Wednesday, September 24, 2008

It's always something

Yesterday I wrote a whole long post about it being enough that God cares, that He never promised to fix all our problems or make life easy, but He does care and promises never to leave us, and that's enough. And then things just keep on coming.

Julian's teacher e-mailed me yesterday. We'd been talking about his difficulties in class, and she had asked about getting the counselor involved. I said that was fine, as I know we all want to see him do well in school, and I'd take suggestions from whatever corner they were offered. He's had a real hard time in school discipline-wise, and I think part of it because Brian is away at work, and that's causing some fears and anxieties that he's having a hard time managing. Well, his teacher and the counselor reviewed his Connor's surveys from last year, and they both feel like Julian exhibits many ADHD tendencies (last year it was just hyperactivity and impulsivity, and that not high enough on the scale to warrant a formal diagnosis). His teacher said that Brian being away may be affecting him, but that he has trouble focusing every day, and there's no real difference in that whether Brian is away or at home. She said she feels like Julian is a very intelligent young man, but that this lack of ability to focus on his work is beginning to affect his performance at school.

I sat at my desk at work yesterday afternoon and tried not to cry. I felt like the worst mom in the world, 1) for not doing more to follow up after we talked to the counselor at his school last year, and 2) for not realizing how very bad it had gotten. I've asked the teacher if she and/or the counselor can give me something in writing that I can take to his pediatrician, and we'll follow up with her. I guess the next step would be to consult with a psychologist, to see if he is at a level where he'd be formally diagnosed, or at least get some ideas for what to try next. I'm not crazy about the idea of medication, but if that's what it takes, I know it can make a world of difference once you've found the right medication and the right dose. My heart just hurts for Julian, trying all this time to do the right thing and just not really being able to do it. He's told me lately that his brain just won't let him pay attention, and I guess it really won't. So that was one thing.

Then there's the garage door. We got ready to leave this morning, and the door only opens about 1/3 of the way and stops. I can't get it to move now, not even releasing the catch and trying to do it by hand. Something is hung up, and hung up good, to where it won't budge. We can't get the van out of the garage, and we're not close enough to work or school to walk. So we're at home right now. The door can be repaired, for a price (yay, more money I don't have that needs to be spent). If the repair guy gets here in time, I'm hoping Julian can make it for part of the school day. Me, I'm giving work a miss. It's not worth the expense in gas and parking for me to go up there for half a day. What a thing to burn a vacation day on, huh?

So, the hits just keep on coming. Money for an eye appointment. Money for a garage door repair. Money for whatever help Julian needs with his behavior issues. I know money can't buy happiness, but it sure seems like having enough of it to go around would make things a little easier.

I'm praying a LOT today. And I'm going to make fudge. Prayer and chocolate have to make things better, right?


Monica said...

Chocolate always makes things better, Lisa!!

You are a great mom!

Katie Alender said...

I'm sorry things are bumpy right now, Lisa (except I'm not sorry for the baby bump!).

We do the best with the tools we are given. There's no use in you feeling guilty. You are a great, loving mom, and you need to remind yourself of that.

danelle said...

When Daniel was little he was diagnosed ADD and I really resisted medication till someone said to me "If he needed heart medication would you deny him that?" It changed my whole outlook...