I'm a groovy mother hen

So says the quiz!

What type of Mother Hen Are You?
by Montessorimom.com: Educational Resource

I never thought of myself as particularly groovy, but I'll go with it.

It's FRIDAY!!! Yay!!! I think everyone who could take the day off, did. I'm wishing I was one of them, because I am not motivated to be at work. We're short-handed, and I'm really hoping lots of people think Good Friday is a bank holiday and don't call. I've got so many things rolling around in my head, it's a wonder they don't start leaking out my ears.

This weekend is Brian's yard sale. We'll sell what we can, and whatever doesn't sell goes to Goodwill. I'm going to box up a few things and take them down for the sale - might as well get rid of some of my junk while we're at it. Oscar the cat will be coming back home with me, so she can start getting acclimated to her new home. She's stayed with us before, so it's not completely unfamiliar territory.

Next weekend - the move! Brian's got the job fair for our local school district on the morning of the 29th, and during that time, J and I will be picking up dishes (I found someone selling a ton of stoneware in my discontinued pattern), going to his counseling appointment, and maybe getting our hair cut. That afternoon and Sunday (if need be), we'll be shuttling back and forth, getting the rest of Brian's stuff and getting his old house cleaned up.

And the weekend after that - wedding! I told Brian that we'll probably just crash from exhaustion and spend that weekend sleeping. LOL "So, what did you do on your honeymoon?" "Slept. For eighteen straight hours." LOLOL

I've also got possibilities for wholesale orders for Bright Blessings. So much to think about - marketing materials, products, pricing, website upgrades to have a wholesale section.... It makes my head spin. In a good way, but still - lots of spinning. And the Spring Fling is coming up, as are the Boutique Boxes. GAH. I need a sabbatical from my day job to work on Bright Blessings stuff!

Home again, home again, jiggety jig

We took a road trip to see family this weekend. Two days at my dad's house, one day at K's parents', and a stop for lunch with Brian's parents. 800+ miles and a good 13-14 hours in the car. I'm tired, and really wishing I'd taken today off from work to recover!

Healthwise, my dad is doing about as well as can be expected. The Parkinson's is progressing to some extent, and the doctor just changed his meds. His blood sugar is OK most days - not great, but OK. But mentally/emotionally, I'm worried about him. I'm worried about my dad, though. He's fine with me and J, but he's getting mean in some ways. He's always been a difficult person to live with - very outspoken, very blunt, quick to anger and slow to admit he's wrong. With me, at least, that's mellowed somewhat as he's gotten older. My stepmom and I had a chance to talk, though, and he's getting to the point where he'll say things to other people that are really just hateful. If he'd said them to me, I'd have stopped talking to him, that's for sure. She said his tendency to do this is driving their friends away, and I hate that. I don't know if it's age, if it's some transmogrification of the Parkinson's, if it's both, if it's just that he's scared to death that he has no control over how things will progress, or if it's just a magnification of personality traits that are already there, but I don't like the mean streak. They got a puppy - three months old. He's a cute pup, bouncy and hyper and jumpy and barky like puppies are. J doesn't do well with bouncy barky dogs, so I'd hold Jake (the puppy) while J went by. We were getting ready to leave and Jake was all excited and kept trying to climb in my car. I didn't care, I'd just shove him away gently and tell him no. I figure he's about like a little kid, he has to hear it forty-seven thousand times before he gets it. LOL But my dad shoved Jake and hit him, hard, and that worried me. I told him that wasn't necessary on my account, that Jake would get it with time and repetition, there was no need to be so rough. And sometimes it's like he's looking for things to pick a fight about. My stepmom had gone to Monroe to see her great-grandbaby, and was on her way home when I got in Saturday, so she wasn't there when I got there. It never occurred to me to be in the least upset about it - that meant that her daughter and granddaughter were with her, so I got to see them, too, and I got to see pics of the grandbaby, yay! That was fun for me. My dad told me on Monday that he was sorry my stepmom gave me the cold shoulder, that she'd known I was coming way before she'd planned that trip to Monroe, and it was like he was upset she'd gone instead of staying there to see me. ??? I told him she and I were just fine, we get along well, and that if I had a problem with anything she said or did to me, I was a grown woman and would certainly tell her how I felt, that he didn't need to get all worked up over some perceived slight to me. I don't get that at all. He just seems to see things so differently than I do, and I hurt for him. If he keeps it up, he's going to chase off all his friends, and he'll be alone. I know getting old sucks, and he's always been such a control freak that the Parkinson's must scare the bejeezus out of him, but that's no reason to be hateful to people. And he's 81 - the likelihood of his behavior changing at this point is slim to none, especially if any part of it is just the progression of the disease.

It worries me, too, because should he become incapacitated, someone will need to handle his affairs. My stepmom is the logical choice, as she's there and she's the one running the house and keeping things up. But given the conversation he and I had this weekend, I don't know if he'd ever sign anything naming her power of attorney. Sure, I could do it, but it seems silly for him to name me when I'm seven hours away. I just worry as to how all this will get taken care of when he sometimes seems to have this mentality that the whole world is against him, even his wife.

Other than that worry, the trip was good. J came home with more stuff than I don't know what, and K's parents sent us home with enough groceries that I shouldn't have to shop for a month. It was good to see everyone, even if it meant a long trip for us. It rained a lot on the drive home, but we made it safely, and the house was still standing when we got home, so it's all good.

J's teacher sent home a Conner's scale, a survey that looks for ADHD characteristics. She said she filled out the teacher's scale, and sent the parent's version home for me to fill out and return. The counselor will then score the surveys and let me know the results. Some things are "never or seldom" for him, like being angry and resentful (not so much), having no friends, checking things over and over again, fussy about cleanliness (I laughed out loud when I read this one - hardly! LOL), irritable, headaches, blaming others for mistakes/misbehavior. Some things are "very much true" - inattentive/easily distracted, easily frustrated, easily distracted by extraneous stimuli, interrupts others' conversations/games, has a hard time waiting his turn/waiting in line, always "on the go". I'm curious to see how my answers compare to his teacher's, and what the counselor sees. It will certainly give us something to talk to our counselor about. On the one hand, it makes me nervous - you hate for your child to be labeled in any way, even if having a label can help in areas where help is needed. On the other, I know his teacher is just offering a tool, something we may be able to use to address behavior concerns even if things don't rise to the level of ADHD, and that's a good thing. Also, if there is a real, genuine problem, then it's better to know sooner rather than later. I honestly don't know what the counselor will see when the results are tallied. I don't know how much of J's bounciness and inattention is due to some possible diagnosable issue and how much of it is just 5-year-old boy dealing with a lot of change in his life. We'll see.

So. Ten days until Brian's move, seventeen until the wedding! K's grandmother was there this weekend, and bless her, she gave me some money as a wedding gift. I don't know what I'll do with it - she suggested some nice lingerie. LOLOL I love Granny, she is an absolute card. Anyway, I'm going to Brian's this weekend to help with the yard sale. Whatever doesn't sell, if he doesn't want to move it, we're taking it to Goodwill. I'm going to see if I can get motivated and box up some stuff I might want to sell, too, while we're selling.

And good news - Brian has found a retail outlet that may be interested in carrying Bright Blessings goodies! The man who's opening the shop is looking for Texas-made products to offer, and I'm going to get a sample basket made up to take down there this weekend. Keep your fingers crossed!

I'm going to kick something now.

I scream now, 'K? A little back story: I changed bank accounts back in November. I told State Farm of the change, to make sure my insurance premiums came from the new account - gave them a cancelled check, signed the paperwork, the whole nine yards. Fast forward to January. I got a cancellation notice for my insurance, saying it was two months overdue. Huh?! So I called and talked to Carla, who remembered talking to me the first time, and found out the draft hadn't changed to my new account. They'd been trying to take the premiums from the account that I'd already told them was closed. I was a bit perturbed, to put it mildly. She told me she'd talked to someone in operations and made sure the change was made, they'd refund my two overdraft charges, and that things should be back on track. OK, fine.

Today I called State Farm about getting the homeowners' premium added to my monthly bank draft. Imagine my surprise when Carla said the February payment was returned (supposedly after she and I had the whole discussion about the wrong account being drafted and her talking to someone in operations in Dallas to confirm they had the right account), and my draft was turned off right now, and they have to collect for March to get it set back up. WHAT THE...?!?!?! I'm sure my blood pressure went through the roof at that point. Supposedly whatever was returned was returned on Feb. 20. That's around the time I got my tax refund and got paid, so I KNOW there was money in the account. Also, I've never gotten an overdraft notice, which would have happened well before now if something were returned (and a whole host of other things would have been returned as well if I were out of money on Feb. 20). I don't know what the hell they're talking about or why anything should have showed up as returned. She couldn't see my whole account number, since the draft is turned off right now, but she'll pull my file so that when I go in to pay on Friday, I can confirm that it's correct. I'd be willing to bet someone keyed in the account number incorrectly, or the routing number, or something. I am so annoyed, I could scream. If it weren't for the fact that State Farm likely does offer the best value on my insurance right now because of the multi-line discount and longevity discount, I would go somewhere else. This is just beyond ridiculous, and if one more thing like this happens, I'll probably eat the cost and go elsewhere.

It seemed like a good idea at the time - now how do I get out of it?

I have a feeling things are about to take a turn at work that I'm not going to like. I wanted the role I have now because it doesn't involve administering a book of accounts - that's what I did when I started, and frankly, I wasn't cut out for it. Well, my cohort on another team is taking on some accounts, due to the fact that we've had some people leave and can only replace internally. There aren't any more people to move around internally, so some accounts from the people who are leaving are having to be divided up among the teams, and he's going to be administering accounts now. I foresee a future where I fill both the role I'm in now, which is OK, and also become an administrator of a smaller book of accounts, which I do not want, and I am so not happy about it. I had a book of accounts - I hated it. I sucked at it. Do. Not. Want.

This job seemed like such a good idea in 2004. It surely hasn't turned out that way, has it? I've met some wonderful people, but the job itself hasn't done me any favors. I'm probably making at least $10,000 less than I would be now if I'd stayed at my previous job - not getting raises or bonuses is painful. I'm not using my law degree. I'm so far removed from using my law degree that I'd probably have a hard time getting a good job in the legal profession. (I'm not real torn up about that, though, as I don't think I'm really wired to be a truly good attorney anyway.) I just feel like I've boxed myself in here, I don't know where to turn next, and I hate that feeling.

So, what might I do if I could?

~Something computer-related - I love working with computers. I'm the IT person for our team when the IT guy isn't around. LOL I'd rock as, say, a programmer. he downside is, I've got no formal training or education in the field, the market isn't great right now, and I'd likely have to start out in a call center setting, where the pay would suck and the work would give me an ulcer.

~Court reporting - I type quickly and accurately, I've got a legal background, and I'm persnickety about details. The downside is, getting the certification would cost me about $25,000 and take me five years to complete, going to school at night (I figure I won't be in a position to quit my day job, we can't make it on just Brian's teaching salary).

~Medical transcription - the downside is, certification is required (at about 18 months and about $3500 taking the coursework online, it's not as daunting as court reporting, but it's something to consider all the same), and based on information from friends who work in transcription, more jobs may be going overseas and it may be harder to find work here. Which stinks, because I would totally rock at transcription. I did it part-time last year, and I was up to about 200 lines an hour, which is damn good. Experienced transcriptionists are considered to do well if they can transcribe about 150 lines an hour. And I could hopefully find a job that would let me work from home, where I'd have only myself to deal with during most work days, I'd be left alone to do my work, I'd turn it in when I was done, I'd get more work, and life would go right on. I wouldn't have to worry about being someone's backup when they're out on medical leave for weeks, or answering phones because we're shorthanded, or anything like that. It would be perfect for me, but given the current conditions in the field, I'm not sure it would work out that way.

~Librarian - I actually contemplated getting my MLS and going to work as a librarian. With a law degree and an MLS, I'd be a great law librarian. The biggest downside to that is that law librarian positions are few and far between, and there's no guarantee that a job would open up where I want to be (that is to say, here). I don't want to move. I don't want to go live in BFE, New York because that's where a law librarian job is. And most librarian jobs appear to pay less than what I'm making now, so that isn't a good thing, either.

~Teaching - I've considered getting my alternative certification and going into teaching. Lots of pros, mostly centered around my schedule being compatible with J's schedule and (hopefully) me having a much shorter commute, saving on gas and parking and wear and tear on the car. But deep down, I have my doubts as to whether I'm really cut out to be a teacher. I'm not sure I have the patience for it, and that's a big enough career change that I wouldn't want to make it without being reasonably sure I'd do all right in the field. Again, there'd be some education/training involved - I'd have to take the coursework to be certified to teach, and that costs about $2000, if I recall correctly.

So, I've got lots of ideas, but nothing that I can see as being really viable. *sigh* Who knows, maybe Bright Blessings will take off at some point. I'll be sending samples to the Boutique Boxes, which is a sample box sold to retailers looking for products they can buy wholesale and resell in their own shops - if someone loves my stuff, maybe I'll get a good wholesale order or two out of the deal. I'd be happy if Bright Blessings did well enough that I could work part-time doing something or other, and then do tarts and candles and whatnot the rest of the time. I don't know if that's realistic, though. I should have stuck to some form of science as my major in college and given law a miss altogether, and this is why I think it's generally not the best idea to have people deciding what they want to major in, what field they want to pursue, what they want to be when they grow up, when they're 18 or 19 or 20 years old. I'd love to see J go out and work for a while after high school, see what's out there, try to figure out what he's really good at and what his passion is. I don't want to see him like me, starting out with a world of potential and ending up feeling stuck in some dead-end job and wishing I'd made different choices all those years ago.

There's got to be more out there than this. I just have to figure out what "more" might be for me and how to get there.

And now a proper update

Here's some more about what's really been going on in my life, as opposed to just my angst-ridden worry.

Let's see, what's happened since I posted last? We got snow last Thursday night. Yep, snow. Not much, just enough to delay the start of school for a couple of hours. J was very disappointed when I told him to get dressed on Friday morning. He said, "But Mama, it's a snow day!" I said no, not a whole snow day, we both still had to go to school and work. He said he didn't want to go to school, it was too cold. We did play in the snow a bit before we left, though, and he was fascinated by it. We didn't have enough to do much, but he had fun.

It was a decent weekend. J went to K's, and didn't fuss too much about it. He started with the not wanting to go to daddy's, and I told him he'd have fun with the other kids, and that I'd have a lot to do (and I listed some of the things I planned to do), and he seemed OK after that.

Brian came up, and we did some things around the house and ran errands. I made my usual Saturday trip to the post office. I think they'd die of shock if I didn't come in on a Saturday to send things out, pick things up, or both. He went back to Waco Sunday morning. It's less than three weeks now until he won't have to go back anymore. And it's only 25 days until our wedding! It still feels like we have a lot to do - not necessarily in terms of wedding planning, but in terms of making the house presentable. His mom will likely come by after the ceremony, and I don't want her to see it looking like a disaster.

Naturally, I decided to do things involving heavy lifting after Brian had left. I'm trying to reclaim my kitchen from candle mania, so last night I cleaned out the study closet, moved the old Apple computer out of the study, moved my filing cabinet out to where I can use it for organizing shipping supplies and labels, moved two sets of shelves into the study, and loaded the shelves up with my supplies. It's helped, but as sore as my back is this morning, you'd think I'd see more improvement.

I hate daylight savings time. Since it's not light early in the mornings anymore, it's harder for me to wake up. Our power went out during the night, so we totally overslept. We got to school and work on time, but it made for a hectic morning, and I hate those. And now I'll get to start fighting the fight about not having to take a bath or do anything remotely connected to bedtime until the last speck of light leaves the sky. Yep, not liking the DST so much.

J seems to be starting with a goopy cough. We may have to make a trip to see the pediatrician this week if it doesn't clear up. We're supposed to go to Louisiana this weekend to see family (J is off next week for spring break, so we're taking a couple of days off), and I don't want him to have the barking crud while we're traveling. He tried to tell me he had fever this morning - he said his head was warm, and I told him of course it was warm, that if it wasn't, he'd be dead. LOL I did check, though, and he wasn't running a fever. He was just angling for a day at home.

Oh! How could I forget? J got FIVE green days last week! (He had a spell there where he got a good number of yellow and red days - never for anything major, for things like talking during work time and not sitting still and running in the hall - but I know first grade will be less tolerant of such things and so the time to deal with it is now.) He also brought home a good report card - S's in everything except writing his name appropriately, he got a P (progress) on that. His handwriting is awful, he makes his J's backward as often as he makes them the right way, and half the time he forgets to write his name on his paper. So we'll be working on that. But he did well. I'm proud. :)

Three weeks and counting

In less than three weeks, Brian will be here. In less than four weeks, we'll be married. I'm excited, but a little nervous, too. What if my first marriage fell apart because I'm somehow fundamentally unfit to be married? I don't really think that's the case - Brian said one of the ladies at his church was "warning" him today how you don't really know someone before you marry them, and I thought about that, and he knows me better than just about anyone. He's seen aspects of my personality that most other people will never see, as I have with him, and if neither of us has called it quits by now, I don't suppose we're likely to. But there's still the occasional twinge of nerves, you know?

But Brian isn't Kevin, I'm not the same person I was fifteen years ago, and our marriage won't be the same as my first marriage. If I didn't believe this, it wouldn't be happening. Not to say that all will be perfect - I'm sure there will be days when we're getting on each other's last nerve. But this one is for keeps.

I miss my mom. I wish I could talk to her - well, talk to her in such a way that I could hear her answer me. She had so much to do with planning my first wedding, and it sucks that I'm doing this one without her. I think she'd like Brian. I just wish she were here.

And then there's work. I am so sick of corporate America, I could scream. I can't say anything bad about my manager - he's been a stand-up guy and has gone to bat for me more than once. I just hate all the micromanagement that seems to be inherent in the corporate world, I hate my commute, I hate being away from home for twelve hours out of every day, I hate that right now we're prisoners of my schedule, and it's not what I want to do with my life. But I can't figure out what I *do* want to do. Everything that occurs to me either requires more education, would have me taking a substantial pay cut to get into the field, or just isn't anything I can support myself doing. When my pension vests, I'm looking for something, anything closer to home. I don't care if I use my law degree. It was an ill-advised career choice for me anyway. I just want something that pays the bills, where I feel appreciated, where I enjoy what I do more often than not, and where I don't have the commute from hell. You'd think that I could find something, right?

Ugh, midnight. So much for going to bed early tonight.

Shine Like the Sun

www.myspace.com/murfmurphymusic

I don't know how to add this to my music player in the sidebar, so I'm putting it here. An old friend of mine wrote this song for his wife's mother's funeral, and he shared it with me.

I miss my mother, but it's a great comfort knowing that the goodbye I told her in 1995 isn't goodbye forever.

A shameless plug

The Opinionated Parent is having a giveaway right now:

http://www.theopinionatedparent.com/?p=364

The prize is the School Zone Preschool/Kindergarten Super Scholar CD-ROM 4-pack (ARV $34.99), and the giveaway ends this Friday, February 15, at midnight mountain time.

I get an extra entry for blogging, and I do so love bonus entries. :-)

If it makes you happy

Things should make me happy, right? Bright Blessings is doing pretty well for a little start-up, Brian will be here soon, we'll be married soon, J is doing well in school - these are all good things, yes?

Then why the unease? Yeah, I've got some financial stuff that I'm trying to sort out, and that situation isn't nearly where I'd like it to be. But still - there's this sense of disquiet underlying nearly everything right now. I don't know why, and I don't like it. Perhaps change, even change you dearly want, is just unsettling?

It's almost time for me to get out of here - I'll write more later.

So many good things!

Look!

Indie of the Week on Wickedly Chic

It's me!!!!!!! It's Bright Blessings!!! And the reviews are GOOD!!! I'm so excited, I could cry. Hopefully this is the beginning of really good things for my little brainchild.

In other news: It's time for a change. Brian's lease ends at the end of March. He's told his boss he'll be leaving his current job, and he'll be moving up here. He's going to substitute teach for the rest of the spring semester - there are enough schools around here that he shouldn't have a problem finding assignments - and hopefully he'll be able to find a full-time job for the fall. It's scary, but exciting, too. Would I feel better if he had a definite job lined up? Sure. I'm nothing if not practical, and I like to know the how, why, where, when, how much. But it's come to the point where we either have to decide to be in the same place and make it work, or give up on it. We've been together for over two years, I love him, he loves me, J thinks he's great, things are all good on the meeting-the-family front - time to fish or cut bait. So, it's time for a leap of faith. Eek! Yay! Eek! Yay!

I'm sure I've got more to write, but I'm far too fidgety to focus for that long right now. (And I wonder where J gets it.)

Happy 2008!

A new year, another chance for things to go fabulously right, horribly wrong, or somewhere in between.

In 2004 and 2005, I was waiting for my marriage to officially be over. In 2006, Brian and I were just starting to figure out that maybe there was something really good going on with us. Now it's the end of 2007, the start of 2008. Still no job for Brian here, but hopefully that will change soon. No wedding ring on my finger as of yet, although I did get my promise ring for my birthday. But we're in it for the long term, and I believe things will work out.

Good things in 2007:

~I got to move to a new job role at work, so my job no longer sucks big dirty rocks and no longer makes me want to cry or throw up when I get there.
~J started kindergarten.
~My promise ring, and what it stands for.
~Bright Blessings is at least up and running, if not taking the world by storm.
~I no longer cry (well, not much) when I pay bills.
~No credit cards means no huge after-Christmas debt to pay off!
~My dad came to my house for the first time in five years, and it was a good visit.
~I think we've found a church home we can really fit into, and where we can really find a community of faith to be a part of.

Not so good things in 2007:

~My new job role is a huge improvement over my old one, but it's kind of boring sometimes, and still not something I see me doing for the duration of my career. But hey, it's better than it was.
~I learned that my dad has Parkinson's.
~Finances still aren't as stable as I'd like them to be.

Two things I'd like to keep in mind as a new year begins:

Once I had it all planned out
My dirty fingers moved about
To make a mess of everything around me
I don't claim to know my way
I still run in circles everyday
Running around half blind
Life can be unkind
But it's better than it was
It's better than it was
I complain very little because
It's better than it was

I get to remembering
We had a lot more money then
To make a mess of everything around us
Now the money comes and goes a bit faster
Then my confidence grows
Everybody knows
There ain't nothing new about money woes

But it's better than it was
It's better than it was
It's better than it was
It's better than we ever could have
Wished it to before
It was bad a while ago
Better this I know

It's better than it was
Better than it was
I complain very little because
It's better than it was
-Fastball, "Better Than It Was"

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

I'm starting to see now that, even when things have seemed hopeless, even when I've thought that I can't possibly keep going, can't possibly get out of whatever mess I find myself in, somehow the worst never happens. I may anguish for a while and fret and stew, but the sun comes up the next day, the world keeps on turning, I keep breathing in and out and putting one foot in front of the other. God has never yet let me down, and I see now that He's been the one carrying me all along. It's not my strength getting any of this done, and now that I see that, maybe I'll finally have sense enough to get out of the way and let God do. My faith has waxed and waned over the years, and the past two or three or four years have likely been the lowest point to date. I don't know His plans, but I've got the hope back, and I'm eagerly anticipating the future that is to come.

Happy Christmas to me!

Guess what I'm doing on Monday? Getting a new garage door opener! Yes, it's a thrill a minute at my house, but this is a huge deal. I got a new opener just over a year ago - a Genie, bought it from Lowes, and the darn thing has NEVER worked properly. The remotes never would open the door from outside (which is, of course, where you *want* a garage door remote to work), and most days wouldn't even work inside the garage. New batteries, new remote, a different kind of remote, and a whole host of phone calls to Genie later (Lowes said call Genie, and Genie said they didn't send out service people, but they'd try to help me by phone - gee, thanks), it still doesn't work.

So I'm taking my Christmas money and getting a new opener installed. Midlothian Garage Door Service will be at my house Monday morning between 8 and 10 AM (and could have been there today, if I were home), and the owner said the new opener WILL work when they leave, and that I can call him anytime if there are problems. I think I'll shop locally from now on. It may end up costing me a bit more, but I'll know who to get in touch with if I need some help.

No more parking the car out in the driveway in the wind and rain and cold! Yay!!! Happy Christmas to me, indeed!

Much to catch up on

No zoo job for Brian. That's a bummer, but still, teaching may work out to be the better thing for him. So he's still applying. Yes, a permanent, full-time job would be preferable to taking sub assignments and whatever can be done in the summer and hoping for a full-time assignment for the start of the 2008-09 school year. But there are enough school districts close by that finding plenty of work as a sub shouldn't be hard to do, and if teaching is what Brian is meant to do, then something will work out.

My dad came for Christmas. He called the Thursday before and said he was coming for Christmas Day, and I nearly fainted. I love my dad, but he's a Perfectionist with a capital P, and my house is nowhere near perfect. So Brian was here that weekend, and we frantically cleaned and dejunked and stowed stuff out of sight as much as possible. I had to go to work on Monday, and Brian was here with J. He called me about 2:30 and said, "Guess who's here!" Yep, my dad. So much for doing any more cleaning before he came over, it was what it was, and what it was, was a mess. The house was certainly not up to dad standards, but you know what? It was OK. He might have come near to biting a hole through his tongue to keep from commenting, but he said not one word about the clutter around the house. And we had a nice visit. This was the first time my dad had come to my house in five years. The last time he was here was shortly after J was born. So there was no way in the world I was going to tell him not to show up. I worry about him, though. The tremors are more noticeable now, so that either means he's becoming accustomed to his meds or the Parkinson's is progressing, or both. My stepmom and I were both worried about him driving by himself, but once my dad gets an idea in his head, it's not coming out, so drive by himself he did. He didn't stay long, he headed back home before lunchtime on Christmas Day, but I'm glad we got to spend some time together. J was glad to see his papaw, which made me happy, and probably my dad, too, especially since they don't see each other very often.

And Santa was good to us. J got a lot of goodies, but the big thing was the Wii. He seems to prefer watching me play most of the time, as he gets aggravated when he can't make it do what he wants and refuses to wait for direction most of the time. But he's shown himself to be quite the pro at boxing, of all things. He has a little running commentary going as he plays: "Go! Get him! Smash him! Pow! Bang! You gonna mess ME up?" and on and on. I really need to get video of it, because it's pretty darned funny.

More kid funnies: J's stepsister has apparently claimed him for her own. J went to K's on Christmas night and stayed the next day, and his stepsister followed him around constantly, asking where "her J" was and saying she was going to sit by "her J". Heaven help any future girlfriend of J, as his stepsister is likely to knock said girlfriend's block off. LOL

I'm sure there's more I need/want to write about, but this will have to do for now. It's bedtime.

Better

J went to school on Thursday with the understanding that he would apologize and offer to help clean up the mess. One of the guys at the Y program told me that evening that J offered to help not once, but twice. So he did well, my little boy, and I hope this will stick with him and there'll be no more coloring on the floor.

Today was the first day Brian might possibly have heard from the Dallas Zoo. No word. Hopefully that means he'll hear something Monday, and not that he didn't get the job. Twitch, fidget.

I'm going to be up late tonight, trying to finish up Bright Blessings orders and get 'em out the door. I wish I had more hours in the day, so I could devote more time to that. Heck, I wish I could quit my day job and do Bright Blessings full time, but I'm nowhere near that point, and may never be.

Unnecessary decoration

K just called (he picks J up on Wednesdays and they go do something, just the two of them). J got into trouble today. At the after school program, he was given a time out for some minor infraction. While in time out, he took it upon himself to decorate the gym floor with crayons. If it doesn't come out, the Y (they run the after school program) will be responsible for it, and I don't know if that will somehow be passed along to me or what. J knows better. He knows we only color on paper, and I've never had him color on anything like that at home, at least not since he wasn't old enough to know better. I'm so vexed right now, I could scream.

The wai-ai-ting is the hardest part

My apologies to Tom Petty. LOL

Brian had his interview with the zoo on Monday. He felt like it went pretty well. He said there were a couple of points he knew he wasn't as strong on (for example, management experience - he has experience managing a classroom, but that doesn't seem to count as "management experience"), but he did as well as he could on those and did fine on other questions. They had three more people to interview, and apparently they're looking to make a decision soon. They asked when he could be here if he were offered the job. He said he had to give a month's notice to his current employer, and they asked, "So you could be here by mid-January?" Given that his interview was on December 10, I'd say that sounds like they may have a decision by this Friday (December 14 is just about mid-December, after all). So now we wait. I hate waiting.

From one extreme to the other

Yesterday we were wearing shorts. Today it's 35 degrees out and they're talking about possible ice storms and freezing rain. !!! It's true - if you don't like the weather in Texas, wait a minute, it'll change.

Guess I'd better enjoy it while it lasts

We've been watching Monster House tonight - cute movie, and apparently my kid is going to be a scary movie freak. It fazes him not at all. Anyway, the main characters in the movie are pre-teen/early teens, I guess, and at one point the girl kisses the hero of the film. J saw that and said, "Ewwww, gross, stinky girl kisses!" I'm sure the time will come all too soon when he doesn't think girl kisses are stinky anymore.

It's all fun and games until someone has to lose

Tonight was movie night at J's school - free movie, pizza for a dollar a slice, drinks and snacks for 50 cents each. I love that his school does things like this. It's inexpensive entertainment, and it gives us a chance to get away from the TV and get out and do things. (Yes, I know, movie, TV, both involve watching something on a screen - but a movie with a cafeteria full of elementary school kids is definitely not a sedentary activity!)

J must have been hungry - he ate FIVE pieces of pizza when I was there, and the woman who works with the after-school program said he had three pieces of pizza between the time school ended and the time I got there. *eek* I'm thinking growth spurt. That, or lunch today wasn't quite what he was hoping for and he didn't eat. We got our food and put our blankets out in what we thought was a good spot, but had to move to be closer to some of J's friends. The movie started at 7:00, and the feature this evening was to be The Santa Clause 3. Not having seen 1 or 2, I worried that we wouldn't be able to follow the plot, but it was fine. It was actually a pretty cute movie, or at least the parts I got to watch were. J decided that mama made a great pillow, and laid down on my back. Have you ever had a 50-something pound boy lying on your back while you're lying on a tile floor? One word: ouch. Hard to concentrate like that, that's for sure.

But anyway, we watched the movie and stuffed ourselves full of pizza, and J got to play with some of his friends. And at the end of the evening, there was a drawing for door prizes, one of which was a copy of the movie we'd just watched. J waited anxiously for the number to be called...and was crushed when it wasn't his. He sobbed and cried that he'd wanted to win, he didn't win anything, everyone was supposed to win a prize. I explained to him that no, everyone didn't get a prize, there were only three prizes, and way more people than that. Sometimes you win, sometimes you don't. He was pretty well inconsolable all the way out to the car, until I thought to tell him that who knew, Santa might leave that movie in his Christmas stocking. And you never know, stranger things have happened.

He sacked out sometime after 10:00 tonight, and I'm going to get myself to bed here in a minute. Just because he was up late doesn't mean he'll sleep late - never has. And we've got lots to do tomorrow!

And what's with the weather?!

It's in the high 70s today. Apparently the weather pixie missed the memo that it's December. But hey, I guess I'll take short sleeves over shoveling snow any day.

Christmas shopping

Well, I'm pretty much done with shopping for J! He's getting a Wii this year. (OK, OK, *we're* getting a Wii - I'm excited about it for me, too!) He's quite the little gamer, and can take off and play most anything if I'll help him read the instructions. He enjoys playing games, he likes his stepbrother's old Playstation (at least I think it's a Playstation - Playstation, XBox, something or other), and I figured that with the Wii, at least it's motion controlled, so he'll be up and jumping around, and it's something we can do together. I'm pretty darn excited about it. I've got accessories on the way, and I'll grab a few stocking stuffers, but that's all done.

Family - we're doing homemade things this year, and pictures of the grandson. Those always go over well, especially since grandparents don't get to see J so much as they might like, with us being in different states.

As for me, there's just not a whole lot I want. Now I understand why my mother never could give me gift ideas for herself when I was growing up - it's so much more fun to do for J and to do for those I love that honestly, there just isn't anything I could ask for. Well, except for a job for Brian. If God could see fit to open some doors up this way sometime soon, that would be the best Christmas gift of all.

What's your elf name?

In the spirit of the season, I've swiped this from Dixie's blog and placed it here, for the entertainment of anyone who might happen by.

Your Elf Name Is...

Happy Sticky Fingers

What's Your Elf Name?

Wouldn't it be nice if this was right?

Today's online fortune cookie:

"Your enterprise will bring great profit."

Well, that would be a dandy way to start the new year! My experience with Black Friday sales has been very enlightening. I didn't get vast quantities of orders - barely in the double digits. But for me, as a one-woman show, trying to work around my day job and motherhood, it's more than enough to keep me hopping. In the interest of keeping my products top quality and keeping turnaround time reasonable, I'm going to cut my scent list back a good bit after the first of the year. Having orders for tarts in forty or fifty different scents, one or two of each, is tough on me. You can't make just one tart at a time, so I end up making at least half a pound's of wax worth (about four tarts, or two tarts and two batches of tiny twinkles), and hope the ones not needed right then sell at some point. So I end up making forty or fifty batches of tarts, using a lot of wax, and possibly ending up with a lot of excess inventory. Yep, definitely a learning experience. But hopefully cutting down on the number of scents will help with that.

It's been a day at work. I spent the morning getting stuff ready for committee review this afternoon, and then I got to go to the Dallas Estate Planning Council meeting for lunch and a presentation. Free lunch - always good. Free CLE (continuing legal education) hours for listening to the presentation - even better. The meeting turned out to be longer than we'd thought - lunch from 12:00 to 12:30 and then the presentation from 12:30 to 2:30, instead of the usual one-hour presentation. Good for me, that means one more hour of CLE credit than I expected. The speaker was really good, and seeing her talk reinforces for me that it's a good idea that I never went into private practice. I'm just not convinced I have the personality for it.

And now it's after 3:00 and I'm trying to motivate myself to be wildly productive. Ha, ha. Wish me luck.

Honestly, who thinks up this stuff?!

Leapin' lizards! The things people will do to get high.

Originally posted on the Kansas City Star website.

A 21-year-old Kansas City, North, man arrested in October is accused of possessing a controlled substance.

Clay County authorities are worried that the unusual type of substance -- the venom of the Sonoran Desert toad of the Colorado River -- in the case against David S. Theiss is becoming popular.

Officials accuse Theiss of possessing the toad with the intent to extract the venom to smoke it.

Clay County Prosecutor Daniel White said the case is an example of the elaborate lengths some people are going to in order to get high.

White said possessing the toad is not illegal, but investigators, not familiar with the method, had to research the toad to make sure it is not a protected species.

White said Theiss was charged after investigators determined he allegedly possessed the toad with the intent to get high off its venom.

White said the toad has gained popularity because it secretes venom on its back when the creature becomes angry or frightened -- a venom that contains a hallucinogen called bufotenine.

The hallucinogen and what authorities refer to as 'toad smoking' are illegal, White said.

Authorities found the toad and other items when they went to a Northland residence to investigate a suspected meth lab. They later arrested Theiss and charged him with three counts of possession of a controlled substance and one count of possessing drug paraphernalia -- the toad.

For years, White said, people experimented with 'toad licking,' but toad smoking is considered a substitute. To do so, a person heats the frog's venom, which breaks down its toxins and preserves the hallucinogen. Then it's dried and smoked.

White said the use of a toad and extracts from natural plants to get high are becoming popular. He said there are some Internet sites that feature an instructional video on how to extract the toad's venom.

'It is easier to get it, and law enforcement might not immediately know you use it to get high,' White said. 'It's sort of a New Age way to get high. You convince yourself it is OK because it is something you get naturally from our environment.

'There are a lot of things that are created naturally but they are still not legal.'

Theiss is also accused of possessing mescaline, a controlled substance extracted from a cactus.

Still, White said, there are others who may be taking an even more extreme measure to get high -- such as sniffing fermented human waste.

Vicky Ward, manager of prevention services at Tri-County Mental Health Services, said she has seen e-mail warnings about kids getting high off a drug called jenkem. The drug, made from fermented feces and urine, isn't prevalent in the area, but kids are familiar with it, she said.

'We work with a lot of youths and we ask them whether anyone has tried it and they said no,' said Ward, who belongs to service e-mail groups for prevention specialists. 'They (the youths) have heard about it because it is on the Internet.'

Ward said Snopes.com, a Web site that investigates urban legends, indicates the use of jenkem is undetermined.

'Kids get ideas that later turn out to be unfounded, but you will get some idiots who will try anything,' she said.

For pity's sake, who was the first person to think, "Gee, I need a good buzz...let's see...hmm, no tequila, no beer...Hey! I've got it! I'll just give this little ol' toad a lick!"???? That's either someone who's desperate to get hopped up on something or other, or someone who doesn't have the sense God gave a rutabaga, to be licking a toad in the first place.

Of course, the former prosecutor here wants to know - how exactly did the police determine this guy possessed the toad with the intention to get high off its venom? Did they catch him in the act? If not, I wouldn't want to be the one taking that case to trial, because there'd really be no way to prove it short of actual viewing of the offense or the guy admitting he planned to do that.

Where's a sledgehammer when you really need one?

If I had one, I'd go destroy our stupid printer. We've had people up here messing with the printers, supposedly changing them out as part of some "print optimization" project, and now that we're essentially two different companies, we have one printer with one type of letterhead and one with another. I've been trying to print a letter for half an hour. The first time, I forgot and sent it to the wrong printer (wrong letterhead). The forty-seven times I've tried since then, I sent it to the right printer, but the first page WILL NOT PRINT on letterhead. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

And when I finally went and copied it onto letterhead and took it to the administrator for her signature, she informed me I'd done her signature block incorrectly. I scream now, 'K? I am so ready to go home, it's not even funny.

I am the mama.

This occurred to me this morning as I was on my way to work. I was listening to Christmas songs, and one of the songs I grew up with came on, and it dawned on me. I am the mama. I am the matriarch of my little family. If any Christmas traditions are to be made or carried on, it's up to me to do it.

I think it's time to get back into my Christmas baking. I haven't really done much of it since Mama passed away, and that's one tradition I don't want to lose. And I'll have to think of some new traditions that can be just for us.

Not tonight

I'm not making tarts tonight. I'm cleaning up the kitchen, taking a big ol' bath, having a glass of eggnog, reading a bit, and calling it a night. Tomorrow I'll have to work double-hard, but tonight I need the break.

But a better evening

I picked J up from school this evening, bracing myself for his usual complaints of "but I'm not done PLAYING yet!" (Mind you, I'm glad he likes the after-school program, and him not wanting to leave is better than the alternative, but when you've had a really crappy day at work, hearing your child cry all the way out to the car that he wasn't finished playing, he didn't get to do X, Y or Z and he wants to stay at school all night just doesn't do much for your mental well-being!) To my surprise, there was a minimum of fuss and muss. We went to the reindeer store and picked out little gifts for grandparents, stopped for take-out on the way home, and now it's just about time for bath and bed. All things considered, it's been a good evening so far.

Let me see about getting him settled, and then it's time to do a load or two of wash and make a batch or three of tarts.

Another brilliant start to the day

J was in rare form last night and this morning. I know being spirited means he really does feel things more intensely than other kids, but OMG, the drama. I picked him up from school. He asked if I brought a snack - well, no, but we're five minutes from home. Aaaaaand the wailing commenced. "I wanted a SNAAAAACK! I'm HUNGRY! I never get any snacks to eat in the caaaaaar!" He gave that up about halfway home, and when we got home, I gave him some peanut butter crackers while I fixed dinner (pizza bagels for him, which take all of about five minutes). He sucked those down and asked for more just as I was putting the pizza bagels in the oven (meaning, they needed to toast under the broiler for just a couple of minutes, and then they'd be done). I told him no, no more snacks right then, that dinner would be ready in just a couple of minutes. And more wailing about how he was STARVING, he never got anything to EAT, and on and on.

This morning: We woke up, not quite late but not as early as I'd hoped. I told him to go brush his teeth. Screaming and "I don't know HOW to brush my teeth!" Lisa goes and bangs her head against the nearest wall. He certainly does know how to brush his teeth - I love how, if he doesn't *want* to do something, he suddenly doesn't know *how* to do it. So we're working on getting teeth brushed when he starts screaming again. What?! Why are you screaming like your hair is on fire? He tells me his arm hurts. I don't see a mark on it, he seems to be able to move it OK and wiggle his fingers and everything, and I tell him he probably just slept on it funny, that the soreness will work out after he's been up and moving for a while. I gave him a dose of Motrin just to be on the safe side, but I didn't see a thing wrong with his arm. But he screamed like it was broken in three different places or something.

And trying to get out the door makes me nuts. How do you get your child to grasp the concept that when it's time to get ready and go to school, we don't worry about things like putting the feet back on our Bionicle that's going to be at home all day anyway. I told him we needed to get out the door, that we were close to being late and it was time to go right then, and he starts howling because I won't take the time to fix his Bionicle that he's just dismantled. *bang head, bang head, bang head, wish for Kahlua in morning coffee* I was worn out before we ever got out the door.

And we're still struggling with the concept of the reindeer store (the store they're having at school to give the kids a chance to buy presents for their family members). We've had this conversation more than once. He keeps insisting we need to buy presents for him there, that no one gets him any presents. I'm trying to explain to him that he buys presents for others there, and we buy for him (me, Daddy, Brian, the horde of grandparents, etc.), and no one knows what they got from anyone else UNTIL CHRISTMAS, because we don't open our presents UNTIL CHRISTMAS. This is all going over like a ton of bricks with the boy who thinks all the presents should be for him, right this minute. *wish for Kahlua AND Bailey's in morning coffee* I sent him with a budget and instructions to buy for parents today. The reindeer store is open late tonight, so I told him we'd take care of grandparents this evening, together. I can only imagine what he'd do if I tried to send him with enough money to buy that many gifts - come home with things for himself, I'm sure.

It just makes me tired that everything seems to call for a big dramatic production. (I'm a Gemini, I don't do drama so well.) I can understand disappointment - it's fine to be disappointed over something and to express that disappointment. It's understandable that sometimes you're so disappointed, you cry. But having to have the same conversation over and over again, and having every disappointment, big or small, expressed in the form of tears and screaming, that just wears me right out. I love my son dearly, I just wish I could help him figure out some way other than the meltdown to get those feelings out. I think I'm spirited, too, which is part of the problem - we both want things how we want them, when we want them, and depending on the circumstance, one of us isn't going to have that happen. That's when he gets weepy and I get impatient, and then all heck breaks loose. Maybe I need to learn to step back and do a better job of staying cool - I'm the parent, after all.

Happy news!!!

Brian has an interview with the Dallas Zoo tentatively scheduled for Monday, Dec. 10! It would pay less than teaching, and he'd have a yucky commute like I do, but if this works out, he'd be here before the end of March!

Monday miscellanea

The day started with a bang. We overslept - always a good start to the day. I got J to school on time, then realized I'd left my purse at home, so I had to go back and get it. Traffic in downtown Dallas, and most especially in our parking garage, was like idiots on parade - I just love it when you've got one really.poky.person at the front of a line of about fifteen cars all trying to get into the garage, and that one poky person must try to squeeze his or her car into EVERY.ITTY.BITTY.SPACE they find. Whoops, the car doesn't fit, let me back out and p-o-k-e around to a lower level to try again. I'm thinking, just go down to level F already, there's always plenty of parking there! So, the morning was off to a zippy start, and I was wishing for a redo by about 9 AM.

Then I found out I was going to be priority one for taking calls for our sister team while they were out on their team outing. I HATE taking calls. Loathe it with a deep and undying passion. I do it because I have to, because it's part of my job, but it's sure not my favorite thing, and I really don't want to be a priority one any more often than I absolutely must. (I'm usually a priority four for our team, and I take very few calls, which suits me just fine.) And naturally, this was the afternoon the crazy man called. A lot. I was hung up on two times, a couple of my other teammates were hung up on a couple of times, and finally, the third time I got the call, he let me transfer him to a manager to discuss his issue. He then proceeded to hang up on her. Good times!

I've made three batches of tarts tonight: Lavender Flowers, Fudge Brownie Buttercream, and Wildberry Crisp. J now wants to help me make tarts. I've let him mix color and/or fragrance into the melted wax, but only with very close supervision. My busy, easily distracted little boy and a pot of melted wax just screams of the possibility of disaster if I turn my head for a second, so I don't. But I hate to tell him a flat-out "no" when he so very much wants to help. Thankfully, he loses interest after just a little bit, and I can breathe again.

Darling, I forgive you everything,
Anything is better than to be alone
In the end I guess I had to fall,
Always find my place among the ashes

Can you imagine being so afraid of being alone that you'd make a really bad decision? I think that's what K has done. I think he let his fear of being alone override the red flags he may have seen when he was dating A, and married her anyway, and I'm afraid that now he's realizing he's not happy, he's made a mistake. I may not be married to him anymore, but I don't want to see him miserable (and I also don't want to see J miserable when it comes time to spend time with his father). I hope he can find the wherewithal to either make things work (which would also require A's participation - I know from experience that one person can't fix a marriage alone) or to make a break if things can't be fixed. I hope his worries over being alone don't lead him to stay in a situation where he isn't happy. Life is both too short and too long to let yourself be miserable.

The slacker blogger returns

Yes, once again, I've fallen way behind in my blogging. Bad Lisa, 20 lashes with a wet noodle.

I'm working on the Bright Blessings orders that I got during my Black Friday promotion. Not a huge amount in terms of numbers, but plenty to keep little old me busy. I'm a one-woman show, and Bright Blessings is just one of many jobs I do each day. I wish I could take off a couple of days and just work on orders, but it's the end of the year and I've got precious little vacation time left.

Brian didn't get the National Archives job, which was a bit of a downer, but perhaps that's God's way of directing him elsewhere. We've talked about it a good bit, and he's feeling like he should get back into teaching. When he found out that all it would take to reinstate his certificate was an online application and a whopping $47 fee, we took that as a pretty big sign. He'd been worried that he'd have to take tests or pay exorbitant fees or both.

And so now comes time for the leap of faith. At first Brian had said he'd wait until his current lease was up to move this way and start looking for jobs, but his lease isn't up until the end of May. Well, neither of us wants to wait until then - for one, he'd likely miss out on applying for any teaching positions for the 2008-09 school year if he waited until then, and for two, two years is a damn long time to do the long-distance thing. So he's moving here at the end of March, and getting his name on the substitute lists for all the nearby districts (there are enough that he should be able to work nearly every day, if not every day), and hoping for a full-time position in the fall. They're opening a new elementary school right around the corner (literally) from the house, and the positions there will be filled from February through April 2008. It would be wonderful if that worked out - he wouldn't have to make the drive to Dallas/Fort Worth every day (and that would save us on gas money), and his schedule would be comparable to J's (which would save us a ton on after school care during the school year, although we'd likely do some summer programs to give J the chance to interact with other kids and burn off some of that extra energy he's got). So, we're praying for something to open up along those lines. Either way, we'll be in the same house as of the end of March. Eek! Yay!

Of course, once we'd talked about teaching and decided to go that route, Brian got an e-mail regarding a position he'd applied for back in July. Pays less than teaching, but would keep him in the museum field - I told him it never hurts to talk to them. It would involve a commute to Dallas, though, which would stink for him.

Anyway, I reckon all of this means there'll be a wedding at some point in the spring. No date yet, nothing official, and I doubt seriously we'll go for anything big - we've both had the fancy-schmancy church wedding before, and neither of us feels a need to repeat it.

Speaking of wedding - a J funny: We went to see Brian's parents for Thanksgiving. We were at the dinner table, and (naturally) at a lull in conversation, J looks at Brian, points to me and says, "Brian, marry her." LOLOLOLOL I nearly spit out my mouthful of tea. If we weren't already at the point of planning to get married, that would have been embarrassing! As it was, it was just funny.

And speaking of J, he got his second six weeks report card on Friday. He's taking kindergarten by storm - he got all S's (for "successful" - no actual letter grades in kindergarten) for the second six weeks, he knows all his uppercase and lowercase letters and the sounds they make, he knows nearly all of the 34 sight words they're supposed to know by the end of the year, he got all good marks in conduct, and he's up to level C in reading (the kindergarten levels are non-reader, A, B, C, and D, and first grade reading starts with E - I'd be surprised if he's not up to a first-grade reading level by the end of the year). I'm so proud of my big boy!

Midnight already, and tomorrow is Monday. I don't feel like it should be Monday already. I'd better get some sleep. Year-end will be a busy time for me now that I'm in my new role!

Ups and downs

Ups: My goodies are getting good reviews - the October Little Black Box has gone out and November's won't be far behind. Check it out! Hopefully my little business will start to take off here pretty soon.

Downs: Tonight is J's first real trick or treat experience. He's going with K, which makes logical sense, because my neighborhood isn't conducive to trick or treating. The houses are spread out, there are no sidewalks, it's not well lit. K lives in a nice tidy little subdivision with proper sidewalks and the houses close together. I like living in the country, but I know we can't go door to door out here. So, logically, it makes sense that he go with K and have fun trick or treating with his stepsiblings. Emotionally, though, I hate it. It's his first trick or treat, and I won't be there to see it. I'm miserable. I told K to take lots of pictures, and I'm going to go console myself with the biggest cup of chocolate frozen custard that I can buy.

Give me a 10 for Best Family Photo!

Give me a 10 for Best Family Photo!

Friday's Feast

Feast #166

Appetizer
Name a great website you would recommend to others.

Mine, of course! LOL If I'm getting away from shameless self-promotion, I'd recommend Organized Home or Recipezaar - Organized Home has a lot of good ideas about decluttering and keeping your household running smoothly, and Recipezaar is my go-to source for good recipes.

Soup
On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 as highest), how often do you dream at night?
I'm sure I dream every night, but I very seldom remember them. So if I'm rating how often I know that I've dreamed, I'd have to say a 2 on a 1-10 scale.

Salad
Did you have a pet as a child? If so, what kind and what was its name?
I had several pets. My first was a kitten named Melody. I then had another kitten named Alexander, a variety of goldfish, a crawfish named Clovis, a dog named Angel, a horse named Missy, and another dog named JB.

Main Course
If you had the chance to star in a commercial, what would you choose to advertise?
Coffee. I couldn't function without it, so I'd be happy to talk about it.

Dessert
What is your favorite kind of hard candy?
I'm really not a big fan of hard candy. I do like peppermints, though, and the occasional butterscotch.

Thursday Thirteen #11

Good grief, it's been a while since I've done this. Too much going on and the need to actually work have contributed, I guess. Here we go with the latest entry.

Thirteen Things Brian and I Plan to Do When We Have The Money Most of these are sensible, practical household things, but not all of them. 1. Have the nasty carpet taken out and replace it with hardwood or laminate flooring. 2. Build a nice deck/patio area in the back yard. 3. Get a storage shed/workshop put up (probably one of the ones you can buy at Lowes or Home Depot, but big enough to have room for yard equipment and for him to do some woodworking). 4. Take a family vacation to Disney World! 5. Have a radiant heat barrier installed in the attic to help cut down on electric bills. 6. Redo the landscaping in the yard. What I have now is less than spectacular. 7. Fix all the little plumbing annoyances around the house (nothing that rises to the level of needing a repair right now, just stuff that's annoying). 8. Save more for retirement. 9. Set up an education fund for J. 10. Pay off debt faster. 11. Take a trip to England/Ireland/Scotland/Wales. 12. Get new window treatments throughout the house. 13. Corian countertops and sink for the kitchen. I'm sure there's more, but this list will take us a good little while to work through, so it's a good start! Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. sassy lucy

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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First six weeks already?

So I'm a bit late posting about it, but I had an end-of-six-weeks conference with J's teacher on Tuesday. They don't give a formal report card at the end of the first six weeks for kindergarteners, since the whole school experience is one big learning curve for them, so we get that information in the conferences. My little boy is doing well in school! His teacher said he has lots of good skills already - he was able to identify 51 of 52 capital and lowercase letters by sight (the lowercase q tripped him up), he was able to identify 20 of 26 initial sounds, he was able to give words that started with 21 of the 26 letters, and he recognized 13 of the 34 words they're supposed to be able to recognize by sight by the end of the year. She said she got the impression that he could have given her the other words and he could have identified the other sounds, but he just didn't want to, and I said that was likely exactly right, that he's that way with me - when he's done, he's DONE, and there's just no getting anything else out of him. She also said he only counted from 1 to 10 out loud, and again, she had the impression he was just finished and there was more there had he chosen to share it. She's got him pegged on that, and he and I will work on the idea that when there's a test, you tell everything you know, not just until you're tired of doing it. He knew all his colors and shapes, and she said they'll start reading books next week! Yay!!! I'm hoping that once he realizes that he can pick up any book and read it, that the reading will really click for him. I know the skills are there, he just doesn't put it all together unless he feels like making the effort. She said he loves to talk, that when they're reading in the big circle, he's got a comment for everything - she loves the enthusiasm, but they've gotta stay on task, you know. (Same thing here with bedtime stories, a comment for every page.) She said he's a good kid, and he's doing well, so I'm tickled. And they're cutting out rest time starting next week (she said none of the kids ever sleep anyway), so perhaps that will make bedtime just a tiny bit easier.

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title

A little bit of randomness for a Thursday night!

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Her Most Serene Highness Lady Lisa the Extemporaneous of New Invention Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Time for a big update!

I haven't really updated in a while, and I DO have stuff going on besides Bright Blessings, so let me try to catch up a bit.

A couple of weekends ago, we (Brian, J and I) went to east Texas to spend the weekend with Brian's parents. J was mostly very well-behaved, although he had a fit when Brian and I tried to get him to ride on the golf cart (well, more like a ramped-up go cart for getting through woods and over bumpy places and stuff) - he didn't want to ride and didn't want me to go, but Brian's mom got him settled down and Brian and I took a ride around their property. But other than that and getting antsy in church on Sunday (and the pastor was long-winded, so I was a little antsy myself), he was fine. He's adopted Brian's parents - they're now Memaw and Pepaw. LOL We got to see the baby calves, and play with all sorts of equipment (backhoe, lawnmower, you name it, J wanted to pretend he was driving it), and go out to the lake in the big woods, and Brian and J played in the dirt with monster trucks. Julian was so tired Saturday night, I don't think he moved at all for several hours after he went to sleep!

We got home that Sunday around 6:30. It was only about a two-hour drive, but it felt like forever. Brian left to go back to Waco around 7:00, and just after he'd gone outside to get in his car, J started pointing toward the door and crying. We had to go outside to tell Brian goodbye again, and when Brian drove off, J just sobbed. He said, "Mama, I miss Brian!" and he just cried like his little heart would break. I wanted to cry right along with him, and Brian said he nearly lost it when he saw how sad J was. So, something just needs to work out. My family likes Brian, his family likes me, J adores him, it's been nearly two years - enough already, we need something to break our way. J told me last night before bed that he missed Brian and wished he could stay here all the time, and this morning he told me he wanted to go see Brian's family again.

I think some trips out to the country would be good for him - Brian has two nephews, and none of them are afraid to get out and get dirty and do guy stuff, and a little dirt is good for a growing boy! I figure it won't take too many trips before J not only will *want* to ride the buggy through the woods, but will want to drive it, and it won't be long after that before he wants to try to do wheelies on the 4-wheeler like Brian's younger nephew. I grew up in the country, so this is all like home to me. I can't tell you how many go-cart and 4-wheeler crashes my cousins and I had when we were growing up!

On the "ending up in the same place" front, Brian has a possible job lead. He'd applied (for the second time) for a position with the National Archives a couple of months ago. He'd interviewed back in late 2005, early 2006, and was one of eight selected for an interview out of over 400 applicants, but didn't get the job. The woman who was hired went back to the art museum world, and the position came open again. We'd both sort of given up on it this time, as it had been a while and he hadn't heard anything. He got home one night last week and found a letter - just one page, and he thought, well, crap, that's the end of that, it's a neg letter. But the letter said his application had been forwarded to the hiring manager for further review, and he'd be contacted if he was chosen for an interview! It's not a job offer yet, or even an interview yet. But it's a step further along in the process, and I can't imagine that he wouldn't be called for an interview this time, since he's already interviewed with them once. So if y'all have prayers, good thoughts, lit candles to spare, we'd appreciate them. We've been seeing each other for just about two years now, it's time for this long distance nonsense to be done with.

We've even talked about figuring what Brian would need to make in terms of a part-time job, should a solid permanent job offer not pan out by next May. Brian's lease is up in April, and he wouldn't want to bail on his current job during the school year (their busy season) without a solid offer, but he said that if his lease runs out and nothing has worked out, he'd find something part-time to do until something did, and just go on and move up here anyway. So, EEK and YAY all at the same time!!! At some point, there will be a wedding, then - I reckon it's just a question of when. (I'd really prefer the National Archives job to work out, though!)

More to come....

The Little Black Box

Lookit!!!! I'm on the list!!!!

http://thelittleblackboxes.com/etailers.html

The listing for Bright Blessings is a good way down the page, but it's there! I hope people who get boxes with my stuff in there like what I sent. Eeek!!!!

We have liftoff!

My website is up and running. Bright Blessings Candles is officially open for business!

So far I've gotten really good reviews on everything. It's exciting, and a little scary, too. Yikes. I'm still sort of in shock that I can make things that people actually LIKE. The possibilities are mind-boggling. OK, I don't expect to rival Yankee Candles or Bath & Body Works anytime soon. But maybe I can get to the point where I make enough extra money to really help out the family finances. I'm hopeful, anyway!

Ever had a day like this?

That just made me laugh.

Today, J started kindergarten. Big school. No more daycare. I was fine for drop-off, and he was so excited, I don't think he even knew when I left. LOL I went to the Boo-Hoo Breakfast that the Parent-Teacher Volunteers (PTV) had for parents of kindergarteners, and I was fine. And then I got to the car and just sobbed. I cried because my baby is getting so big, he's not a baby anymore and will just keep on growing. I cried because it was hard seeing all the moms *and* dads there bringing their kids to school, sharing the moment, and here I was all by my lonesome, and that's not how it was supposed to turn out.

Feh.

And now I'm home. I'm getting a few things done, making more tarts (I've had six orders now! Woo!), getting packages sent out. I'll go pick J up a little earlier than I usually would, but not so early that he'll get the mistaken impression that I'll be there by 3:30 every afternoon. I hope he likes the after-school program. I hope he likes his classmates. I haven't gotten any calls from the school, so I guess that's a good thing.

A little shameless self-promotion

I'm trying to start up my own little business, making wax tarts - you know, the things you melt over a tealight or in an electric burner to scent your house and make it smell yummy good. I've had a surprising amount of interest thus far, and if it continues, I'll get my website back up ASAP. I've had the domain name for over a year now, I just hadn't done anything with it. My little proprietorship is Bright Blessings Candles, and here are some pics of my tarts:









They're 2 ounces each, and right now I've got Red Velvet Cake and Chocolate Bourbon Pecan Pie in stock. I'm working on a full scent list, and I'm glad to take custom orders if anyone is interested. I'm about to order more wax, but fortunately my supplier is here close by, so it doesn't take but a couple of days to get here.

I'm so excited about the possibilities!!! I don't expect tarts in and of themselves will ever bring in enough money to let me quit my day job, but I'm hoping I can eventually make enough to replace the income I lost when my transcription gig went away.

Much to write about, I'll update more (with pics!) later.

Book Quiz

I'm not sure I agree with it, but I did like the book.

You're The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy!

by Douglas Adams

Considered by many to be one of the funniest people around, you are
quite an entertainer. You've also traveled to the far reaches of what you deem possible,
often confused and unsure of yourself. Life continues to jostle you around like a marble,
but it's shown you so much of the world that you don't care. Wacky adventures continue to
lie ahead. Your favorite number is 42.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

My one and only

People keep asking me when I'm going to have another baby. I smile politely and tell them I don't plan on having any more at this time, and they look at me like I've sprouted a horn. Why is everyone so interested in my reproductive plans, or the lack thereof? I'm already a single mother, does anyone seriously think that this would be a good time for me to even contemplate having a child? (And yes, most of the people doing the asking are well aware that I'm divorced.) And why do so many people think being an only child is somehow an impediment? I grew up an only child (I say "grew up" because I was adopted, and it turns out I have half-siblings, but to my parents, I was an only child). I turned out OK, I think. I've actually had people say to me, "Gee, you don't act like an only child, I never would have guessed." ??? What exactly are only children supposed to act like, and why do so many people seem to think I'm dooming J to some substandard life by not having a sibling for him to torment...I mean, play with?

I know Brian would like to have a child, and should we be married, I'm willing to try (although I'm not getting any younger!). Not sure what lengths I'd be willing to go to if it didn't happen naturally, and I've told him it might not, because we had to have help to get J here. But if I never have another child, I won't be crushed. I won't feel like my life is any less full because I'm the mother of one rather than the mother of more. I never envisioned myself as having a whole passel of kids, anyway. There were days I didn't think I'd even ever get married, much less have kids, and there are days now where I'm so close to the end of my rope that I wonder if God *really* knew what He was doing when He blessed me with J. (And yes, he is a blessing, even if there are days he makes me want to bang my head into a wall!) So I'm perfectly happy with one. How is anyone else qualified to question that decision? Most days I'm OK with it, but today it bugs me. I'm in a mood, and being asked that gets a bit old.

We had a baby shower for a co-worker this afternoon. She's having a little girl, so she got tons of cute pastel pink and ruffly stuff, and a tiny part of me thought, wow, if I had a little girl, I could get all that pink ruffly stuff. And the bigger part of me though, what are you, nuts? J can walk and talk and carry on a conversation and tell you what's going on and sleeps all night most nights (even if bedtime isn't necessarily early or easy) and he's potty trained and you're done with bottles and diapers and up every three hours - would you really go back to that?

Only if God has a sense of humor and life works out just right.

Thursday Thirteen #10

So I'm a day late. It happens.

Thirteen Things I Can Do While My Son Is With His Father 1. Eat my dinner while it's still hot. 2. Get all the laundry folded and put away as soon as it comes out of the dryer. 3. Clear a path through the toys on the living room floor. 4. Read my own books before bedtime. 5. Watch something on TV that isn't animated and that doesn't involve space aliens or shoot guns. 6. Get to work on time, without a little boy whining that he doesn't *want* to go to school. 7. Take a shower without interruption. 8. Take a bubble bath without clearing a vat of toys out of the tub first. (K bought a 74-piece of foam letters and numbers and cars and whatnot that are made for playing in the bath. Next time he does that, I'm going to hit him with a wet noodle, once for every piece in the set. Better yet, next time he does that, the 74-piece monstrosity can stay at *his* house.) 9. Get a night's sleep uninterrupted by a little boy coming and crawling into bed with me (and stepping on my stomach in the process). 10. Sleep in past daybreak on Saturday. 11. Clean out my car and keep it clean for a few days. 12. Do anything on the computer *other than* Jump Start or Ben 10. 13. Enjoy the silence - and then realize how very quiet my house is without my son, and miss him and wish for the week to be over already. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Promised

My birthday present from Brian:



It's a ring, although not one involving diamonds. It's a promise ring. When we're in the same place (because we will be, oh yes, we will), it will be replaced by a different one. :-)

I had a really nice birthday. I never did write about it, so here goes.

But we went to the Queen of Sheba, an Ethiopian restaurant in Dallas, for dinner. It was good. We had the Queen's Dinner, where they just bring you a little of everything. First they had the handwashing ceremony - they brought out a big bowl with lemon slices in it, and we used the lemon slices like soap. Then they poured warm water over our hands to rinse off the lemony bits and dried them. It was nice, and I'd never thought to do that with lemon slices. I don't know if I can remember everything we ate, but I'll try. Our appetizer was a cold salad, lentils with tomato and jalapeno. It was SPICY, but very good. Then they brought out a big platter with little bits of all kinds of stuff - spicy lentils, spicy lamb, mild lamb, cabbage and potatoes, sauteed mushrooms, different kinds of chicken (so tender it just fell off the bone), beef and greens, and their version of steak tartare with fresh-made cheese. I did try the steak tartare - it didn't taste like raw meat, and it wasn't bad, but it wasn't my thing. The cheese was good - almost tart, and like feta in texture. Some things were cooked with a tomato-type sauce, some with a mustard sauce, and I can't even begin to identify all the spices they used.

The interesting thing was, you ate everything with your fingers! They brought out a plate with rolls of a thin, spongy bread called injera - you unrolled the bread, broke a piece off, and used it to pick up your food. After a while, it got tedious, and Brian and I were both wishing for silverware. LOL I had a glass of honey mead with my meal, and that was one gooooooood wine. I told Brian it wasn't something to drink on an empty stomach, because it was sweet and smooth, and something I could easily drink too much of without even realizing it. We had dessert - baklava and a fruit compote with the honey wine poured over it - and we ate until we were just about stupid. I had a tiny cup of Ethiopian coffee with it - black as night, and STRONG. It had an interesting flavor of spice to it - cinnamon, maybe, or cardamom? It was good, although not something I'd want to drink every day (I sure could have used it when J was at the height of his not-sleeping phase, though).

And THEN they brought out birthday cake and sang Happy Birthday! It was a very low-key rendition - no clapping and cheering and standing on chairs. I really enjoyed it. We were stuffed like Christmas geese afterward, and we STILL had birthday cake at the house!

So, happy birthday to me! I do believe my ring was the best present ever, although I must admit to hoping another one can take its place before too much longer.

Update

And as I look at it, it's a bit of a downer of an update. (I'll post in a bit about my birthday!)

Back in May, I did really well on the transcription test. I finally decided to check out financial aid, see if I qualified. I had to buy a new car, I was OK with that, I figured I could qualify for a few thousand dollars for medical transcription. Imagine my surprise and disappointment when I didn't. I was told I didn't qualify on my own, that I could reapply with a credit-worthy cosigner. The catch? Everyone I know that I'd feel comfortable asking isn't a whole lot more credit-worthy than me. (No, I won't ask family - for one, I'd get the lecture on why don't I have the money saved to pay for this, and for two, that would be closely followed by the lecture on what am I thinking, throwing away my legal education like this. Never mind that my legal education is doing nothing but cost me money right now in terms of dues and taxes and continuing legal education, and my search of over two years for a job in the legal profession has gotten me exactly nowhere. I'd be throwing it away, and I'd hear about it in no uncertain terms.) K has agreed to co-sign for me, but I'm not sure it will go through. But, I appreciate the effort (and let me just say, the process of figuring out how to get that done has been a kerfuffle and a pain - if it's this difficult, maybe I'm not meant to do it?).

And so here I am, feeling like I'm flailing around, trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I wish Pampered Chef was my answer (I'm already a consultant, just inactive because I don't get out there and drum up tons of business), or candlemaking/soap making. But I don't have the time to devote to building up a PC business, at least not now while J is young enough to still really need/want mama's undivided attention and I don't have anyone to help with him. And I'm not a high-pressure salesperson anyway - I know myself well enough to know that I'm not going to be out there calling everyone I'm the least bit acquainted with and pushing them to have a party. I'm just not wired that way, and frankly, sometimes I wonder if the market is saturated with PC consultants to the point that people hear more than enough of it. Candlemaking/soap making, again with the time to invest in it, and it's something that will take a long time to get up and running before I'd see a profit that would make it more than a very expensive hobby, and that would be with more time to put in than I really have. It also doesn't help with this that J is with me so much - he's not old enough to safely help, and he still wants/needs enough of my attention that he's not ready to be told, "this is mama's work time, you've got to leave me alone for a bit". If I had a spouse to engage him during that time, that would be easier. But he's not going to handle being told, go play by yourself for a couple of hours while mama makes a batch of soap, and I'm not about to let him near lye (I'm considering cold process soap because I think it makes a nicer finished product as a rule, better for your skin, etc.).

I thought transcription might be it, but now I can't even get approved for the loan to take the certification program. The school offers a payment plan, but it's just a few lump sum payments, not nearly as spread out as a student loan would be, and I don't have the money to make those. So maybe transcription isn't the answer, either.

So what IS? The traditional job search hasn't given me much to work with. Because of my career path thus far, I'm likely out of the running for traditional law firm jobs (since I haven't worked for a firm in the years I've been out of law school), and I'm not sure I'd want to sacrifice that much of my life to the almighty billable hour anyway. (Yes, there are firms out there that don't require the crazy hours, but even the ones that don't require 18-hour days six days a week aren't likely to be real flexible and family-friendly, and I'd have to *really* look hard to find them.) Hell, my career path thus far may have stranded me here, at least going by how much luck I've had looking so far for anything else in the legal field.

And I ask myself again, what IS the answer? Everything I think of seems not to pan out. I know there are people who think I'm grasping at straws, looking at impractical things, and I probably am. But when the practical isn't working, what other option is there to consider? At least I'm not being stupid about it and jumping right into something crazy with both feet - not like I've quit my day job to rely on my income from making candles. I'm just talking, thinking, wondering, trying to figure *something* out. Something that will let me enjoy what I do a little more, give me a little more flexibility and time with J, get me and Brian in the same place. There's got to be something out there.

In terms of getting me and Brian in the same place, me looking there may not do much good. If I found something (big if, given the size of the job market), I'd have to be good and sure it was something I could do for the long term, because finding another job should one not pan out would be a huge task. And also, he's just about burned out where he is, and there's not a whole lot for him there. He feels like it would work out better for him to look this way, so he is. He's got an application in now at one of the museums in Fort Worth, so maybe that's what's going to give.

I just feel very frustrated today. I want to change things, I just don't know how.

Thursday Thirteen #9

Thirteen Reasons I Wish The Rain Would Stop 1. Rain makes for a sucky commute to and from work. 2. Can't take the boy outside to play when it's raining and/or the yard is just soaked from all the rain. 3. When the boy can't go outside to play, he gets just a little stir crazy. 4. Rain makes the grass grow - and the weeds, which means the yard guy has to come more often. 5. Rain gives mosquitoes lots and lots of breeding ground. You just can't get rid of *all* the puddles. 6. My garage door remote doesn't work, and I'm getting really tired of getting soaked making a mad dash from car to house or vice versa. 7. Too many cloudy/rainy days in a row bum me out. 8. Rain during the work day makes me not want to go across the street to get a coffee from Starbucks. (Hey, wait, maybe that's a good thing. At least then I'm saving money.) 9. Getting in and out of the car with an umbrella is a pain. 10. Sharing the umbrella with a 4-year-old who's a foot shorter than me and who insists on holding the umbrella himself (about two inches above the top of his head) is a bigger pain - I might as well go without one. 11. Thunder and lightning keeps the boy awake at night. 12. When it rains, you can't help but track mud into places mud ought not to go. And 13 - well, it's really a good thing, not a bad one, so maybe the rain isn't so bad after all.... 13. With all this rain, it's not nearly as hot as your usual Texas summer. Links to other Thursday Thirteens! 1. Nancy 2. Chris 3. mamalee 4. qtpies7

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!


The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants