Surely there's more to it than this

Julian woke up at 3:15 this morning. I got him settled, and then Rhys woke up at 4:20. I hate that my morning schedule is such that, if Rhys wakes up after 4 AM, it doesn't make sense for me to go back to sleep because I'll soon have to get up for work anyway. Hard to feel like you're living an abundant life when you're perpetually sleep-deprived.

And I hate that my kids are prisoners of my schedule. I hate that I have to wake them up at the crack of dawn for school and daycare. Granted, J would have to get up for school no matter where I worked, but I hate that I'm rousting him out of bed at 6:15 to make sure he's awake before I leave the house. If I worked closer to home and didn't have to be there so early, he could sleep at least a little bit longer.

I had some other topic I intended to blog about, but it seems to have slipped my mind at the moment. Perhaps it will come back.

I also find it mildly amusing that my internet filter took out "hate" when I used it above and took out "crack" from the phrase "crack of dawn". I had to turn it off and edit so there weren't random blank spaces in my post.

Decisions, decisions

If you've followed my blog for any length of time, you probably know that Bright Blessings Candles is my little attempt at a business. I've just about reached the conclusion that it's not meant to be. I've never done much in the way of sales. People seem to like my things when they buy them or receive them as gifts or in swaps, but the word of mouth just never seems to travel as far or as fast as I've seen it do with other e-tailers. My supplies and my inventory take up a lot of space in the house, and for the tiny return I'm seeing on the investment of time and effort and cash, it's just not worth it to stay open. I'd hoped this might be at least a nice sideline that gave off a reasonable amount of income, but it seems that God is telling me (and has been for some time) that this isn't a way in which He intends to provide for us.

So, I can keep this as my hobby, make things for personal use and for gifts, and take down the business. I can sell off my inventory and close up the Etsy shop and the website and call it a day. The question now is, when? On one hand, I'd thought about sticking it out through the holidays and seeing how things go. I've signed up to be in The Little Black Box in November, and I could go through with that, see if it brings in any new business. But then I think, I've done sample boxes before, and it doesn't bring a lot of business my way. And even if it did, do I want a rush of orders at the holiday season, when I'm trying to do things with and for my family? I just don't think it's meant to be. I had a special in my Etsy shop last night, sent out my newsletter, posted about it on two message boards that I'm on, and had exactly two orders. Fifty-eight visits, and two orders. Perhaps that should be some kind of sign to me. It doesn't matter if I have the best product ever, if no one buys it, it doesn't do me any good and it's not worth selling.

So. I'm leaning to just selling off inventory and excess supplies now and being done with it. I can then reclaim the space in my house that's now going to store all this stuff, and I can stop feeling like I have to be making something in my free time. If this were my job, that would be one thing. But with work and commuting and trying to be a good wife and a good mother to two boys, it's too much. The only question is, how long do I keep trying? It may be time to pack it in.

ETA: I went back and read, and I've been running around in this particular circle since 2008, "should I stay or should I go now?" It's just not worth continuing to anguish it. I think it's time to call it quits.

A tiny little update

Rhys is five months old today! Happy five months, baby boy! I didn't even get a chance to take a picture, because he was falling asleep before we even got home this evening. He sacked out around 6:30 tonight. I expect he'll be awake and hungry before midnight. Anyway, he's had his four-month checkup, and at that appointment, he weighed 19 pounds 1 ounce and was 26 1/2 inches long. He's growing like mad.

We also have our first tooth! He's been drooling and gnawing on his hands like crazy for weeks now, and a couple of days ago, Brian saw the little white spots on his gum. The bottom right front tooth is working its way through the skin. No more gummy grins (and yay for a tooth, but it makes me just a little wistful and sad that the gummy grins are going away)!

Julian is muddling through second grade. It's a struggle for him, and it's hard for me to see him struggling. We're getting our paperwork together to send to the Child Study Center in Fort Worth, and hopefully they'll be able to see us fairly soon for an evaluation. I'm anxious to see if it's just ADHD we're dealing with, or if there's something else going on, and either way, I'm anxious to find out how best to help him survive and thrive in school and in life.

And for our daily dose of "awwwwwww" - the boys were in the back seat on our way home this afternoon. Julian was telling Rhys, "I got your finger, I got it, what are you going to do now?", and Rhys just laughed and laughed. There is nothing sweeter than the sound of my boys laughing, and in that moment, I could forget all the rotten things that might have happened during the day and truly thank God for my blessings - you know, the ones sitting in the back seat laughing.