Oh, sweet mother of mercy, I am so mad I'm shaking. I've been contemplating lately the direction things might be taking with Brian - after all, we have been seeing each other for just over a year, you wouldn't think you'd spend that much time dating someone (long-distance, no less) if you didn't see some long-term potential. We haven't had the full-out "conversation" yet, but the subject has been touched upon briefly and he's said some things that sound like he's thinking at least about the possibility of something long-term.
Then tonight, I was perusing a board that's of interest to both of us, and I found this in his introductory post after he said he was seeing someone:
"we enjoy each other's company, but I don't think either one of us are really serious about a life-long commitment at this point"
And then he'd posted in the personals forum there, saying he's seeking a relationship - preferably marriage. Pissed off does not even BEGIN to cover it. Ya know, there's no ring on my finger, but he's said things that imply some long term thinking. That post makes me feel that not only is there no long term thinking, but that he doesn't even see the POSSIBILITY!!! At one point he'd said he'd taken his profile down from the site where we met, he wasn't seeing anyone else, wasn't looking. And then tonight I find this little gem. If he's decided he'd like to see other people, I would have appreciated finding it out some way other than by finding his personals post on a board we both frequent. I know our long-distance situation makes it impractical to seriously contemplate anything long-term and/or permanent right now, because a long-distance marriage would suck. But his posts make it sound like he doesn't even see the potential for anything, and if that's the case, then why continue to spend time with me? Just cut your losses and go find your dream girl already.
To quote an old Black Flag song (I think it was Black Flag, maybe not), "goddamnmotherfuckersonofabitch". I wrote him a big long e-mail, because he needs to know I'm pissed and why. He knows what happened to end my marriage. I will not be taken for granted by any man. So. It may be a Brian weekend, it may not.
At this moment, if I saw him, I'd probably kick him in the balls. And I'd love to take his Christmas present and just set it on fire. But then I couldn't resell it if this actually does turn out to be the end of the relationship.
I'll give him a chance to explain himself and tell me his side of the story - after all, even murderers deserve a chance to present a defense. But trust takes time to build, and longer to rebuild, and tonight it took a major hit.