Friday, October 06, 2006

Nobody's dream girl

First off, let me say that I have the bestest ex-in-laws in the whole wide world! K's mom and I talked - it was a hard talk, but good. They wired me some money yesterday. This cleared my overdraft and will allow me to get my attorney taxes paid (which will clear the way for a massive job hunt). I'm going to get my house clean - sell, give away, whatever - and list it for sale and look for a smaller house for me and J. Both K's mom and my stepmom have suggested it, and K has, too. I think that's a sign, don't you? I'm going to make time to tend to my finances - I haven't always been a black hole of financial ruin, there's no reason I can't get my shit together and get straightened out. I just have to MAKE TIME to do it. I may start going to bed with J and setting my alarm for an earlier time - like 5:00 or so. This will give me time to get ready, take my shower, and then have a little time for my finances, job apps, devotional time, whatever. ME time, which I'm woefully short on. I've told K's mom that she has my permission to ask if I'm keeping up with my finances! She told me today that she felt kind of odd asking personal questions. I told her to look at it like this - she promised my mom (who passed away in 1995) that she'd look out for me and be like a mother to me, so she's standing in my mom's spot, essentially. I told her that Mama certainly would have asked, or she might not have asked, she might just have looked through my checkbook. LOL

So, I'm determined to get out of this morass of despair and get my life back. I'm an attorney, and an intelligent woman - there's no reason I have to live like this. J is old enough to understand that there are things Mama has to do to take care of us, and he's old enough to help me sort through his toys and pick out his favorites and give some away. It's going to be the fiesta del give-away at our house.

And I really am a little excited about the prospect of a new house. It will be nice to have someplace that's *mine*, not "mine and K's" - even though this house is legally mine now, it's still "ours", you know?

Now, for the title of my post. J and I had to run to Target for a couple of things this evening, and as we were on our way out to the car, a guy came up to us in the parking lot. Being of a cynical turn of mind, I'm automatically suspicious when approached by anyone I don't know. This guy proceeds to tell me how beautiful I am and wants to know if he can have a chance to get to know me. WTF?! Of course, my first reaction is to think, "You talkin' to me?", because I am emphatically NOT the kind of girl guys hit on. Not even in college when I was younger and thinner. Never. Ever. I told him no, I wasn't on the market right now, I was seeing someone. He then asks if we ever see each other again, might he have a chance to get to know me. I told him I thought the person I was seeing was in it for the long term, but thank you for the compliment. And I walked away just flabbergasted, flattered, and just a little ooged out. Seriously, there's an oog factor to being approached like that, at least to me.

I did have to take the scenic route home to make sure he wasn't some nut who was going to follow me home, and I'm here now with the doors locked and the security system on. I'm still not quite sure what to make of it.

I'd thought just the other day that I'd never be anybody's "dream girl", that I'm not the type of woman that someone would just walk into a room and be instantly smitten with. And I've made my peace with that - I realize that my beauty is mostly on the inside, once someone gets to know me. Well, apparently not everyone thinks that, and tonight proved me just a little bit wrong.

Weird, weird, weird.


Kay said...

It's no less ooky when you get that kind of attention on a relatively frequent basis. I'll never understand how people can make a determination as to whom they would like to get to know based solely on what they look like. The outside changes, but the inside, what matters, is harder to see and should be what attracts someone.

A Mother's Serenity said...

So glad you were able to get some help Lisa. So new house...turning over a new leaf so to speak...gotta have a new job to go along with it too. *wink* Sounds like you have a plan and a good one at that!

Lisa said...

Kay, ya got that right. Which is what made this all the more mind-blowing to me - I'm *not* what society considers traditionally attractive, I'm short and round and carry most of my weight in my backside. So for someone to make a comment to me blew my mind more than it might have were I 5'8" and blonde and curvy in all the right places (OK, I'm probably curvy in all the right places now, the curves would just look better if I were about a foot taller! LOL). I don't understand it, either - I don't reckon I'd want to go out with someone who was so horribly unattractive that I wanted to cover his face with a paper bag, but GQ cover-model looks don't necessarily do it for me.

Very perplexing.

Holly, I'm hoping the plan works out! Gotta move some way, right? Staying where I am (in terms of the big picture of my life) is clearly not an option.