And what was that I said?

I believe I said this just a few weeks ago, on August 14:

Tying that in to the Lone Star interview - how funny would it be (and I don't mean funny ha-ha) if God, in His infinite wisdom, decided that now would be a perfect time for me to get pregnant? I think I'd pull my hair out. I'd be excited, and scared, and all that good stuff, but I'd pull my hair out in absolute frustration at the timing, especially if Brian gets the job. But again, I'll jump off that bridge if I get to it. I'm not there yet.

Well, I'm there. LOL Brian did indeed accept the Lone Star job, as it was the only one that offered and he needed a job (and we needed the paycheck). It's got its pros and cons, like any other job. Pros: it's a job, it's a paycheck, and Brian is excited about it. He feels like he may have more of an opportunity to make a difference in a child's life there than he would in a traditional classroom, and I know he's excited about not being limited by the approved curriculum of a traditional classroom setting. Cons: Well, it's three hours away, and he's gone for eight days at a time. Those are pretty big cons, but not big enough to outweigh the benefit of a paycheck. I did the single mom thing before, and I wasn't crazy about it then - it's even more of a challenge now when when I come home so tired that I can barely keep my head up. There were a couple of teaching positions that came open at the last minute, right before Brian had to make a decision on Lone Star, and he applied, but nothing came of them. So he's working for Lone Star for the time being, and he'll keep taking substitute positions as they come up on his off days, and doing his best to make a good impression at local campuses. Brian is hoping to find something close to home come February or March, closer to when the baby is due, when he'll really need it. But right now, for reasons I can't fathom, God must want Brian at Lone Star, so that's where he is. We'll just have to have faith that things are working out as they're meant to.

And on a completely unrelated note, I was just listening to Randy Travis, and it made me think of my mother. She sure did love Randy Travis, and I sure do miss her. Now her second grandchild is on the way, and I wish she could be here.

A lot rolling around in the old noggin

I seem to be all full of thoughts and happenings today.

I thought I was going to have to reach through the phone and smack K this morning. I mentioned that J wasn't inclined to work on his spelling words last night, and K got all on his high horse, saying, "Well, you have to make him study!" Um, no, can't do it. K couldn't seem to grasp the difference between consequences for refusing to study/not doing well and actual studying being done. I can yell, take away TV, take away computer time, take away the Wii and the DS, but I can't MAKE J practice his spelling words with me if he's not of a mind to. I can't MAKE the words come out of his mouth if he's determined not to say them. K kept arguing with me that I had to make him study - it doesn't work that way. I can make life unpleasant if he doesn't, and if he does poorly when he should have done well, but I can't make learning happen no matter what I might try. So that was a wearing start to my morning.

Brian had a half-day assignment teaching fourth grade at J's school. Yay! Half a day of pay is better than a kick to the head, right? Of course, he came out after school to find that the van had a flat tire. *sigh* He has a full-size spare, so he made it home OK, but that means that at some point we'll have to buy at least one new tire (or perhaps two, to keep things even). He just had an alignment done and put two new tires on to the tune of $200+ earlier this week. It's always something, isn't it?

This weekend's big plans: cleaning the garage! Woo woo!!! It needs a cleaning, and some stuff needs a damn good throwing away. J has talked me into a trip to Burger King, too. He doesn't care so much about the food, he just wants the Iron Man toys. Oy.

I'm going to have samples in May's Little Black Box, and hopefully that will drum up some business for the birthday sale I'm having in June. Tonight I've got to box up samples. I meant to do it last night, but I was so tired, it just didn't happen. I really hope that brings in some business. Seriously, since Monday I've had virtually no traffic on my website - less than ten hits a day. ???? I had something like 46 each day on Sunday and Monday, and then big fat nothin' since then. Days like this make me wonder whether Bright Blessings needs to continue, or whether I should just call it a rather pricey lesson learned, take down the site, sell off the supplies, and call it quits, and maybe just make stuff as gifts for friends and family and for our own personal use. I keep telling myself I haven't even been in business for a year, and it may take time to really build up a following. It's just discouraging sometimes, though, especially after Spring Fling wasn't what I'd hoped for.

I don't know if I'll make my Denver trip after all (I'd planned to go to Denver this fall to meet up with a group of ladies I've known online for a good number of years - I may not have met most of them in person, but I'm proud to call them friends). I just found a flight to Denver from DFW for $168. The bad thing is, I don't know if I should book a flight or not. I really really really really want to go, but realistically, I'm not sure we'll be able to swing it. Yeah, the ticket is relatively cheap. But then there'd be my share of the house that the group is renting and spending money, and none of that is cheap. The trip comes before Brian's first paycheck would be due (assuming he does indeed have a full-time job for the 2008-09 school year, and I can't see why he wouldn't) - school starts August 25, which means the first pay period doesn't even end until after the trip, and his first paycheck wouldn't come until late October. I just don't know if we can justify spending $500 or so on a trip for me to see my friends, no matter how badly I may want to do it. Dammit, being a responsible grownup sucks rocks. This will be the third get-together I've missed if I don't get to go, and it makes me sad. I entered a contest where the prize is 250,000 airline miles, and that would help if I won, but that's no guarantee.

And I worry about things like finances, and then something pushes that back into perspective. An online friend knows a family whose little boy has some form of cancer, and his life expectancy was short, as in a year or so. Then suddenly they found out he had a slow bleed where the tumor was, and if that picked up and started bleeding more, his life expectancy would drop down to weeks or days. Yesterday the parents were arranging hospice care for their son. This really got to me. I cried half the way home, because I just can't imagine the wrenching pain of thinking you have a perfectly healthy child, to finding out your child is seriously ill, to finding out your child is terminal and doesn't have much longer to live. I had to thank God for my busy, stubborn, messy, loud, junk-food-eating, video-game-playing, not-sleeping, strong, healthy little boy, and I had to give him lots of hugs last night.

OK, to lighten things up just a little, here's a random question for the day: You know whenever you post on some message boards, you get the little message saying your message has been posted, please wait for your browser to forward you, and then it says something to the effect of, "if you do not wish to wait, click here"? If you can "click here" and not wait, why wait at all? That makes no sense to me. (Yes, it's Friday, and I'm distracted easily. LOL)

Hooray, it's almost time to go home! In case I don't post again this weekend, Happy Mother's Day to anyone reading this who's a mom! :) And go hug your own mother and tell her you love her - I'd pay money to be able to hug my mom.

Dad had a bad day. What a day Dad had.

OK, Mom. But geez, it has been a day and a half.

Yesterday ended, and today started, with me trying frantically to clean as much as I could before the appraiser came at 8:30 this morning. I was trying to clean, shower, get dressed, get J settled with breakfast and get him dressed, and get out the door. I was hoping to get J to school early, so I could run back home and pick up a couple more things before the appraisal.

Ha. Then there was the great yogurt throwdown. J has taken lately to wanting to bring something for snack at school. I guess some of his classmates bring their own snacks rather than eating what the school provides, and that's fine. Today, though, he wanted yogurt. I told him no, yogurt needs to stay cold or it gets yucky. He said he liked it yucky. I told him yogurt had to be put in the refrigerator and there wasn't one in his class. He then started howling that he WANTED yogurt, and there was a refrigerator in his CUBBY. I tried to be patient and gentle and remember that he wasn't doing this to push my buttons. That lasted for all of about three seconds before I snapped. *SIGH* So the day started off with a screamfest over yogurt.

We left later than I'd intended, and J was in prime dawdle mode. I was antsy thinking I might not even make it home by 8:30, much less would I be there in time to pick anything up or clean anything, and I was short with J. (Yeah, today was not my best parenting moment.) But we had hugs and kisses before I left, so that was good. Still, I felt guilty for being abrupt with him. No one tells you in parenting classes that guilt is a huge part of becoming a mother.

I made it home by 8:27, resigned to not getting any more cleaning done. 8:30 comes and goes. No appraiser. 8:45. 9:00. Still no appraiser. I was thinking of leaving for work - tonight is my late shift, and I was supposed to be at work by 10:00. Finally at 9:15 he got there. He'd gotten stuck in traffic (I can relate to that) and hadn't had my number to call and let me know. So he did his thing and was finished by about 9:40 or so. I tried to schedule this on an off time, so I wouldn't have to take extra time off work, and damn if I wasn't going to end up late to work anyway.

I head out the door, and as I'm toodling up the highway, it hits me. I had a conference call scheduled for 10:00. It's 9:51 at this point, I am NOT making it to work by 10:00. D'OH. I called my buddy and asked him to call my client, apologize for me, let her know I was held up, and tell her I'd call back to reschedule. Turns out she thought the call was at 10:00 Eastern time (her time), so she was already miffed. *SIGH* I called and got her voice mail. I'll have to try again.

Then work is a three-ring circus, as always. I'm crazy busy trying to dig out of all the stuff on my desk when we get word that a co-worker has passed away unexpectedly. She had some outpatient surgery this morning, and came through that fine, but died in recovery. They're not sure if it was a heart attack or blood clot or what.

And I thought my day was bad.

Godspeed, Doris. Things won't be the same around here without you, and you will be missed.