Up and down and all around

Deep breath. I'm refinancing my house. I've anguished over whether this is a good deal or not, and I think it is. I've crunched the numbers six ways to Sunday and it should work. I know it's not the best loan out there, but then, my credit score sucks and I'm only two years out from a bankruptcy. I'm not in a position to qualify for the top of the line. This will pay off all my piddly debt (all those itty bitty credit card balances I have that are oh, so easy to justify missing a payment on because it's just a little bit) and K's student loan (which is in my name and was given to me in the divorce), will give me cash for an emergency fund (something I don't have now and can't seem to figure out how to get on my own), and will give me an opportunity to work toward improving my credit score. The payment will be split into two bi-monthly payments, which makes my budgeting easier, and is something I can't do on my existing note. It's also a fixed rate, where my current note is an adjustable rate. So I think it's a good deal, it just makes me a bit nervous because I'll now be responsible for my own taxes and insurance. Insurance is no big deal, I'll just add my homeowners' insurance back on to my monthly payment along with my car and J's life insurance. But I'll have to set it up where money for property taxes goes into a savings account every month, so that I never see it and never touch it.

I think it's a good thing. But still - AACK. The appraiser will be here on Saturday morning, closing will be 10-15 days after that, and my first payment will be due 30 days after that.

Brian and I are trying to get tickets to see Wicked. It's coming back to Dallas in April and May, but I think we may have farted around and missed out. I'm also going to take J to A Day Out With Thomas in March, and Brian is coming up a different weekend in March and we're going to go to the Dallas World Aquarium. Wow, J is going to have a big month. Aquarium March 10, Thomas March 24. That will be fun!

And how's this for ironic? I got home and found a message from a law firm in Waco about my resume, which I'd sent to the Baylor career services office back in December. I'd pretty much forgotten about it, but they want me to call and talk. So I'll do that. At first, I was off my gourd excited. But then I started thinking - what if I get a job offer down there and Brian then gets one up here? If I get a job in Waco, now that I'm getting my finances in order, I'll have to worry about selling the house, moving, and finding one down there, in addition to reapplying for a loan and all that crap. I talked to Brian, and we both agree that the best-case scenario is that I get the Ellis County job and he gets the Dallas Zoo job, and he moves up here - I've already got a house, and he doesn't have a tremendous amount of furniture. So now I'm twisted. Dang it, I just want everything to work out so that my finances are in better shape and Brian and I are in the same place. With so many possibilities swirling around, surely something good will come of it. All of this is making me nuts.

And why is bedtime a battle every.single.night?! Last night J was awake until 10:30. He was up at 5:00, 5:15 this morning - up for the day. That's not enough sleep for me, much less for him, but he kept going until 10:30 tonight. Even when the light is out and he's in bed, he keeps fighting it - he squirms, he fidgets, he keeps opening his eyes. He doesn't get out of bed, it's like he just can't slow his brain down and settle and go to sleep. He'll stay in bed by himself for a little while, but invariably he comes to find me and wants me to sit with him. (I'm trying to work on breaking that habit, but it's a slow process.) And tonight he was awake until 10:30 again. I hate it. I get frustrated because I'm tired and he's not sleeping and then I feel bad for being frustrated.

My manager comes back from vacation tomorrow. That's bound to make the work day suck big dirty rocks. I keep telling myself, we have Monday off, we have Monday off.