up, he's going to chase off all his friends, and he'll be alone. I know getting old sucks, and he's always been such a control freak that the Parkinson's must scare the bejeezus out of him, but that's no reason to be hateful to people. And he's 81 - the likelihood of his behavior changing at this point is slim to none, especially if any part of it is just the progression of the disease.
It worries me, too, because should he become incapacitated, someone will need to handle his affairs. My stepmom is the logical choice, as she's there and she's the one running the house and keeping things up. But given the conversation he and I had this weekend, I don't know if he'd ever sign anything naming her power of attorney. Sure, I could do it, but it seems silly for him to name me when I'm seven hours away. I just worry as to how all this will get taken care of when he sometimes seems to have this mentality that the whole world is against him, even his wife.
Other than that worry, the trip was good. J came home with more stuff than I don't know what, and K's parents sent us home with enough groceries that I shouldn't have to shop for a month. It was good to see everyone, even if it meant a long trip for us. It rained a lot on the drive home, but we made it safely, and the house was still standing when we got home, so it's all good.
J's teacher sent home a Conner's scale, a survey that looks for ADHD characteristics. She said she filled out the teacher's scale, and sent the parent's version home for me to fill out and return. The counselor will then score the surveys and let me know the results. Some things are "never or seldom" for him, like being angry and resentful (not so much), having no friends, checking things over and over again, fussy about cleanliness (I laughed out loud when I read this one - hardly! LOL), irritable, headaches, blaming others for mistakes/misbehavior. Some things are "very much true" - inattentive/easily distracted, easily frustrated, easily distracted by extraneous stimuli, interrupts others' conversations/games, has a hard time waiting his turn/waiting in line, always "on the go". I'm curious to see how my answers compare to his teacher's, and what the counselor sees. It will certainly give us something to talk to our counselor about. On the one hand, it makes me nervous - you hate for your child to be labeled in any way, even if having a label can help in areas where help is needed. On the other, I know his teacher is just offering a tool, something we may be able to use to address behavior concerns even if things don't rise to the level of ADHD, and that's a good thing. Also, if there is a real, genuine problem, then it's better to know sooner rather than later. I honestly don't know what the counselor will see when the results are tallied. I don't know how much of J's bounciness and inattention is due to some possible diagnosable issue and how much of it is just 5-year-old boy dealing with a lot of change in his life. We'll see.
So. Ten days until Brian's move, seventeen until the wedding! K's grandmother was there this weekend, and bless her, she gave me some money as a wedding gift. I don't know what I'll do with it - she suggested some nice lingerie. LOLOL I love Granny, she is an absolute card. Anyway, I'm going to Brian's this weekend to help with the yard sale. Whatever doesn't sell, if he doesn't want to move it, we're taking it to Goodwill. I'm going to see if I can get motivated and box up some stuff I might want to sell, too, while we're selling.
And good news - Brian has found a retail outlet that may be interested in carrying Bright Blessings goodies! The man who's opening the shop is looking for Texas-made products to offer, and I'm going to get a sample basket made up to take down there this weekend. Keep your fingers crossed!
Monday, March 10, 2008
And now a proper update
Here's some more about what's really been going on in my life, as opposed to just my angst-ridden worry.
Let's see, what's happened since I posted last? We got snow last Thursday night. Yep, snow. Not much, just enough to delay the start of school for a couple of hours. J was very disappointed when I told him to get dressed on Friday morning. He said, "But Mama, it's a snow day!" I said no, not a whole snow day, we both still had to go to school and work. He said he didn't want to go to school, it was too cold. We did play in the snow a bit before we left, though, and he was fascinated by it. We didn't have enough to do much, but he had fun.
It was a decent weekend. J went to K's, and didn't fuss too much about it. He started with the not wanting to go to daddy's, and I told him he'd have fun with the other kids, and that I'd have a lot to do (and I listed some of the things I planned to do), and he seemed OK after that.
Brian came up, and we did some things around the house and ran errands. I made my usual Saturday trip to the post office. I think they'd die of shock if I didn't come in on a Saturday to send things out, pick things up, or both. He went back to Waco Sunday morning. It's less than three weeks now until he won't have to go back anymore. And it's only 25 days until our wedding! It still feels like we have a lot to do - not necessarily in terms of wedding planning, but in terms of making the house presentable. His mom will likely come by after the ceremony, and I don't want her to see it looking like a disaster.
Naturally, I decided to do things involving heavy lifting after Brian had left. I'm trying to reclaim my kitchen from candle mania, so last night I cleaned out the study closet, moved the old Apple computer out of the study, moved my filing cabinet out to where I can use it for organizing shipping supplies and labels, moved two sets of shelves into the study, and loaded the shelves up with my supplies. It's helped, but as sore as my back is this morning, you'd think I'd see more improvement.
I hate daylight savings time. Since it's not light early in the mornings anymore, it's harder for me to wake up. Our power went out during the night, so we totally overslept. We got to school and work on time, but it made for a hectic morning, and I hate those. And now I'll get to start fighting the fight about not having to take a bath or do anything remotely connected to bedtime until the last speck of light leaves the sky. Yep, not liking the DST so much.
J seems to be starting with a goopy cough. We may have to make a trip to see the pediatrician this week if it doesn't clear up. We're supposed to go to Louisiana this weekend to see family (J is off next week for spring break, so we're taking a couple of days off), and I don't want him to have the barking crud while we're traveling. He tried to tell me he had fever this morning - he said his head was warm, and I told him of course it was warm, that if it wasn't, he'd be dead. LOL I did check, though, and he wasn't running a fever. He was just angling for a day at home.
Oh! How could I forget? J got FIVE green days last week! (He had a spell there where he got a good number of yellow and red days - never for anything major, for things like talking during work time and not sitting still and running in the hall - but I know first grade will be less tolerant of such things and so the time to deal with it is now.) He also brought home a good report card - S's in everything except writing his name appropriately, he got a P (progress) on that. His handwriting is awful, he makes his J's backward as often as he makes them the right way, and half the time he forgets to write his name on his paper. So we'll be working on that. But he did well. I'm proud. :)
Let's see, what's happened since I posted last? We got snow last Thursday night. Yep, snow. Not much, just enough to delay the start of school for a couple of hours. J was very disappointed when I told him to get dressed on Friday morning. He said, "But Mama, it's a snow day!" I said no, not a whole snow day, we both still had to go to school and work. He said he didn't want to go to school, it was too cold. We did play in the snow a bit before we left, though, and he was fascinated by it. We didn't have enough to do much, but he had fun.
It was a decent weekend. J went to K's, and didn't fuss too much about it. He started with the not wanting to go to daddy's, and I told him he'd have fun with the other kids, and that I'd have a lot to do (and I listed some of the things I planned to do), and he seemed OK after that.
Brian came up, and we did some things around the house and ran errands. I made my usual Saturday trip to the post office. I think they'd die of shock if I didn't come in on a Saturday to send things out, pick things up, or both. He went back to Waco Sunday morning. It's less than three weeks now until he won't have to go back anymore. And it's only 25 days until our wedding! It still feels like we have a lot to do - not necessarily in terms of wedding planning, but in terms of making the house presentable. His mom will likely come by after the ceremony, and I don't want her to see it looking like a disaster.
Naturally, I decided to do things involving heavy lifting after Brian had left. I'm trying to reclaim my kitchen from candle mania, so last night I cleaned out the study closet, moved the old Apple computer out of the study, moved my filing cabinet out to where I can use it for organizing shipping supplies and labels, moved two sets of shelves into the study, and loaded the shelves up with my supplies. It's helped, but as sore as my back is this morning, you'd think I'd see more improvement.
I hate daylight savings time. Since it's not light early in the mornings anymore, it's harder for me to wake up. Our power went out during the night, so we totally overslept. We got to school and work on time, but it made for a hectic morning, and I hate those. And now I'll get to start fighting the fight about not having to take a bath or do anything remotely connected to bedtime until the last speck of light leaves the sky. Yep, not liking the DST so much.
J seems to be starting with a goopy cough. We may have to make a trip to see the pediatrician this week if it doesn't clear up. We're supposed to go to Louisiana this weekend to see family (J is off next week for spring break, so we're taking a couple of days off), and I don't want him to have the barking crud while we're traveling. He tried to tell me he had fever this morning - he said his head was warm, and I told him of course it was warm, that if it wasn't, he'd be dead. LOL I did check, though, and he wasn't running a fever. He was just angling for a day at home.
Oh! How could I forget? J got FIVE green days last week! (He had a spell there where he got a good number of yellow and red days - never for anything major, for things like talking during work time and not sitting still and running in the hall - but I know first grade will be less tolerant of such things and so the time to deal with it is now.) He also brought home a good report card - S's in everything except writing his name appropriately, he got a P (progress) on that. His handwriting is awful, he makes his J's backward as often as he makes them the right way, and half the time he forgets to write his name on his paper. So we'll be working on that. But he did well. I'm proud. :)
Friday, July 13, 2007
My one and only
People keep asking me when I'm going to have another baby. I smile politely and tell them I don't plan on having any more at this time, and they look at me like I've sprouted a horn. Why is everyone so interested in my reproductive plans, or the lack thereof? I'm already a single mother, does anyone seriously think that this would be a good time for me to even contemplate having a child? (And yes, most of the people doing the asking are well aware that I'm divorced.) And why do so many people think being an only child is somehow an impediment? I grew up an only child (I say "grew up" because I was adopted, and it turns out I have half-siblings, but to my parents, I was an only child). I turned out OK, I think. I've actually had people say to me, "Gee, you don't act like an only child, I never would have guessed." ??? What exactly are only children supposed to act like, and why do so many people seem to think I'm dooming J to some substandard life by not having a sibling for him to torment...I mean, play with?
I know Brian would like to have a child, and should we be married, I'm willing to try (although I'm not getting any younger!). Not sure what lengths I'd be willing to go to if it didn't happen naturally, and I've told him it might not, because we had to have help to get J here. But if I never have another child, I won't be crushed. I won't feel like my life is any less full because I'm the mother of one rather than the mother of more. I never envisioned myself as having a whole passel of kids, anyway. There were days I didn't think I'd even ever get married, much less have kids, and there are days now where I'm so close to the end of my rope that I wonder if God *really* knew what He was doing when He blessed me with J. (And yes, he is a blessing, even if there are days he makes me want to bang my head into a wall!) So I'm perfectly happy with one. How is anyone else qualified to question that decision? Most days I'm OK with it, but today it bugs me. I'm in a mood, and being asked that gets a bit old.
We had a baby shower for a co-worker this afternoon. She's having a little girl, so she got tons of cute pastel pink and ruffly stuff, and a tiny part of me thought, wow, if I had a little girl, I could get all that pink ruffly stuff. And the bigger part of me though, what are you, nuts? J can walk and talk and carry on a conversation and tell you what's going on and sleeps all night most nights (even if bedtime isn't necessarily early or easy) and he's potty trained and you're done with bottles and diapers and up every three hours - would you really go back to that?
Only if God has a sense of humor and life works out just right.
Friday, May 11, 2007
And who couldn't use a good night's sleep?
Bedtime has been fairly dreadful lately. The idea of me checking in on J every few minutes as long as he stayed quietly in bed worked OK for about three nights, and then he started with this weird separation issue and it all went to hell in a handbasket. He'd cry for me if I so much as stepped out of his sight during the day, much less if I actually left his room of a night. Of course, K would tell me to lay down the law and that maybe I should consider spanking him (I'm not sure he intended that for bedtime or just in general, but J is not the kind of child who will respond well to spanking, I don't think - he may be contrite in the short run, but I don't think the iron fist teaches him to control himself and govern his own behavior, and mama and daddy won't always be there to enforce that control for him - but I digress, back to bedtime). So the last three or four nights have been absolute flaming hell at bedtime, because I persisted in trying the in and out thing, and J persisted in screaming his little head off and fighting it and me for all he was worth. Good times.
TonightJ wanted me to stay with him at bedtime, so I did. Lo and behold, no fuss, no muss. After he fell asleep, I picked up my other Mary Kurcinka book, Sleepless in America (I also have Raising Your Spirited Child), and I cried as I read it. We're both sleep deprived. Sleep deprived children fight sleep and sleep less, they're argumentative, easily frustrated, wired, bouncing off the walls, more clumsy, more likely to pick fights and resist parental guidance, quicker to whine and say "no" and throw tantrums over the most minute of things, and I saw J in every word. It also talked about how to recognize if you as a parent are sleep deprived - do you get set off more easily, yell, feel guilty for having no energy for the kids, get really sleepy during the day. Yeah, we both need more sleep. I just ordered copies of that and of Raising Your Spirited Child to give to Kevin, and he better read every word, because I don't want one more word from him about how we just need to lay down the law. After reading that, I'm convinced that sleep deprivation is at the root of a lot of these problems, and that behavior can be drastically improved if we can get J into a routine where he's more easily able to get the sleep he needs. I don't give a rat's ass what A does with her kids, J isn't those kids and he can't be treated the same way, necessarily. If K can't see J in the pages of those books, he's not paying attention, because every sentence, every paragraph just leapt off the pages at me and smacked me upside the head.
At one point the author talked about having the parents in a class she was teaching list all the strategies they'd been told to try, by family or friends or doctors or whatever, to get their kids to sleep - let them cry it out, put your foot down, don't respond to them when they call, just stay for a couple of minutes and then leave, shut the door, don't comfort them, don't rock them, and so on. At the next class, she then told them she was looking for a care facility for her dad who had Parkinson's, and she described a (fictional) place where the philosophy was, we're in control, we won't mollycoddle the patients, they'll go to bed when it's time, no exceptions, if they're in pain or wet or whatever they can wait until rounds start at 6 AM, if they wake up during the night no one's going to go in and hold their hands, they can just learn to deal with it on their own, basically everything that's traditionally said about getting your kids to sleep. Of course the parents were appalled, said it was inhumane, such a place should be shut down, you can't treat people that way - and then the author made the point, why are we horrified at the thought of treating the elderly this way at bedtime, but not our children? Smack, right in the face. If a child isn't getting what he needs to be comfortable, he gets tense. More tension, less sleep. Less sleep, worse behavior and more tension, and on and on. So, new approach. If J needs me to sit with him, I sit. As long as he's not taking two hours to get to sleep, if he'll lay in bed quietly and make an effort to sleep, I'll stay. Tonight when I turned out the light, he reached out and grabbed my hand and said, "Don't leave me." Not crying, not whining, not demanding, just very softly, as if he expected me to go anyway. I could have cried right then, and I'd no more have left than I'd have jumped off a cliff. It took him about half an hour to get to sleep, but he laid in bed quietly for most of that time, and that was OK. If me being there is what he needs right now, then that's what he'll have. And I'm going to try my best to start getting more sleep myself. A break from transcription could be a blessing in disguise in that regard.
Yeah, a break - not sure what's happening with my part-time job. I can't do overflow for Julie anymore, because she quit - she got a full-time job in her field, and understandably gave transcription the heave-ho. So, the last time I called to ask about work, I was told that they'd gotten a company to help them catch up, and that they had my number and would call if they needed any help. Call me crazy, but that sounds like a blow-off to me. Oh well. I'll try to find something else if possible, and life goes on. Sucks, though, because the extra money was a help, and there isn't another part-time job I can think of that I could do from home and do that well with, and finances aren't bad enough that 1) I want to have to try to ask K for more help with J (I have a feeling that wouldn't sit well with A, and I guess I can understand that), or 2) I want to lose even more time with J. I feel like my time with him is short enough as it is.
Let's see, what else has gone on? Brian and J and I went to K & A's reception a couple of weeks ago. It was a nice party, and Brian got to meet K and K's parents and a couple of other relatives. I didn't think it was awkward, and we had a good time. J wore a tie for the first time and looked like quite the little man. I'll have to post a picture.
And last weekend, Brian and I did the "meet the parents" thing. I think it went well.
I'll write more later, I've got to get to bed if I'm going to get more sleep!
TonightJ wanted me to stay with him at bedtime, so I did. Lo and behold, no fuss, no muss. After he fell asleep, I picked up my other Mary Kurcinka book, Sleepless in America (I also have Raising Your Spirited Child), and I cried as I read it. We're both sleep deprived. Sleep deprived children fight sleep and sleep less, they're argumentative, easily frustrated, wired, bouncing off the walls, more clumsy, more likely to pick fights and resist parental guidance, quicker to whine and say "no" and throw tantrums over the most minute of things, and I saw J in every word. It also talked about how to recognize if you as a parent are sleep deprived - do you get set off more easily, yell, feel guilty for having no energy for the kids, get really sleepy during the day. Yeah, we both need more sleep. I just ordered copies of that and of Raising Your Spirited Child to give to Kevin, and he better read every word, because I don't want one more word from him about how we just need to lay down the law. After reading that, I'm convinced that sleep deprivation is at the root of a lot of these problems, and that behavior can be drastically improved if we can get J into a routine where he's more easily able to get the sleep he needs. I don't give a rat's ass what A does with her kids, J isn't those kids and he can't be treated the same way, necessarily. If K can't see J in the pages of those books, he's not paying attention, because every sentence, every paragraph just leapt off the pages at me and smacked me upside the head.
At one point the author talked about having the parents in a class she was teaching list all the strategies they'd been told to try, by family or friends or doctors or whatever, to get their kids to sleep - let them cry it out, put your foot down, don't respond to them when they call, just stay for a couple of minutes and then leave, shut the door, don't comfort them, don't rock them, and so on. At the next class, she then told them she was looking for a care facility for her dad who had Parkinson's, and she described a (fictional) place where the philosophy was, we're in control, we won't mollycoddle the patients, they'll go to bed when it's time, no exceptions, if they're in pain or wet or whatever they can wait until rounds start at 6 AM, if they wake up during the night no one's going to go in and hold their hands, they can just learn to deal with it on their own, basically everything that's traditionally said about getting your kids to sleep. Of course the parents were appalled, said it was inhumane, such a place should be shut down, you can't treat people that way - and then the author made the point, why are we horrified at the thought of treating the elderly this way at bedtime, but not our children? Smack, right in the face. If a child isn't getting what he needs to be comfortable, he gets tense. More tension, less sleep. Less sleep, worse behavior and more tension, and on and on. So, new approach. If J needs me to sit with him, I sit. As long as he's not taking two hours to get to sleep, if he'll lay in bed quietly and make an effort to sleep, I'll stay. Tonight when I turned out the light, he reached out and grabbed my hand and said, "Don't leave me." Not crying, not whining, not demanding, just very softly, as if he expected me to go anyway. I could have cried right then, and I'd no more have left than I'd have jumped off a cliff. It took him about half an hour to get to sleep, but he laid in bed quietly for most of that time, and that was OK. If me being there is what he needs right now, then that's what he'll have. And I'm going to try my best to start getting more sleep myself. A break from transcription could be a blessing in disguise in that regard.
Yeah, a break - not sure what's happening with my part-time job. I can't do overflow for Julie anymore, because she quit - she got a full-time job in her field, and understandably gave transcription the heave-ho. So, the last time I called to ask about work, I was told that they'd gotten a company to help them catch up, and that they had my number and would call if they needed any help. Call me crazy, but that sounds like a blow-off to me. Oh well. I'll try to find something else if possible, and life goes on. Sucks, though, because the extra money was a help, and there isn't another part-time job I can think of that I could do from home and do that well with, and finances aren't bad enough that 1) I want to have to try to ask K for more help with J (I have a feeling that wouldn't sit well with A, and I guess I can understand that), or 2) I want to lose even more time with J. I feel like my time with him is short enough as it is.
Let's see, what else has gone on? Brian and J and I went to K & A's reception a couple of weeks ago. It was a nice party, and Brian got to meet K and K's parents and a couple of other relatives. I didn't think it was awkward, and we had a good time. J wore a tie for the first time and looked like quite the little man. I'll have to post a picture.
And last weekend, Brian and I did the "meet the parents" thing. I think it went well.
I'll write more later, I've got to get to bed if I'm going to get more sleep!
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Better and then not so much
First, the good news. I'll be doing transcription for 12.5 cents a line! Woo! I'm getting my own machine, found one refurbished on eBay for about a third of the retail price. So once I get that, I'll be good to go! (Julie, if you're reading this, THANK YOU!!!!) I'm excited. It will be good experience, a chance to see how well I might really like it (i.e., could it possibly become a career for me so I could tell corporate America to kiss my big ol' booty?), and much-needed extra cash.
I think I may have mentioned the childcare reimbursement program at work. The guidelines said your individual income had to be less than $34,000 and family income had to be less than $60,000 to qualify. I made the argument that I am the family income and I make less than $60,000, and apparently I qualify. :-) They'll reimburse you up to $175/month for care for children under age five, and up to $152/month for care for children ages five to twelve. Not a lot, but every little bit helps. So that's good news!
My car is fixed. They couldn't duplicate the starting problem, but the swooshing/sloshing noise I heard was a coolant leak from the intake gasket. Cost to fix: $525. I'm not *excited* about spending that much, but it made me wince, not wail and gnash my teeth. It's painful, but not unbearably so. The service technician said that this repair might somehow clear up the starting problem, but if that continued to be an issue, I can bring the car back and they'll do the diagnostic work for free to figure out what's going on. I thought that was pretty cool, although I hope I won't have to take them up on it. So tomorrow morning I'll take the rental car back, get a ride to the dealership, and pick up my car. J will be very disappointed to take the Kia back - he kept telling me, "Mama, I like this car. It's so CLEAN!" LOLOL He said we should keep it, and when I told him we were just using it until I got my car fixed, he said, "OK, we'll just drive it for a few minutes, then." Silly boy. :-)
And now for my bitchy bits.
Does J just not listen? Has he not yet developed a sense of empathy? I know he's not stupid, I know he can understand what I'm telling him - not like I'm using words that are beyond his ability to comprehend.
I was picking up toys tonight and had a big plastic bucket of them in my hands, so no way to break a fall. I stepped on one that had gotten left out, lost my balance and fell into the entertainment center. My arm and hand landed on the edge, but I didn't seriously hurt anything. I could have fallen all the way down, I could have hit my head on an edge or a corner, I could have gone through the glass front, and been seriously hurt. I told J that this is why I ask him to pick up toys, so we don't step on them and fall and get hurt. His response? Nothing. Not even to ask if I was OK. He just kept on playing and pretty much ignored me, even though he'd been looking at me when I talked to him. When do kids start to learn empathy? It makes me wonder if mine is just a late bloomer in that regard, or what.
And K. Once again, I have the urge to smack him (yet I also feel strangely bad at the same time - read on). I had my cell phone in my pocket, and I was trying to get J to sleep. (Note to self: turn ringer off.) It was right about 10:00, and finally, after a rough night, J was just dozing off. The effin' cell phone rang and he sat bolt upright in bed. It was K - apparently he thought J would still be awake, so he called. Um, have we just met?! Do you not remember that this is about the time every night I'm trying to get him to freakin' SLEEP?! Like I said, it was a rather bad night, so I'm sure I sounded pissy. Kevin said he'd talk to me tomorrow and hung up - didn't say anything about why he was calling at a rather odd hour. After a bit, I then thought maybe something was wrong, so I sent him a text message. He wrote back and said he was just missing J, and thought maybe he'd say good night if he was still awake. So then I felt bad. But then I thought, again, it's 10:00. Even if J is awake, K should know that I'd be trying to get him to sleep, not wanting him to be kept awake. And even a short phone call can rev his engines up and keep him from sleeping easily. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Thankfully J didn't get all wound up and did go to sleep in (for him) relatively short order.
This, after tonight. K picked J up for my late night (turns out I didn't have handbells, since it's spring break this week, but I didn't know that). I got home, K left. Fine and good, until I walked across the living room and stepped in a big squishy wet spot - almost a whole glass of milk had been spilled on the carpet and not cleaned up at all. I asked J if he'd told daddy about the spill. He said yes. I thought and then asked if daddy was asleep when J told him (K had said he was tired, and J had already mentioned daddy sleeping). Again, yes. So K just snoozed away while J put a whole cup of milk in the middle of the carpet (rather than on a hard surface, where cups belong) and (not surprisingly) knocked it over. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Then I found that he'd left J's soy milk sitting out. Milk. Needs to go in the fridge. Soy milk. Not cheap. My frustration knows no bounds. Thankfully it hadn't been out long enough to go off, but still. What if I hadn't noticed it? And a grown man should be able to put milk back in the fridge.
I'm irritated because now I have to clean my carpet again (at least I have the Bissell now). And I'm worried that K is that tired, that he couldn't/wouldn't rouse himself when J said something to him. What if J had gotten into something he shouldn't have? What if he'd set something on fire? What if he'd gotten into something worse than milk? What if he'd cut himself? If K can't be roused by his son, that's a problem - he needs to go to bed earlier if it's because he's up too late, or get some medical attention if he's just physically/mentally unable to sleep. That's for J's good when J is with him and for his own good. What if K falls asleep while he's driving? Worse yet, what if he falls asleep while driving with J in the car? These are the things that come to mind and that worry me - brought on by a big puddle of spilled milk. (I'm not crying over it, I'm worrying over it. That's something completely different.) Not sleeping well isn't healthy. There's a reason sleep deprivation can be used as a form of torture - it makes you feel like crap and makes you unable to function. So I'm vexed with K (because there's a big wet milk puddle in the middle of my formerly-somewhat-cleaner carpet) and worried about him, too (because this kind of tired isn't normal).
I'm going to take a bubble bath and have a glass of wine. I am one big stress kitty right now, and I've got to get up early to go get the rental car back and get my car.
I think I may have mentioned the childcare reimbursement program at work. The guidelines said your individual income had to be less than $34,000 and family income had to be less than $60,000 to qualify. I made the argument that I am the family income and I make less than $60,000, and apparently I qualify. :-) They'll reimburse you up to $175/month for care for children under age five, and up to $152/month for care for children ages five to twelve. Not a lot, but every little bit helps. So that's good news!
My car is fixed. They couldn't duplicate the starting problem, but the swooshing/sloshing noise I heard was a coolant leak from the intake gasket. Cost to fix: $525. I'm not *excited* about spending that much, but it made me wince, not wail and gnash my teeth. It's painful, but not unbearably so. The service technician said that this repair might somehow clear up the starting problem, but if that continued to be an issue, I can bring the car back and they'll do the diagnostic work for free to figure out what's going on. I thought that was pretty cool, although I hope I won't have to take them up on it. So tomorrow morning I'll take the rental car back, get a ride to the dealership, and pick up my car. J will be very disappointed to take the Kia back - he kept telling me, "Mama, I like this car. It's so CLEAN!" LOLOL He said we should keep it, and when I told him we were just using it until I got my car fixed, he said, "OK, we'll just drive it for a few minutes, then." Silly boy. :-)
And now for my bitchy bits.
Does J just not listen? Has he not yet developed a sense of empathy? I know he's not stupid, I know he can understand what I'm telling him - not like I'm using words that are beyond his ability to comprehend.
I was picking up toys tonight and had a big plastic bucket of them in my hands, so no way to break a fall. I stepped on one that had gotten left out, lost my balance and fell into the entertainment center. My arm and hand landed on the edge, but I didn't seriously hurt anything. I could have fallen all the way down, I could have hit my head on an edge or a corner, I could have gone through the glass front, and been seriously hurt. I told J that this is why I ask him to pick up toys, so we don't step on them and fall and get hurt. His response? Nothing. Not even to ask if I was OK. He just kept on playing and pretty much ignored me, even though he'd been looking at me when I talked to him. When do kids start to learn empathy? It makes me wonder if mine is just a late bloomer in that regard, or what.
And K. Once again, I have the urge to smack him (yet I also feel strangely bad at the same time - read on). I had my cell phone in my pocket, and I was trying to get J to sleep. (Note to self: turn ringer off.) It was right about 10:00, and finally, after a rough night, J was just dozing off. The effin' cell phone rang and he sat bolt upright in bed. It was K - apparently he thought J would still be awake, so he called. Um, have we just met?! Do you not remember that this is about the time every night I'm trying to get him to freakin' SLEEP?! Like I said, it was a rather bad night, so I'm sure I sounded pissy. Kevin said he'd talk to me tomorrow and hung up - didn't say anything about why he was calling at a rather odd hour. After a bit, I then thought maybe something was wrong, so I sent him a text message. He wrote back and said he was just missing J, and thought maybe he'd say good night if he was still awake. So then I felt bad. But then I thought, again, it's 10:00. Even if J is awake, K should know that I'd be trying to get him to sleep, not wanting him to be kept awake. And even a short phone call can rev his engines up and keep him from sleeping easily. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Thankfully J didn't get all wound up and did go to sleep in (for him) relatively short order.
This, after tonight. K picked J up for my late night (turns out I didn't have handbells, since it's spring break this week, but I didn't know that). I got home, K left. Fine and good, until I walked across the living room and stepped in a big squishy wet spot - almost a whole glass of milk had been spilled on the carpet and not cleaned up at all. I asked J if he'd told daddy about the spill. He said yes. I thought and then asked if daddy was asleep when J told him (K had said he was tired, and J had already mentioned daddy sleeping). Again, yes. So K just snoozed away while J put a whole cup of milk in the middle of the carpet (rather than on a hard surface, where cups belong) and (not surprisingly) knocked it over. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Then I found that he'd left J's soy milk sitting out. Milk. Needs to go in the fridge. Soy milk. Not cheap. My frustration knows no bounds. Thankfully it hadn't been out long enough to go off, but still. What if I hadn't noticed it? And a grown man should be able to put milk back in the fridge.
I'm irritated because now I have to clean my carpet again (at least I have the Bissell now). And I'm worried that K is that tired, that he couldn't/wouldn't rouse himself when J said something to him. What if J had gotten into something he shouldn't have? What if he'd set something on fire? What if he'd gotten into something worse than milk? What if he'd cut himself? If K can't be roused by his son, that's a problem - he needs to go to bed earlier if it's because he's up too late, or get some medical attention if he's just physically/mentally unable to sleep. That's for J's good when J is with him and for his own good. What if K falls asleep while he's driving? Worse yet, what if he falls asleep while driving with J in the car? These are the things that come to mind and that worry me - brought on by a big puddle of spilled milk. (I'm not crying over it, I'm worrying over it. That's something completely different.) Not sleeping well isn't healthy. There's a reason sleep deprivation can be used as a form of torture - it makes you feel like crap and makes you unable to function. So I'm vexed with K (because there's a big wet milk puddle in the middle of my formerly-somewhat-cleaner carpet) and worried about him, too (because this kind of tired isn't normal).
I'm going to take a bubble bath and have a glass of wine. I am one big stress kitty right now, and I've got to get up early to go get the rental car back and get my car.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Catching up
So I haven't felt like posting for a few days. I'm back now.
J was sick over the weekend. We went to the doctor on Thursday, and she'd said he had a sinus infection. Well, on Saturday he started running fever. After two days of antibiotics. ??? Of course, the battery in my thermometer died (I have one you can use in the ear - when his head is all stuffed up and he can't breathe through his nose, there's no way he'll hold one in his mouth) and I couldn't figure out how to get the battery cover off to see what kind of batteries I'd need, so I'm not sure how high his fever was. All I know is, he felt warm and was clearly not himself. K came over and I ran to the store to get some medicine and other things, and he called while I was out to tell me J fell asleep on the couch. !!! This is the boy who hasn't voluntarily napped in two years - when he sacked out in the middle of the day, I knew he felt rough.
So, he was under the weather Saturday and Sunday. Both nights I gave him some nighttime cough/congestion medicine, and both nights he woke up in the middle of the night when the medicine wore off. I ask you, if they're making nighttime medicine for children, can't they at least design it to be effective for six hours, if not eight? I certainly didn't want to fight the medicine fight in the wee hours with J, and I wasn't keen on being awakened when the medicine wore off, either. Blech.
Monday, he was back to normal. What with the fever and lethargy and general not-himself-ness, I was worried it might be the flu. Apparently not, though. I guess it was just a little viral thing that he picked up and that ran its course. Now he's just a big ball of snot, but that's pretty much an all-the-time thing.
Monday night J got an education in the fact that he is not actually the one running the show. He didn't like it. We had battles royal over everything - he wanted Whataburger, mama doesn't have money for Whataburger, and he screamed and cried and carried on. I told him we could go to the store and get some little cheeseburgers (the White Castle ones in the frozen food section) and orange drink, but we weren't getting a toy. Well, he then started screaming that he NEEDED a toy. I told him no, we don't get a toy every time we go to the store. "But I'll be GOOD!" Good has nothing to do with it, you have more toys than three children could play with, I know you want one but we don't get a toy every time we set foot in the store. And he sobbed and screamed and carried on some more. We stopped at the store, and I told him we'd only go in if he stopped crying for a toy. He started howling again, and I told him I wasn't taking him in acting like that, that we'd just go straight home. So we did. And then we had round fourteen over getting in the bath, getting out of the bath, and going to bed. Sometimes standing your ground is hard. But I know he's got to learn now that the world doesn't revolve around him and he doesn't get everything he wants simply because he wants it.
And last night was fun. Not J, so much - his behavior was much improved. I picked him up from school, and it was folder day. He'd gotten an E in conduct, so as a treat we got to go to Target. That was fine and good, except that it put us later than usual getting home. We got home, and I told him that before we watched TV, we'd do our homework. His homework consists of a little reading book twice a week - letter sounds, letter sounds in combination, and finally sounding out and reading three-letter words. He did great with the letter sounds and vowel/consonant combinations. He did great with sounding out and reading (reading!!!) individual words on a page. Then we got to the last page, where he was to read a three-word sentence ("Sam met Tom"). He'd just read the word "Tom" two pages earlier, and "Sam" and "met" were part of previous assignments. So it wasn't like these were words he was completely unfamiliar with. But he just balked and started wailing, "I CAN'T!" when I asked him to read the sentence. So then I tried to pry out of him why he didn't think he could. He finally said he was scared - um, of what? "Scared of coming back to my house." ?!?! What the hell. Finally, after about 15 minutes of screaming, we sounded out the words and read the sentence. He did it just fine. I told him we really could have saved that 15 minutes of screaming and he could have just gone ahead and finished it. I have no idea why that last bit was such a challenge, when he ripped right through everything else, but it frustrated me no end.
Then there was the great grape soda explosion. We'd gotten a 2-liter bottle of grape soda at Target, and J asked if he could have some. I told him he could have a sip, but he didn't need much, because it was too close to bedtime for all that sugar. So I went into the kitchen to pour a little bit for him. I started to unscrew the cap, and KABLOOEY! It went ballistic and sprayed grape soda all. over. everything. All over me, all over the cabinet, all over everything on the cabinet, all over the floor.... Ugh. Of course I couldn't leave my kitchen covered in sticky purple soda, so I had to clean it up. J got to stay up extra late while I did that, and it was rather a project. I ended up getting the steam cleaner out to get the floors clean (and as an added bonus, I discovered it works really well for getting accumulated grime off my white cabinets!), and I had to wipe down every single thing that got covered in sticky ickiness. Ugh. So J didn't get into bed until 10:00, and somehow managed to stay awake for 100 pages of Curious George stories. I'd think he was dozing off, I'd stop at the end of the story, and here comes a little voice: "The next one is Curious George and the dump truck, Mama!" He finally fell asleep about 10:30, and woke up around 1:30 wanting to come sleep with me.
At the risk of jinxing myself, I've noticed that he's staying drier at night. Not dry - we still need the GoodNites - but there are less mornings where he wakes up soaked through. So I guess that's progress.
Gotta work now. I'm going back to handbells tonight - I'm really excited about that!
J was sick over the weekend. We went to the doctor on Thursday, and she'd said he had a sinus infection. Well, on Saturday he started running fever. After two days of antibiotics. ??? Of course, the battery in my thermometer died (I have one you can use in the ear - when his head is all stuffed up and he can't breathe through his nose, there's no way he'll hold one in his mouth) and I couldn't figure out how to get the battery cover off to see what kind of batteries I'd need, so I'm not sure how high his fever was. All I know is, he felt warm and was clearly not himself. K came over and I ran to the store to get some medicine and other things, and he called while I was out to tell me J fell asleep on the couch. !!! This is the boy who hasn't voluntarily napped in two years - when he sacked out in the middle of the day, I knew he felt rough.
So, he was under the weather Saturday and Sunday. Both nights I gave him some nighttime cough/congestion medicine, and both nights he woke up in the middle of the night when the medicine wore off. I ask you, if they're making nighttime medicine for children, can't they at least design it to be effective for six hours, if not eight? I certainly didn't want to fight the medicine fight in the wee hours with J, and I wasn't keen on being awakened when the medicine wore off, either. Blech.
Monday, he was back to normal. What with the fever and lethargy and general not-himself-ness, I was worried it might be the flu. Apparently not, though. I guess it was just a little viral thing that he picked up and that ran its course. Now he's just a big ball of snot, but that's pretty much an all-the-time thing.
Monday night J got an education in the fact that he is not actually the one running the show. He didn't like it. We had battles royal over everything - he wanted Whataburger, mama doesn't have money for Whataburger, and he screamed and cried and carried on. I told him we could go to the store and get some little cheeseburgers (the White Castle ones in the frozen food section) and orange drink, but we weren't getting a toy. Well, he then started screaming that he NEEDED a toy. I told him no, we don't get a toy every time we go to the store. "But I'll be GOOD!" Good has nothing to do with it, you have more toys than three children could play with, I know you want one but we don't get a toy every time we set foot in the store. And he sobbed and screamed and carried on some more. We stopped at the store, and I told him we'd only go in if he stopped crying for a toy. He started howling again, and I told him I wasn't taking him in acting like that, that we'd just go straight home. So we did. And then we had round fourteen over getting in the bath, getting out of the bath, and going to bed. Sometimes standing your ground is hard. But I know he's got to learn now that the world doesn't revolve around him and he doesn't get everything he wants simply because he wants it.
And last night was fun. Not J, so much - his behavior was much improved. I picked him up from school, and it was folder day. He'd gotten an E in conduct, so as a treat we got to go to Target. That was fine and good, except that it put us later than usual getting home. We got home, and I told him that before we watched TV, we'd do our homework. His homework consists of a little reading book twice a week - letter sounds, letter sounds in combination, and finally sounding out and reading three-letter words. He did great with the letter sounds and vowel/consonant combinations. He did great with sounding out and reading (reading!!!) individual words on a page. Then we got to the last page, where he was to read a three-word sentence ("Sam met Tom"). He'd just read the word "Tom" two pages earlier, and "Sam" and "met" were part of previous assignments. So it wasn't like these were words he was completely unfamiliar with. But he just balked and started wailing, "I CAN'T!" when I asked him to read the sentence. So then I tried to pry out of him why he didn't think he could. He finally said he was scared - um, of what? "Scared of coming back to my house." ?!?! What the hell. Finally, after about 15 minutes of screaming, we sounded out the words and read the sentence. He did it just fine. I told him we really could have saved that 15 minutes of screaming and he could have just gone ahead and finished it. I have no idea why that last bit was such a challenge, when he ripped right through everything else, but it frustrated me no end.
Then there was the great grape soda explosion. We'd gotten a 2-liter bottle of grape soda at Target, and J asked if he could have some. I told him he could have a sip, but he didn't need much, because it was too close to bedtime for all that sugar. So I went into the kitchen to pour a little bit for him. I started to unscrew the cap, and KABLOOEY! It went ballistic and sprayed grape soda all. over. everything. All over me, all over the cabinet, all over everything on the cabinet, all over the floor.... Ugh. Of course I couldn't leave my kitchen covered in sticky purple soda, so I had to clean it up. J got to stay up extra late while I did that, and it was rather a project. I ended up getting the steam cleaner out to get the floors clean (and as an added bonus, I discovered it works really well for getting accumulated grime off my white cabinets!), and I had to wipe down every single thing that got covered in sticky ickiness. Ugh. So J didn't get into bed until 10:00, and somehow managed to stay awake for 100 pages of Curious George stories. I'd think he was dozing off, I'd stop at the end of the story, and here comes a little voice: "The next one is Curious George and the dump truck, Mama!" He finally fell asleep about 10:30, and woke up around 1:30 wanting to come sleep with me.
At the risk of jinxing myself, I've noticed that he's staying drier at night. Not dry - we still need the GoodNites - but there are less mornings where he wakes up soaked through. So I guess that's progress.
Gotta work now. I'm going back to handbells tonight - I'm really excited about that!
Friday, December 29, 2006
Sugar doesn't make everything sweeter
Apparently too much sugar late in the day does nothing to improve my son's disposition. It dawned on me after a couple of days of horrid behavior that he'd been eating candy late in the day (his grandparents put ring pops in his Christmas stocking, and he loves them - AARGH). So I figured it was worth a try to cut that out and see if it made a difference.
We stayed away from sugary treats tonight, and while bedtime was still later than I'd have preferred (due in large part to the fact that I was washing sheets and had to wait for them to dry), in general there was a marked difference in J's attitude. He was still busy and squirmy, and had a couple of moments where he didn't particularly want to mind and I had to put my foot down. But he was improved enough from the last few days that I'm going to keep trying the "no sugar on school nights" theory. Except for those few moments of obstinacy, the bedtime routine was surprisingly low-stress.
So, for now we're going with a combo of mama being unshakably firm on the rules and swift to follow through with promised consequences, and limiting sugar on school nights (and probably weekend nights, too, just for the sake of consistency). We'll see if that helps considerably.
We stayed away from sugary treats tonight, and while bedtime was still later than I'd have preferred (due in large part to the fact that I was washing sheets and had to wait for them to dry), in general there was a marked difference in J's attitude. He was still busy and squirmy, and had a couple of moments where he didn't particularly want to mind and I had to put my foot down. But he was improved enough from the last few days that I'm going to keep trying the "no sugar on school nights" theory. Except for those few moments of obstinacy, the bedtime routine was surprisingly low-stress.
So, for now we're going with a combo of mama being unshakably firm on the rules and swift to follow through with promised consequences, and limiting sugar on school nights (and probably weekend nights, too, just for the sake of consistency). We'll see if that helps considerably.
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