Well, good grief.

Nearly a month since I've blogged. That just won't do. The problem that needed money thrown at it got resolved, and hopefully will be fine going forward. J's sleep issues have gotten a bit better, but now I'm to the point in my pregnancy where I wake up a zillion times a night to go to the bathroom or change positions or just for the heck of it, so I'm still not getting any decent sleep most nights.

And the baby has a name and a birthdate! His name will be Rhys Daniel, and his birthday will be April 16 - my c-section is scheduled for 7:30 AM, so barring some emergency that morning, I'll be first up for the day. I like that. Of course, I had a co-worker tell me this week that she doesn't think I'll make it to April 16. Not sure why she thinks that - I'm not that big (other co-workers have only recently started to comment on me having a belly, to which I think, well, gee, I'm only 32 weeks and change, I should look pregnant by now!), and Julian certainly didn't come out until the doctor made him come out, so I've got zero reason to think Rhys will come early. We'll see, I guess.

Brian's mom came this week - the two of them painted the nursery on Thursday (and it looks amazing! I'm now wanting to paint every room in my house! LOL), and she and I cleaned (REALLY cleaned) the kitchen and guest bathroom yesterday. I was wiped right out. Good thing I took the day off work yesterday, as just the act of getting to and from work and making it through the day (even with a desk job) seems to suck all of the energy right out of me. I want my pregnancy to be as healthy as possible, but right now, if my doc were to tell me I had to be home for a few weeks before Rhys gets here, I wouldn't be averse to that at all. I just feel better when I'm at home, even if I'm more physically active.

And it could happen that he'll tell me to stay home. A few days before my last appointment, I checked my blood pressure using a co-worker's monitor that she keeps at the office. It was 156/95. Yikes. With Julian, my blood pressure jumped up at about 36 1/2 weeks to the point where my doc did tell me to stop working and rest at home (not full-out bedrest, but he made it clear I wasn't to do much of anything strenuous). So I saw that reading and thought, well, crap, here we go again. Only it was a good bit earlier than 36 1/2 weeks. I called the doc's office, and the nurse said I'd be OK monitoring it as long as I wasn't having headaches or vision changes (which I wasn't). So I got my own monitor and went in for my appointment the following Tuesday. Every time I checked before that appointment, and every time I've checked since then, it's been fine - the highest has been something like 132/83, and it's been as low as 116/74. My doc told me to just keep an eye on it and make notes of my readings for my chart, and we'll see what happens. So far, so good. But like I said, some days I'd welcome two or three or four weeks at home before the baby gets here (assuming it wasn't a serious issue that kept me from working)! LOL

Brian's job is going well. Such an answer to prayer! He won't technically start earning paid time off until May, but they've already said they've got no problem with him taking a day or two off when the baby is born.

Julian is doing pretty well, too. He just finished up the fourth six weeks of the school year with an S in conduct. Woo hoo! What a change from the early part of the year, when he got notes sent home more often than not. He's doing a lot better academically, too, which just makes my heart happy. He's up to the last first-grade reading level, and right about where he should be in math.

Not having access to my bloggy resources at work, and then having issues trying to get my wireless internet set up at home, has thrown me off with my menu planning. We've still managed to be pretty frugal and not buy a whole lot of groceries and cook using what we have on hand, but it bugs me trying to think of something that day when I know I can do better planning ahead. So I'm trying now to do meal plans for two weeks at a time. I'll be working on that today and tomorrow, and hopefully getting all my coupons in order, too.

My next appointment is this Tuesday - I'm in the every-two-weeks category now. We'll see how things are going then!

He got it, he got it!!!!

And I was so excited, I forgot to post here. LOL Brian got the job at Methodist Home!!! I got the message off his voice mail yesterday, and as soon as I hung up, I was on the phone to his boss, telling him to get Brian on the phone ASAP. (His boss knew he was looking and why, and Brian told me to do that if he got a message, so it was OK. LOL ) John was able to get Brian on the radio, so he was able to call Methodist Home and call me in short order. He starts January 5! Woo hoo!!!!! So this is his next to last shift at Lone Star - he'll go back for one more before he starts on the 5th, unless they tell him not to worry about it. The benefits are really good, and the salary is a good bit above what Lone Star has been paying (it's almost as much as he'd be making if he were teaching, so pretty darn good), and that is SUCH a huge blessing. God is so good (as one of my online friends put it, He's an on-time God - this worked out in His time, not ours, and it's all good!). We're still going to be counting our pennies and being frugal, but this will help us so much in getting everything caught up and getting back on track. This is an answered prayer for sure, and the best Christmas present ever! And Brian's birthday is December 28, so I guess this is a pretty darn good birthday present for him, too!

In other good news, Julian continues his streak of stickers. Still only one note for the six weeks, with two weeks left (after the Christmas break)! I told him if he gets all stickers for the rest of the six weeks, we can definitely go to Game Stop and get a Wii game as a treat.

I feel some better, but my head is still stuffed full of snot. It would be such a refreshing change if I could breathe through my nose and get rid of the cough (which is dry and just annoying during the day, and all goopy at night - fun!).

But hey, it's Friday, the sun is out (finally!), and Brian has a new job starting soon - life is good!

More waiting, but a hopeful waiting?

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! Brian got a voice mail asking him to call, hopefully by tomorrow, I've already called Lone Star and told them to get word to him to get him to a phone ASAP. I called his boss, too (he knows Brian is looking for something closer to home and why, so it's OK for me to do that). Turns out Brian's group is at the ropes course, so John was going to try to get him on the radio so he could call this afternoon. SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe!!!!!!! Now, granted, the message didn't say it was a job offer. I sure hope it is, though.

I'm so excited/anxious, my head may explode. LOL

More of the same.

Big fat nothin'. If they're wanting to have people start on January 5, and still leave them time to give two weeks' notice, they're cutting it fine. One of my co-workers just pointed that out to me, as well as the fact that next week starts the holiday black hole where people are out of pocket. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. The position is still up on their website, so I guess that's good? Surely they'll make some decisions by tomorrow, knowing that the holidays are upon us and knowing that the date they want people to start is drawing nigh.

Why can't they just call already?!

Still no word from Brian's interview. I'm doing my best not to call and check his voice mail every ten minutes, just on the off chance that a call finally came in. Have I mentioned that waiting sucks? No, really, it does.

I really wish I was home today

Wait, wait, wait. Waiting sucks. Brian e-mailed the interviewer to let her know he'd be available by phone until about noon today, and that I'd be checking his e-mail while he's in the field.

It's not icing here anymore, which is nice. Now it's just cold and wet, which isn't so nice. Blech.

I feel like crap. I was up and down all night with the hacking and coughing and nose-blowing, and my head is all clogged up. I called my doctor to see if he could call in some meds for me. If I don't sleep, I'm just useless. I was really wishing I had one sick day left this morning so I could stay home.

On the bright side, I got an e-mail from Julian's teacher this morning saying he was having a really good day. It makes me so happy to see stickers in his folder instead of notes, and to hear him asking me why reading is so easy instead of complaining that school is too hard and there's too much work.

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

Well, today is Tuesday. Still no word. I know Brian is getting antsy. He said he feels like the later it gets, the less likely any call he gets will be with a job offer. I told him not necessarily, so it's my job to be Pollyanna and positive right now, and he's all bunchy. I really hope that he does get a call today, though, and that it is good news. He felt so good about the interview that I know he'll take it really hard if it doesn't work out. And I know that sometimes things don't go according to plan, and just because they gave Tuesday as a time frame doesn't mean it will happen. I just wish that, if they can't make that time frame, they wouldn't have said it so definitely. They made a big deal about it, and made a point of writing "call on Tuesday" on Brian's resume when he told them he'd be out in the field starting Wednesday but could check messages if need be. It would be easier to wait if they'd left it more open-ended rather than making such a point of saying that they really wanted to have everyone notified by Tuesday.

The weather is fairly nasty here today. It's below freezing, and there was ice on the roadways this morning - never a good thing for Texans who don't know how to drive on it. Julian's school opened late, so I came in to work late. I figure if school buses don't need to be out on the road, neither do I. I left the house around 9:30, and didn't get here until after 11:00. It was slow going, but that's preferable to people zipping along like nothing is out of the ordinary. I wish they'd send us home early, because I'm nervous about making my commute home after dark, with the temps the way they are and the roads still all wet.

Baby and interview and finances, oh my!

Finally, an update!

Thursday afternoon, I got a call from my doctor's office at about 3:15, just before I was fixing to leave for my u/s. They told me that my OB appointment had gotten scheduled for downtown Dallas (where I usually see my doc), and the u/s had gotten scheduled for the Mesquite office (far enough away that there was no way I could make both in one afternoon when my appointment was at 4:00). They asked if I wanted to reschedule the OB appointment or the u/s, and I said I'd reschedule the appointment, thanks, I wanted the u/s today. Brian was already waiting at the downtown Dallas office, so I had to call and give him directions to Mesquite. Thank goodness for cell phones. But we made it there with no problems, and then it was time for the big u/s!

And we're having a boy!!! The tech said she thought that was the fastest she'd ever seen the pertinent parts. He's just like Julian, only interested in showing off his butt - she had a hard time getting shots of anything other than butt and boy parts. LOL

He did finally give us a couple of other views, though. And he's just as squirmy and wiggly as ever his brother was. Great, looks like I'll have two wild men on my hands. We're excited. Brian is a bit stunned - he said he never expected to have a son. I'm surprised, because I really thought this baby was a girl. Shows you what I know. LOL His mom is relieved - she said she really wouldn't have known what to do with a girl! LOL (She had two sons, and Brian's brother has two sons, and there's Julian, so all boys in the family.)

And then there was Brian's interview! Brian felt like it went really well. Turns out they did pick up on his former connection with Methodist Home while he was teaching in Waco, and the woman he interviewed with went to church with one of Brian's former co-workers at the Dr Pepper Museum, so they talked a lot about people they knew in common. Brian said she only asked him three or four substantive questions, and that they were pretty easy ones, so we're hoping that they've already got him on a short list just from his education and background. Brian let her know he was going to be out in the field starting Wednesday, and she said they're really aiming to have all decisions made and everyone notified by Tuesday. So we're anxiously hoping and praying that the phone rings with good news! It's good that God knows our hearts when we can't find words, because right now the constant prayer running through my mind is something along the lines of, "Oh please oh please oh please oh please." LOL

Our Christmas program was this weekend. Rehearsal Wednesday and Thursday, and performances Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, plus handbells rang for both services yesterday morning. I'm tired! It was fun, though, and I thought the program went really well. I've missed being part of a church family. I'm glad we've found a church we like.

Kevin forgot to give Julian his meds yesterday, so he came home pinging off the walls and we were up until 11:00. Julian woke up in a good mood this morning, though. He was giving everyone hugs - he'd hugged me and Brian and the cat, and then he came back to me and hugged my belly and said, "Let me give the baby a hug, too!" He's a good kid, and I think he'll be a really good big brother.

It's cold and nasty today. Yesterday it was in the 70s, today it's in the high 20s/low 30s with a wind chill in the teens. There's also a possibility of freezing rain, but I doubt it will be enough to do anything other than slow traffic to a crawl. Bummer - I'd love an excuse to stay home tomorrow! I can't imagine living somewhere where it's cold and windy like this all the time. I'd freeze.

I'm feeling a lot better about finances since we went to all cash. It's nice to know that all of our paycheck is going to take care of our obligations, and not being eaten up by overdraft fees at the bank. Yeah, it's kind of a pain sometimes not to have the convenience of online payments or just using a card, and I still worry about getting everything caught up, but it's nice to see how much money we have and to be able to plan what gets paid where, and to see how much we have left for things that are just wants and not necessarily needs. And it's really nice not to get any overdraft notices from the bank! And with cash, we just take our tithe right off the top and put it in our envelope, ready to go to church the next Sunday. I'm hoping that things are going to turn around in 2009, especially if Brian gets the Methodist Home job - they should pay a good bit better than his current job, and they've got really good benefits. I still worry about things getting paid on time and in full and getting everything caught up, but I feel better.

Let's hope 2009 is a year of clean starts and bright new beginnings all around!

Pray hard!!!

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! Brian just called - he's got an interview with Methodist Home tomorrow at 1:30!!!!! I hope this works out for him. He would be so, so good at it, and it would be here and not out in the woods. If he gets this job, that will be the best Christmas present EVER. So if anyone is reading my little blog, and if you're so inclined, we'd appreciate any prayers, lit candles, good thoughts.

In other exciting news: Today at 4:00, I go for my big ultrasound! Hopefully we'll find out who's in there, Sophia or a little boy who wouldn't yet have a name. LOL I'll update about that when I get a chance!

A little good news!

Brian got a call from his supervisor today. First, he wanted to know if Brian minded if John (his boss) passed Brian's cell number along to their HR person. Brian said of course not (because this means they're checking with contacts internally to see if there's anything with the company that's in this area for Brian). Then John asked if Brian would mind moving from A shift to B shift, and Brian asked how that would affect the holidays. John told him to go in to work on Sunday this week instead of Wednesday, and do a shift and a half right now, and then he'll be off the week of Thanksgiving and the week of Christmas, and work the week after Christmas. So instead of losing a shift due to the holidays (we thought he'd have a three-week stretch with no work at all), he'll now be gaining half a week of overtime! Sucks that he'll be gone this time for a week and a half, but it will work out. And boy, will half a shift of overtime pay be appreciated right around the holidays.

Still trying

TDCJ is looking for teachers for their prison unit in Venus, which is only about 10 miles from Midlothian. Brian said he'd be qualified, although it's kind of scary that he's considering teaching inmates. He's going to apply, and I told him I'm not wild about the idea, either, but at least working for the government, it would be stable employment, and decent salary and benefits. So we'll see what happens.

He applied online for Wal-Mart today. He said he had to take a psychological assessment, and if you passed, your application would be good for a year. If you didn't pass, it would only be good for 60 days and then you were "welcome to reapply". Apparently he doesn't think exactly like Wal-Mart wants its employees to think, because he didn't pass. I told him maybe that was a good thing. LOL So his application there is good until January.

We keep looking and paying things as we can, and things keep getting behind and piling up. I just hope we can scrape by until such time as we can catch up, without anything truly disastrous happening. It's been fifteen years since I graduated from law school - the money troubles started when I first got married in 1994, and it's just gone down and downhill ever since. When we have sufficient money for our needs (because I have to keep believing that one day, we will - if I start thinking that this is just how life is, forever and always, I will go screaming yellow bonkers), I really won't know what to do with myself, because it feels like this hand-to-mouth business is all I've ever known since I started working.

We're off to scope out the garage sales this morning and see if we can find any super deals!

So which way will this thing go?

OK, this is unnerving. Brian said that, per higher-ups in their parent company, Lone Star will be transitioning into a community service-based camp now, supposedly to take effect in February. Not sure what that means exactly, as they're a wilderness program and not a residential program - it's not like the kids can be put on work release for the day to go do community service and then come back to their dorms to sleep. I don't know how the logistics will work out, or how this may affect his job, but it's just more on the pile of things to worry about. I hope he can find something close to home SOON.

On the plus side, this gave him a good chance to talk to his boss about his job search, and how he'd like to find something internal, if possible. John (boss) is going to get in touch with his internal contacts, see what openings there may be, and he also said his dad runs a company here in Dallas, and he'd pass Brian's resume along to his dad, too. Brian told him what he's doing in terms of looking, and also told him that if/when something came open, he'd give John as much notice as he could, but that it might not be much. He said John was pretty understanding about all that, and thankfully isn't one to throw an employee under the bus when he's looking for something else for valid reasons (and not just saying, "this job sucks, I want out").

On the down side again, Brian is working Thanksgiving. He'll be off Christmas, but he won't be working a double shift to make up for it - they have enough staff to basically divide into three groups for Christmas, A shift, B shift, and Christmas shift. So there will be a three-week stretch where Brian has no work at all. And thus, no paycheck. Which really, really stinks.

Back to life as we know it

So another election season comes to a close, and life goes on.

We're home today, as we were yesterday. Julian came home Monday complaining that his throat hurt, and he woke up crying with it yesterday, so we went to the doctor. Hooray, we've got strep! A couple of his friends came to school sick, and I'm sure they were just sharing the love. Anyway, the doc gave us a prescription for Omnicef and said this meant three days out of school, so we're home. Using vacation for this is no doubt blowing my Christmas travel plans to bits, but I've gotta take care of the boy, right? :) (Besides, it's not like I've minded the break from work. LOL) Brian will be in tonight, so he and Julian will be home tomorrow, and I'll be back at work.

We had our follow-up for his ADHD meds a week or so ago, and for now, we'll just keep on keepin' on. There's been a lot of improvement, although there's still room for progress, and his doctor did say that we may need to increase the dose at some point to see full improvement. But for now, we're good. The counselors at the after-school program have told me pretty much every day how well-behaved Julian has been, and he did a lot better on a second 20-minute evaluation by the school counselor - he was only off task 30% of the time, down from 65% in the original evaluation, and that after only six days on meds. I thought that was encouraging. His handwriting has gotten better, too, and he's gotten stickers for good days four days in a row! Woo! I don't think that had happened since the first week of school. So things are looking up in that department.

Brian's job search continues. We don't know what will happen with his current job. Enrollment apparently hasn't picked up, but we don't know if that will mean half shifts for everyone so that everyone can have some work (in which case it's not worth him driving out there), or if they'll find busy work/projects around camp for the staff not out in the field and have everyone keep working full shifts, or what. Brian said they made a big deal out of reassuring everyone that no, there would be no lay-offs, that jobs were safe. I don't know about you, but when people go out of their way to reassure me that, no, of course the worst case won't come to pass, I start to get worried. Anyway, he's looking here for any- and everything that might get him a foot in the door somewhere, bring home enough to pay the bills, what have you. It's just a shame that *this* is the school year that Dallas ISD way overbudgeted and overhired - they've just laid off 400 or so teachers, so any kind of education-related job is really at a premium right now.

On that happy note, I'm going to make cookies. I seldom do, because I'm usually at work, so today I'm going to do something that's a nice treat for all of us.

Oh, not again.

I talked to Brian this morning. He said one of the higher-up guides told them that off the record, they might want to brush up their resumes, that that's what he's doing. That certainly doesn't sound promising. This time, Brian is out in a group of three kids and three counselors, and I can see where the company would view that as a bit of overkill. Brian said the only thing that might work in their favor is that, as one of the newest facilities of their kind in the company, they're more cost-effective than older facilities (not sure how that works, that's just what he told me). So whoever does referrals in the company may steer kids to Lone Star rather than less cost-effective facilities, and that may get their enrollment up. This is just scary if I let myself think about it, so I'm trying not to. Ugh. It took him four months to find this position, I shudder to think how long it could take in the current market.

Diagnosis

Monday was an eventful day - ophthalmologist, pediatrician, and teacher conference. Some holiday for me, huh? LOL

Julian's eye appointment went fine. His vision is good enough to pass a driving test, so no glasses needed at this time. Julian seemed pretty disappointed by that, saying he wanted glasses! Silly boy. LOL The ophthalmologist said that at some point, he may indeed need glasses if his vision gets poor enough that he can't do what he needs to do without corrective lenses. But for now, he's good. And the ophthalmologist was great - well worth the drive to Plano.

The pediatrician's visit was draining. Even though I already knew what I was going to hear, it was still a lot to process. I showed Julian's doc the Conner's survey from his teacher, and we talked about what the teacher and counselor had described in terms of the issues he was having at school. She then asked me what I thought, if I believed it, and I had to say yes. I see how he can't sit still. I see how his emotions are up and down, up and down. I see how he can't focus long enough to get his work done without me sitting right there with him, helping him keep himself on track. I see the anger and the opposition. So I had to say yes, I believe it. She said she's known it pretty much since Julian was an infant, but she doesn't bring up the subject until parents broach the subject with her. She asked Julian to sit still and be quiet and not move while she and I talked, and he lasted maybe two minutes before he was moving around, looking under the exam table to see what was there, messing with his hair and his ears - he couldn't do it. His doc said we could do more testing to see if there was anything else going on, and I told her the counselor at school said it's the attention/behavior issues driving the learning difficulties, not the other way around, and his teacher said he's very intelligent and should do well if we can get a grip on the attention/behavior. So we're trying meds - we're starting with 20 mg of Vyvanse. The doc recommended we start it on the weekend, so I can have a day or two to see how he reacts to it before he goes off to school on it, and he needs to take it first thing in the morning with food, preferably protein. (That should be fun, as the only protein Julian wants to eat for breakfast is bacon and eggs, and I can't make bacon and eggs every morning.) We'll take our first dose on Saturday, and we'll see how it goes. Other than the ADHD discussion, there was a checkup - Julian is 3 feet, 10 1/4 inches tall and weighs 56 pounds now. There was also the Flumist nose spray (not much fun), a finger stick to check his hemoglobin (less fun than the Flumist), and the second half of the Hep A shot (took both me and Brian to hold him down, and there was lots of screaming).

That afternoon, I met with his teacher and counselor. The counselor had done an observation of Julian for a 20-minute period when he had a specific task to work on - it wasn't time where it was OK for him to be up and moving around the classroom. The time period was broken down into 30-second intervals, and she observed how often he was off task, playing with objects, out of his seat, etc. During that 20 minutes, he was off task 65% of the time, playing with whatever he could get his hands on (pencils, paper, bits of eraser) 45% of the time, singing to himself 30% of the time, and out of his seat 20% of the time. He was also redirected by the teacher six times, but the counselor said the student teacher was in charge right then and may have gone easy on Julian because she knew the counselor was observing. That kind of inattention can't help but affect his schoolwork. I saw work done by the kids posted on the walls of the classroom, and Julian's handwriting is noticeably worse than most of his classmates - yes, theirs is still clearly kid handwriting, but Julian's is so much less developed and looks so much more strained. I could pick out his work from the little tail on his small a's and his backwards s's. The counselor said handwriting issues are fairly common in kids with ADHD, and that that should improve as his focus improves. She also said that reading is usually tough for ADHD kids, and I said, oh, no, reading is one thing where he seems to be doing well. I told them we're a family of bookworms and reading has always been highly encouraged, and his teacher said he is doing well, by her testing. Julian reads 65 words a minute and comprehends most of what he reads, and he just moved up another level this week, so reading is our best subject at this point. I told them we'd be starting the meds this weekend, and the counselor said she'll do another 20-minute observation before we go back for the follow-up with his pediatrician, so we'd have something to compare the first one to. Overall, it was a good talk, and I think they know now that I'm not blowing off what they say and I am committed to helping Julian get on a good track and do well in school, and I feel like they are, too. So it was a lot to process in one day, but ultimately, it's good to know we're taking steps to help Julian do as well as I know he can. And if we get the ADHD under control, I think he'll do well in school.

Brian went back to work on Wednesday. This eight days on, six off is a challenge. It's like I just get used to him being back, and then he's gone again, and then I just get used to being by myself, and he's back. How families with one spouse on shift for long periods of time manage it, I'll never know. I'm thankful for his job, but boy, the logistics are way less than ideal. He's looking at several options at home, including the museum field, Child Protective Services, and whatever else we think of that might have potential. There haven't been any new teacher openings anywhere, and he hasn't gotten any sub assignments at all. I just hope something works out closer to home when we really need it. And if his work hours end up being cut (which is a possibility if enrollment doesn't go up), I'm telling him to just find something, anything closer to home. When you break down his paycheck by how many hours he's officially on shift, it works out to about $6.00 an hour (which is, I just realized, less than minimum wage). I think retail or warehouse work would pay better. If he ends up working less hours and getting paid less accordingly, it wouldn't be worth the drive out there or the time away from home.

I'm trying to remember, we walk by faith, not by sight. Today, it's a real struggle to keep that faith.

Time for the job search again.

The handful of you who read my blog regularly know that it took Brian a while to find a job after he moved here (four months), and that the logistics of the job he does have are less than ideal (eight days on, six off, three hours away).

Well, we may really need the prayers now. I just talked to Brian, and he said that attendance at camps like Lone Star is down everywhere, and that if things don't pick up (they may see some increase in October, after report cards come out), they'll be cutting down to three kids per group that goes out. He said that having three staff per three kids in each group seems like a bit much, and he doesn't know what will happen - if they'll go to all the staff working half a shift so everyone can get some work in, if they'll ask for volunteers to not work, if they'll lay off, what. All I know is, I'm praying for something else for him sooner rather than later, so he can be somewhere and be secure in his job (and preferably closer to home). He said he's not expecting it to be a school job, and honestly, I'm not, either. If that was going to work out, we'd have had some sign of it by now, I think. Maybe one of the parent company's residential facilities here in the Dallas area will have openings, or something else will work out, I don't know. I just know that the job concerns are cranking back up again. So if you're so inclined, pray, light candles, think good thoughts, what have you - we'll take any and all good intentions for a steady, secure job for Brian!

Ups and downs and odds and ends

J had good days on Thursday and Friday, and this week has been OK so far. He's barely hanging on to an "S" (satisfactory) as his conduct grade for the six weeks, though. So I made a deal with him. If he can keep up the good behavior and get the S in conduct this six weeks, we'll go to Game Stop and look at the used Wii games as a reward. We'll see if a little motivation can go a long way - he's got thirteen class days left in the six weeks.

Brian got his first paycheck on Saturday! Woo hoo! It was only about half of what he'll be getting regularly, but still - it was a welcome sight, and I know he's happy about contributing to the family income.

I'm a little out of sorts today. Part of it is because Brian left this morning for his eight-day shift. Part of it is because several of my friends are getting together for a few days, starting tomorrow, and I'm not going to be able to make it, and I'm sad. I've known these women online (although I've met a couple of them in real life) for several years now, and this is the third get-together I've missed, and it sucks. I wish I were going, but the money just wasn't in the budget, and even if it had been, I'd have had to give it a miss once Brian took the eight-on, six-off job. But even knowing logically that it wouldn't have worked out with Brian's new job, money notwithstanding, I'm really bummed. And once again I say, maybe next year.

I'm eight weeks now, give or take, and today the tiredness is kicking my butt. I'm fighting to stay awake at my desk, but I'm sorely tempted to just put my head down and take a nap. Of course, if I do, that will be the moment our big boss on-site chooses to walk down *this* row, so I'm resisting the urge (thus far). Most days I feel OK. Some days I feel pretty crappy, but there's been no throwing up, thank goodness. Some days I feel positively perky, and then I worry that something must be wrong. LOL My first official doctor's appointment is tomorrow, and I'm hoping for a good one.

Today, I got nothin'.

No witty title, that is.

Yesterday was another less-than-stellar day for J. The note from the teacher said she had to ask him ten times to sit down and do his classwork, and he didn't finish it. I told him he was lucky she didn't just wash her hands of it and send him to the office. So we had to finish the work at home last night. Oh, the drama. He screamed and cried and said it was too much and that he couldn't do it. And when he finally sat down and did it, it didn't take long at all.

I'm learning that J needs lots of hands-on attention with his work - he's not internally motivated like I was as a kid. He got through his work a lot quicker with me sitting there encouraging him and telling him he could do it. As he went, he saw that he was in fact doing it and then he probably could have finished it up on his own. But he needed that push, that encouragement from me to get started. How can I help him learn that he can do things, he just needs to jump in and start and keep on going until he's done?

I e-mailed his teacher today. I explained about Brian's job and the fact that he was due home this week, and said that perhaps that had something to do with why J has had such a hard time staying focused this week. I told her I appreciated her letting me know what's going on with him, and let her know we're working at home to address the issues as well. I don't want her thinking J's parents just let him run wild, and I want her to know that we can work together to help J do well in school. This is just so foreign to me. I would no more have gotten out of my seat in class when it wasn't time to do so than I would have jumped off the roof of the school. I hope I'm handling it OK.

In other news, I get to ring handbells! I'd signed up on a list expressing interest back in June, and the director of the advanced handbell choir called. They have two openings, and since they practice at 4:45 on Sundays and there are activities for the kids from 5:00 until 7:00 on Sundays, it looks like I'll give it a shot! I'm so excited. I love handbells, and the logistics of me ringing just didn't work out when I was single - J didn't want to go to Sunday school, and didn't want to sit by himself in the congregation during the times when we rang, so that didn't leave many options. (One time he came and sat by my feet behind the handbell tables while we rang.) But now that he's older, I'm hoping he'll be better able to be somewhere without me and make friends and give me a chance to do something I enjoy.

And Brian is home! Yay!!! He got home a bit after 8:00 last night. So, six more sleeps before he starts it all over again. He went to sub training this morning, and he said that given what he's doing now (working with middle school and high school kids with behavioral issues), he'll take middle school assignments as well as older elementary. Hopefully that will open the door to more sub work for him, and hopefully that will ultimately open the door to a job closer to home.

Would I feel better if I felt worse?

I'm just out of sorts today. Grumpy, surly, little-black-rain-cloud out of sorts. I want to go hide and be by myself until the feeling passes. And I think worry is at the root of it. I feel mostly OK from a physical standpoint - no queasiness-that's-not-quite-nausea, no heartburn, no insane tiredness (still tired, but not so much that I can barely function, which is how I've been the past few days), no growing/stretchy pains. In short, nothing that would really tell me I'm pregnant. And since I feel fairly decent, I worry. I'm scared to death that something has gone wrong, that I'll go to my appointment next week and my doctor will tell me the baby has stopped growing, that it's over. I don't want that. This baby may have been a bit of a surprise, but he or she is already very much loved and wanted, and I want to go next week and be told everything is just fine. I want it to be next week right now. I guess I'd feel better mentally if I felt worse physically, silly as that sounds.

Brian will be home this evening, so that's good news! I think his shift ended at 1:00, but he said he'd have debriefing, and he wasn't sure if that would be before or after he officially got off shift. I'm sure he'll call or send me a message when he's on the road.

J has had a couple of rough days at school - talking, getting up out of his seat, making shadow pictures in front of the projector, that sort of thing. I wonder how much of this has to do with the difference in teachers, how free they were to move around in kindergarten vs. how much his new teacher expects them to stay seated. He also got into trouble for yelling in another student's face. He said the boy punched him first, and I told him that if that happened, he was better off telling the teacher rather than yelling back. (If he took a punch at someone who punched him first, he wouldn't get into more trouble at home, but I'm not telling him that yet.) Hopefully today will be better. He's also going to be part of the PAL program, where younger kids are assigned to a high school student who's taking part in the program as a big brother/big sister. I hope that he'll get someone assigned to him who can be a good role model for him.

Is it 5:00 yet?

And what was that I said?

I believe I said this just a few weeks ago, on August 14:

Tying that in to the Lone Star interview - how funny would it be (and I don't mean funny ha-ha) if God, in His infinite wisdom, decided that now would be a perfect time for me to get pregnant? I think I'd pull my hair out. I'd be excited, and scared, and all that good stuff, but I'd pull my hair out in absolute frustration at the timing, especially if Brian gets the job. But again, I'll jump off that bridge if I get to it. I'm not there yet.

Well, I'm there. LOL Brian did indeed accept the Lone Star job, as it was the only one that offered and he needed a job (and we needed the paycheck). It's got its pros and cons, like any other job. Pros: it's a job, it's a paycheck, and Brian is excited about it. He feels like he may have more of an opportunity to make a difference in a child's life there than he would in a traditional classroom, and I know he's excited about not being limited by the approved curriculum of a traditional classroom setting. Cons: Well, it's three hours away, and he's gone for eight days at a time. Those are pretty big cons, but not big enough to outweigh the benefit of a paycheck. I did the single mom thing before, and I wasn't crazy about it then - it's even more of a challenge now when when I come home so tired that I can barely keep my head up. There were a couple of teaching positions that came open at the last minute, right before Brian had to make a decision on Lone Star, and he applied, but nothing came of them. So he's working for Lone Star for the time being, and he'll keep taking substitute positions as they come up on his off days, and doing his best to make a good impression at local campuses. Brian is hoping to find something close to home come February or March, closer to when the baby is due, when he'll really need it. But right now, for reasons I can't fathom, God must want Brian at Lone Star, so that's where he is. We'll just have to have faith that things are working out as they're meant to.

And on a completely unrelated note, I was just listening to Randy Travis, and it made me think of my mother. She sure did love Randy Travis, and I sure do miss her. Now her second grandchild is on the way, and I wish she could be here.