A better day

Yesterday absolutely sucked rocks. It was one of those days at work where it felt like everything I touched turned to shit, and I was just tired - tired of relationship stress, tired of having a job that made me feel stupid and incompetent at every turn, tired of the universe thinking I needed yet more growth and character-building experiences on an hourly basis.

Today was much better. :) I had a couple of things that had to be tended to at work, but they went better than expected. And I stayed late on a conference call with my manager - hope he was looking at his watch to see how long I was there! LOL K picked J up from daycare for me, so I was glad of that. I would have gotten there by 6:30 (the time daycare officially closes), but I hate for him to be there that late if it can be avoided. Today was one of those days, workwise, that makes me feel like I *can* get a grip on this job, I *can* do well if I just stick it out and keep trying. It's one of those days that makes me wonder if I shouldn't just give myself a little more of a chance to get better at it.

Oh, and speaking of things that suck - remember me talking about C way back when? The guy who kissed me last summer, then ran off, then took a month after mentioning it to ask me to dinner? He's buggered off again. We went to dinner the one time, talked a good bit...and then poof, he suddenly disappeared. ??? He finally called after dropping off the planet for about three weeks and said he just wanted to keep things casual, do the Internet dating thing, see what was out there. He said his ex-fiance was his first serious relationship, and he wasn't saying he wanted to sow his wild oats or anything, but he wanted to see what was out there (I thought, oh, you do too want to sow your wild oats, just call it like it is). OK, fine. I knew I wasn't in a position yet to be committed to anything, and I'm not sure I'd jump feet first into a commitment even if I was totally free right now - I'd like some time to just be me for a bit before I'm part of "Lisa and so-and-so". And I certainly wasn't expecting that he was limiting himself to seeing me, given that things aren't settled with me and K yet - I figured it *was* casual, shows you what I know. He said he was glad he could be honest with me, and he said he hoped he'd get a chance to see me soon. OK, great, let's just keep it light, keep it casual, no big deal. I saw his profile on one of the meet-and-greet sites, and sent him a little note just saying hi. After a period of days had passed (this was about three weeks after we'd had the "keep it casual" conversation), he wrote me back and said something along the lines of, good to see a familiar face, etc. He then said he was seeing someone else he'd met on another site - they were pretty serious, but taking things slowly. WTF?! In three weeks you can go from "seeing what's out there" to "pretty serious" about someone?! That just floors me. (And is it just me, or does the "I'm seeing someone else" sound like a total blow-off? I'm not even sure we have a friendship anymore, and we'd been friends for what, four or five years before this?) I figure one of three things happened: 1) he was seeing this person while he and I were hanging out and decided to pursue things with her (which would have been fine, and I would have much preferred to be told that straight up if that were the case), 2) he went off me for some reason I don't know and didn't have the balls to tell me (in which case he wouldn't have been honest with me, which chaps me - don't say you're glad you can be honest with me if you aren't *being* honest), or 3) he's a bit emotionally immature and tends to fixate easily, much like baby chicks bond to the first thing they see as "mama", and he did that with me and then nutted out about the fact that I'm not officially free yet. I wrote back and told him I was a bit surprised he was using the word "serious" about anyone, but if he was happy, hey, good for him, and I'd talk to him later. I haven't heard a thing since then. Whatever the reality, this lightspeed disappearance just confirms for me that there could never be anything long-term there. I don't need a man who hasn't grown up yet, and I don't think he has. I deserve better! I was stung a little at first, but then progressed to mildly annoyed, and now I'm indifferent. Lots of other fish in the sea, right?

Maybe guys my age just aren't what I need. I took a test on one of these little personality sites - something like "what's your real age" - and it told me I'm really 50 (or was it 48? Either way, it was something a lot older than my actual age). LOL So maybe I'd do better with older men!

I'm annoyed. The CD player in my car is useless right now - I've gotten a CD stuck in it. It won't come out, but also won't go back in to where I can at least listen to that CD. So I may have to take it to the dealership and lay out serious cash to get it fixed. Just what I need, after I already paid them a ton to do routine service, fix my driver's side window, and a few other maintenance-type things. I'd thought about just yanking the CD out with needlenose pliers, if I could get a grip on it (it comes out far enough that I can see the edge, but not to where it actually sticks out), but I'd be afraid I'd really screw something up then. Dammit. No more loud music in the car, not with just the radio - you know how that goes, you catch a good song halfway through, and then the next 15 minutes are either crap or commercials. *SIGH*

I've got to get some sleep. I'm taking Thursday and Friday off work, so it's not quite as imperative that J and I are up at the butt crack of dawn, but my luck, tomorrow he'll be up at 5:00 saying, "HEY, mama!" and ready to go (this from the child who, for the past two days, has told me, "no, go 'way, I want to sleep some more" when I've gone to get him out of bed - imagine what the teenage years will be like!).