I'm saving this for future reference

Project 52: Date Nights

I like the idea of having a date night every week, but like Simply Modern Mom, we're not exactly flush with cash, and babysitters are hard to come by when your family all lives out of town. So I'm going to follow along - I'm looking forward to seeing what ideas she and her husband come up with for free or inexpensive at-home date nights, and trying out some ideas myself.

Three weeks and counting

In less than three weeks, Brian will be here. In less than four weeks, we'll be married. I'm excited, but a little nervous, too. What if my first marriage fell apart because I'm somehow fundamentally unfit to be married? I don't really think that's the case - Brian said one of the ladies at his church was "warning" him today how you don't really know someone before you marry them, and I thought about that, and he knows me better than just about anyone. He's seen aspects of my personality that most other people will never see, as I have with him, and if neither of us has called it quits by now, I don't suppose we're likely to. But there's still the occasional twinge of nerves, you know?

But Brian isn't Kevin, I'm not the same person I was fifteen years ago, and our marriage won't be the same as my first marriage. If I didn't believe this, it wouldn't be happening. Not to say that all will be perfect - I'm sure there will be days when we're getting on each other's last nerve. But this one is for keeps.

I miss my mom. I wish I could talk to her - well, talk to her in such a way that I could hear her answer me. She had so much to do with planning my first wedding, and it sucks that I'm doing this one without her. I think she'd like Brian. I just wish she were here.

And then there's work. I am so sick of corporate America, I could scream. I can't say anything bad about my manager - he's been a stand-up guy and has gone to bat for me more than once. I just hate all the micromanagement that seems to be inherent in the corporate world, I hate my commute, I hate being away from home for twelve hours out of every day, I hate that right now we're prisoners of my schedule, and it's not what I want to do with my life. But I can't figure out what I *do* want to do. Everything that occurs to me either requires more education, would have me taking a substantial pay cut to get into the field, or just isn't anything I can support myself doing. When my pension vests, I'm looking for something, anything closer to home. I don't care if I use my law degree. It was an ill-advised career choice for me anyway. I just want something that pays the bills, where I feel appreciated, where I enjoy what I do more often than not, and where I don't have the commute from hell. You'd think that I could find something, right?

Ugh, midnight. So much for going to bed early tonight.

So many good things!

Look!

Indie of the Week on Wickedly Chic

It's me!!!!!!! It's Bright Blessings!!! And the reviews are GOOD!!! I'm so excited, I could cry. Hopefully this is the beginning of really good things for my little brainchild.

In other news: It's time for a change. Brian's lease ends at the end of March. He's told his boss he'll be leaving his current job, and he'll be moving up here. He's going to substitute teach for the rest of the spring semester - there are enough schools around here that he shouldn't have a problem finding assignments - and hopefully he'll be able to find a full-time job for the fall. It's scary, but exciting, too. Would I feel better if he had a definite job lined up? Sure. I'm nothing if not practical, and I like to know the how, why, where, when, how much. But it's come to the point where we either have to decide to be in the same place and make it work, or give up on it. We've been together for over two years, I love him, he loves me, J thinks he's great, things are all good on the meeting-the-family front - time to fish or cut bait. So, it's time for a leap of faith. Eek! Yay! Eek! Yay!

I'm sure I've got more to write, but I'm far too fidgety to focus for that long right now. (And I wonder where J gets it.)

Happy news!!!

Brian has an interview with the Dallas Zoo tentatively scheduled for Monday, Dec. 10! It would pay less than teaching, and he'd have a yucky commute like I do, but if this works out, he'd be here before the end of March!

Time for a big update!

I haven't really updated in a while, and I DO have stuff going on besides Bright Blessings, so let me try to catch up a bit.

A couple of weekends ago, we (Brian, J and I) went to east Texas to spend the weekend with Brian's parents. J was mostly very well-behaved, although he had a fit when Brian and I tried to get him to ride on the golf cart (well, more like a ramped-up go cart for getting through woods and over bumpy places and stuff) - he didn't want to ride and didn't want me to go, but Brian's mom got him settled down and Brian and I took a ride around their property. But other than that and getting antsy in church on Sunday (and the pastor was long-winded, so I was a little antsy myself), he was fine. He's adopted Brian's parents - they're now Memaw and Pepaw. LOL We got to see the baby calves, and play with all sorts of equipment (backhoe, lawnmower, you name it, J wanted to pretend he was driving it), and go out to the lake in the big woods, and Brian and J played in the dirt with monster trucks. Julian was so tired Saturday night, I don't think he moved at all for several hours after he went to sleep!

We got home that Sunday around 6:30. It was only about a two-hour drive, but it felt like forever. Brian left to go back to Waco around 7:00, and just after he'd gone outside to get in his car, J started pointing toward the door and crying. We had to go outside to tell Brian goodbye again, and when Brian drove off, J just sobbed. He said, "Mama, I miss Brian!" and he just cried like his little heart would break. I wanted to cry right along with him, and Brian said he nearly lost it when he saw how sad J was. So, something just needs to work out. My family likes Brian, his family likes me, J adores him, it's been nearly two years - enough already, we need something to break our way. J told me last night before bed that he missed Brian and wished he could stay here all the time, and this morning he told me he wanted to go see Brian's family again.

I think some trips out to the country would be good for him - Brian has two nephews, and none of them are afraid to get out and get dirty and do guy stuff, and a little dirt is good for a growing boy! I figure it won't take too many trips before J not only will *want* to ride the buggy through the woods, but will want to drive it, and it won't be long after that before he wants to try to do wheelies on the 4-wheeler like Brian's younger nephew. I grew up in the country, so this is all like home to me. I can't tell you how many go-cart and 4-wheeler crashes my cousins and I had when we were growing up!

On the "ending up in the same place" front, Brian has a possible job lead. He'd applied (for the second time) for a position with the National Archives a couple of months ago. He'd interviewed back in late 2005, early 2006, and was one of eight selected for an interview out of over 400 applicants, but didn't get the job. The woman who was hired went back to the art museum world, and the position came open again. We'd both sort of given up on it this time, as it had been a while and he hadn't heard anything. He got home one night last week and found a letter - just one page, and he thought, well, crap, that's the end of that, it's a neg letter. But the letter said his application had been forwarded to the hiring manager for further review, and he'd be contacted if he was chosen for an interview! It's not a job offer yet, or even an interview yet. But it's a step further along in the process, and I can't imagine that he wouldn't be called for an interview this time, since he's already interviewed with them once. So if y'all have prayers, good thoughts, lit candles to spare, we'd appreciate them. We've been seeing each other for just about two years now, it's time for this long distance nonsense to be done with.

We've even talked about figuring what Brian would need to make in terms of a part-time job, should a solid permanent job offer not pan out by next May. Brian's lease is up in April, and he wouldn't want to bail on his current job during the school year (their busy season) without a solid offer, but he said that if his lease runs out and nothing has worked out, he'd find something part-time to do until something did, and just go on and move up here anyway. So, EEK and YAY all at the same time!!! At some point, there will be a wedding, then - I reckon it's just a question of when. (I'd really prefer the National Archives job to work out, though!)

More to come....

Promised

My birthday present from Brian:



It's a ring, although not one involving diamonds. It's a promise ring. When we're in the same place (because we will be, oh yes, we will), it will be replaced by a different one. :-)

I had a really nice birthday. I never did write about it, so here goes.

But we went to the Queen of Sheba, an Ethiopian restaurant in Dallas, for dinner. It was good. We had the Queen's Dinner, where they just bring you a little of everything. First they had the handwashing ceremony - they brought out a big bowl with lemon slices in it, and we used the lemon slices like soap. Then they poured warm water over our hands to rinse off the lemony bits and dried them. It was nice, and I'd never thought to do that with lemon slices. I don't know if I can remember everything we ate, but I'll try. Our appetizer was a cold salad, lentils with tomato and jalapeno. It was SPICY, but very good. Then they brought out a big platter with little bits of all kinds of stuff - spicy lentils, spicy lamb, mild lamb, cabbage and potatoes, sauteed mushrooms, different kinds of chicken (so tender it just fell off the bone), beef and greens, and their version of steak tartare with fresh-made cheese. I did try the steak tartare - it didn't taste like raw meat, and it wasn't bad, but it wasn't my thing. The cheese was good - almost tart, and like feta in texture. Some things were cooked with a tomato-type sauce, some with a mustard sauce, and I can't even begin to identify all the spices they used.

The interesting thing was, you ate everything with your fingers! They brought out a plate with rolls of a thin, spongy bread called injera - you unrolled the bread, broke a piece off, and used it to pick up your food. After a while, it got tedious, and Brian and I were both wishing for silverware. LOL I had a glass of honey mead with my meal, and that was one gooooooood wine. I told Brian it wasn't something to drink on an empty stomach, because it was sweet and smooth, and something I could easily drink too much of without even realizing it. We had dessert - baklava and a fruit compote with the honey wine poured over it - and we ate until we were just about stupid. I had a tiny cup of Ethiopian coffee with it - black as night, and STRONG. It had an interesting flavor of spice to it - cinnamon, maybe, or cardamom? It was good, although not something I'd want to drink every day (I sure could have used it when J was at the height of his not-sleeping phase, though).

And THEN they brought out birthday cake and sang Happy Birthday! It was a very low-key rendition - no clapping and cheering and standing on chairs. I really enjoyed it. We were stuffed like Christmas geese afterward, and we STILL had birthday cake at the house!

So, happy birthday to me! I do believe my ring was the best present ever, although I must admit to hoping another one can take its place before too much longer.

The weekend, and a conundrum solved?

I had a wonderful weekend with Brian. It's funny, it's like my time with Brian makes me so happy that I don't want to talk about it much, I just want to hold it in my heart. I love him so much, and this logistical issue just needs to work out some way or the other. I wish we were in a situation where one of us could just move and count on a job being there, but we aren't. So, we look and we wait. That part sucks.

We went to see The Number 23. Good movie - not one you think, "Oh, I want to see it again and again," but worth seeing.

And in other news, I think I have solved the conundrum that is J. Brian and I went to Half Price Books on Friday evening - I was looking for The Out of Sync Child, but didn't find it there. Instead I found Raising Your Spirited Child. I kind of flipped through it in the store, and I bought it. Best $6 I think I've ever spent. It describes J to a T. Spirited children are more everything - more energetic, more sensitive, more persistent, more perceptive, more intense. The throwdowns over sock seams in the wrong place, the fits over itchy tags, the seeming inability to remember a simple direction, the high highs and the low lows, the drama, the texture issues with food - all traits of a spirited child. The book was clear that this is considered "normal" behavior, that the spirited child doesn't have any kind of neurological or sensory problems. They're loud in joy or anger because they really do feel everything that much more strongly. They're easily frustrated because they feel the frustration more so than people who can try and try again without getting stressed out. They're in constant motion because they're wired that way. The itchy tag really does bother him that much more than it bothers me. This is his temperament, and to ask him to stop being that way is asking him to stop being himself. He's not doing any of this to get on my nerves, he's just that way. The book goes into different ways of working with your child's temperament, seeing the positive instead of the negative (i.e., "assertive" rather than "aggressive", "tenacious" rather than "stubborn"), and helps the parent determine his or her temperament as well (apparently I'm more spirited than I thought, which is why J and I bang heads so much - irresistible force, meet immovable object! LOL). I feel so much better knowing there are enough kids out there like J that there's a name for it! I'm not a weak mother, I'm not ineffective, I'm not doing something wrong, there isn't anything wrong with J, he's not "difficult" - I just need to learn to work with J to help him channel all this intensity.

And the book distinguished between the spirited child's lack of focus and the ADHD child's lack of focus. The spirited child, if interested, can focus for a good long while (sound like any little boy I know? :) ). If it's his idea, he's a lot more likely to be interested than if it's someone else's, but if it's something that appeals, he'll be engaged. The ADHD child, no matter how much he may *want* to complete a task or participate in an activity, *can't* focus - it's not that he isn't interested, it's that there's something going on in his brain that keeps him from attaining that focus. That made me feel better, too, and will be handy knowledge should someone down the road want to label my child ADHD and stuff him full of Ritalin.

Bedtime: He was asleep by 9:00 last night. Not sure if this is the growing part of the growth spurt I suspect (he's not eating nearly as much, and he does seem more tired than usual), if he was just tired from the weekend with K (he was up at 6:30 yesterday morning), or if the Serenite Jr. helped. I put a couple of drops into a little milk like the instructions said, but he only drank about half of that little bit of milk. I guess it might have been enough to make a difference. At any rate, he sacked out while I was reading to him and slept most all night - he came and climbed into bed with me at some point, and then fell right to sleep there.

And now it's another fun and exciting day at the office. Woo.

I've applied with a medical transcription company to see about the possibility of doing some part-time work. Supposedly they train you, and you can work as much or as little as you like. I typed up my transcription sample and sent it in on Friday. It can't hurt to talk to them, and if it works out to bring in a couple hundred extra a month, then that's a good thing. I'm thinking I may really need to make a complete change of career. Law and/or finance/estate planning may really not be my thing.

Scary

I had a kind of scary thing happen last night. There were no messages on my house phone when I got home, so I didn't think to check again before we started the bedtime routine. I didn't notice until almost 10:00 that there was a message. Caller ID showed a number that said "Pay Phone", and it was a Waco number. Brian has prepaid minutes on his cell phone, and he could have run low or run out, and he's the only person I know in Waco, really, so I thought he might have called. I listened to the message and all I got was what might have been Brian's voice saying "Lisa" (about half of it was cut off, so it was a little hard to tell from one syllable) and then an automated message saying the dialing party had disconnected, I would not be billed, which leads me to believe it was a collect call. So. That concerned me a little. At 9:22 at night, if it was Brian (and I can't figure out who else it would be), do you think he'd be calling collect from a pay phone just to tell me good night? I didn't think so. I'd think he'd only do that if it were something important, and I had no way to get in touch with him. I called his cell - it went straight to voice mail, which tells me he's likely out of minutes and just has it turned off. His house phone rings once and goes to a busy signal, and I know he's been having problems with the wiring. I was a bit concerned, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Thankfully, he called this morning. One of the things he knew needed to be fixed on the van finally crapped out as he was on his way home from church. He made it home OK, and he says he's not upset about it, other than the annoyance factor of having to make arrangements to have someone cart him around until it's fixed. He's having it towed to the dealership this morning, and hopefully they'll only have to keep it overnight.

This made me realize something, though. I don't much care what job I have or where, I just want Brian and I to be in the same place. I'd stay where I am now (and you all know how I feel about where I am now) if he could just be here with me. That's what's important. As long as I can pay the bills, the wheres and whys of my job just aren't that important compared to us being together.

Up and down and all around

Deep breath. I'm refinancing my house. I've anguished over whether this is a good deal or not, and I think it is. I've crunched the numbers six ways to Sunday and it should work. I know it's not the best loan out there, but then, my credit score sucks and I'm only two years out from a bankruptcy. I'm not in a position to qualify for the top of the line. This will pay off all my piddly debt (all those itty bitty credit card balances I have that are oh, so easy to justify missing a payment on because it's just a little bit) and K's student loan (which is in my name and was given to me in the divorce), will give me cash for an emergency fund (something I don't have now and can't seem to figure out how to get on my own), and will give me an opportunity to work toward improving my credit score. The payment will be split into two bi-monthly payments, which makes my budgeting easier, and is something I can't do on my existing note. It's also a fixed rate, where my current note is an adjustable rate. So I think it's a good deal, it just makes me a bit nervous because I'll now be responsible for my own taxes and insurance. Insurance is no big deal, I'll just add my homeowners' insurance back on to my monthly payment along with my car and J's life insurance. But I'll have to set it up where money for property taxes goes into a savings account every month, so that I never see it and never touch it.

I think it's a good thing. But still - AACK. The appraiser will be here on Saturday morning, closing will be 10-15 days after that, and my first payment will be due 30 days after that.

Brian and I are trying to get tickets to see Wicked. It's coming back to Dallas in April and May, but I think we may have farted around and missed out. I'm also going to take J to A Day Out With Thomas in March, and Brian is coming up a different weekend in March and we're going to go to the Dallas World Aquarium. Wow, J is going to have a big month. Aquarium March 10, Thomas March 24. That will be fun!

And how's this for ironic? I got home and found a message from a law firm in Waco about my resume, which I'd sent to the Baylor career services office back in December. I'd pretty much forgotten about it, but they want me to call and talk. So I'll do that. At first, I was off my gourd excited. But then I started thinking - what if I get a job offer down there and Brian then gets one up here? If I get a job in Waco, now that I'm getting my finances in order, I'll have to worry about selling the house, moving, and finding one down there, in addition to reapplying for a loan and all that crap. I talked to Brian, and we both agree that the best-case scenario is that I get the Ellis County job and he gets the Dallas Zoo job, and he moves up here - I've already got a house, and he doesn't have a tremendous amount of furniture. So now I'm twisted. Dang it, I just want everything to work out so that my finances are in better shape and Brian and I are in the same place. With so many possibilities swirling around, surely something good will come of it. All of this is making me nuts.

And why is bedtime a battle every.single.night?! Last night J was awake until 10:30. He was up at 5:00, 5:15 this morning - up for the day. That's not enough sleep for me, much less for him, but he kept going until 10:30 tonight. Even when the light is out and he's in bed, he keeps fighting it - he squirms, he fidgets, he keeps opening his eyes. He doesn't get out of bed, it's like he just can't slow his brain down and settle and go to sleep. He'll stay in bed by himself for a little while, but invariably he comes to find me and wants me to sit with him. (I'm trying to work on breaking that habit, but it's a slow process.) And tonight he was awake until 10:30 again. I hate it. I get frustrated because I'm tired and he's not sleeping and then I feel bad for being frustrated.

My manager comes back from vacation tomorrow. That's bound to make the work day suck big dirty rocks. I keep telling myself, we have Monday off, we have Monday off.

The best Valentine's Day present ever

I haven't gotten Brian's present yet, and he's ordered mine but it hasn't come in. That notwithstanding, I got the best Valentine's present ever this weekend.

He loves me! He does, he does!

We had "that" conversation on Saturday night. I cried - I'm a big goob. He said, "Can I ask you a tough question?" I said sure. He said, "So are we in love with each other or do we just meet each other's needs?" And I just burst into tears - exactly the response every guy hopes for when he mentions love. He kind of freaked out, worrying if I was OK, and when I was able to stop just sobbing, I told him I loved him so much it hurt. And I cried some more, and we just sat there in the floor holding on to each other. He said he loved me, too, and he wasn't going anywhere. We talked for about an hour, I guess (still sitting in the middle of the floor). He said he's been pretty confused the last few weeks trying to figure out where things stand, and he was a little hesitant to say he loved me because of his track record (Karen - big ugly mess; then he married Amy, his ex; then there was Tricia - even bigger stinky mess). I told him he didn't have to worry, he already knew I wasn't a nutter like Karen or Tricia. He told me, yes, I was, but we were compatible nuts. LOLOL We talked about trying to have a kid (but said that if it didn't happen, he was OK). Big scary stuff, but in a good way. (Note to self: Go back to Curves and start exercising and get your fat ass in shape! If I'm even contemplating the possibility of trying to get pregnant, I've got to do that.) So. He loves me. I love him. Now one of us just needs to find a job where the other one is, so we can get past all the silly logistical nonsense!

That was the best Valentine's present ever. I told him that, and he said, "So, this means I don't have to give you the present I ordered." I told him no, I didn't say that. LOLOLOL

So it was a pretty darned good weekend. In other news, we went to the Stars-Ducks game on Saturday. It was Brian's first hockey game. The Stars won, 1-0. For most of the game, it looked like Anaheim just outplayed Dallas - it was like Dallas couldn't get it together, missed opportunities, they just couldn't get into the right place at the right time. But they managed to score a power play goal to win the game. Our backup goalie, Mike Smith, was in the net, and he ROCKED. He's just signed a two-year contract, and I'm glad to see the Stars planning to keep him around. Good to have two good goalies on the roster. Our seats were in the nosebleed section, one row from the top, and my butt is still sore from walking so much - all the way from where we parked, all the way around the arena (it was our first visit to the American Airlines Center, so we had to check it all out), and up all those stairs. Ow, ow, OW.

Brian stayed Saturday night, too. He usually goes back then, but he stayed this weekend. He had to leave early Sunday morning so that he could go usher at church. I was glad he stayed.

I won't see him until the first weekend in March, unless we plan something kid-friendly. We may try to do that. Too bad it's still a bit too cold for the zoo or something like that.

I'm a happy girl. And if the logistical issues can be sorted through, there may be a ring in my future.

And in other news: K and A are getting married. This Wednesday. Seems a bit sudden, but I guess if they think it's right, then that's their call. The friend part of me is happy for him and wishes him the best. The selfish part of me thinks, damn, there goes my free babysitting, because I know K won't always be available at the drop of a hat to pick up J so that I can do optional things. Not saying he won't put J first, I just know that his responsibility is more to A now than to me, and there's a difference in him being there for J's needs and covering for me so I can do something that isn't essential. And the mom part of me worries about J and wants him to be happy through all of this. K and I have talked about me not wanting J to feel like just one of five kids to his father (A has four children of her own, so it will be a house full when J is there) - J has never handled changes in routine real well anyway, and I don't want him to feel like he can't even get his father's full attention anymore. So, changes are coming, and I'm expecting some sleep disruptions - that's usually what happens when J's routine changes. All I can say to that is, hooray for coffee.

Speaking of coffee - I'm tired this morning. Last night was rough. J woke up about 3:30 or so and came to get into bed with me. First off, he dropped the toy he'd brought, so I had to get down on the floor and help him find it. He was wet, so we had to change. We laid down for a few minutes, and then he was thirsty and wanted milk. So we got milk and got back into bed. Laid down for a bit, and he started tossing the covers off the bed - he didn't want them. I told him that was fine, but please don't take *my* covers, I wanted them. Laid down for a bit longer, and then he needed to go potty. So we got up and went to the potty. He howled because the bathroom light was bright and wanted me to go find his Thomas sunglasses. I told him no, I was not going to go rummage for those glasses, that his eyes would adjust and soon we'd be turning off the light anyway. Finished there, got back into bed, laid there for a few minutes. J squirmed and sniffled and snorted, and finally sat up and said, "Mama, I need to blow my nose." So he blew his nose, and FINALLY, after all that, we were able to settle down and sleep. It only took about 45 minutes. So. I'm tired. Need much coffee.

I had to laugh, though. This morning, he and I had this conversation:

J: "Mama, when I was at A's house, I woke up at 4:30."
L: "Goodness, that's early. Did you go back to sleep?
J: "No, I got up and went to the bathroom, and then I found Daddy and told him I WAS NOT going back to bed."
L: "I'm sure Daddy loved that. Why were you up so early?"
J: "I don't know, I just woke up and there I was."

In work-related news: My old position is open with the Ellis County DA's office. I've applied. I hope it works out. I took a little different approach this time - I've gone the formal, "proper" approach, so this time my cover letter was very informal. I just laid out what I'm doing and why I want to come back. It would be a pay cut from what I make now, but I think I'd make it up in the savings on paying for parking and gas (since my commute would be a LOT shorter). I hope something works out for both Brian and me, in the same place. He's applied for a job up here - he'd applied for the same position last year, and was told he wasn't qualified (I'm not sure they actually read his application, because he is). So that may work out. I just hope we can both end up in the same place sooner rather than later.

Getting the financial house in order

I thought my meeting with Katy, the financial advisor, went pretty well. She agrees that my house note is what's killing me (story of my life - "it seemed like a good idea at the time"). So we're going to try to get me out of this one and into a better one, maybe refinance and get some extra cash out for an emergency fund, and once I've got some money freed up from the house payment, start working toward saving for J's college. I like having a plan. Those are my three big things right now: get out from under the beastly house note, set up an emergency fund, and save for J's college (thankfully he's young enough that we still have time to work on that).

I liked her, too. She's very low-key, not pushy, not trying to sell me a bunch of crap (good thing - she saw my finances, she knows I have no extra cash). Very easy to talk to. She offered me a job. She's opening an office in Dallas and needs to put together a team of advisors and support staff. I'm not sure I'd be good at it - if it's a cold-calling, all commission-based kind of thing, I'm pretty sure it's not for me. She assures me there's no lack of clients, and wealth management is supposed to be a growth industry (I've found this out through independent reading, and not just from her). So I'm going to explore the possibility. She knows I have a little one, and that I don't want to be traveling much out of our area. The possibility of working from home, on my schedule, having time for J's activities, and making a decent living doing it thrills my soul. That would be beyond fabulous. So, hi ho, hi ho, exploring I will go! One of my co-workers may also be interested, so she and I came up with a list of questions for Katy. (How funny would that be, if I jumped ship and took someone else with me? LOL) We'll see where it goes! Watch, it will work out, simply because right now I'm not jumping up and down over the idea. And I'd think it would be a fairly portable business, should I ever have reason to move anywhere. I'm just sayin'.

Katy told J she'd bring him a present next time she comes over. Is he spoiled or what? He was very good last night while we talked. He asked me periodically if we were done, and when I said no, he went back to watching TV, playing with his toys and eating dinner. I was proud of him. Such a big boy.

The J funny for the day: He told me he wanted a baby sister and that we should name her Stephanie so he could call her Steve for short. Where he comes up with this stuff, I have NO idea. Steve. I told him not to hold his breath, that a baby sister wasn't something you ran out and picked up at Target!

I e-mailed Brian and told him what J said about a baby sister. Part of his response was, "If you (dare I say "we?") had a girl". Now if that doesn't sound like a man who's thinking about at least the possibility of something long-term, I'll eat my hat. :-) And this is most definitely not a bad thing.

I've got a metric ton of work to do. Better hop to it, I don't want any more complaints.

A little of this, a little of that

It turned out not to be something small with Brian's van. It's the air compressor and some other stuff, too. He explained it but I didn't catch it all as J was yammering in my other ear at the time. At any rate, it's going to cost about $1100-1200 to fix. The dealership didn't have his warranty information on file anymore (he bought the extended warranty on the car), so he's hoping he can find the hard copy at home. It did occur to me that they were able to find warranty information somehow when I called roadside assistance on Saturday. They were able to see that he had coverage for towing, anyway. So maybe he can call the 800 number if nothing else (although I told him you know Kia has a copy somewhere, I'd be asking them to pull the archived files from storage - you know they can do it, we do it all the time for my job).

I've been in an odd sort of mood. Not sad, but you'd think that after this weekend, I'd be fairly over-the-moon happy (over other things, not the van breaking down). I'm not that, either. I can't even explain what it is. It's a Beck/Morcheeba/Death Cab for Cutie/Depeche Mode/Etta James/Alison Krauss/Evanescence kind of mood. See? It even defies musical categorization.

I got my writing samples sent for Baylor. I'm twitchy. I'd feel better if I had something of more recent vintage, and something other than legal writing. They asked for writing related to public relations/marketing/development, if I had any. I don't. I just hope they can see potential in what I did send, and I'm kicking myself for getting away from the job I had before this one without bringing any samples of my writing with me. They'd still have been legal writing, but at least they'd have been a bit more current. I know, I know, if it's meant to be my job, it will work out regardless of the obstacles I may perceive. But still. I twitch. A bit. OK, maybe more than a bit. Someone please tell me it does no good for me to call home and check my messages every 15 minutes, or every 30 minutes, or even every hour.

Bedtime has been a little bit better lately. J was asleep at 7:15 on Saturday night when he was with K, so I was expecting bedtime Sunday night to be a howling screamfest. It wasn't - he was asleep by about 9:15-9:30 with not too much fuss. He was clearly tired. He slept until after 7:30 Monday morning, so I expected last night to be a challenge. Not so much - he was yawning by 6:30 and asleep by 9:00. I'm thinking maybe he's having a growth spurt.

And now, for some J funnies:

K and J were in Fort Worth Friday night, and K called Saturday as he and J were on the way back to his apartment - the weather was getting bad, would it be OK if they stopped and stayed at my house instead of going all the way to the apartment. I said sure, no problem. So J was home Sunday when I got back from Waco. I'd stopped at Whataburger to get him some lunch, and the toy in the kids' meal was a little green plastic beaker - yes, a beaker, like you'd see in a science lab. J was, naturally, running around with no pants on when I got home (I've never seen a child who likes to be pants-free as much as he does). At one point, he grabbed that little beaker, put it over his penis, and loudly proclaimed, "Look, I put my penis in jail!" LOLOLOL I couldn't help it. I laughed. A lot. That's probably one of those things you really shouldn't laugh at, because you don't want to encourage it, but I just couldn't do anything else. I have NO idea where he gets this stuff - not from me, certainly, and somehow I don't think K is doing anything like that, either.

Last night I explained to him that I was working on something because I was applying for a job in Waco, at Baylor. He said, "Like Sic 'Em Bears?", and I said yes, exactly like. He then had to do Sic 'Em Bears about fourteen times, and said, "I'm going to teach Brian how to do that." LOL I didn't have the heart to tell him that Brian went to Baylor like Mama, he already knows Sic 'Em Bears - I just said I was sure Brian would appreciate that.

And yesterday he told me he thought we should have a little baby. This is the second or third time he's mentioned it. He said if we had a little baby, we'd get baby toys for it, because it would be too little to play with his toys. And he also informed me we'd have to get a baby bed for it, because it couldn't sleep in a big bed like him. I have not the first clue what's prompting this (unless it's that some of his classmates have younger siblings), but I told him it wasn't going to happen aaaaaanytime soon. LOL He sure comes up with some stuff.

Nothing ever goes as planned

Let's see, where to start?

I left after work on Friday night, and got to Waco just a little before 9:00. We went to Ninfas and had Mexican food for dinner, yummy. We made it kind of an early night because we planned to go to Salado on Saturday.

It rained rather a lot Friday night, and we woke up Saturday to more rain and nasty cold. Not freezing, but not much above it. But we decided to go anyway - Brian said, "Hey, it'll be an adventure!" Little did we know. So off we went, hoping the rain would let up as we went south.

No such luck. It rained. And rained a lot. And rained a little. And kept on raining. But we figured that the shops wouldn't be crowded, so that might be nice. As we were passing through Belton, we heard this horrible squealing sound as we passed another car. We commented that we wondered if it was the other car, and the sound stopped as we passed, so we thought maybe it was. Then the parking brake light and battery light came on on Brian's car. We stopped and he looked under the hood - he didn't see anything glaringly wrong, so we first stopped at an auto parts store, to see if maybe they could take a look at it. At this point, it was probably between 11:15 and 11:30 on a Saturday. Of course the auto parts guys didn't want to get out in the rain and look at the car, so they suggested we take it to the Kia dealership. There was one in Killeen that was closer than driving back to Waco, and since the battery light had come on, I was concerned it might be an electrical system problem and we might not make it back to Waco.

So I called the dealership in Killeen, to see if we could bring the car in and get a rental or loaner car to get back to Waco. I was told their service department wasn't open on Saturday, so we couldn't leave the car OR get another to get home! The woman I spoke to did give me the number for Kia roadside assistance, and I told her we were so close to the dealership that we'd probably end up just pulling into their parking lot to wait.

I called roadside assistance and got a tow truck lined up, and as we were driving, we noticed that the car was dinging like the emergency brake was on (it wasn't) and the windshield wipers were getting noticeably slower. As we got close to the dealership, the wipers were so slow that Brian just turned them off. More of the warning lights came on, and the van was losing power. We made it to the dealership, though, and saw an Enterprise auto rental place next door. Cool, we thought, we'll rent a car, no problem. So we sloshed over there in the rain, only to find out they were CLOSED on Saturdays!

We went in at the dealership and borrowed a phone book to try to find a rental car place that was open - Advantage was open out at the Killeen airport, and they were going to come pick us up and bring us back out there when the second person working there got back. The tow truck came and took the van to the Kia dealership in Waco, and we waited on the rental car. And waited. And waited. The people at the dealership were real nice, got us something to eat and drink, and tried to sell us a car. LOL I guess it was getting close to 2:00 when the rental car place called back to let us know the guy was on his way to get us, and probably after 3:00 by the time we got out there, rented the car, and went on home. We were a bit iffy about the car for a minute, as Brian forgot his insurance card in the van. They were able to call and verify my insurance, though, so that worked out OK.

We drove back to Waco, ran by the Kia dealership to drop off the key to the van, and went to dinner at TGI Friday's. We both decided adult beverages were in order after the car ordeal. Then we went to see Dreamgirls, which was a really entertaining little movie. We had to run by Wal-Mart for a couple of things, and then we went home. Cold weather is good for snuggles. :-)

This morning we played hooky from church, because it was stinkin' cold and who wants to get out of a warm bed when it's cold and wet outside? K called several times, though, to let me know the weather was getting bad up this way and I might want to head on back. So I left Waco about 11:00 and was home by 12:45.

Brian has had a rough week, though. He and a co-worker are on the outs over the latest exhibit and over her apparently stepping in and planning programs (Brian's department) without consulting him in the least. His back yard is soggy, not only from the rain, but from what's apparently a leaky pipe under his house. (Fortunately, his landlord will pay for that.) And then the van went kerflooey on Saturday. My poor baby. Hopefully whatever is wrong with the van will either be under warranty or will be really small (like the battery needing to be replaced).

But he and I had a good time, the van ordeal notwithstanding. We'll make it to Salado some other time.

Deep breath....

Brian is back home. He called tonight. That made me happy. :-) It had been a week since we talked, and I missed him.

I mentioned to him that my dad and stepmom are making plans to come visit and meet him (yep, they said it - YIKES), and he said his mom said something similar, wanting to know when they'd get to meet me. Yikes and YIKES again. It's been so long since I've had to meet parents for the first time that I hope I can remember how to behave myself properly. No definite plans yet, but we both know it's out there.

Call me crazy, but this makes the whole thing seem to really have long-term implications.

A little bit better

J was awake until nearly 10:30 last night, and I was just about to pull my hair out trying to get him to sleep so I could dose myself liberally with something and get to bed myself.

I feel a bit better today - not bad enough to justify a sick day, so I'm at work. Woo. But I still don't feel *good* - my head is clogged, my nose is running, and my eyes are itching like mad. I hate it when my head is stopped up. It makes me feel like my IQ has dropped about 30 points.

I read somewhere that mountain cedar is bad this time of year and can really give people who are sensitive to it a bad time. So this may be just allergies - not fun, but preferable to a sinus infection. I took some Singulair last night in addition to my usual Allegra, and I guess it helped a little bit. I dug out my nose spray, too. Hopefully I'll start to feel better soon. I'm just glad not to be cold and shivering today. That was the worst.

J and I checked the mail, and found that Brian had sent J a Christmas card! I thought that was sweet of him. J was thrilled to get something in the mail with his name on it.

Today is Brian's birthday. He's still at his parents', so I probably won't get to talk to him today, but I sent an e-card that he'll see when he's back in town. I figure not talking to him for all this time (I haven't talked to/e-mailed him since before I left for Christmas) just gives him time to miss me, right?

I'd better try to get some work done. I'm so glad Monday is a holiday.

How did you know it was love?

Seriously. Those of you with spouses or significant others, how did you know it was love? Feel free to share your thoughts in a comment.

Updating just a little bit

I probably won't ever catch up on everything, but I did want to write about J meeting Brian.

We went to the Mayborn Museum last weekend, to see the train exhibit. J and Brian seemed to hit it off, and we went inside to look around.

J loved the trains. He'd run from one display to the next, just jumping up and down with excitement. Brian knows a good number of people in the museum field, since that's what he does, and he'd stop to talk to someone now and then while J and I kept looking at trains. Every once in a while J would stop, look around, and ask me, "Where's Brian?" LOL

We saw more than just trains - the museum has a nice children's center, with lots of cool things just perfect for busy boys. Here's a pic of J, playing with his absolute favorite thing, the water table (I seriously think he liked this more than the trains - we went back to it no less than four times!).




If I could afford one of these for my house, I'd get it - I think Brian and I had as much fun playing with it as J did. It would be kind of like one of those little Zen rock gardens, only a lot bigger and with water instead of sand. Very therapeutic!

We stayed almost until the museum closed, and then went for dinner. We went to J's favorite place, Johnny Carino's. When we got there, I asked him if he wanted to sit with Brian or with me. "With Brian!" Stinker. LOL

So we had dinner, and J talked Brian's ear off and was his usual charming self. He was wiped out after dinner - he fell asleep before we'd been on the road too long, and slept until I was about 10 miles from the house. I was just about to get off the interstate when I heard him say, "Hey. I had a good time with Brian." So I think he took to Brian pretty well.

That weekend, Brian got to see J at close to his best. Today, he got to see the wildebeest J. It was my free weekend, but K asked if J could come home early, since he had his Christmas party for work tonight. (Must be nice to work for an employer that gives its employees a Christmas party. But I digress.) I said that was fine, and we went to pick J up from the apartment at noon. J went to A's with K last night, and he had a sleepover with A's middle child. K said he checked on them around 11:00 - A's son was passed out, and J was still awake, eating popcorn and watching TV. Oy. So no telling how much sleep he got - he might have been up past midnight for all I know. At any rate, he was TIRED. We went to lunch, played outside, watched TV, and then at some point he wanted more candy. He'd already had candy and didn't need any more, and I told him so. And he proceeded to scream like the world was ending, until he finally gave it up and got distracted after about 15 minutes. So, Brian got to see a nuclear meltdown in all its glory. He didn't run screaming, so I guess that's a good thing!

Brian stayed today until my car was ready, so he could drive me to the shop to pick it up (and catch me when I fainted from hearing the total cost!). It was kind of funny - when we got back from lunch, we were walking in the house, and J asked Brian if he liked our house. Brian said he did, that it was a nice house, and J said, "This could be your house, too." :-)

A little unexpected free time

K called yesterday afternoon and said he'd pick J up - he wanted to take J to A's house to decorate the Christmas tree and meet her kids. And I guess I'm OK with that - after all, if A is going to be in the picture for a significant length of time, it would be nice for J to know her kids and to feel comfortable around them. So I got an unexpected evening to myself (I decided to give our team Christmas party a miss - hmm, spend $35 on dinner or $35 for a tank of gas or a Christmas present for J? I decided my money was better spent elsewhere).

Other than nearly getting run off the road by an 18-wheeler on the way home, it was a nice evening. I stopped by the store to pick up a few odds and ends, and when I got home, I fixed myself dinner and then had a nice hot bubble bath. Ahhh, bliss on a cold evening.

J did have a good time with A's kids last night - according to K, he didn't want to leave to come home! J told me he cried because he wanted to stay and play. And boy, was he a howling wildebeest by the time he got home! He screamed that he didn't WANT to go to bed, he wanted to watch TV. Of course, when I got him into bed, it took him about 30 seconds to go to sleep. He was talking about A's house this morning, and the kitty cat, and playing with toys, and Christmas cookies, so I think he enjoyed himself. And I'm glad. I should make more of an effort to have him get together with his friends - he'd enjoy that. (If I could ever get my house clean, I could have people come over! )

I am so glad it's FRIDAY!!!! I'm hoping it will be a quiet day at work, so I can work on some special projects we've got going on that are supposed to be completed by year end.

And tomorrow is a big day, I guess. J and Brian are going to get to meet each other. We're going to this exhibit at the Mayborn Museum in Waco, and I reckon we may get lunch or something while we're there. I think it's funny - both Brian and I are wanting to do this, and yet we're both nervous, too. Is that just silly? J is all excited - I've had to try to explain to him where Brian's house is (ever tried to explain the concept of "south" to a 4-year-old?), and he's asked all about Brian's dog and cat (after finding out that Brian doesn't have any little boys or girls). Hopefully J and I can get a good night's sleep tonight, so we'll be well rested for tomorrow's road trip. And hopefully it will go really well. I think it will.

Interesting

My friend Cat did a reading for me. Here's what it said:

First Card; Angel of Freedom

The Angel says 'I am always free to choose Love, Independence and Creativity'. She is holding a stole, which flows gently in the wind, and she is blowing away insecurities, one of these insecurities is allowing J to get hurt by another man. He was undoubtedly hurt when daddy went away, may not be so obvious, but he was really upset, maybe the reason he is having sleep issues, which are getting better. Subconsciously, you are not allowing this situation to rise again, you don't want someone in your life that you feel will hurt you and your son again. Although, I must make it clear, your XDH did not hurt you, but your son being hurt, hurt you. This angel is allowing you to see that you have the capabilities to choose Love and have independence and wants you to take them, go with the flow, stop humming and hawing over it.Which brings me swiftly onto the next card!


The Angel of Knowing

"My sense of Inner Knowing leads me to the Light". This angel is holding the ring of knowledge, where all our awareness comes from, and, through the ring she is sprinkling some stardust from heaven, which is the source of inspiration where our desires and wishes will become a reality. For yourself, J and Brian, you would love to have everyone to meet and to get on, you tend to be edging towards this idea more than ever but you want complete knowledge that everyone will be happy together. This is the reality, J knows full well there is someone else in your life and in some ways he feels not left out, but, he wishes he was part of it, he wants to be around whoever it is that makes his mommy happy, because, when mommy is happy, baby is too. And Brian, he so wishes to meet J to feel complete with you, but you are the one stopping it, for no real apparent reason now, not after over a year Then the next card oh man!!!

The Archangel Raphael

"I am strenghtened and healed by the power of divine love". (Having an Archangel in a reading is awesome, there are only 4 archangels to 32 cards!)The Archangel is a guardian angel, the one who is around a lot, the other angels are messengers, the archangel is a protector. And to have him working with the other 2 is just awesome.He wants you to know that with the angel of freedom and the angel of knowing, he is removing your insecurities about Brian & J meeting. What recently happened was a 'test' if you like, for both you and Brian. To see how you both really feel, now is the time to move forward with your relationship and the archangel Raphael is there to strenghten it, he concludes that now is the right time for Brian & J to meet, when these two important people in your life finally do meet, your relationship is more or less sealed for life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know about sealed for life (can't make that call at this point, I don't think), but the rest of it was spot on.

Possibilities abound

I just got an e-mail from Brian. He came back from lunch to find an invitation to interview with a museum that will be opening in Dallas County (up here!) in May 2007. The woman in charge of programming for the new museum was previously with a museum he interviewed with last year, and she remembered him and sent him the invite. He told her he'll be teaching a class at Baylor this semester, but left things open enough that something might work out if they haven't found the right person by the time they open! That would be fantabulous if he found a job up here!

So, perhaps he and I really did need to have the talk we had in order for things to progress. Possibility for me in Waco, possibility for him up here - surely something can work out, yes?