Saturday, March 10, 2007
A lovely day!
Brian and I took J to the Dallas World Aquarium today. It was fun - J was all over the place, he was so excited. It was really funny, though - he'd exclaim over the plants and the monkeys and the birds and the fish, and then he'd exclaim over the trash cans. LOLOL He had a good time, up until there was a performance of some sort. A group of people came by in what looked like maybe Mayan dress, and that was cool until the two parrots one man had on his shoulders let out this raucous shriek. Poor J, he nearly came unglued, and that was it. He wanted to go home RIGHT THEN. He's definitely sensitive to loud noises, and that was the end of it. So we made our way out, found the gift shop for a little souvenir, and headed back home.
I'd hoped J would go to sleep early, being as how the time changes tonight. Not so much, even though he had to be worn out - the aquarium was a big exciting thing, and he played a lot after we got back home, but he didn't give it up until nearly 8:30 even though he was clearly wiped out. Tiny boy. But he did finally go to sleep, and Brian and I got to have a little time to ourselves. He didn't stay too late, since he'd be out late enough anyway with losing an hour tonight. I cried after he left.
He said there's a possibility someone on the faculty at Baylor in the department he's teaching in (one class this semester) is retiring at the end of this year. I know he's hoping to teach at the college level, and if someone retired, I know he'd love to be hired on at Baylor. I'd be happy for him, because he'd be so good at it and because that's what he'd ultimately like to do. But the thought of that makes me sad, too. What if he gets hired on there and I can't find anything in Waco? I haven't had any luck so far (of course, I haven't had any luck in Dallas, either, now have I?). How long would something long-distance be sustainable? If we couldn't ever be in the same place, would we have to call it quits at some point? I know I'm putting the cart way, way ahead of the horse here. There hasn't even been official word on the retirement. But just the thought of losing him, especially over something as stupid as logistics ("stupid" isn't the right word - it wouldn't be because we wanted to call it off, it would be over something that we really couldn't control completely, at least not in terms of being in the same place and being able to work where we were), makes me want to cry and scream and throw things. I can't imagine my life without him in it. I don't want to. So the part of me that loves him and wants him to be happy and wants him to succeed at his goals hopes he gets on the faculty at Baylor. The selfish part of me doesn't, and wants him to find a job up here right now. And all of me is sitting here crying like a fool right now at the thought of the possibility, may it never come to pass.
I think I need more chocolate.