The bad, the good and the not so good

Bad: A few weeks ago, the transmission in Brian's van bit it (ironically, as he was on his way to the transmission place to have it checked out). Being as how the van had 125,000 miles on it and a blue book value of about $3000 on a good day, we decided it wasn't worth investing $1500+ in it to fix the transmission. This left us a one-car family, which was fine as long as I was on maternity leave (well, not fine, but doable), but I go back to work on July 10 (tomorrow, but that may be a topic for another post). We needed a vehicle, but weren't really in a position where we felt comfortable adding a car payment to the budget right now. What to do?

Good: We found a 1986 Ford F-150 extended cab for the right price, only 50,000 miles on it. Score! We paid cash, no car payment needed. The air conditioner blew but didn't cool, but a mechanic here in town fixed that for only $109.70 (that and a couple of other little tweaky things, too). And when Brian gave him a $100 and a $20, he said, "Keep the $20, I'll just take the $100 and we'll call it even." He is SO our mechanic for life.

Not so good: The truck didn't want to start today while Brian was running errands on his lunch hour. *sigh* Brian talked to an old guy at the post office (where he was when it conked out) who saw him messing around with the truck. The guy had worked on Fords for 40-odd years, and told Brian it was either the timing chain or a stripped timing gear. I called A+ (where we took it before), and the mechanic told me it would be at most $300-400 to fix. Thankfully we have that right this minute, so that's a good thing. And Brian can take me to the bus station tomorrow and keep the car to do his running around with the boys while I'm at work. It will mean everyone getting up sucktastically early, as I need to be at the bus station by 7:00 to get to work by 7:30, which means leaving here by 6:30 at the latest. That should be fun! Not. Oh well, it could be worse. We could be a one-car family all the time. That would be a big logistical ball of fail.

Ho ho ho?

Brian called shortly after I got home. The key to my car, which he has there in the middle of nowhere east Texas, was locked in the trunk. There's not a spare there with him, and the odds of getting a locksmith out at this time on Christmas Eve were pretty much nonexistent. So he said he could either wait until Friday to come home, or he could break a window to get into the car, and get the key out of the trunk that way. Or I could drive three, four hours to get him tonight, and then three, four hours back, and then try to do Christmas tomorrow when we're all worn out, and then go back again on Saturday with Julian in tow, which just wouldn't be practical at all. And of course that would have meant spending God knows how much to get the window fixed. Of course I want him home, but I don't want to spend a bunch of money repairing the car window. And it's MY car. My baby. I didn't want a window smashed out. So much for that Christmas cheer I had going on, and I figured, there goes Brian's paycheck that he's bringing home. I was not a happy camper.

Then Brian called back - he did get hold of a locksmith. It will cost $60-100, but it's cheaper than a new window. God bless the locksmith who's working the late afternoon of Christmas Eve, and that was quite a relief! He'll be a bit later getting home, but I can handle that.

And now the fun continues. After getting not a lot of sleep last night, Julian spent the day at Kevin's. I told him he could open one present when he got home. He opened the one, and started crying and saying he didn't want that one. I really wish I could have some spiked eggnog right about now. *sigh* Ho ho ho?

Oh, and one of Julian's Christmas presents didn't arrive on time. It was supposed to get here today, and it's one he really, really wanted. I'm bummed.

A lot rolling around in the old noggin

I seem to be all full of thoughts and happenings today.

I thought I was going to have to reach through the phone and smack K this morning. I mentioned that J wasn't inclined to work on his spelling words last night, and K got all on his high horse, saying, "Well, you have to make him study!" Um, no, can't do it. K couldn't seem to grasp the difference between consequences for refusing to study/not doing well and actual studying being done. I can yell, take away TV, take away computer time, take away the Wii and the DS, but I can't MAKE J practice his spelling words with me if he's not of a mind to. I can't MAKE the words come out of his mouth if he's determined not to say them. K kept arguing with me that I had to make him study - it doesn't work that way. I can make life unpleasant if he doesn't, and if he does poorly when he should have done well, but I can't make learning happen no matter what I might try. So that was a wearing start to my morning.

Brian had a half-day assignment teaching fourth grade at J's school. Yay! Half a day of pay is better than a kick to the head, right? Of course, he came out after school to find that the van had a flat tire. *sigh* He has a full-size spare, so he made it home OK, but that means that at some point we'll have to buy at least one new tire (or perhaps two, to keep things even). He just had an alignment done and put two new tires on to the tune of $200+ earlier this week. It's always something, isn't it?

This weekend's big plans: cleaning the garage! Woo woo!!! It needs a cleaning, and some stuff needs a damn good throwing away. J has talked me into a trip to Burger King, too. He doesn't care so much about the food, he just wants the Iron Man toys. Oy.

I'm going to have samples in May's Little Black Box, and hopefully that will drum up some business for the birthday sale I'm having in June. Tonight I've got to box up samples. I meant to do it last night, but I was so tired, it just didn't happen. I really hope that brings in some business. Seriously, since Monday I've had virtually no traffic on my website - less than ten hits a day. ???? I had something like 46 each day on Sunday and Monday, and then big fat nothin' since then. Days like this make me wonder whether Bright Blessings needs to continue, or whether I should just call it a rather pricey lesson learned, take down the site, sell off the supplies, and call it quits, and maybe just make stuff as gifts for friends and family and for our own personal use. I keep telling myself I haven't even been in business for a year, and it may take time to really build up a following. It's just discouraging sometimes, though, especially after Spring Fling wasn't what I'd hoped for.

I don't know if I'll make my Denver trip after all (I'd planned to go to Denver this fall to meet up with a group of ladies I've known online for a good number of years - I may not have met most of them in person, but I'm proud to call them friends). I just found a flight to Denver from DFW for $168. The bad thing is, I don't know if I should book a flight or not. I really really really really want to go, but realistically, I'm not sure we'll be able to swing it. Yeah, the ticket is relatively cheap. But then there'd be my share of the house that the group is renting and spending money, and none of that is cheap. The trip comes before Brian's first paycheck would be due (assuming he does indeed have a full-time job for the 2008-09 school year, and I can't see why he wouldn't) - school starts August 25, which means the first pay period doesn't even end until after the trip, and his first paycheck wouldn't come until late October. I just don't know if we can justify spending $500 or so on a trip for me to see my friends, no matter how badly I may want to do it. Dammit, being a responsible grownup sucks rocks. This will be the third get-together I've missed if I don't get to go, and it makes me sad. I entered a contest where the prize is 250,000 airline miles, and that would help if I won, but that's no guarantee.

And I worry about things like finances, and then something pushes that back into perspective. An online friend knows a family whose little boy has some form of cancer, and his life expectancy was short, as in a year or so. Then suddenly they found out he had a slow bleed where the tumor was, and if that picked up and started bleeding more, his life expectancy would drop down to weeks or days. Yesterday the parents were arranging hospice care for their son. This really got to me. I cried half the way home, because I just can't imagine the wrenching pain of thinking you have a perfectly healthy child, to finding out your child is seriously ill, to finding out your child is terminal and doesn't have much longer to live. I had to thank God for my busy, stubborn, messy, loud, junk-food-eating, video-game-playing, not-sleeping, strong, healthy little boy, and I had to give him lots of hugs last night.

OK, to lighten things up just a little, here's a random question for the day: You know whenever you post on some message boards, you get the little message saying your message has been posted, please wait for your browser to forward you, and then it says something to the effect of, "if you do not wish to wait, click here"? If you can "click here" and not wait, why wait at all? That makes no sense to me. (Yes, it's Friday, and I'm distracted easily. LOL)

Hooray, it's almost time to go home! In case I don't post again this weekend, Happy Mother's Day to anyone reading this who's a mom! :) And go hug your own mother and tell her you love her - I'd pay money to be able to hug my mom.

Things could be worse

That's what I tell myself after days like yesterday and this morning.

I had a tire that was low yesterday evening. I stopped and aired it up. By the time I picked J up from school, maybe 15 or 20 minutes later, it was low again. I went to have it checked. There was an unrepairable hole in it - tiny, just a pinhole, but the air whooshed right out (I could hear it hissing). And I thought I needed an alignment as well, for which I would need four good tires on my car and not the spare. So, I planned to take at least half a day off work today to get it taken care of.

Then there was J. He had a good day in class, but not so much in the after-school program. I found a Home-Gram waiting for me when I picked him up. That's what the after-school program sends home when your kid has a bad day. The first one he got was last year when he intentionally colored on the gym floor while in time out. Today he was in time out at least five times, maybe six, for not listening when he should have, for talking non-stop, for touching people when they didn't want to be touched (apparently there's some concern about J being a hugger, and about the fact that you can't do that at school - more on that momentarily), all things we've talked about in the context of class and at home. *sigh*

I've noticed that lately he's said that so-and-so doesn't like him anymore, and he said once that nobody liked him. I'm wondering now, if that truly is the case, if it's because he does things after people have asked him to stop. He does that to me at home - he'll make some irritating noise or tickle me or poke me and I'll tell him to please stop, that's bothering me. He keeps on and keeps on and keeps on until I'm screaming in frustration and annoyance, and then he's upset because I'm mad at him. If he's doing that to people at school, well, yeah, that's the kind of thing that would drive friends away after a while. I don't *know* if that's the case because I'm not there, but given how he does me at home, it's a reasonable suspicion. So we talked about that, about how people might not want to be friends if they ask you to stop doing something that bothers them and you don't stop. We talked about how it's just as important to listen and to mind the counselors at the Y program as it is to listen to his teacher and mind her in the classroom. He told me that if you get three Home-Grams, you get kicked out of the after-school program, and I told him, well, guess what, buddy, you've got two. I told him it was really important for both of us that he really make an effort to follow the rules and listen to the counselors and do what they said, because I can't take off work to be there when school is out and it's really important to me to know he's got a good, fun, safe place to be while I'm still at work. I hope this makes an impression, and I hope today was just an off day, just getting back into the routine after spring break. But honestly, it makes me want to cry, and it makes me worry for my son. I don't want him to be socially inept, I don't want him to be someone that no one wants to be friends with, and I can't fix this for him. I can offer suggestions and guidance, but I can't be the one to make friendships on his behalf. He's the one that has to figure out a way to do that.

As for the hugging - I'm not sure that's all J instigating it. We saw two of his friends at Wal-Mart yesterday evening when we went to get the tire checked, two little boys, and one of them ran up and hugged J first. I know this particular little boy is in the after-school program with J, which makes me wonder if J is always the sole instigator of the hugs or if sometimes he's just hugging back. I just told him we need not to be hugging on people at school or at the after-school program, that those are the rules, regardless of who hugs first.

J's teacher sent home the Conner's survey for me to complete, the one that looks for ADHD characteristics. I filled it out. Some things on the survey I never see in him - for example, being angry and resentful. J is like me - he gets mad/irritated/annoyed, he has a fit, and in a little while, he's fine and life goes on. There's not a whole lot of grudge-holding there. Some things on the survey I see all the time - for example, interrupting others' conversations or games. He does that constantly. I can't recall ever having a conversation where he hasn't tried to tell me something in the middle of it, and he's bad about telling me he wants me to get off the phone when I'm talking. Some days I think, eh, this is just five-year-old boy behavior, with a good dose of change and upheaval mixed in. And then there are days like yesterday, where I think, OK, is there something else going on? The repetition of things after being asked to stop makes me insane. Lately he's started making sounds like he's choking, and when I called him on it, he said he was just making funny noises. I told him I didn't like those noises because I thought he was choking when I heard them, so please don't make them, because it scares me. He kept on (this was two days ago), over and over again. Yesterday evening he started up with the noises again. I asked him to stop, he said why, I said because it sounds like you're choking. He did it again. I asked him again to stop. He did it again. I told him that when he kept on doing something after I'd asked him not to, it told me that he cared more about doing what he wanted than he did about what he was doing upsetting me, and that hurt my feelings. And then he cried because I was mad at him (and yes, at that point, I was). But what's not to get? "Please don't do such-and-such, it scares me." Or I don't like it. Or it's annoying. Or whatever. But if someone asks you repeatedly to stop doing something, how many times of the person getting angry or upset does it take for you to realize, hey, I really should stop when someone tells me they don't like what I'm doing? These are the things that make me worried that there really may be more going on than just five-year-old boy stuff, and worried that whatever the cause is, that I won't know how to help or how to control it or how to help J learn to control himself.

We'll see how today went. Hopefully he had a good day both in class and after school. I'm going to go pick him up a bit earlier than usual, since I ended up taking the whole day off work to get the tires taken care of. It took me for-freakin'-ever to find a place that could do both tires and alignments, but I did end up finding a place here in town. They quoted me a price of $235 and change for two new tires and the alignment. Turns out it was a bit cheaper than the price they originally quoted me - my car is made in such a way that the tires are going to wear on the inside, that can't be adjusted. So I really didn't need an alignment after all. That was happy news. I'm not crazy to have spent $184 on this, but at least it wasn't $235. And I have my car back now, so at least that particular crisis is resolved.

OK, if I'm going to accomplish anything before I go fetch the boy, I'd better get off of here and get to it.

Happy Christmas to me!

Guess what I'm doing on Monday? Getting a new garage door opener! Yes, it's a thrill a minute at my house, but this is a huge deal. I got a new opener just over a year ago - a Genie, bought it from Lowes, and the darn thing has NEVER worked properly. The remotes never would open the door from outside (which is, of course, where you *want* a garage door remote to work), and most days wouldn't even work inside the garage. New batteries, new remote, a different kind of remote, and a whole host of phone calls to Genie later (Lowes said call Genie, and Genie said they didn't send out service people, but they'd try to help me by phone - gee, thanks), it still doesn't work.

So I'm taking my Christmas money and getting a new opener installed. Midlothian Garage Door Service will be at my house Monday morning between 8 and 10 AM (and could have been there today, if I were home), and the owner said the new opener WILL work when they leave, and that I can call him anytime if there are problems. I think I'll shop locally from now on. It may end up costing me a bit more, but I'll know who to get in touch with if I need some help.

No more parking the car out in the driveway in the wind and rain and cold! Yay!!! Happy Christmas to me, indeed!

I'm getting my car back!

I'm going to get my car back!!!!!!!!! The dealership called. It's either the fuel pump or the fuel pressure regulator, and they pretty much have to fix the regulator to determine if it's the problem. But it's the least expensive to fix, so we're going to run with that. It will be ready around mid-day tomorrow. If it were the fuel pump, you'd think it would just die at some point and that would be it, so I'm betting the regulator will fix it. If not, at least we'll know what comes next.

Happy news! Let's hope this is the start of a nice little string of happy things.

Of shoes and ships and sealing-wax, of cabbages and kings

This post will probably cover a lot of different topics, hence the title.

The weekend: It was a lovely weekend. :-) Brian finished up with his work, and after that, we test drove Kias. I have serious new car envy. I drove the Sorento (mid-size SUV), Optima (comparable to the Honda Accord), and Sedona (minivan). I liked all of them, but my favorite was the Sorento. If I'd had the money, I'd have left with a new one that day! I may end up going with an Optima because it's less expensive, and that's fine - it's a very nice car, and with the V6, it's got all the power I need. The Sedona was OK, but with the way it's designed now, you have to take the third row of seats out to have any appreciable cargo space in the back. I don't need a third row of seats so much that I want to hassle with that, so it was third on my list. At any rate, now I know what I'd like, and that gives me a goal to work toward.

After fun with cars, we went to Golden's and got lots of books for cheap, did some grocery shopping, and cooked dinner. It was a very domestic evening - Brian cleaned, I cooked. :-) Sunday morning we got up and went to church - Brian had to usher, so we were there for both services. I like their Bible class. The children have their own classes, but all the adults have one big class and the pastor teaches it. I'm sure that if it were a larger church, different age groups would be broken out. But I like the one big class. After church we went to lunch, and then I came back home. Traffic was nasty around Hillsboro - I think it's because of the ongoing road construction on I-35. It will be nice when it's all done, but right now it's just kind of a pain. I never saw any accident or anything, so I figure it was the road work slowing things down.

I don't have my car back yet. I talked to the dealership yesterday. They think they know what the problem is, but can't *prove* it because my car won't act up again. Well, duh, THAT'S the problem - it whacks out once, and then runs fine for three or four days. I don't want to play "guess what the problem is", but it's just about to the point where, if it wouldn't break the bank completely, I'd tell them to just fix what they think it is and go from there. The rental car expense is going to break me. That being said, at this point, I'd almost rather wait until after my refinance funds, so I'll have enough money to cover the cost of all of this. OY.

Yes, I closed on my refi on Monday. I'm glad I'll be getting extra cash out of it, and glad I'll have that cash for this car repair nonsense. But it pisses me off that a big hunk of my so-called emergency fund is going for car repairs and rental expense. Feh.

K asked about switching weekends - A is in a friend's wedding and it's the last weekend in March (which, being a 5th weekend, is supposed to be his weekend with J). I said that was fine, but when we tried to find a weekend to switch to (couldn't be this weekend, because J and I have tickets for Thomas the Tank Engine), every one ended up giving him three weekends in a row. So, not an option. He said he'd just owe me a big favor. Hmm. I wonder what that big favor could be? :-)

I wonder, though, if he realizes how much I hate giving up my free weekends. He's married to A, he sees her every day. Even before they were married, they were close enough that he could see her every day. I see Brian every couple of weeks, maybe two weekends in a row if things work out right. And that sucks. Long distance sucks, and I miss him, and I wish he were here, or I were there, or something just as long as we could be in the same place. I'm sure K would tell me it's my own damn fault for going and falling in love with someone who lives 90 miles away, and maybe that's so. But I didn't start out looking to fall in love, it's just one of those happy surprises that life hands out every once in a while. I just wish we could be together all the time instead of only on the occasional weekend. So, while I don't mind helping out if K is in a bind, and I don't mind switching out if he needs to do that, I do hate that I'm losing a weekend with Brian. J and I are going to go down to Waco that weekend and we're all going to go to the zoo, which will be fun, and I'm glad Brian and J get along to where we can do stuff like that. But it's not quite the same as an entirely free weekend. Oh well, until the logistics work out (and they will), I'll work with what I've got.

Transcription: I got my transcription machine in, and Julie and I are going to get together this week so I can really get going on that. I hope I like it, and I hope I do wonderfully well. It would be fabulous if that worked out to where I could do it full-time. Yeah, I know - great use of my law degree, working from home and doing transcription. But you know what? I don't give a rat's ass about my title or my job description. All I care about is making enough money to take care of me and mine and doing something that I don't hate and don't feel like I suck at.

More later, gotta work.

Finally, some progress

Well, I've got some news on the car. I talked to the service tech, and he said it did act up for them (finally!). There's something called an IAC valve (intake air control, maybe?), and he said it's sticking full open, he thinks it's trying to compensate for the engine getting too much fuel. If it's just that the valve is bad, it won't be too terrible to fix. If it's something more complicated, I don't know how bad it will be to fix. Part of me is glad they're making progress, and part of me is vaguely nauseous at the thought of how much it might cost to fix.

But I knew it was the fuel system! I should be a mechanic.

Round 2

My car is back in the shop. I have another rental car, rented until Monday at this point. I wrote up a detailed description of how the car has acted, how long it's been between times that it's acted up, how far I drove it, what was going on when the problems happened, everything I could think of, and I gave it to the service technician so they'd have more details. I sincerely hope they can find something out, because I can't keep driving around waiting for my car to give me fits, and waiting for the time it *doesn't* start again in just a few minutes. I called just now - my car is next in line, behind one that came in a couple of days ago and that they just got the parts to finish up. The service tech said he hopes they can find that there's a simple solution to the problem and have it fixed today, although I'm not holding out much hope for that. It's after 3:00 already, and they've already had it for two days trying to diagnose the problem.

I am going to Waco this weekend to see Brian. If my car is fixed today, yay, I can drive it. If not, I'll drive the rental - it's unlimited mileage. If I stayed home, 1) there's no guarantee my car would be fixed tomorrow, and 2) I was supposed to be in St. Louis this weekend with a bunch of my best girlfriends, and I'm missing out on that because of the damned car repairs - I am not about to miss out on seeing my sweetie, too. I'd just sit home and mope and be miserable, and what good would that do anyone?

Oh, no, the hell it didn't

My car started when I left work this afternoon. Ran a bit rough, but started and made a couple of loops around the parking garage. Then it died. Dead like a dodo. Not going. Almost blocking the way out of the garage, and me with no way to move it. (I wasn't very popular with people leaving. Fucking rude bastards. I had my hazards on and was standing by my car crying, you'd think they'd realize I didn't stop just for shit and grins.) Thankfully my manager left just after me, and stopped to help.

And blow me if that car didn't start right up after sitting for just a couple of minutes. My manager followed me home to make sure I got there safely, and it made it with no problems. What. The. Hell.

The dealership knows I'll be there in the morning. I have no idea how this will affect my weekend plans to see Brian - he's got a tour at work on Saturday that he can't get out of, and he's supposed to usher at both services at church on Sunday. I'm hoping he can get someone to cover church and then come up here Saturday afternoon - of all weekends, I need a big ol' hug or ten this weekend. I'm trying to figure out if there's any way I can avoid paying for a rental car the whole weekend and into next week - I don't expect they'll get it fixed tomorrow, and I need to have a way to get around.

Son of a bitch. If there was any way I could afford a car payment, I'd trade mine in tomorrow and walk out with one new. But I can't.

And kudos to K - when I called hysterical asking if he could pick J up from school, he did without a moment's hesitation. :-) So he redeemed himself admirably from the piddly crap of yesterday.

On the road again

I have my car back! Yay!!!! It ended up costing $489 instead of the $525 they'd quoted me yesterday. I'll never complain about it costing less. And given the nature of the problem, they had to drain the oil out of my engine and replace it. So I basically got a free oil change thrown in as part of the deal. The car seems to be running fine so far, no issues starting, and the swooshy/sloshy noise is gone. It seems to drive better, too. My opinion of the dealership has gone up immensely - this experience was much better than a couple I'd had several years ago.

I mentioned my concern to K about him being so tired. He got all defensive and said he'd never fallen asleep driving, that he just fell asleep on the couch. Well, yes, but he does that almost every time he's at my house, falls asleep on the couch. And he's always talking about how tired he is. And no one ever plans to fall asleep while driving, that's why it's called an accident. I just want him to know I'm concerned about him - yes, I want J to be safe while driving with him, but I want him to be safe, too.

I'm so glad today is Thursday. Only one more day, and I get to see Brian! No big plans this weekend, it should be pretty low-key. I could use low-key after the insanity that has been work this week.

Closing on my refinance will be Monday morning at 9:00. They'll then have to give me three days to change my mind, so the money should be paid out on Friday. I may not get it until Saturday, though, but at least I know it's on the way.

More automotive fun

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

My car wouldn't start again this morning. I tried to rev the engine to get it to catch, as it was running really rough, but it died. I waited a few minutes, and it started. With J in tow, I got the car to the dealership in Waxahachie. They'll check it out and let me know. The guy thinks the starting problems and the strange noise I'm hearing are related. He also said he'd had one with a similar noise problem and it turned out to be a coolant leak. He mentioned the heater core, and I said I'd had mine replaced in December - if Kwik Kar effed something up doing that, I'm going to scream. And if it involves the heater core or that general area, I already know what that involves - taking the whole damn dashboard off and a shitload of labor costs. It cost me over $800 to get that bad boy replaced. Then I went to Hertz to rent a car. I had to get cash out of the bank to rent a car, because my debit card wouldn't go through. When, when, when does it get BETTER?!?!?!

And I'm now driving a nice little Kia Spectra, and thoroughly depressed - it's such a nice, clean, quiet little car, no funny rattles or bumps or things that need fixing, and I know a new car is not even close to being in my budget. :sigh: So I'll keep driving my rattly, bumpy, messy, paid-for heap.

And then there's K. As I've said before, he has helped me out above and beyond child support, and I do appreciate that. I have told him that when I find a better job and my financial situation is more stable, I'll pay him back that amount as I can. Today I called to let him know I'd made it in with the car and gotten the rental car, and I also mentioned that Katy said my loan will go through, and we may be able to close as early as tomorrow. K asked how much cash I was getting, and I told him I was going to ask for a bit more than I'd originally planned, to cover these car repairs. He started asking me if I could pay back part of what I owed him. I said I could pay some, and he started asking for an amount. I was worried about my car, I'd just had my debit card turned down and taken most of my cash out of savings to rent a car to get to my effin' job that I hate, and he wanted to know how much I could pay him from what's supposed to be my emergency fund. GAAAAAAAAAAAH. You know, I appreciate the fact that he helped me out way more than he had to, often to the point that he put himself in a bind. He didn't have to do that, and I am going to pay him back. But this morning was not the best time to push me on it, when I don't even know how much it will cost to fix my car and I'm taking on a huge house note just to get enough cash out to say I have a savings account, and I wish he could have seen that. Of course, I got wiggy and then he got pissed, saying never mind, it doesn't matter. It does matter, I'm going to pay him back because I don't want this hanging over my head. His timing was just severely off. And honestly, I wish I'd never been in the position of having to ask him for help. I feel like I tried my best to carry us financially while we were married and while he had a job that he liked and that liked him but that unfortunately ran out of work periodically, often for long periods of time, and wouldn't even consider a second job to help out. We ran up a shitload of debt just trying to get by, and I filed bankruptcy to get out from under mine (my debt was a good bit more than his, as I had good credit before I got married and credit card companies were happy to give me enough rope to let me hang myself). I've wrecked my credit to try to clean up the mess that was created while we were married, I did not make that mess by myself, and it chaps me that he's now jumping up and down for me to pay him back when he knows my finances aren't good and after me feeling like I carried a substantial portion of the financial load while we were married. He paid off his debt and didn't destroy his credit. I know I owe him the money, and I'm going to pay it back, but it feels like just another creditor dunning me for money, and I so don't need that right this minute. Now is just not a good time for him to be asking me about paying him back, and it hit me the wrong, wrong, wrong way.

On the bright side, I got a voice mail about the transcription work. :) So I'll call back and see if I can get some good news there. Hopefully the second half of the day won't suck as much as the first half has.

I am so not at work today

Well, today I can keep my positive attitude from home - I went out to the driveway this morning, and my car wouldn't start. I'm pretty sure it's just the battery, and once my battery charger is charged (yeah, what kind of dork am I, to buy a battery charger and not charge it immediately upon getting home), I'll give the car a boost and we'll go get a new battery. This just falls in the category of "it's always something". It's only money, right? *SIGH* I hate having to take off work because I've got so much to do, but it can't be helped. If the car doesn't go, I don't go. J is thrilled that we get to stay home from school. LOL

And if it had to happen, at least it happened at home, after I'd bought a battery charger. I'm not stuck at work. I'm not stuck on the side of I-35 during rush hour. I'm not having to try to find a friend with jumper cables or have my car towed just to get a new battery. I can take care of the problem myself, drive the car to Wal-Mart, and have the new battery put in. So, it could be worse. It is only money, after all.