This occurred to me this morning as I was on my way to work. I was listening to Christmas songs, and one of the songs I grew up with came on, and it dawned on me. I am the mama. I am the matriarch of my little family. If any Christmas traditions are to be made or carried on, it's up to me to do it.
I think it's time to get back into my Christmas baking. I haven't really done much of it since Mama passed away, and that's one tradition I don't want to lose. And I'll have to think of some new traditions that can be just for us.
Showing posts with label Nostalgia. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nostalgia. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Thoughts on a Thursday
I had a lot of things I thought I wanted to write about, but I can't remember what they were.
I haven't talked to the recruiter yet re: the internal position, but I've decided - if it's offered to me, at my current salary (or dare I hope, more), I'm taking it. If nothing else, that position wouldn't involve two of the big things that stress me out about my current job, and any reduction in stress is a good thing right now. Even if it's not a forever job, if it improves my day-to-day life right now, it's good enough for the moment. I can still work on figuring out what I want to be when I grow up, but I won't have to live worrying moment by moment whether I'll lose my job. So y'all cross your fingers, say a prayer, light a candle, think good thoughts, communicate with your chosen Higher Power in whatever way you choose, but this job would be a good step for me right now. So, I want it.
K and J are on their way to Louisiana to his parents' house. By all accounts, J is enthralled with the portable DVD player that A gave K for Christmas. He's going to call when they stop for dinner, and when they get there, so I'll know they arrived safe and sound. This is the first holiday that the three of us won't be traveling together, and I'm a little out of sorts about it. Not mad, not upset, more wistful than anything else. This is just one of the million little ways in which life changes after you get divorced, I guess.
Like K said about the museum - he said he wished he could be there, because he knew J would love the trains. I told him that there would be times when one of us would get to do things with J that the other wished he/she could be there for, that that was just the nature of things now that we have separate households (and will undoubtedly have other "significant others" down the road). But thankfully, we get along well enough that we'll both be there for the really important things, even if we both don't make every vacation or every museum outing or every trip to the zoo.
It's almost time to go home, and I'm glad. It's been a hectic week, and I have a lot to do tonight to get ready to hit the road tomorrow.
I haven't talked to the recruiter yet re: the internal position, but I've decided - if it's offered to me, at my current salary (or dare I hope, more), I'm taking it. If nothing else, that position wouldn't involve two of the big things that stress me out about my current job, and any reduction in stress is a good thing right now. Even if it's not a forever job, if it improves my day-to-day life right now, it's good enough for the moment. I can still work on figuring out what I want to be when I grow up, but I won't have to live worrying moment by moment whether I'll lose my job. So y'all cross your fingers, say a prayer, light a candle, think good thoughts, communicate with your chosen Higher Power in whatever way you choose, but this job would be a good step for me right now. So, I want it.
K and J are on their way to Louisiana to his parents' house. By all accounts, J is enthralled with the portable DVD player that A gave K for Christmas. He's going to call when they stop for dinner, and when they get there, so I'll know they arrived safe and sound. This is the first holiday that the three of us won't be traveling together, and I'm a little out of sorts about it. Not mad, not upset, more wistful than anything else. This is just one of the million little ways in which life changes after you get divorced, I guess.
Like K said about the museum - he said he wished he could be there, because he knew J would love the trains. I told him that there would be times when one of us would get to do things with J that the other wished he/she could be there for, that that was just the nature of things now that we have separate households (and will undoubtedly have other "significant others" down the road). But thankfully, we get along well enough that we'll both be there for the really important things, even if we both don't make every vacation or every museum outing or every trip to the zoo.
It's almost time to go home, and I'm glad. It's been a hectic week, and I have a lot to do tonight to get ready to hit the road tomorrow.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Out of sorts
I'm feeling vaguely out of sorts this evening. Not sure why. Probably in large part because tomorrow is Monday and I have to go back to work.
And tonight I realized my baby is growing up. He was playing on the computer, and I came into the room. He said, "No, Mama, you go away - I can do this by myself." Didn't even want me to stay in the room with him. And I thought, all those times I wished for three minutes to myself to pee, or for a day without hearing, "MAMA! Come SEE!" 72,000 times, or for an entire night's sleep - I wish I could take them back now. It hit me that he's growing up, and the older he gets, the less he'll need me. I know independence is the desired result of the growing-up process, but still - it made me sad.
And then he went through the beastly spell. He'd been on the computer a while, so I came in and told him we needed to turn it off, it was time for dinner. He started screaming and howling and carrying on like a little wildebeest - at one point he threw himself down in the floor, and when I tried to hug him, he swung at me. Not once, but multiple times. Finally I just had to grab him and hold him until he settled down, because he wasn't going to otherwise. Once he finally did, we turned the computer off and he was OK for the rest of the night. But that little episode wasn't a whole lot of fun.
I should go to bed. The alarm will go off early.
And tonight I realized my baby is growing up. He was playing on the computer, and I came into the room. He said, "No, Mama, you go away - I can do this by myself." Didn't even want me to stay in the room with him. And I thought, all those times I wished for three minutes to myself to pee, or for a day without hearing, "MAMA! Come SEE!" 72,000 times, or for an entire night's sleep - I wish I could take them back now. It hit me that he's growing up, and the older he gets, the less he'll need me. I know independence is the desired result of the growing-up process, but still - it made me sad.
And then he went through the beastly spell. He'd been on the computer a while, so I came in and told him we needed to turn it off, it was time for dinner. He started screaming and howling and carrying on like a little wildebeest - at one point he threw himself down in the floor, and when I tried to hug him, he swung at me. Not once, but multiple times. Finally I just had to grab him and hold him until he settled down, because he wasn't going to otherwise. Once he finally did, we turned the computer off and he was OK for the rest of the night. But that little episode wasn't a whole lot of fun.
I should go to bed. The alarm will go off early.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Reminiscing
My high school graduating class now has a Yahoo group. I've spent part of the afternoon looking at pics from our recent 20-year reunion (which I missed). It's interesting seeing who looks better now than they did then, who looks worse, and who you hardly recognize. I'm fatter (most of which is in my butt and thighs) and have more gray in my hair, and I now wear glasses all the time instead of contacts, but I think I look much the same otherwise. I saw a few of the pics and read the caption under them, and did a double take when I saw who the person was - had I seen them on the street, I don't know if I'd have recognized them. It's funny, too, seeing how some of the women have gone the too tan/too blonde (or frosted) route for whatever reason and how some have chosen to age gracefully. Me, I'm generally going for the aging gracefully - I hate tanning and I'd look funny as a blonde. Here's me in high school - so, do I look mostly like I do now or not?
Homecoming 1985, fall of my senior year.
May 2006
Homecoming 1985, fall of my senior year.
May 2006
But looking at all my friends from so many years ago makes me thoughtful. How could my life have turned out differently? If I'd made different choices, where would I be now? What would I be doing? What would I look like? Would I have kids? Would I be married? Would I be happy? It's a rather unsettling thought process.
When it comes down to it, though, I am where I am and who I am, and all I can do is make the best of what I've got. Which is nothing to sneeze at, with the exception of my crappy job.
When it comes down to it, though, I am where I am and who I am, and all I can do is make the best of what I've got. Which is nothing to sneeze at, with the exception of my crappy job.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Remembering
10/27/30 - 1/10/95
Today would have been my mother's 76th birthday. She's been dead for nearly 12 years now, so the pain isn't as sharp as it was when it was new. But I miss her every day, and I wish I could talk to her (well, talk to her and have her answer me). I love you, Mama.
Today would have been my mother's 76th birthday. She's been dead for nearly 12 years now, so the pain isn't as sharp as it was when it was new. But I miss her every day, and I wish I could talk to her (well, talk to her and have her answer me). I love you, Mama.
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