Go ahead and trust those instincts, especially if you're considering taking a radical new step on your life's path. While it may seem overwhelming at first, you'll muddle through somehow. A fresh start awaits.
Hmmm.
Showing posts with label Things That Make You Go Hmm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Things That Make You Go Hmm. Show all posts
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Monday, February 12, 2007
The best Valentine's Day present ever
I haven't gotten Brian's present yet, and he's ordered mine but it hasn't come in. That notwithstanding, I got the best Valentine's present ever this weekend.
He loves me! He does, he does!
We had "that" conversation on Saturday night. I cried - I'm a big goob. He said, "Can I ask you a tough question?" I said sure. He said, "So are we in love with each other or do we just meet each other's needs?" And I just burst into tears - exactly the response every guy hopes for when he mentions love. He kind of freaked out, worrying if I was OK, and when I was able to stop just sobbing, I told him I loved him so much it hurt. And I cried some more, and we just sat there in the floor holding on to each other. He said he loved me, too, and he wasn't going anywhere. We talked for about an hour, I guess (still sitting in the middle of the floor). He said he's been pretty confused the last few weeks trying to figure out where things stand, and he was a little hesitant to say he loved me because of his track record (Karen - big ugly mess; then he married Amy, his ex; then there was Tricia - even bigger stinky mess). I told him he didn't have to worry, he already knew I wasn't a nutter like Karen or Tricia. He told me, yes, I was, but we were compatible nuts. LOLOL We talked about trying to have a kid (but said that if it didn't happen, he was OK). Big scary stuff, but in a good way. (Note to self: Go back to Curves and start exercising and get your fat ass in shape! If I'm even contemplating the possibility of trying to get pregnant, I've got to do that.) So. He loves me. I love him. Now one of us just needs to find a job where the other one is, so we can get past all the silly logistical nonsense!
That was the best Valentine's present ever. I told him that, and he said, "So, this means I don't have to give you the present I ordered." I told him no, I didn't say that. LOLOLOL
So it was a pretty darned good weekend. In other news, we went to the Stars-Ducks game on Saturday. It was Brian's first hockey game. The Stars won, 1-0. For most of the game, it looked like Anaheim just outplayed Dallas - it was like Dallas couldn't get it together, missed opportunities, they just couldn't get into the right place at the right time. But they managed to score a power play goal to win the game. Our backup goalie, Mike Smith, was in the net, and he ROCKED. He's just signed a two-year contract, and I'm glad to see the Stars planning to keep him around. Good to have two good goalies on the roster. Our seats were in the nosebleed section, one row from the top, and my butt is still sore from walking so much - all the way from where we parked, all the way around the arena (it was our first visit to the American Airlines Center, so we had to check it all out), and up all those stairs. Ow, ow, OW.
Brian stayed Saturday night, too. He usually goes back then, but he stayed this weekend. He had to leave early Sunday morning so that he could go usher at church. I was glad he stayed.
I won't see him until the first weekend in March, unless we plan something kid-friendly. We may try to do that. Too bad it's still a bit too cold for the zoo or something like that.
I'm a happy girl. And if the logistical issues can be sorted through, there may be a ring in my future.
And in other news: K and A are getting married. This Wednesday. Seems a bit sudden, but I guess if they think it's right, then that's their call. The friend part of me is happy for him and wishes him the best. The selfish part of me thinks, damn, there goes my free babysitting, because I know K won't always be available at the drop of a hat to pick up J so that I can do optional things. Not saying he won't put J first, I just know that his responsibility is more to A now than to me, and there's a difference in him being there for J's needs and covering for me so I can do something that isn't essential. And the mom part of me worries about J and wants him to be happy through all of this. K and I have talked about me not wanting J to feel like just one of five kids to his father (A has four children of her own, so it will be a house full when J is there) - J has never handled changes in routine real well anyway, and I don't want him to feel like he can't even get his father's full attention anymore. So, changes are coming, and I'm expecting some sleep disruptions - that's usually what happens when J's routine changes. All I can say to that is, hooray for coffee.
Speaking of coffee - I'm tired this morning. Last night was rough. J woke up about 3:30 or so and came to get into bed with me. First off, he dropped the toy he'd brought, so I had to get down on the floor and help him find it. He was wet, so we had to change. We laid down for a few minutes, and then he was thirsty and wanted milk. So we got milk and got back into bed. Laid down for a bit, and he started tossing the covers off the bed - he didn't want them. I told him that was fine, but please don't take *my* covers, I wanted them. Laid down for a bit longer, and then he needed to go potty. So we got up and went to the potty. He howled because the bathroom light was bright and wanted me to go find his Thomas sunglasses. I told him no, I was not going to go rummage for those glasses, that his eyes would adjust and soon we'd be turning off the light anyway. Finished there, got back into bed, laid there for a few minutes. J squirmed and sniffled and snorted, and finally sat up and said, "Mama, I need to blow my nose." So he blew his nose, and FINALLY, after all that, we were able to settle down and sleep. It only took about 45 minutes. So. I'm tired. Need much coffee.
I had to laugh, though. This morning, he and I had this conversation:
J: "Mama, when I was at A's house, I woke up at 4:30."
L: "Goodness, that's early. Did you go back to sleep?
J: "No, I got up and went to the bathroom, and then I found Daddy and told him I WAS NOT going back to bed."
L: "I'm sure Daddy loved that. Why were you up so early?"
J: "I don't know, I just woke up and there I was."
In work-related news: My old position is open with the Ellis County DA's office. I've applied. I hope it works out. I took a little different approach this time - I've gone the formal, "proper" approach, so this time my cover letter was very informal. I just laid out what I'm doing and why I want to come back. It would be a pay cut from what I make now, but I think I'd make it up in the savings on paying for parking and gas (since my commute would be a LOT shorter). I hope something works out for both Brian and me, in the same place. He's applied for a job up here - he'd applied for the same position last year, and was told he wasn't qualified (I'm not sure they actually read his application, because he is). So that may work out. I just hope we can both end up in the same place sooner rather than later.
He loves me! He does, he does!
We had "that" conversation on Saturday night. I cried - I'm a big goob. He said, "Can I ask you a tough question?" I said sure. He said, "So are we in love with each other or do we just meet each other's needs?" And I just burst into tears - exactly the response every guy hopes for when he mentions love. He kind of freaked out, worrying if I was OK, and when I was able to stop just sobbing, I told him I loved him so much it hurt. And I cried some more, and we just sat there in the floor holding on to each other. He said he loved me, too, and he wasn't going anywhere. We talked for about an hour, I guess (still sitting in the middle of the floor). He said he's been pretty confused the last few weeks trying to figure out where things stand, and he was a little hesitant to say he loved me because of his track record (Karen - big ugly mess; then he married Amy, his ex; then there was Tricia - even bigger stinky mess). I told him he didn't have to worry, he already knew I wasn't a nutter like Karen or Tricia. He told me, yes, I was, but we were compatible nuts. LOLOL We talked about trying to have a kid (but said that if it didn't happen, he was OK). Big scary stuff, but in a good way. (Note to self: Go back to Curves and start exercising and get your fat ass in shape! If I'm even contemplating the possibility of trying to get pregnant, I've got to do that.) So. He loves me. I love him. Now one of us just needs to find a job where the other one is, so we can get past all the silly logistical nonsense!
That was the best Valentine's present ever. I told him that, and he said, "So, this means I don't have to give you the present I ordered." I told him no, I didn't say that. LOLOLOL
So it was a pretty darned good weekend. In other news, we went to the Stars-Ducks game on Saturday. It was Brian's first hockey game. The Stars won, 1-0. For most of the game, it looked like Anaheim just outplayed Dallas - it was like Dallas couldn't get it together, missed opportunities, they just couldn't get into the right place at the right time. But they managed to score a power play goal to win the game. Our backup goalie, Mike Smith, was in the net, and he ROCKED. He's just signed a two-year contract, and I'm glad to see the Stars planning to keep him around. Good to have two good goalies on the roster. Our seats were in the nosebleed section, one row from the top, and my butt is still sore from walking so much - all the way from where we parked, all the way around the arena (it was our first visit to the American Airlines Center, so we had to check it all out), and up all those stairs. Ow, ow, OW.
Brian stayed Saturday night, too. He usually goes back then, but he stayed this weekend. He had to leave early Sunday morning so that he could go usher at church. I was glad he stayed.
I won't see him until the first weekend in March, unless we plan something kid-friendly. We may try to do that. Too bad it's still a bit too cold for the zoo or something like that.
I'm a happy girl. And if the logistical issues can be sorted through, there may be a ring in my future.
And in other news: K and A are getting married. This Wednesday. Seems a bit sudden, but I guess if they think it's right, then that's their call. The friend part of me is happy for him and wishes him the best. The selfish part of me thinks, damn, there goes my free babysitting, because I know K won't always be available at the drop of a hat to pick up J so that I can do optional things. Not saying he won't put J first, I just know that his responsibility is more to A now than to me, and there's a difference in him being there for J's needs and covering for me so I can do something that isn't essential. And the mom part of me worries about J and wants him to be happy through all of this. K and I have talked about me not wanting J to feel like just one of five kids to his father (A has four children of her own, so it will be a house full when J is there) - J has never handled changes in routine real well anyway, and I don't want him to feel like he can't even get his father's full attention anymore. So, changes are coming, and I'm expecting some sleep disruptions - that's usually what happens when J's routine changes. All I can say to that is, hooray for coffee.
Speaking of coffee - I'm tired this morning. Last night was rough. J woke up about 3:30 or so and came to get into bed with me. First off, he dropped the toy he'd brought, so I had to get down on the floor and help him find it. He was wet, so we had to change. We laid down for a few minutes, and then he was thirsty and wanted milk. So we got milk and got back into bed. Laid down for a bit, and he started tossing the covers off the bed - he didn't want them. I told him that was fine, but please don't take *my* covers, I wanted them. Laid down for a bit longer, and then he needed to go potty. So we got up and went to the potty. He howled because the bathroom light was bright and wanted me to go find his Thomas sunglasses. I told him no, I was not going to go rummage for those glasses, that his eyes would adjust and soon we'd be turning off the light anyway. Finished there, got back into bed, laid there for a few minutes. J squirmed and sniffled and snorted, and finally sat up and said, "Mama, I need to blow my nose." So he blew his nose, and FINALLY, after all that, we were able to settle down and sleep. It only took about 45 minutes. So. I'm tired. Need much coffee.
I had to laugh, though. This morning, he and I had this conversation:
J: "Mama, when I was at A's house, I woke up at 4:30."
L: "Goodness, that's early. Did you go back to sleep?
J: "No, I got up and went to the bathroom, and then I found Daddy and told him I WAS NOT going back to bed."
L: "I'm sure Daddy loved that. Why were you up so early?"
J: "I don't know, I just woke up and there I was."
In work-related news: My old position is open with the Ellis County DA's office. I've applied. I hope it works out. I took a little different approach this time - I've gone the formal, "proper" approach, so this time my cover letter was very informal. I just laid out what I'm doing and why I want to come back. It would be a pay cut from what I make now, but I think I'd make it up in the savings on paying for parking and gas (since my commute would be a LOT shorter). I hope something works out for both Brian and me, in the same place. He's applied for a job up here - he'd applied for the same position last year, and was told he wasn't qualified (I'm not sure they actually read his application, because he is). So that may work out. I just hope we can both end up in the same place sooner rather than later.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Sunday Scribblings - Destination, Revisited
It's New Year's Eve, and I'm in a rather thoughtful mood, so I thought I'd touch on this topic again.
Twelve years ago at this time, I was just setting off on my honeymoon. Even though I was 26, still, looking back, that former self seems so young. I was certainly naive about a lot of things, and in a lot of ways, I wasn't very grown-up. At the time, I envisioned nothing but happiness and wedded bliss. Oh, on some level I knew it wouldn't be all sunshine and roses, but I still believed that things would always work out for the best and that we could make it through the tough times. I expected to find myself down the road celebrating a 50th wedding anniversary, surrounded by kids and grandkids and friends.
The destination I saw for myself certainly wasn't the one I seem to have arrived at, twelve years later. I suppose my first hint was when K told me he couldn't picture us in the future. Naive that I was, I didn't pick up on that. Or maybe I did, but just wanted to ignore it and think we were fine. At any rate, our marriage fell apart, and now I find myself here. Divorced, single mom, more broke than I've ever been, working at a thankless job that I've been unable to get out of despite all my efforts.... No, this definitely wasn't what I had in mind when I started my married life twelve years ago.
I can't say as it's been easy. In fact, some days (although I'd never do it), I've been able to grasp just a little bit why someone might think jumping off an overpass into oncoming traffic seems like a good idea. But some good has come from all of this. First, I have J. He's a trial sometimes, and a handful almost all the time, but he is my precious boy, and I love him with all my heart. Hearing him say, "Mama, I love you" is worth all the gray hair and stress and frustration he causes, and a hug is worth its weight in gold. Second, I have me. I'm not the same timid, mousy little creature I was twelve years ago. I've grown up. I've gained self-confidence, more of an ability to speak my mind and stand up for myself, and I've certainly gained perspective. The downfall of my marriage gave me plenty of time to think about what I would and wouldn't want, what I would and wouldn't accept, if I were to become involved in another serious relationship. I know what my deal-breakers are and what things I can live with. And any man I'm serious about is going to know those things, too, before there's any talk of commitment or long-term or anything like that. If I ever get married again, I think I have the tools to make that second marriage succeed. My first may have been doomed to failure just because I didn't have the common sense God gave a newt, didn't have anything like a healthy sense of self-esteem, and just didn't have the ability to stand up for myself.
So. I've lost a marriage, gained a son, and gained some valuable insight into myself. This may not have been the destination I envisioned all those years ago, and sometimes the accommodations may suck and the amenities aren't as advertised. But all things considered, it's turned out to be an OK destination after all.
Now, let the next journey commence.
Twelve years ago at this time, I was just setting off on my honeymoon. Even though I was 26, still, looking back, that former self seems so young. I was certainly naive about a lot of things, and in a lot of ways, I wasn't very grown-up. At the time, I envisioned nothing but happiness and wedded bliss. Oh, on some level I knew it wouldn't be all sunshine and roses, but I still believed that things would always work out for the best and that we could make it through the tough times. I expected to find myself down the road celebrating a 50th wedding anniversary, surrounded by kids and grandkids and friends.
The destination I saw for myself certainly wasn't the one I seem to have arrived at, twelve years later. I suppose my first hint was when K told me he couldn't picture us in the future. Naive that I was, I didn't pick up on that. Or maybe I did, but just wanted to ignore it and think we were fine. At any rate, our marriage fell apart, and now I find myself here. Divorced, single mom, more broke than I've ever been, working at a thankless job that I've been unable to get out of despite all my efforts.... No, this definitely wasn't what I had in mind when I started my married life twelve years ago.
I can't say as it's been easy. In fact, some days (although I'd never do it), I've been able to grasp just a little bit why someone might think jumping off an overpass into oncoming traffic seems like a good idea. But some good has come from all of this. First, I have J. He's a trial sometimes, and a handful almost all the time, but he is my precious boy, and I love him with all my heart. Hearing him say, "Mama, I love you" is worth all the gray hair and stress and frustration he causes, and a hug is worth its weight in gold. Second, I have me. I'm not the same timid, mousy little creature I was twelve years ago. I've grown up. I've gained self-confidence, more of an ability to speak my mind and stand up for myself, and I've certainly gained perspective. The downfall of my marriage gave me plenty of time to think about what I would and wouldn't want, what I would and wouldn't accept, if I were to become involved in another serious relationship. I know what my deal-breakers are and what things I can live with. And any man I'm serious about is going to know those things, too, before there's any talk of commitment or long-term or anything like that. If I ever get married again, I think I have the tools to make that second marriage succeed. My first may have been doomed to failure just because I didn't have the common sense God gave a newt, didn't have anything like a healthy sense of self-esteem, and just didn't have the ability to stand up for myself.
So. I've lost a marriage, gained a son, and gained some valuable insight into myself. This may not have been the destination I envisioned all those years ago, and sometimes the accommodations may suck and the amenities aren't as advertised. But all things considered, it's turned out to be an OK destination after all.
Now, let the next journey commence.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Just for fun...
Just for fun - my card of the day from Tarot.com:
The Star
This Deck: Sacred Rose
General Meaning: What has traditionally been known as the Star card is about reconnecting one's Soul with the Divine -- the transcending of personality, family, community and reputation. It has to do ultimately with the freedom to be one's Self. The Soul is responding to celestial influences -- forces that can provide the personality with a stronger sense of purpose. The Star card helps us to remember our exalted origins and our attraction to a Higher Union.
This card could also be called the "Celestial Mandate" -- that which refers us back to our reason for being, our mission in this lifetime. The Star reminds us that, in a sense, we are agents of Divine Will in our day-to-day lives. If we let go of the idea that we are supposed to be in control, we can more easily notice and appreciate the synchronicities that are nudging us along. In this way, we become more conscious of the invisible Helping Hand, and we better understand our place within -- and value to -- the larger Cosmos.
Fast Facts
About The Star
Theme: You are consciously on the way home in a spiritual sense.
Astro Association: Aquarius
Element: Air
Number: 17
Alias: Grace
I could use a little grace in my life right about now. Couldn't we all?
Also from Tarot.com, the free I-Ching reading:
Tuesday, December 26th, 2006 1:59pm PST
Your Present Hexagram
The situation is incomplete, but the chaos of the past is slowly giving way to order, and the goal is in sight. Nevertheless, you are still treading on thin ice - the way ahead is unobstructed, the goal is clear, but a cautious and careful attitude is still essential, lest you slip and fall.
Nearing Completion is the last hexagram of the I Ching. It suggests that the ever-spinning wheel of life never reaches an absolute conclusion. Just as a hidden sadness resides in the heart of true euphoria, just as the seeds of great achievement often sprout first in a caldron of adversity, so too no end is ever really complete without a new beginning stirring inside it. Though we divide life into categories in order to understand and master it, experience itself is seamless. With this reading, the 64-spoked, the timeless wheel of change is ready to spin onward, ever evolving, ever staying the same.
The situation represented by this reading can be compared to that of taking a lengthy trek over a high mountain. At some point before reaching the peak, you can see in detail exactly how much farther you must travel. You will have a good idea what it will take to reach the top, because of the climbing experience you've accumulated thus far. However, when you do reach the peak, which has been in sight for quite a long period of sustained effort, you will have done only that. You will have reached the top - achieving your initial goal - but now you must still descend the other side. This last critical segment is what remains before completion. You may have little information and no experience of what it's like descending the other side of the mountain. All your attention may have been focused on the route up. The coming situation may seem very strange to you, unlike anything that you have experienced before. For the back side of the mountain is where all of the true mysteries reside. Proceed carefully, cautiously, alertly - and you will reach your goal.
Well, we'll just see, won't we?
The Star
This Deck: Sacred Rose
General Meaning: What has traditionally been known as the Star card is about reconnecting one's Soul with the Divine -- the transcending of personality, family, community and reputation. It has to do ultimately with the freedom to be one's Self. The Soul is responding to celestial influences -- forces that can provide the personality with a stronger sense of purpose. The Star card helps us to remember our exalted origins and our attraction to a Higher Union.
This card could also be called the "Celestial Mandate" -- that which refers us back to our reason for being, our mission in this lifetime. The Star reminds us that, in a sense, we are agents of Divine Will in our day-to-day lives. If we let go of the idea that we are supposed to be in control, we can more easily notice and appreciate the synchronicities that are nudging us along. In this way, we become more conscious of the invisible Helping Hand, and we better understand our place within -- and value to -- the larger Cosmos.
Fast Facts
About The Star
Theme: You are consciously on the way home in a spiritual sense.
Astro Association: Aquarius
Element: Air
Number: 17
Alias: Grace
I could use a little grace in my life right about now. Couldn't we all?
Also from Tarot.com, the free I-Ching reading:
Tuesday, December 26th, 2006 1:59pm PST
Your Present Hexagram
The situation is incomplete, but the chaos of the past is slowly giving way to order, and the goal is in sight. Nevertheless, you are still treading on thin ice - the way ahead is unobstructed, the goal is clear, but a cautious and careful attitude is still essential, lest you slip and fall.
Nearing Completion is the last hexagram of the I Ching. It suggests that the ever-spinning wheel of life never reaches an absolute conclusion. Just as a hidden sadness resides in the heart of true euphoria, just as the seeds of great achievement often sprout first in a caldron of adversity, so too no end is ever really complete without a new beginning stirring inside it. Though we divide life into categories in order to understand and master it, experience itself is seamless. With this reading, the 64-spoked, the timeless wheel of change is ready to spin onward, ever evolving, ever staying the same.
The situation represented by this reading can be compared to that of taking a lengthy trek over a high mountain. At some point before reaching the peak, you can see in detail exactly how much farther you must travel. You will have a good idea what it will take to reach the top, because of the climbing experience you've accumulated thus far. However, when you do reach the peak, which has been in sight for quite a long period of sustained effort, you will have done only that. You will have reached the top - achieving your initial goal - but now you must still descend the other side. This last critical segment is what remains before completion. You may have little information and no experience of what it's like descending the other side of the mountain. All your attention may have been focused on the route up. The coming situation may seem very strange to you, unlike anything that you have experienced before. For the back side of the mountain is where all of the true mysteries reside. Proceed carefully, cautiously, alertly - and you will reach your goal.
Well, we'll just see, won't we?
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Why I hesitate
I posted this in response to a comment on my previous post - I want to save my thoughts for future reference and haven't figured out how to save comments in PDF without saving every single post with comments on it, so I'm posting my thoughts here.
Just to explain why I don't know if it (this internal position) will ultimately get me toward something I'll truly enjoy - it's an oil and gas property manager position. I can almost guarantee it doesn't involve books, writing or research in any form! If I'm considering going back to school for a master's in library science, I can't see that becoming an oil and gas property manager isn't going to further any goal that would go along with that degree. And it certainly won't use my law degree - you don't even have to have a law degree to be considered, just experience in my current position (which also doesn't require a law degree, but you wouldn't know that from the job postings for the position I now hold).
A month ago, two months ago, just being a breath of fresh air, being anywhere other than where I am, would have been enough. But I think that's a big part of the reason why I've ended up in the stinkhole I'm in now - always jumping to what seemed like a better deal at the time, without any kind of long-term career path or goal in mind. I'm almost 40, I'm getting too old to keep making that mistake. It's time for me to really think about what I want, and try to find something that makes me happy and that I can make a career of. I'm getting too old to keep job-hopping every three or four years.
Just to explain why I don't know if it (this internal position) will ultimately get me toward something I'll truly enjoy - it's an oil and gas property manager position. I can almost guarantee it doesn't involve books, writing or research in any form! If I'm considering going back to school for a master's in library science, I can't see that becoming an oil and gas property manager isn't going to further any goal that would go along with that degree. And it certainly won't use my law degree - you don't even have to have a law degree to be considered, just experience in my current position (which also doesn't require a law degree, but you wouldn't know that from the job postings for the position I now hold).
A month ago, two months ago, just being a breath of fresh air, being anywhere other than where I am, would have been enough. But I think that's a big part of the reason why I've ended up in the stinkhole I'm in now - always jumping to what seemed like a better deal at the time, without any kind of long-term career path or goal in mind. I'm almost 40, I'm getting too old to keep making that mistake. It's time for me to really think about what I want, and try to find something that makes me happy and that I can make a career of. I'm getting too old to keep job-hopping every three or four years.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Interesting
My friend Cat did a reading for me. Here's what it said:
First Card; Angel of Freedom
The Angel says 'I am always free to choose Love, Independence and Creativity'. She is holding a stole, which flows gently in the wind, and she is blowing away insecurities, one of these insecurities is allowing J to get hurt by another man. He was undoubtedly hurt when daddy went away, may not be so obvious, but he was really upset, maybe the reason he is having sleep issues, which are getting better. Subconsciously, you are not allowing this situation to rise again, you don't want someone in your life that you feel will hurt you and your son again. Although, I must make it clear, your XDH did not hurt you, but your son being hurt, hurt you. This angel is allowing you to see that you have the capabilities to choose Love and have independence and wants you to take them, go with the flow, stop humming and hawing over it.Which brings me swiftly onto the next card!
The Angel of Knowing
"My sense of Inner Knowing leads me to the Light". This angel is holding the ring of knowledge, where all our awareness comes from, and, through the ring she is sprinkling some stardust from heaven, which is the source of inspiration where our desires and wishes will become a reality. For yourself, J and Brian, you would love to have everyone to meet and to get on, you tend to be edging towards this idea more than ever but you want complete knowledge that everyone will be happy together. This is the reality, J knows full well there is someone else in your life and in some ways he feels not left out, but, he wishes he was part of it, he wants to be around whoever it is that makes his mommy happy, because, when mommy is happy, baby is too. And Brian, he so wishes to meet J to feel complete with you, but you are the one stopping it, for no real apparent reason now, not after over a year Then the next card oh man!!!
The Archangel Raphael
"I am strenghtened and healed by the power of divine love". (Having an Archangel in a reading is awesome, there are only 4 archangels to 32 cards!)The Archangel is a guardian angel, the one who is around a lot, the other angels are messengers, the archangel is a protector. And to have him working with the other 2 is just awesome.He wants you to know that with the angel of freedom and the angel of knowing, he is removing your insecurities about Brian & J meeting. What recently happened was a 'test' if you like, for both you and Brian. To see how you both really feel, now is the time to move forward with your relationship and the archangel Raphael is there to strenghten it, he concludes that now is the right time for Brian & J to meet, when these two important people in your life finally do meet, your relationship is more or less sealed for life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't know about sealed for life (can't make that call at this point, I don't think), but the rest of it was spot on.
First Card; Angel of Freedom
The Angel says 'I am always free to choose Love, Independence and Creativity'. She is holding a stole, which flows gently in the wind, and she is blowing away insecurities, one of these insecurities is allowing J to get hurt by another man. He was undoubtedly hurt when daddy went away, may not be so obvious, but he was really upset, maybe the reason he is having sleep issues, which are getting better. Subconsciously, you are not allowing this situation to rise again, you don't want someone in your life that you feel will hurt you and your son again. Although, I must make it clear, your XDH did not hurt you, but your son being hurt, hurt you. This angel is allowing you to see that you have the capabilities to choose Love and have independence and wants you to take them, go with the flow, stop humming and hawing over it.Which brings me swiftly onto the next card!
The Angel of Knowing
"My sense of Inner Knowing leads me to the Light". This angel is holding the ring of knowledge, where all our awareness comes from, and, through the ring she is sprinkling some stardust from heaven, which is the source of inspiration where our desires and wishes will become a reality. For yourself, J and Brian, you would love to have everyone to meet and to get on, you tend to be edging towards this idea more than ever but you want complete knowledge that everyone will be happy together. This is the reality, J knows full well there is someone else in your life and in some ways he feels not left out, but, he wishes he was part of it, he wants to be around whoever it is that makes his mommy happy, because, when mommy is happy, baby is too. And Brian, he so wishes to meet J to feel complete with you, but you are the one stopping it, for no real apparent reason now, not after over a year Then the next card oh man!!!
The Archangel Raphael
"I am strenghtened and healed by the power of divine love". (Having an Archangel in a reading is awesome, there are only 4 archangels to 32 cards!)The Archangel is a guardian angel, the one who is around a lot, the other angels are messengers, the archangel is a protector. And to have him working with the other 2 is just awesome.He wants you to know that with the angel of freedom and the angel of knowing, he is removing your insecurities about Brian & J meeting. What recently happened was a 'test' if you like, for both you and Brian. To see how you both really feel, now is the time to move forward with your relationship and the archangel Raphael is there to strenghten it, he concludes that now is the right time for Brian & J to meet, when these two important people in your life finally do meet, your relationship is more or less sealed for life.
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I don't know about sealed for life (can't make that call at this point, I don't think), but the rest of it was spot on.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
How things change
I remember when K got the first Evanescence CD, when Bring Me To Life was a big hit because of the first Spider-Man movie, and he played it for me. I remember telling him, "Gee, I like it, but it's so DARK. I can't really see myself ever being in a mood to listen to something so dark, but I guess I'll burn a copy of it anyway."
I now own my own copy of "Fallen", have "The Open Door", and listen to both regularly. I also listen to a crapload of stuff even darker. My, how things change. How I've changed. Does this mean I've embraced my dark side?
I now own my own copy of "Fallen", have "The Open Door", and listen to both regularly. I also listen to a crapload of stuff even darker. My, how things change. How I've changed. Does this mean I've embraced my dark side?
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
OK, that was odd....
I have my cell phone in my pocket, just like I do every day (well, unless I forget it, like I did yesterday). It's a flip phone, so the keys aren't exposed, and I've never had any buttons inadvertently get pressed with the phone closed (isn't that the point of a flip phone, after all?) Until now. My phone has a camera on it, and as I sat here at my desk, not touching the pocket that my phone is in, not having even opened my phone since I talked to K this morning right after I got to work, I heard the distinctive sound that my phone makes when it's used to take a picture. Huh?! I took it out of my pocket and saw a message on the front screen that said, "Open fold to view image." So I did. And there was an image of the dark inside of my pocket, that my phone apparently took all by its lonesome. I didn't press any buttons, and in all the time I've been carrying my cell phone around in my pocket, this has never happened. What. The. Hell.
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