Morning!

Well, fancy that. I ate a light dinner last night - yogurt and a piece of toast - and I slept all night, pain-free. I guess I'll keep that up for a while and see if it continues to help. I'll just have to make sure to eat a decent breakfast this morning, because I'm hungry. LOL

Apparently there's no big rush

And as luck would have it, my doctor is at a conference all week! As is his nurse! I talked to the nurse filling in for Jennifer and explained to her what was going on. She said there was a bug going around (if this is a bug, it's the strangest one I've ever seen, that only shows up at night), or that perhaps I should check with my lap-band surgeon. I told her that if there's one there at Baylor that Dr. Norwood has worked with, I'd prefer to see him, as my original surgeon is in Arlington, and it's a whole lotta driving from one doc in Arlington to one in Dallas back home to Midlothian. (Gee, I should have planned the logistics better five years ago, huh? LOL ) She said she can talk to my doc on Monday, and that if it gets to hurting too much, just to go see my surgeon. I said I would. I mentioned gall bladder as a possibility and she didn't seem to think much of it (although it does seem like it could fit, but I realize I'm no medical expert). So for now, I wait. Since the problems seem to be happening at night, I'm going to try eating a really light dinner and see if that makes a difference. It seems to me, thinking about it, that if it were a problem with my band, I'd have issues anytime I tried to eat normally, and not just at night. If eating less helps and I can get a good night's sleep, that will help.

Pain and regret

I feel awful. I started having stomach pains on Sunday night. Sunday night and Tuesday night, Phenergan helped and let me sleep. The stomach pain returned last night, and this time Phenergan didn't help. I barely slept, and I'm a raging grump today. The pain is upper abdominal, not lower abdominal like cramping or needing to go to the bathroom, so I worry that something has gone wrong with my lap-band. If that's the case, I don't know what will be done or what could be done, given that I'm pregnant. Curiously, though, the pain only flares up at night (and not every night - it gave Monday night a miss).

And because I felt bad, I was short-tempered with Julian this morning. I explained to him that I really didn't feel good and that's why I was crabby, but still. I feel bad about that. The overdramatic part of me worries, what if this pain is something that requires surgery and something goes horribly wrong, and the last thing Julian remembers me saying to him is fussing for not being ready to get out of the car when we got up to the drop-off point at school? I regret that I couldn't keep a better handle on myself and make my words to Julian this morning kind ones, pain and tiredness notwithstanding.

I just want to feel better, and for the baby and me to both be OK after whatever it takes to help me feel better.

Now here's the kind of note every parent likes to get

I got this e-mail from Julian's teacher this morning:

He has done really well the past two days. He seems really excited about learning, but is staying in his seat and working really hard. Thank you so for working with me. I think we are going to see him grow by leaps and bounds in his academics.

I was so excited, I could have cried. What a change from the start of the school year, with two U's in conduct for the first two six weeks' periods, and constant notes coming home in his folder, and a visit to the principal's office, and all the crying about how hard school was! His handwriting is getting better, and it just thrills me to see stickers in his folder instead of notes telling me what went wrong that day. (He's started off this six weeks with stickers for five days in a row! Woo hoo!)

We're still on the 30 mg of Vyvanse, and it certainly seems to be helping. Julian hasn't lost one iota of his personality - if anything, he's more creative than ever, and his drawing has really taken off. His handwriting is improving, he's more excited about reading on his own (although he still prefers that we read to him, and there's nothing wrong with that!), and he doesn't complain anymore about school being hard or too much work. I am so, so glad that we did something now, rather than waiting to see if he outgrew this or if trying things other than medication worked. I'm glad to know he's on track now to being a good student, rather than one that elicits the reaction, "oh, great, it's THAT child" from teachers when they see his name on the class rolls. I know he's got the brain power to do well, and it looks like we're getting the focus and behavior concerns under wraps to where he can put that brain power to good use. What a great way to start my day!

So parents, if you've got a child with ADHD tendencies and have considered medication but are hesitant, let me tell you, don't be. You find the right thing and the right dose, and it can truly work wonders. (Carrie, if you're reading this, I know - you told me so! :-) )

December already?!

Boy, the Christmas season is just sneaking up on us, isn't it? Are you ready? :-)

The lovely ladies at Secret Is In The Sauce, or SITS, are getting the season started with a bang. They're hosting a Merry SITSmas giveaway! Just go visit their site and comment - there's a different prize every hour throughout the day, and for each comment you leave, you're also entered into the Grand Prize drawing (a $200 Target gift card!). I don't know about you, but a $200 Target gift card would make my holidays very merry indeed.

Enter for prizes, make some new friends, what's not to like?! :-)

Making Your Home a Haven, Day 5

We did have fun last night! We played lots of Wii, but gave the fire a miss - Julian decided Mario Kart was more fun. I usually lose and he almost always wins, so you know he had a good time. LOL

Today's theme for the Making Your Home a Haven challenge is Inviting & Giving. I think I've got that covered for the day. Brian's mom is coming for the weekend, so she's invited. We've been working to get the house tidy for her visit, and the challenge this week has helped. I found out my ex may be getting divorced from his second wife - he's talking apartments, and I'm not sure their marriage can be saved. So I told him that if he should need a place to crash for a few days, he's welcome to sleep on our couch. (Yes, my ex and I get along well enough that we could do that, and my marriage is secure enough that Brian wouldn't blow his top over it.) That's two invitations. And I guess that by having a garage sale tomorrow, we're inviting lots of people to stop by and browse and chat! Who knows, maybe someone who stops by will see a little bit of God's love shining through among the trash and treasures. :-)

Making Your Home a Haven, Day 4

Yesterday's challenge: I didn't manage it until the end of the day, but I did manage to take care of myself a little! Success!

Today's theme for Making Your Home a Haven is Fun. I'm really going to have to think about this. Some days it's hard to make room for fun in my life. I know my son does lots of things he considers fun, like playing with the Wii, but sometimes there's not much fun in my day at all. And with me not getting home until after dark, outdoor fun is right out (unless we go outside again and watch Brian start a fire with flint and steel - Julian thinks that's dandy fun!). Hmm, maybe tonight would be a good night for a fire, and maybe I can talk Julian into a round or two of Mario Kart. And perhaps other inspiration will come to me during the day.

OK, gotta get dressed, and I've got to find something "professional" to wear - we're having an open house at work this afternoon for our business partners. Let's hope that after eight years of business casual, there's 1) something in my closet that even qualifies as professional attire, and 2) that it fits. All I know for sure is, this pregnant lady is not wearing heels! LOL

Making Your Home a Haven, Day 3

Yesterday's Clean challenge was what I'd consider a success. We cleaned out a LOT of trash - I'm sure the garbage men wanted to go for an extra truck when they saw the pile on our curb this morning. LOL We've got a lot of good stuff ready for the garage sale on Saturday, and while the kitchen floor did not in fact get mopped and steam cleaned, the old table did get cleaned off and polished and moved outside, and we are now able to neatly organize things still left to go through in the empty space. So it was a good day!

Today's Making Your Home a Haven challenge is Cared For. While I've got lots of little extra things to tend to - shredding excess paper, going through Julian's old artwork and school papers and deciding which ones to keep as memories, steam cleaning a variety of things - one thing that gets shorted in the care department a lot of the time is me. And I know if I'm not feeling my best, and feeling put upon and run down, then I don't have a lot left to give to my family. So tonight, the thing I'll do to care for myself is a good soak and scrub for my feet (since a hot bath is right out), and a good moisturizing treatment. I feel so much better when my feet aren't sore and tired. When I feel good, I have a lot more energy and motivation to work toward making my home a haven for all who enter.

Making Your Home a Haven, Day 2

The theme for today's Making Your Home a Haven challenge is Clean. Boy, is that easy. Today will be nothing BUT cleaning! We're trying to get the study cleaned out so that it can be transformed into the nursery for the baby, and we're trying to get as much out for our garage sale on Saturday as we can. I'm off work today, so we are cleaning up a storm. By the end of the day, we hope to have the old kitchen table dejunked and removed to the garage, and the floor of the breakfast nook freshly mopped. The tea cart is already gone, as we started as soon as Julian got off to school. We may have piles of junk to contend with after the day is done, but the breakfast nook will be clean and ready for a new table and chairs, and progress will be made on the nursery. And at least the front part of the house will smell of Pine-Sol. :)

A little good news!

Brian got a call from his supervisor today. First, he wanted to know if Brian minded if John (his boss) passed Brian's cell number along to their HR person. Brian said of course not (because this means they're checking with contacts internally to see if there's anything with the company that's in this area for Brian). Then John asked if Brian would mind moving from A shift to B shift, and Brian asked how that would affect the holidays. John told him to go in to work on Sunday this week instead of Wednesday, and do a shift and a half right now, and then he'll be off the week of Thanksgiving and the week of Christmas, and work the week after Christmas. So instead of losing a shift due to the holidays (we thought he'd have a three-week stretch with no work at all), he'll now be gaining half a week of overtime! Sucks that he'll be gone this time for a week and a half, but it will work out. And boy, will half a shift of overtime pay be appreciated right around the holidays.

Free Target Re-tote Offer!

I thought this was a pretty neat deal. Target will send you a coupon redeemable for one of their Re-tote reusable bags (made from recycled Target shopping bags!) if you send them your shopping bags! If you're like me, you've no doubt got plenty of Target bags taking up space in your pantry, so put them to good use and get yourself a nifty reusable shopping bag for the cost of a stamp!

Making Your Home a Haven

Monica is sponsoring a Making Your Home a Haven challenge at her blog. Her challenge looks like it's for this week only, and my projects are so big, I'm not sure they can be completed in a week! But this is something I'm working diligently on, so I'm playing along.

Today's challenge theme is Tidy. My house has a LOT of stuff that needs tidying, so I'll have to pick just one or two things to tackle this evening when I'm home from work. So this is my evening plan to make something tidy around my house:

~Make sure all the dinner dishes are washed and put away before bedtime - no dishes left in the sink!
~Put up clean laundry.

Between work and homework and just plain old being tired, I reckon those will be sufficient tidy accomplishments for one evening. I've got to start somewhere, right?

Get the Bean!

See that button on the side with a big coffee bean on it? Click it and go check out Get the Bean. They've got all kinds of yummy coffees and teas and delightful things, and if my blog generates the most traffic to their site in November, I win a prize! I absolutely love coffee, so y'all help a girl out - click the link, go find something good for yourself, and help me win some coffee. :-)

Still trying

TDCJ is looking for teachers for their prison unit in Venus, which is only about 10 miles from Midlothian. Brian said he'd be qualified, although it's kind of scary that he's considering teaching inmates. He's going to apply, and I told him I'm not wild about the idea, either, but at least working for the government, it would be stable employment, and decent salary and benefits. So we'll see what happens.

He applied online for Wal-Mart today. He said he had to take a psychological assessment, and if you passed, your application would be good for a year. If you didn't pass, it would only be good for 60 days and then you were "welcome to reapply". Apparently he doesn't think exactly like Wal-Mart wants its employees to think, because he didn't pass. I told him maybe that was a good thing. LOL So his application there is good until January.

We keep looking and paying things as we can, and things keep getting behind and piling up. I just hope we can scrape by until such time as we can catch up, without anything truly disastrous happening. It's been fifteen years since I graduated from law school - the money troubles started when I first got married in 1994, and it's just gone down and downhill ever since. When we have sufficient money for our needs (because I have to keep believing that one day, we will - if I start thinking that this is just how life is, forever and always, I will go screaming yellow bonkers), I really won't know what to do with myself, because it feels like this hand-to-mouth business is all I've ever known since I started working.

We're off to scope out the garage sales this morning and see if we can find any super deals!

So which way will this thing go?

OK, this is unnerving. Brian said that, per higher-ups in their parent company, Lone Star will be transitioning into a community service-based camp now, supposedly to take effect in February. Not sure what that means exactly, as they're a wilderness program and not a residential program - it's not like the kids can be put on work release for the day to go do community service and then come back to their dorms to sleep. I don't know how the logistics will work out, or how this may affect his job, but it's just more on the pile of things to worry about. I hope he can find something close to home SOON.

On the plus side, this gave him a good chance to talk to his boss about his job search, and how he'd like to find something internal, if possible. John (boss) is going to get in touch with his internal contacts, see what openings there may be, and he also said his dad runs a company here in Dallas, and he'd pass Brian's resume along to his dad, too. Brian told him what he's doing in terms of looking, and also told him that if/when something came open, he'd give John as much notice as he could, but that it might not be much. He said John was pretty understanding about all that, and thankfully isn't one to throw an employee under the bus when he's looking for something else for valid reasons (and not just saying, "this job sucks, I want out").

On the down side again, Brian is working Thanksgiving. He'll be off Christmas, but he won't be working a double shift to make up for it - they have enough staff to basically divide into three groups for Christmas, A shift, B shift, and Christmas shift. So there will be a three-week stretch where Brian has no work at all. And thus, no paycheck. Which really, really stinks.

Back to life as we know it

So another election season comes to a close, and life goes on.

We're home today, as we were yesterday. Julian came home Monday complaining that his throat hurt, and he woke up crying with it yesterday, so we went to the doctor. Hooray, we've got strep! A couple of his friends came to school sick, and I'm sure they were just sharing the love. Anyway, the doc gave us a prescription for Omnicef and said this meant three days out of school, so we're home. Using vacation for this is no doubt blowing my Christmas travel plans to bits, but I've gotta take care of the boy, right? :) (Besides, it's not like I've minded the break from work. LOL) Brian will be in tonight, so he and Julian will be home tomorrow, and I'll be back at work.

We had our follow-up for his ADHD meds a week or so ago, and for now, we'll just keep on keepin' on. There's been a lot of improvement, although there's still room for progress, and his doctor did say that we may need to increase the dose at some point to see full improvement. But for now, we're good. The counselors at the after-school program have told me pretty much every day how well-behaved Julian has been, and he did a lot better on a second 20-minute evaluation by the school counselor - he was only off task 30% of the time, down from 65% in the original evaluation, and that after only six days on meds. I thought that was encouraging. His handwriting has gotten better, too, and he's gotten stickers for good days four days in a row! Woo! I don't think that had happened since the first week of school. So things are looking up in that department.

Brian's job search continues. We don't know what will happen with his current job. Enrollment apparently hasn't picked up, but we don't know if that will mean half shifts for everyone so that everyone can have some work (in which case it's not worth him driving out there), or if they'll find busy work/projects around camp for the staff not out in the field and have everyone keep working full shifts, or what. Brian said they made a big deal out of reassuring everyone that no, there would be no lay-offs, that jobs were safe. I don't know about you, but when people go out of their way to reassure me that, no, of course the worst case won't come to pass, I start to get worried. Anyway, he's looking here for any- and everything that might get him a foot in the door somewhere, bring home enough to pay the bills, what have you. It's just a shame that *this* is the school year that Dallas ISD way overbudgeted and overhired - they've just laid off 400 or so teachers, so any kind of education-related job is really at a premium right now.

On that happy note, I'm going to make cookies. I seldom do, because I'm usually at work, so today I'm going to do something that's a nice treat for all of us.

And a nation's wish has been granted

1 Samuel 8

Israel Asks for a King

1 When Samuel grew old, he appointed his sons as judges for Israel.

2 The name of his firstborn was Joel and the name of his second was Abijah, and they served at Beersheba.

3 But his sons did not walk in his ways. They turned aside after dishonest gain and accepted bribes and perverted justice.

4 So all the elders of Israel gathered together and came to Samuel at Ramah.

5 They said to him, "You are old, and your sons do not walk in your ways; now appoint a king to lead ^[a] us, such as all the other nations have."

6 But when they said, "Give us a king to lead us," this displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the LORD.

7 And the LORD told him: "Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king.

8 As they have done from the day I brought them up out of Egypt until this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are doing to you.

9 Now listen to them; but warn them solemnly and let them know what the king who will reign over them will do."

10 Samuel told all the words of the LORD to the people who were asking him for a king.

11 He said, "This is what the king who will reign over you will do: He will take your sons and make them serve with his chariots and horses, and they will run in front of his chariots.

12 Some he will assign to be commanders of thousands and commanders of fifties, and others to plow his ground and reap his harvest, and still others to make weapons of war and equipment for his chariots.

13 He will take your daughters to be perfumers and cooks and bakers.

14 He will take the best of your fields and vineyards and olive groves and give them to his attendants.

15 He will take a tenth of your grain and of your vintage and give it to his officials and attendants.

16 Your menservants and maidservants and the best of your cattle ^[b] and donkeys he will take for his own use.

17 He will take a tenth of your flocks, and you yourselves will become his slaves.

18 When that day comes, you will cry out for relief from the king you have chosen, and the LORD will not answer you in that day."

19 But the people refused to listen to Samuel. "No!" they said. "We want a king over us.

20 Then we will be like all the other nations, with a king to lead us and to go out before us and fight our battles."

21 When Samuel heard all that the people said, he repeated it before the LORD.

22 The LORD answered, "Listen to them and give them a king."

Israel wanted a king, and they got one - King Saul, and anyone who's a Bible reader knows how well that turned out for them. Our country wanted Obama, and we got him. All I can say is, be careful what you wish for, and not all change is good. I hope I'm proven wrong in my concerns, that Obama turns out to be one of the best presidents we've ever had. But in my heart of hearts, I fear that that won't be the case. Only time will tell.

Winner of Bloggy Giveaway #2!

The giveaway for the $30.00 gift certificate to Creative Body Essentials is now CLOSED. Thanks to everyone who participated, and we now have a winner!

Here are your random numbers:

7

Timestamp: 2008-11-03 00:42:48 UTC

The person who was our 7th to comment was Heather! Heather, I'll be e-mailing you to get contact info, and I hope you enjoy your gift certificate!

Bloggy Giveaway #2!

My friend Donna is the brainchild behind Creative Body Essentials, a nifty site that sells bath goodies to delight your skin and refresh your senses. She and I got to talking, and I told her about this Bloggy Carnival thing, and she's kindly agreed to sponsor a giveaway!

This contest is open to U.S. customers only, and the prize is a $30.00 gift certificate good for anything on the Creative Body Essentials site. Winner will pay shipping.

To enter, just go over to Creative Body Essentials and take a look around. Then come back here and post a comment letting me know what one item from Donna's site most appeals to you (and y'all be nice, this is her first giveaway and we don't want to scare her off!). And that's it! The contest will be open until 5:00 PM Central time on Sunday, November 2. I'll then choose the winner using random.org. Be sure and leave a way for me to get in touch with you, be it through your Blogger profile or via a valid e-mail, because it would stink to win and not be able to find out about it.


Good luck, and if you don't win, buy something nice for yourself anyway - Donna's stuff is awesome!

And don't forget to check out the big ol' festival of goodies at the main Bloggy Carnival site!

Bright Blessings winner!

The giveaway is now over, and we have a winner!

Here are your random numbers:

65

Timestamp: 2008-11-01 13:44:31 UTC

Number 65 is Paige! Congratulations, Paige! I've sent you an e-mail.

And I was amazed by the number of entries - 524! Wow! Thanks so much to everyone who took part. I'll be doing this again in January, and with it being a new year and all, there's just no telling what I might give away then! :-)

Bloggy Carnival!!!

The giveaway is now CLOSED. Thanks to everyone who participated!

Yes, it's that time again - time for the quarterly Bloggy Carnival! I had such fun with the last one, I thought I'd do another giveaway this time.

Up for grabs: a $50 gift certificate to Bright Blessings Candles. Fall scents are up right now, and I'm working on holiday surprises. Be one of the first to get a sneak preview of the holiday goodies that await!

The contest will run until 11:59 PM on Friday, October 31. Just leave a comment to enter, and a winner will be selected from all comments posted. You don't have to be a blogger to win, but if you aren't a blogger and I can't contact you that way, please leave a valid e-mail address. It would be a bummer to win but miss out because I don't have a way to let you know! I use a random number generator to select the winner, and I'll post the winner here by 8:00 PM on Sunday, November 2.

Good luck!

My little take on the election

You know, I'm not real big into talking politics. I generally have my opinions, I figure others are entitled to theirs, and I let it be. I'm not out to convert the masses - we all have the right to vote as we see fit. But honestly, the possible ramifications of the upcoming election scare me. Obama's stand on a number of issues concerns me, and I hear a whole lot of socialist leanings in what he says and what he proposes. I don't think our country needs to go down that path, and if we do, I think things will get worse before they get better. Likewise, with McCain, I think he tries to talk a good game about change, and about being a maverick, but really, he's the establishment, Sarah Palin as his VP candidate notwithstanding. I don't trust either Republicans or Democrats any farther than I can throw them. Politics has become, to my mind, more about sticking it to the other party than about what may really be best for our country, and that's a sad, sad thing.

All that to say, if you're like I am and not crazy about either of the two main candidates, there is a choice. I've been a registered Republican since I was old enough to vote, and I'm jumping ship. I'm now a proud member of the Libertarian Party (as our yard sign says, "fiscally conservative, socially tolerant"), and this year I'll be voting for Bob Barr. I agree with so many of his stances on issues, and I absolutely agree that the U.S. Government has far overstepped its constitutional bounds in many areas, that this year I'm not choosing the lesser of two evils. I'm voting for the candidate whose take on things most closely aligns with my own.

I'm not going to try to convince anyone that Barr is the best candidate or tell you that's who you should vote for. We're all free to have our own opinions and make our own choices. But I am asking you to just visit the Libertarian Party site, and visit Bob Barr's site, do a little digging and reading and research, and see what it's all about. You never know, you might find that deep down, you're a Libertarian, too.

Free sample of Dunkin Donuts coffee!

I just signed up to have one sent to me. Dunkin Donuts is just starting to get a significant presence here, and I want to see what all the fuss is about. :-)

Oh, not again.

I talked to Brian this morning. He said one of the higher-up guides told them that off the record, they might want to brush up their resumes, that that's what he's doing. That certainly doesn't sound promising. This time, Brian is out in a group of three kids and three counselors, and I can see where the company would view that as a bit of overkill. Brian said the only thing that might work in their favor is that, as one of the newest facilities of their kind in the company, they're more cost-effective than older facilities (not sure how that works, that's just what he told me). So whoever does referrals in the company may steer kids to Lone Star rather than less cost-effective facilities, and that may get their enrollment up. This is just scary if I let myself think about it, so I'm trying not to. Ugh. It took him four months to find this position, I shudder to think how long it could take in the current market.

Diagnosis

Monday was an eventful day - ophthalmologist, pediatrician, and teacher conference. Some holiday for me, huh? LOL

Julian's eye appointment went fine. His vision is good enough to pass a driving test, so no glasses needed at this time. Julian seemed pretty disappointed by that, saying he wanted glasses! Silly boy. LOL The ophthalmologist said that at some point, he may indeed need glasses if his vision gets poor enough that he can't do what he needs to do without corrective lenses. But for now, he's good. And the ophthalmologist was great - well worth the drive to Plano.

The pediatrician's visit was draining. Even though I already knew what I was going to hear, it was still a lot to process. I showed Julian's doc the Conner's survey from his teacher, and we talked about what the teacher and counselor had described in terms of the issues he was having at school. She then asked me what I thought, if I believed it, and I had to say yes. I see how he can't sit still. I see how his emotions are up and down, up and down. I see how he can't focus long enough to get his work done without me sitting right there with him, helping him keep himself on track. I see the anger and the opposition. So I had to say yes, I believe it. She said she's known it pretty much since Julian was an infant, but she doesn't bring up the subject until parents broach the subject with her. She asked Julian to sit still and be quiet and not move while she and I talked, and he lasted maybe two minutes before he was moving around, looking under the exam table to see what was there, messing with his hair and his ears - he couldn't do it. His doc said we could do more testing to see if there was anything else going on, and I told her the counselor at school said it's the attention/behavior issues driving the learning difficulties, not the other way around, and his teacher said he's very intelligent and should do well if we can get a grip on the attention/behavior. So we're trying meds - we're starting with 20 mg of Vyvanse. The doc recommended we start it on the weekend, so I can have a day or two to see how he reacts to it before he goes off to school on it, and he needs to take it first thing in the morning with food, preferably protein. (That should be fun, as the only protein Julian wants to eat for breakfast is bacon and eggs, and I can't make bacon and eggs every morning.) We'll take our first dose on Saturday, and we'll see how it goes. Other than the ADHD discussion, there was a checkup - Julian is 3 feet, 10 1/4 inches tall and weighs 56 pounds now. There was also the Flumist nose spray (not much fun), a finger stick to check his hemoglobin (less fun than the Flumist), and the second half of the Hep A shot (took both me and Brian to hold him down, and there was lots of screaming).

That afternoon, I met with his teacher and counselor. The counselor had done an observation of Julian for a 20-minute period when he had a specific task to work on - it wasn't time where it was OK for him to be up and moving around the classroom. The time period was broken down into 30-second intervals, and she observed how often he was off task, playing with objects, out of his seat, etc. During that 20 minutes, he was off task 65% of the time, playing with whatever he could get his hands on (pencils, paper, bits of eraser) 45% of the time, singing to himself 30% of the time, and out of his seat 20% of the time. He was also redirected by the teacher six times, but the counselor said the student teacher was in charge right then and may have gone easy on Julian because she knew the counselor was observing. That kind of inattention can't help but affect his schoolwork. I saw work done by the kids posted on the walls of the classroom, and Julian's handwriting is noticeably worse than most of his classmates - yes, theirs is still clearly kid handwriting, but Julian's is so much less developed and looks so much more strained. I could pick out his work from the little tail on his small a's and his backwards s's. The counselor said handwriting issues are fairly common in kids with ADHD, and that that should improve as his focus improves. She also said that reading is usually tough for ADHD kids, and I said, oh, no, reading is one thing where he seems to be doing well. I told them we're a family of bookworms and reading has always been highly encouraged, and his teacher said he is doing well, by her testing. Julian reads 65 words a minute and comprehends most of what he reads, and he just moved up another level this week, so reading is our best subject at this point. I told them we'd be starting the meds this weekend, and the counselor said she'll do another 20-minute observation before we go back for the follow-up with his pediatrician, so we'd have something to compare the first one to. Overall, it was a good talk, and I think they know now that I'm not blowing off what they say and I am committed to helping Julian get on a good track and do well in school, and I feel like they are, too. So it was a lot to process in one day, but ultimately, it's good to know we're taking steps to help Julian do as well as I know he can. And if we get the ADHD under control, I think he'll do well in school.

Brian went back to work on Wednesday. This eight days on, six off is a challenge. It's like I just get used to him being back, and then he's gone again, and then I just get used to being by myself, and he's back. How families with one spouse on shift for long periods of time manage it, I'll never know. I'm thankful for his job, but boy, the logistics are way less than ideal. He's looking at several options at home, including the museum field, Child Protective Services, and whatever else we think of that might have potential. There haven't been any new teacher openings anywhere, and he hasn't gotten any sub assignments at all. I just hope something works out closer to home when we really need it. And if his work hours end up being cut (which is a possibility if enrollment doesn't go up), I'm telling him to just find something, anything closer to home. When you break down his paycheck by how many hours he's officially on shift, it works out to about $6.00 an hour (which is, I just realized, less than minimum wage). I think retail or warehouse work would pay better. If he ends up working less hours and getting paid less accordingly, it wouldn't be worth the drive out there or the time away from home.

I'm trying to remember, we walk by faith, not by sight. Today, it's a real struggle to keep that faith.

RAK's and ups and downs

I've been RAK'ed! I went to the post office on Saturday and found a package from my lovely friend Donna (if you want some good bath goodies, go check out her site, Creative Body Essentials - best foot scrub EVER, and everything else I've ever tried has been wonderful, too!). She knew I'd been feeling down lately and struggling with my faith, and she sent me three beautiful things: a suncatcher with the verse "We walk by faith, not by sight", a beautiful music box with the same verse that plays "How Great Thou Art", and a key ring/prayer box that had a slip of paper tucked inside with Jeremiah 29:11 written on it. I was so touched, I was crying and laughing all at the same time. Thank you, Donna - you were truly a blessing from God to me!

And today, I really need to be reminded that we walk by faith. I got a call from the principal's office just before lunchtime. Julian was in the office, having disrupted class all morning, and the straw that broke the camel's back was that he cut his hair. He said I'd said he needed a trim, and I did - but I didn't tell him to do it himself. I've e-mailed his teacher to find out what the other disruptions were, and I talked to the principal for a bit. She said Julian had to wait, because she had someone else in her office when his teacher brought him down, and when the other person left, Julian said, "It's my turn!" She told him no, it was his turn when she said it was, and he needed to wait until he was called. As a result of this, Julian had to miss specials with his class (which he loves - that's when they have art or music or computers or P.E.), he'll have to eat lunch in the principal's office, and he'll have to miss recess and sit in the office. The principal said that today they'll call it a time out in the office, but if it happens again, it will be considered in-school suspension. I told her that we were aware of his difficulties, that I'd been talking to his teacher and the counselor and was aware of his ADHD tendencies, and that we had an appointment with his pediatrician next Monday to start the evaluation process and do what needs to be done to help Julian get a grip on his behavior. I also told her that he and I have talked about how his brain is probably wired differently than other kids' and how that may make it hard for him to focus, but that he also knows we expect him to mind his teacher and behave in class and at home, that it's not some kind of blanket permission for him to cut loose and act out any way he pleases. She said she could have his teacher do a Conner's survey to help out with that, and I told her she'd already done that, that we had a copy and would be taking it to the appointment on Monday. I felt like she was thinking he must just be undisciplined at home and that I must be a slacker parent for having a child who'd act like that, and it sucked. I'm trying not to cry and really trying not to let this wreck my day. It's just something else to deal with, right? We'll talk to his doc and go from there and get a handle on things, right? This doesn't mean my child will become "that kid", the one whose name teachers cringe to see on their class rolls, does it? I never went to the office for anything, ever. I was one of those disgustingly good kids. I can't wrap my brain around this.

Time for the job search again.

The handful of you who read my blog regularly know that it took Brian a while to find a job after he moved here (four months), and that the logistics of the job he does have are less than ideal (eight days on, six off, three hours away).

Well, we may really need the prayers now. I just talked to Brian, and he said that attendance at camps like Lone Star is down everywhere, and that if things don't pick up (they may see some increase in October, after report cards come out), they'll be cutting down to three kids per group that goes out. He said that having three staff per three kids in each group seems like a bit much, and he doesn't know what will happen - if they'll go to all the staff working half a shift so everyone can get some work in, if they'll ask for volunteers to not work, if they'll lay off, what. All I know is, I'm praying for something else for him sooner rather than later, so he can be somewhere and be secure in his job (and preferably closer to home). He said he's not expecting it to be a school job, and honestly, I'm not, either. If that was going to work out, we'd have had some sign of it by now, I think. Maybe one of the parent company's residential facilities here in the Dallas area will have openings, or something else will work out, I don't know. I just know that the job concerns are cranking back up again. So if you're so inclined, pray, light candles, think good thoughts, what have you - we'll take any and all good intentions for a steady, secure job for Brian!

Before an update, a funny!

more animals

It's always something

Yesterday I wrote a whole long post about it being enough that God cares, that He never promised to fix all our problems or make life easy, but He does care and promises never to leave us, and that's enough. And then things just keep on coming.

Julian's teacher e-mailed me yesterday. We'd been talking about his difficulties in class, and she had asked about getting the counselor involved. I said that was fine, as I know we all want to see him do well in school, and I'd take suggestions from whatever corner they were offered. He's had a real hard time in school discipline-wise, and I think part of it because Brian is away at work, and that's causing some fears and anxieties that he's having a hard time managing. Well, his teacher and the counselor reviewed his Connor's surveys from last year, and they both feel like Julian exhibits many ADHD tendencies (last year it was just hyperactivity and impulsivity, and that not high enough on the scale to warrant a formal diagnosis). His teacher said that Brian being away may be affecting him, but that he has trouble focusing every day, and there's no real difference in that whether Brian is away or at home. She said she feels like Julian is a very intelligent young man, but that this lack of ability to focus on his work is beginning to affect his performance at school.

I sat at my desk at work yesterday afternoon and tried not to cry. I felt like the worst mom in the world, 1) for not doing more to follow up after we talked to the counselor at his school last year, and 2) for not realizing how very bad it had gotten. I've asked the teacher if she and/or the counselor can give me something in writing that I can take to his pediatrician, and we'll follow up with her. I guess the next step would be to consult with a psychologist, to see if he is at a level where he'd be formally diagnosed, or at least get some ideas for what to try next. I'm not crazy about the idea of medication, but if that's what it takes, I know it can make a world of difference once you've found the right medication and the right dose. My heart just hurts for Julian, trying all this time to do the right thing and just not really being able to do it. He's told me lately that his brain just won't let him pay attention, and I guess it really won't. So that was one thing.

Then there's the garage door. We got ready to leave this morning, and the door only opens about 1/3 of the way and stops. I can't get it to move now, not even releasing the catch and trying to do it by hand. Something is hung up, and hung up good, to where it won't budge. We can't get the van out of the garage, and we're not close enough to work or school to walk. So we're at home right now. The door can be repaired, for a price (yay, more money I don't have that needs to be spent). If the repair guy gets here in time, I'm hoping Julian can make it for part of the school day. Me, I'm giving work a miss. It's not worth the expense in gas and parking for me to go up there for half a day. What a thing to burn a vacation day on, huh?

So, the hits just keep on coming. Money for an eye appointment. Money for a garage door repair. Money for whatever help Julian needs with his behavior issues. I know money can't buy happiness, but it sure seems like having enough of it to go around would make things a little easier.

I'm praying a LOT today. And I'm going to make fudge. Prayer and chocolate have to make things better, right?

Lord, I Hope This Day Is Good

This song by Don Williams came up on shuffle on my iTunes, and it just fits my current mood so well:

Lord, I hope this day is good
I'm feeling empty and misunderstood
I should be thankful, Lord, I know I should
But Lord, I hope this day is good

Lord, have you forgotten me
I've been prayin' to you faithfully
I'm not saying I'm a righteous man
But Lord, I hope you understand
I don't need fortune and I don't need fame
Send down the thunder, Lord, send down the rain
But when you're planning just how it will be
Plan a good day for me

Lord, I hope this day is good
I'm feeling empty and misunderstood
I should be thankful, Lord, I know I should
But Lord, I hope this day is good

You've been the King since the dawn of time
All that I'm asking is a little less cryin'
It might be hard for the devil to do
But it would be easy for you

Lord, I hope this day is good
I'm feeling empty and misunderstood
I should be thankful, Lord, I know I should
But Lord, I hope this day is good

9 weeks, 1 day

In all the whinefest, I forgot to update about my first OB visit on Thursday!

It went well. I love my doc. He's a fairly soft-spoken man with a dry, dry sense of humor, and I'm glad we can both joke about things and also talk seriously about things that need to be addressed. I'm forever indebted to the friend who gave me his name when my former OB retired back when I was pregnant with Julian.

Anyway, the visit. His first comment to me was, "Oh, no, you're pregnant." I said, yeah, that was pretty much my first reaction when I saw the test. LOL I lost a lot of blood with Julian's delivery, so he was doing a lot of joking about needing his nitroglycerine pills for this go-round and scheduling my c-section this time and then making sure he wasn't on the on-call rotation. I can laugh because I know he'll take good care of me and the little bit, and if I didn't believe that, I'd change doctors in a second. Turns out the baby is measuring 9 weeks, 1 day - a bit farther along than I'd figured. (Hey, look, my kid is precocious already!) I got to see the heartbeat, and the baby was squirming around in there just fine and dandy. So that reassured me a lot. (I worry - I'm 40, I'm a fat chick, and there are all sorts of things that can go wrong.)

My doc asked me if I wanted to do any prenatal testing, given the higher odds for something to go wrong at my age. I said I do want to go ahead with it, because if there's anything out of the ordinary to be prepared for, then I want to be prepared. Test results wouldn't cause us to terminate the pregnancy, but if our baby were to have, say, Downs syndrome, I'd want to plan ahead for that. So he'll recommend tests and I can accept or refuse, as I feel is appropriate. (This is another thing I love about my doc - he'll make recommendations, but if it's not something he feels is essential, he's not going to push me to do it. He doesn't have his own agenda to push.)

My next appointment is October 23, and we'll get to hear the heartbeat then. Should be exciting!

Lying

This is another topic weighing heavily on my mind. Julian is with Kevin this weekend, and he'd told Kevin he had a blue day at school (the best kind) and gotten a sticker. This is something easily verified - all either of us has to do is look in Julian's folder that comes home from school and see if there's a sticker on the calendar for that day. Kevin looked at the folder, and not only was there a sticker, but there were notes from the teacher. Julian continues to struggle with things like talking out of turn and playing when he should be listening. So Kevin called me to give me the heads up and to tell me that he and Julian had a little talk about the importance of honesty.

The problem is not that Julian got into a little trouble in class. This happens. He's a chatty kid, and he's got a hard time turning it off. Brian said he was the same way in the early years of school, and that it took him until second grade or so to figure out that he needed to be still and listen in class rather than be running his mouth. No, the problem is that Julian told his father a bald-faced lie about it. To my knowledge, I've never told Julian a lie (OK, other than telling him I had no idea what Santa might bring him for Christmas). He's not seeing that behavior here at home. And for him to lie about something that's so easily verified bothers me. He told Kevin he lied because he was afraid he'd get into trouble for getting the note, and Kevin told him no, he wasn't upset about Julian getting a note from the teacher, but he was upset that Julian felt the need to be dishonest about it.

So, parents who are farther along the road in raising your kids and wiser than me, what's the best tack to take with this? Would the punishment be too far removed from the crime to have consequences for the lie here at home (I'm thinking of taking away Wii time, because that's the thing he loves more than anything)? He's six years old - is that old enough to connect what happened yesterday with what happens tomorrow when he gets back home? I don't want him to grow up thinking it's OK to lie to get out of trouble, and I'm just not sure how best to nip this in the bud now and help him realize that he can be honest with me, with Kevin, and with Brian about anything, that a lie will get him in more hot water than whatever the truth is.

Finances and faith

Warning: This probably sounds like a bunch of whining. And in part, I guess it is. If you can handle that, read on.

This is a topic that's been on my mind for quite a while. It's something Brian and I have discussed throughout our marriage, as we both feel strongly that tithing - giving back to God - is something we need to be committed to doing.

Last Sunday night, the pastor talked about, among other things, making time to be alone with God, and asking God to help you identify the areas in your life where He really wanted you to let go and let Him work. He talked about one of his own experiences, when he was the new pastor at our church a number of years ago, things were not going well, and he was concerned that the church would close its doors, or split, or somehow things would fall out that he'd be without a job with a wife and three kids to take care of. He realized that what he needed to let go of was his fear about provision and needs being met, and as he talked, I realized that that was something I really needed to let go of as well. I was the sole or primary breadwinner for my entire marriage to K, and I'm still the primary breadwinner now (although I am very, very thankful Brian is working!), so the responsibility of making sure family is taken care of has weighed heavily on my shoulders my entire working life. If bills aren't getting paid on time, I take it personally, I feel like *I've* failed somehow, like *I* haven't tried hard enough or pinched pennies enough or done enough to bring home the bacon. I wasn't raised to not pay my obligations in full and on time, and it upsets me when ends don't meet like I think they ought to. This is one really big area where I feel like God wants me to get out of the way and let Him work, and even now, I struggle with it.

I find myself trying to put a time limit on God, expecting Him to conform to my timetable and my agenda. Malachi 3:10 says, "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." God doesn't tell us to test Him very often, but here, He does. So Brian and I will freely admit that yes, we're testing God. We've made our commitment to give, and we're doing it. And logically, I know what the pastor meant when he said that God promises to meet our needs, not to make us rich. But when things aren't getting paid on time, I begin to wonder. (I know, again logically and not emotionally, that the lack is with me and not with God - it's not that He doesn't keep His promises, it's that I don't keep the faith.) And hence, the struggle. I'm not feeling very blessed right now, not in the least, and I'm wrestling with what exactly it means to have faith that God will meet our needs. Does that mean constantly living on the financial edge, scraping from paycheck to paycheck, and just trusting that the money will be there to cover necessities and not much else? Do I have to have faith strong enough to trust that we can be balanced on the edge and not fall over, and is that what getting our needs met will mean for the rest of our lives? Somehow I can't imagine that that's what God meant. But right now, this is what I'm turning over and over in my head.

And on a slightly related but not-quite-identical note, there's Bright Blessings. I love making candles and scrubs and goodies. I enjoy it and I'm pretty decent at it, I think. I'm getting the word out in all the ways I know how and all the ways I can afford, and yet I'm not seeing a whole lot of growth. I'm on a couple of message boards where the chat about bath and body products is pretty prevalent, and I see people talking up what they've gotten and tried. It just seems like people seem to forget to mention when they've ordered from me. I've seen good reviews of my products, so I know people like them. I just don't seem to get the word of mouth that other companies do, and I can't figure out why. So, this leaves me wondering, should I just cut my losses and pack it in? Should I put up all my supplies for sale and take my website down and close my Etsy shop and be done with it? I know that right now, I could not handle a huge influx of orders - I know there are e-tailers who get a ton of business, and I'm not equipped to handle THAT much business right now. But a steady stream of orders would be nice, and just having people mention that they got the stuff they did order would be nice, too. I've been doing this for over a year now, and with the way things have been going, I'm honestly not sure it's worth my while to keep it up.

See, I said I was whining. I'm going to go wallow in the pity pit for a while with the lovely chocolate peanut butter cupcake from Sugar Dreams that my friend Kelly brought to me today.

80s music quiz

Go on, see how much time you wasted in the 80s with your Walkman on!

Ups and downs and odds and ends

J had good days on Thursday and Friday, and this week has been OK so far. He's barely hanging on to an "S" (satisfactory) as his conduct grade for the six weeks, though. So I made a deal with him. If he can keep up the good behavior and get the S in conduct this six weeks, we'll go to Game Stop and look at the used Wii games as a reward. We'll see if a little motivation can go a long way - he's got thirteen class days left in the six weeks.

Brian got his first paycheck on Saturday! Woo hoo! It was only about half of what he'll be getting regularly, but still - it was a welcome sight, and I know he's happy about contributing to the family income.

I'm a little out of sorts today. Part of it is because Brian left this morning for his eight-day shift. Part of it is because several of my friends are getting together for a few days, starting tomorrow, and I'm not going to be able to make it, and I'm sad. I've known these women online (although I've met a couple of them in real life) for several years now, and this is the third get-together I've missed, and it sucks. I wish I were going, but the money just wasn't in the budget, and even if it had been, I'd have had to give it a miss once Brian took the eight-on, six-off job. But even knowing logically that it wouldn't have worked out with Brian's new job, money notwithstanding, I'm really bummed. And once again I say, maybe next year.

I'm eight weeks now, give or take, and today the tiredness is kicking my butt. I'm fighting to stay awake at my desk, but I'm sorely tempted to just put my head down and take a nap. Of course, if I do, that will be the moment our big boss on-site chooses to walk down *this* row, so I'm resisting the urge (thus far). Most days I feel OK. Some days I feel pretty crappy, but there's been no throwing up, thank goodness. Some days I feel positively perky, and then I worry that something must be wrong. LOL My first official doctor's appointment is tomorrow, and I'm hoping for a good one.

Today, I got nothin'.

No witty title, that is.

Yesterday was another less-than-stellar day for J. The note from the teacher said she had to ask him ten times to sit down and do his classwork, and he didn't finish it. I told him he was lucky she didn't just wash her hands of it and send him to the office. So we had to finish the work at home last night. Oh, the drama. He screamed and cried and said it was too much and that he couldn't do it. And when he finally sat down and did it, it didn't take long at all.

I'm learning that J needs lots of hands-on attention with his work - he's not internally motivated like I was as a kid. He got through his work a lot quicker with me sitting there encouraging him and telling him he could do it. As he went, he saw that he was in fact doing it and then he probably could have finished it up on his own. But he needed that push, that encouragement from me to get started. How can I help him learn that he can do things, he just needs to jump in and start and keep on going until he's done?

I e-mailed his teacher today. I explained about Brian's job and the fact that he was due home this week, and said that perhaps that had something to do with why J has had such a hard time staying focused this week. I told her I appreciated her letting me know what's going on with him, and let her know we're working at home to address the issues as well. I don't want her thinking J's parents just let him run wild, and I want her to know that we can work together to help J do well in school. This is just so foreign to me. I would no more have gotten out of my seat in class when it wasn't time to do so than I would have jumped off the roof of the school. I hope I'm handling it OK.

In other news, I get to ring handbells! I'd signed up on a list expressing interest back in June, and the director of the advanced handbell choir called. They have two openings, and since they practice at 4:45 on Sundays and there are activities for the kids from 5:00 until 7:00 on Sundays, it looks like I'll give it a shot! I'm so excited. I love handbells, and the logistics of me ringing just didn't work out when I was single - J didn't want to go to Sunday school, and didn't want to sit by himself in the congregation during the times when we rang, so that didn't leave many options. (One time he came and sat by my feet behind the handbell tables while we rang.) But now that he's older, I'm hoping he'll be better able to be somewhere without me and make friends and give me a chance to do something I enjoy.

And Brian is home! Yay!!! He got home a bit after 8:00 last night. So, six more sleeps before he starts it all over again. He went to sub training this morning, and he said that given what he's doing now (working with middle school and high school kids with behavioral issues), he'll take middle school assignments as well as older elementary. Hopefully that will open the door to more sub work for him, and hopefully that will ultimately open the door to a job closer to home.

Would I feel better if I felt worse?

I'm just out of sorts today. Grumpy, surly, little-black-rain-cloud out of sorts. I want to go hide and be by myself until the feeling passes. And I think worry is at the root of it. I feel mostly OK from a physical standpoint - no queasiness-that's-not-quite-nausea, no heartburn, no insane tiredness (still tired, but not so much that I can barely function, which is how I've been the past few days), no growing/stretchy pains. In short, nothing that would really tell me I'm pregnant. And since I feel fairly decent, I worry. I'm scared to death that something has gone wrong, that I'll go to my appointment next week and my doctor will tell me the baby has stopped growing, that it's over. I don't want that. This baby may have been a bit of a surprise, but he or she is already very much loved and wanted, and I want to go next week and be told everything is just fine. I want it to be next week right now. I guess I'd feel better mentally if I felt worse physically, silly as that sounds.

Brian will be home this evening, so that's good news! I think his shift ended at 1:00, but he said he'd have debriefing, and he wasn't sure if that would be before or after he officially got off shift. I'm sure he'll call or send me a message when he's on the road.

J has had a couple of rough days at school - talking, getting up out of his seat, making shadow pictures in front of the projector, that sort of thing. I wonder how much of this has to do with the difference in teachers, how free they were to move around in kindergarten vs. how much his new teacher expects them to stay seated. He also got into trouble for yelling in another student's face. He said the boy punched him first, and I told him that if that happened, he was better off telling the teacher rather than yelling back. (If he took a punch at someone who punched him first, he wouldn't get into more trouble at home, but I'm not telling him that yet.) Hopefully today will be better. He's also going to be part of the PAL program, where younger kids are assigned to a high school student who's taking part in the program as a big brother/big sister. I hope that he'll get someone assigned to him who can be a good role model for him.

Is it 5:00 yet?

And what was that I said?

I believe I said this just a few weeks ago, on August 14:

Tying that in to the Lone Star interview - how funny would it be (and I don't mean funny ha-ha) if God, in His infinite wisdom, decided that now would be a perfect time for me to get pregnant? I think I'd pull my hair out. I'd be excited, and scared, and all that good stuff, but I'd pull my hair out in absolute frustration at the timing, especially if Brian gets the job. But again, I'll jump off that bridge if I get to it. I'm not there yet.

Well, I'm there. LOL Brian did indeed accept the Lone Star job, as it was the only one that offered and he needed a job (and we needed the paycheck). It's got its pros and cons, like any other job. Pros: it's a job, it's a paycheck, and Brian is excited about it. He feels like he may have more of an opportunity to make a difference in a child's life there than he would in a traditional classroom, and I know he's excited about not being limited by the approved curriculum of a traditional classroom setting. Cons: Well, it's three hours away, and he's gone for eight days at a time. Those are pretty big cons, but not big enough to outweigh the benefit of a paycheck. I did the single mom thing before, and I wasn't crazy about it then - it's even more of a challenge now when when I come home so tired that I can barely keep my head up. There were a couple of teaching positions that came open at the last minute, right before Brian had to make a decision on Lone Star, and he applied, but nothing came of them. So he's working for Lone Star for the time being, and he'll keep taking substitute positions as they come up on his off days, and doing his best to make a good impression at local campuses. Brian is hoping to find something close to home come February or March, closer to when the baby is due, when he'll really need it. But right now, for reasons I can't fathom, God must want Brian at Lone Star, so that's where he is. We'll just have to have faith that things are working out as they're meant to.

And on a completely unrelated note, I was just listening to Randy Travis, and it made me think of my mother. She sure did love Randy Travis, and I sure do miss her. Now her second grandchild is on the way, and I wish she could be here.

One of life's little surprises

Well, I don't guess this is exactly a little surprise:


Rather a big one, in fact! But yes, there will be an addition to the family come late April or so. It got to where my cycle was longer than usual, and I figured it was either pregnancy or pre-menopause, so I peed on a stick. Honestly, I was expecting it to just be another trick played on me by an aging body. Nope!

And what's funny - back in May I'd gone to see my RE (reproductive endocrinologist, for those of you unfamiliar with the abbreviation), to see about getting some help in the getting pregnant department. I never followed up, and just a week and a half before I tested, Brian and I had talked about this very thing. He didn't have a job at the time, and we talked about how we really didn't have the income to pursue medical intervention, and I said I wasn't really sure I could go through the process again without knowing it would work (because there are no guarantees, you know). I knew what to expect if we went through those hoops again, and I really didn't think I wanted to go there. It was a good talk, and we came to the conclusion that yes, it would be nice to have a child, but we weren't going to force it. If it happened, it happened. Well, it happened!

I called my doctor's office right away, given the issues I had with J. My doc had me in for bloodwork twice, and everything looked good - my progesterone was around 24, and my hCG went up nicely, just like it's supposed to. (A couple of people have speculated as to whether I'm having twins - I sincerely hope not, one healthy baby will be plenty for us, thanks!) I go for my first official visit on September 18. Being as I'm 40 and all, I fall very solidly into the "advanced maternal age" category, and I'm hoping that gets me a few extra peeks at the little one.

The grandparents are all thrilled, and all the grandmothers are hoping for a girl. LOL Me, I don't much care, as long as at the end of it all, there's a healthy baby and a healthy me. We've told J, and he suggested we name the baby "Sandwich". Mmm, no. He's also informed me that he'll have a baby sister, but she'll have to learn to play with boy toys, because there's not going to be any girly stuff in his house! LOL Yeah, we'll just see how that goes, kiddo.

Bright Blessings is now on Etsy!

Bright Blessings on Etsy

Check it out!

A lot on my mind

Well, there still hasn't been any word from any school districts in the area. Not sure what's up with that. But Brian does have an interview next week with Lone Star. Yay? Eek? I waffle between really hoping it works out and thinking, "oh, crap, what will we do if it works out?!" He'll go down there next Wednesday night and go out to Lone Star for his five-day interview/training on Thursday morning. It's my understanding that once he's done with the five days, if he likes them and they like him, they'll hammer out the details and settle on a start date right then. If he gets it, there will definitely be some adjustments to be made and some changes to get used to. But Brian and I talked, and we think that him finding something that brings in some income, to get our finances more secure, is essential right now. If it makes for some weird logistics, so be it. I just hope that, if he does get the job, my work will work with me to figure out a schedule for Brian's "on" days that allows me to get J to and from school on time and still take the bus. If I have to go back to driving on days Brian isn't here, 1) I won't like going back to driving because taking the bus is so much less stressful, and 2) I'll be really annoyed that I'll have paid for a bus pass and still end up paying for parking half the time. But we're not there yet, so I won't waste energy getting annoyed right now.

The timing of the interview could be better. Brian had asked about the possibility of going this week, but that wouldn't have given Lone Star time to get his background check done. So, next Thursday through the following Monday it is. Brian will miss Meet the Teacher night and the first day of school, but it is what it is. The more I think about it, the more I really hope this does work out, inconvenient logistics notwithstanding. If it doesn't, we really don't have any other options right now. And that just won't do.

And on a somewhat related note - the topic of having kids. Brian has no kids of his own, and had previously said he'd really like to try to have at least one. We went out to dinner on Friday - it had been a bit of a discouraging week, and we figured a beer (for him) and a margarita (for me) were in order. We had a good talk, specifically on the topic of having kids. He said that while yes, he'd like to have one, he's kind of the school of thought that if it happens, it happens. He said that on one hand, he wanted us to try as much for a child as K and I did to get J here, to make it fair, but he said he knew that wouldn't be any way to go into it if I were only going through it to be "fair". I told him how I felt about not being sure that I could go through all the poking and prodding and testing again, not having any guarantee of success, and that I already knew I wouldn't go any farther than I'd done with J - I'm not going the route of injectables and IVF, I just can't. I told him that I worry, too, about the higher potential for problems, either for me or for a baby, now that I'm 40. I also pointed out the likely difficulties I'd have with getting any kind of understanding from my work for appointments - if I'm pregnant, sure, they'll likely be understanding of that, but fertility treatments/trying to get pregnant? There'd be a lot of appointments for testing, and I can see work saying that that was a voluntary thing and not cut me much slack at all. So there's that to consider, too. I think at this point, we're both of the opinion that if it happens, it happens and we'll be glad, but we're not taking any extraordinary measures to make it happen. Once Brian is working and we might have a little extra money for out of pocket expenses, that may change. But right now, we're not doing anything in terms of medical intervention, and we're good with that.

Tying that in to the Lone Star interview - how funny would it be (and I don't mean funny ha-ha) if God, in His infinite wisdom, decided that now would be a perfect time for me to get pregnant? I think I'd pull my hair out. I'd be excited, and scared, and all that good stuff, but I'd pull my hair out in absolute frustration at the timing, especially if Brian gets the job. But again, I'll jump off that bridge if I get to it. I'm not there yet.

J went to Six Flags with K and A and his four stepsiblings yesterday. Given his reluctance to try things most kids would consider great fun, I was a little worried about how it might turn out. I wasted a good worry. He did whine initially that he didn't want to try this, that or the other thing, but once he got on the bumper cars, that was all it took. He was hooked. J told me last night that he was tall enough to ride the Texas Giant. I asked him if he rode it, and he said, "No, but I'm tall enough to ride it if I want to." LOL I'm glad he had a good time, and I'm glad that he seems to be realizing it's OK for him to do that, to spend time with his dad and enjoy himself and come home and tell me what he did. K loves J and wants very much to be part of his life, and I want to encourage that, and it makes things so much easier on both of us if J can go with his dad without crying and getting upset over leaving me.

And now for something completely different: Bright Blessings has an Etsy shop! If you're unfamiliar with Etsy, it's a super online marketplace where you can find all sorts of handmade goodies for sale. Clothes, bath and body, candles, paper goods, jewelry, artwork, Etsy's got it. All the items listed in Bright Blessings' shop are in stock and ready for immediate shipment. I'll be putting up more goodies in the next couple of weeks, including bubble bars, scrubs, wax tarts, and all sorts of things in fall and holiday preview scents. Go take a look around - feel free to buy, or just send me a convo and say hi and tell me you saw the link on my blog! :-) I'm pretty excited about it.

Moving on to another tangent, have you ever checked out Craigslist? If not, give it a look and see if there's one specific to your area. We've found some really good things on there lately. Brian got something like 150 board feet of nice cedar wood for free, all he had to do was go get it, and a big load of dirt for our front yard for free, again just for the going to get it. He got a new Ryobi circular saw, in the box, for $50 and a fabulous leather jacket for $30. I've sold a few things on there myself. Check it out, you never know what you might find!

And still we wait.

New teacher training is less than two weeks away. The start of school is less than three weeks away. And still Brian has heard nothing. To say we're getting a little bit frustrated and a little bit nervous is putting it mildly. We aren't even seeing any more openings showing up on websites, much less is Brian getting any interviews. I'm trying not to wig, honestly, I am. But when new teacher training is right around the corner and Brian hasn't even found much to apply for, hasn't had one single interview or even a phone call, that doesn't exactly give me any sort of peace of mind that something will work out. He's got online applications in at all the districts he's interested in, and a couple of them just have general listings for elementary teachers, with a note that you have to have an online application so that principals can search. His application is there, but he's not getting any calls. Does this mean people see his application and don't think he's worth talking to, or that they just aren't ready to look yet, or what?! One of the elementary schools in Mansfield has a fourth-grade opening. Brian interviewed with them at their job fair, and felt like it went well. He's applied for that position, and the principal is one of the people who interviewed Brian back in the spring. No phone call. Did it not go as well as he thought? The listing doesn't have a closing date, so I'm not sure it's a situation where they're waiting until X time to start interviewing, but I could be wrong. Patience is not my strong suit, and this is just about to do me in.

Brian is sending his "last ditch" letter, basically saying he's aware of the fact that schools often have last-minute openings and giving the principals a summary of the high points of his experience. He's sending it to all the elementary schools in the four districts we've been focusing on, and he's applying to Fort Worth, Arlington, and Grand Prairie school districts as well. That would mean a good bit more of a drive for him, and I'd have to shift my work schedule to where I could drop J off at school, which would mean I'd get here later and have to work later, which sucks. But if that's what he's got to do to get in teaching somewhere, then I guess we'll take it and work out the logistics.

And now for something completely different on the job search front. The other day, Brian and I were e-mailing back and forth about his looking for jobs, and he was debating whether Fort Worth ISD would be too far of a drive to make it worthwhile to apply. I got to looking on Craigslist, and found an ad for the position of beer barn manager (one of the perks being that you get to work with sexy beer barn girls! LOL For the princely wage of $7.00 an hour! I guess the sexy girls are supposed to make up for the low pay). I sent it to him with the subject line of, "That's it, the search is over." He got a good laugh out of it, and then decided to do his own looking on Craigslist, where he found this:

http://www.lonestarexpeditions.com/employment.html

It would REALLY make the logistics challenging if he were on for eight days, off for six - I'd be back to single parenting those eight days he was gone. Groveton is 177 miles from Midlothian per Google maps, so the round trip drive would be like a trip to my dad's house in Louisiana every other week. The salary isn't great starting out, but the website says that depending on experience, some people may advance through the guide levels more quickly (and earn more money more quickly), and I'd imagine the ones that stick with it are the ones with the potential to do well. All he'd really have to pay for is gas to and from, as room and board would be covered while he was on his eight-day shift. It sounds really interesting, and he'd be great at it, and he'd enjoy it. He's good with kids, and he likes being outdoors and has done a lot of camping and hiking in the past. But damn, the logistics would be a bitch, and just trying to wrap my brain around how we'd handle everything makes my head hurt. But, we may have to think outside of the teaching arena and do something that we think is outside our comfort zone, I don't know. I told him it can't hurt to apply and see what kind of response he gets. Then we'll go from there.

And boy, does God have a sense of humor. We thought Fort Worth would be too far of a drive. How about Groveton, then? LOL

And the winner is....

And #77 was Alyce! Congratulations, Alyce, and let me hear from you so I can get your gift voucher sent to you.

Thank you so much to everyone who participated! This has been fun - I can't wait to do it again next quarter.

Bloggy Carnival Giveaways!

It's Bloggy Carnival Giveaway time again, and this time I decided to get in on the fun. My giveaway runs from today, July 30, through midnight Central time on Saturday, August 2. The winner will be announced here on Sunday, August 3. EDITED TO ADD: The winner will be announced on Sunday, August 3, once I have gotten a response from them. If there's no response within three days, I'll choose another winner.

Up for grabs: a $50.00 gift certificate to Bright Blessings Candles! Anyone who's read my blog before probably knows Bright Blessings is my labor of love. I make votives, wax tarts, and a variety of bath goodies in a host of different scents.

To enter, just visit my site and leave me a comment with your favorite scent from my scent list. You don't have to have a blog to win, but please include a valid e-mail address with your comment so that I'll have a way to get in touch with you should you be chosen as the winner.

Be sure to check out the Bloggy Carnival site to see all the other fabulous prizes that are being offered - right now I think they're up to 832 or thereabouts!

And just to share the Bloggy Carnival love....

My friend Rachel is having a super giveaway at her site, Weird Stuff in My Desk - the following is from her site:

Bloggy Carnival Is HERE All Week Long! Over $1000.00 In Prizes!
Special Announcement

The Bloggy Carnival is here! Starting on July 28th 2008 and ending at midnight Pacific time Saturday August 2nd 2008. You will have several ways to win the AMAZING prizes listed on our blog. Winners will be announced by Wednesday August 6th. Remember to visit all of the other participating blogs at the Bloggy Carnival. We are just one stop of hundreds! Many of our contributors ship internationally, so don’t be shy, everybody whether you are in the US or not, or whether you have your own blog is welcome to participate!!

CONTEST INFO

Readers, here’s how to enter the contest. You can do one or all of these things, and each one will give an additional entry and thus MORE chances to win.

1. SUBSCRIBE to our newsletter here on the right hand side of the site. You MUST verify your subscription via the email the site will send you. Unverified subscribers will not be entered into the contest. This option is for new subscribers only.

2. Post this blog post in it’s entirety with a link to our contest here at your blog, group or website and you will be given additional entries to win. You MUST post the links where you have shared the info in one response here in this thread. The more places you post the event, the more entries you get, so spread the word! NOTE: Don’t worry if your post doesn’t show up right away or you get an error message, the spam filter on the site will catch it if there are too many links. I will approve your posts so no need to worry, if this happens please don’t post your list multiple times. Check back later in the week to see if it is up.


3. Visit each of the sites who have contributed to our event below and pick ONE favorite item from each store and come post the LINK to that item or the page the items is on here in this post. You can do one or all of the sites, you get an entry for each business you visit and the ONE item link you post here. Try to combine all of your items into one big post. NOTE: Don’t worry if your post doesn’t show up right away or you get an error message, the spam filter on the site will catch it if there are too many links. I will approve your posts so no need to worry, if this happens please don’t post your list multiple times. Check back later in the week to see if it is up.

4. Make a purchase today from ANY or all of the retailers participating on our page (see list below) and send us a copy of the receipt for your purchase to: racoo.smith @ gmail.com (no spaces) for an additional entry. You get entries for every purchase you make. Be SURE to put WSIMD Contest Entry in the subject line so it doesn’t get lost in our spam filter.

5. Read through our Weird Stuff in my Desk blog and find your favorite post and come back here and post the LINK to it. One favorite post per contestant please.

6. Come back daily to see more options for winning and possibly more prizes to compete for. New companies or prizes may be added to the bottom of the list.

7. Add us as your friend on Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/bittenbybooks

Add us as your friend on Facebook: http://www.new.facebook.com/profile.php?id=614064436

Follow us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/weirdstuff

8. Stumble or share the post with any social networking sites. There is a button right at the end of this post that says share.

Be sure you leave a valid email and your name when posting here so we can contact you if you are the winner. We will contact the winners and request your first/last name and a valid email which we will give to the retailer whose prize you have one. It is up to the individual retailers to award your prizes. If we do not hear back from winners within one week of contacting you, you prize will be forfeited and an alternate winner will be chosen. We reserve the right to delete any inappropriate or inflammatory remarks or comments.


Be SURE to visit our sister site Bitten by Books will be offering a $50.00 Amazon.com Gift Card as well as HUNDREDS of dollars in different prizes, books and gift certificates for the Bloggy Carnival ! Go here: http://bittenbybooks.com/?p=738 and see what you could win! The directions for entry are set up there as well! Have fun and happy Carnival!

A BIG thank you to our fabulous contributors!!

Here is the list of AMAZING prizes you are trying to win!

KLEAN Bath & Body - $100.00 Gift Code
http://www.kleanbathandbody.com/
Klean Bath & Body provides luxurious, hand-mixed, bath and body products at an affordable price.

Flying Needle Gallery - $20.00 Gift Certificate
http://flyingneedlegallery.com
Gifts for the body & home: Offering velvet scarves, silk pillows, eco-friendly napkins & handkerchiefs and more. Includes FREE shipping if the prize winner is in the US — but will ship worldwide.

Broken Teepee Designs - $25.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.brokenteepeedesigns.com/
Beautiful beaded jewelry. Made in Montana. Free shipping on your order, will ship internationally

Get Happy Goat Soap - $10.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.gethappygoatsoap.com/
Handcrafted soap made with the milk from my Nigerian dwarf goats Pricilla and Abigail plus other rich ingredients. Get happy! Free shipping on your order, will ship internationally

Starring…! Fragrances - $26.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.starringfragrances.com/
Organic & Natural Perfumes & Body Products that Star you in Sweet, Sensual Scents!

Little Black Boxes - 2 $20.00 Gift Certificates for Little Black Boxes
http://www.thelittleblackboxes.com
The Little Black Box is the perfect place for consumers to learn about our wonderful online retailers before purchasing. It’s a handmade revolution!

Bovine Bubbles and Hogwash - Canadian Company - 2 $25.00 Gift Certificates
http://www.bovinebubblesandhogwash.com/
Udderly the best handcrafted body care in the world.

South Main Designs - $25.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.mysouthmaindesigns.com/155
Beautiful jewelry at affordable prices! Shipping to US and Canada.

Lillian Skincare - $50.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.lillianskincare.com/
At Lillian Skincare, we believe that caring for your whole body not only means being careful about what you eat, but also what you feed your skin from the outside.

Pampertini - $25.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.pampertini.com/
We offer a variety of pampering items for you to enjoy, whether you are a shower person or love to indulge in a tub of bubbles, come by for some ONE STOP SHOPPING fun!

Bauble Bath - $50.00 Gift Certificate
http://baublebath.com/
Thick Creamy scrubs as well as bath bombs in indulgent fragrances.

Crater Lake Company - $30.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.craterlakecompany.com

Delightfully Wed - $15.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.delightfullywed.com/
Delightfully Wed supplier of wedding accessories, supplies, decorations, and favors, specializing in western-themes. Shipping is free within the US - we will ship internationally if the winner wishes to pay the shipping costs.

Candles and Woodcrafts - $15.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.candlesandwoodcrafts.com/
We provide a wide array of items from wooden soap molds and displays to wax tarts, finished woodcrafts, clocks, lighted holiday items….way to much to mention in one line so come on over and take a look!

Ginger’s Garden - 2 - $10.00 Gift Certificates
http://www.gingersgarden.com/
Come visit Ginger’s Garden for handmade soaps, skin and body care, gift baskets, toiletries, Zodiac Perfume blends, sculpted soap flowers and more. US Shipping Only.

Snowberry Creek - A Gift Certificate for a sampler box valued at $22.95
http://www.snowberrycreek.com/
A box full of luxurious, fragrant samples and full-sized items, such as handmade soaps, lotions, massage oil, bath teas, bath salts, shea butter, votives, tarts, bath bombs, teas, coffees, decorative soaps, potpourri, jewelry, candles, bubble bath and much more. Shipping is free within the US - we will ship internationally if the winner wishes to pay the shipping costs.

FeltLikeStitchin - $20.00 Paypal Gift Certificate - UK Company
http://feltlikestitchin.etsy.com/
DiDi Dolls are small, unique hand stitched felt dolls, each with a note in its pocket with the name and date of creation. Will ship worldwide from their store.

Things That Make Scents - $25.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.thingsthatmakescents.com/
Things That Make Scents is a Jersey Shore-based candle manufacturer offering superior customer service and a diverse menu of all-natural soy wax candles and scented wax bears. With many scents available, you are sure to find a favorite! Carrying candle accessories, gift baskets, jewelry and great gift items, its your one stop shop for your gift giving needs! Ships to the US and Canada.

Linda’s Gifts and Decor - $25.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.lindasgiftsanddecor.com/
Shipping to Canada and US ***Come by on Wednesday for a special offer from this retailer.

The Bath Project - $25.00 Gift Certificate
http://TheBathProject.com
Handcrafted body care, inspired by nature, crafted in small batches using certified organic ingredients. Will ship internationally.

Chunky Butt Candle & Bath Co. - $20.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.chunkybuttcandles.com/
As a small business, Chunky Butt Candle & Bath Company, we are dedicated to making a unique candle and bath & body experience. World wide shipping

Bad Girlz Bath Co. - $50.00 Gift Code
http://badgirlzbath.com/
Do you have a Fragrance Fetish, a Lust for Lather, Massage oils make you Hot & Bothered? We’re NOT your mother’s Bath & Body shop, we’re SO much more fun!

Just Right Candles - $15.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.justrightcandles.com/
Just Right Candles you a No Flame, No soot, SAFE alternative to traditional candles.

Lindsay’s Candles & Stuff - Canadian Company - $25.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.lindsayscandles.com/
Lindsay’s Candles & Stuff proudly handcrafts scented candles, soaps and bath & body products.

Lily Gulch Soaps - $30.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.lilygulchsoaps.com/
Handmade 100% natural cold process soaps, unique bath & body products and natural bath accessories. International Shipping Worldwide using United States Postal Service (USPS).

Bin Hog Designs $25.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.binhog.com/
Custom embroidered Luggage ID Handle Wraps - choose from one of our many designs or get them personalized!

Pacific Scents $20.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.pacificscents.com
Hand-poured Custom Candles, Bath and Body Products. Over 150 scents!

J.Lynne Cosmetics - $25.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.jlynne.com/
Handcrafted mineral makeup. Purely beautiful, naturally you! Shipping to US and Canada.

Manic Trout - $25.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.manictrout.com/
Handmade jewelry that is both colorful and unique, using unusual and quite often vintage materials. Worldwide shipping.

Vintage Body Spa LLC - $15 Gift Certificate
http://www.vintagebodyspa.com/
Vintage Body Spa handcrafts natural, luxurious and paraben-free spa products designed to ‘Indulge Your Body’ ™.

Flower Peddler - $30.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.flower-peddler.com/
Naturally-sourced bath, body, and skincare - always fresh, never boring.

Wylde Ivy - $50.00 Gift Certificate
http://www.wyldeivy.com/
Wylde Ivy is all about unique and inspired scent blends, high quality handmade products, and exquisite little luxuries!

Weird Stuff In My Desk - $20.00 Sephora Gift Certificate
http://weirdstuffinmydesk.com

Soapier - $30.00 Gift Certificate
http://Soapier.com

The Blue Raven Tea Co. - 2 $10.00 Gift Certificates
http://blueraventea.com
Let us delight you with our irresistible and fragrant teas. Every cup is a journey. Shipping to US and Canada

NEW PRIZES ADDED!

Marr Williams - $25.00 Gift Card/Discount Code
http://marrwilliams.etsy.com
Pamper yourself. Simply. Naturally. Shipping to the US And Canada.

The Muse - $30.00 Gift Certificate to White Iris Designs
http://www.i-am-the-muse.com/

Is having a choice important to you?

http://www.indiebusinessblog.com/indie_business/2008/06/stop-the-fda-gl.html

Read about the proposed FDA Globalization Act of 2008, watch the video, and please sign the petition asking to stop this legislation. If it passes as it's drafted, it would end up requiring way more fees and paperwork than most small bath/body/cosmetics businesses could handle, and would put a lot of small companies out of business. Let the market decide what sells and what doesn't, and don't let that choice be taken away or curtailed by needless government regulations.