Feeling...

fair to middling, physically. My throat still hurts, although it no longer feels like I'm swallowing knives. I've been running a fever of about 100, though. YUCK. Come on, Augmentin, do your thing and get rid of this crap for a good long while. I'm tired of being sick every time I turn around.

I must admit to feeling a bit bemused, emotionally. Went out with T on Sunday, and I thought we had a really good time. Yet I've not heard a peep from him since then. ??? I'm pretty terrible at reading things and people, and I'm not sure what to make of it. Maybe it's a perfectly normal thing not to hear, it's only Tuesday, after all. I haven't dated in so long, what do I know? *shrug* So I suppose now I just wait and see if/when I hear.

And right now, I think I'll treat myself to a bowl of ice cream, a big dose of Nyquil, and about three more hours of sleep than I usually get. Good night, y'all!

Home again, home again...

at least for a moment. I'm about to take off here in a couple of minutes to pick up J, but I wanted to have a little break before I did. I left work early because I just felt like hammered crap. I hate this. I'm not sick all the time like I seem to have been this year.

I've stopped and picked up my prescription, now I just wait for it to kick in. I hope I feel better soon. I may actually try to go to sleep early tonight, assuming I have no interesting e-mails to keep me up. :)

Oh, and I never did talk about my night out with T. It was lovely. :) We went to see the new Star Wars movie - I thought it kicked ass! It had gotten some bad reviews that I'd heard, but I didn't see it. After the movie, it was sort of a comedy of errors, trying to find a place that was open to get a bite to eat and a drink (in a big metropolitan area, you'd think that wouldn't be an issue, but apparently the closer you get to my little podunk corner of the world, the earlier things close! LOL) - I'll write more about that when I'm not so tired and sort of pressed for time. Hopefully we'll get to do it again before too much time has passed.

OK, gotta dash - time to leave to pick up the monkey boy. More later!

Ugh.

It's Tuesday. It feels like a Monday. I need to make ten or eleven phone calls to meet my monthly quota, and I'm about 3/4 sick today. I think the sinus infection is coming back. I've already called my doc asking for antibiotics. I am SO TIRED of being sick. Seems like every time I turn around, it's coming back. It's never been this persistent before, and I DON'T LIKE IT.

So yeah, my throat hurts and my voice is all froggy - that should make phone calls fun. :-p

Other than that, it's just a day.

I'll write more later, when I'm not feeling so much like hammered crap.

Looking forward to a long weekend!

Hooray, it's Friday, and Monday is a holiday!!! :)

Yesterday got better after the big poop adventure, thankfully. Today also started off in a body-function-related manner, but not with poop, thank goodness. No, the big news is, J peed on the potty!!!! This is huge - I was beginning to wonder if we'd be potty-trained before he outgrew Pull-Ups! He woke up this morning and told me he needed to go to the potty right now - he was already trying to pull his underpants off. So we got those off, ran for the bathroom, and he put his stepstool to where he could climb up and sit on the potty. He didn't even use his little potty seat, he told me he didn't need it. He just sat right down on the potty and peed. :) I told him I was so proud of him, and that he did just right, if he needed to go he should say so and take off for the bathroom and I'd be right behind him. Yay for potty progress!!!!

You know, I had no idea before I had a child how much of a parent's life can revolve around different bodily fluids and functions....

In other news: It looks like I may have a date this weekend. :) Not sure of the specifics just yet, but T called last night and we figured out what would be about halfway between the two of us so we could meet. (Not quite ready to have anyone coming to my house just yet, that privilege will have to be earned.) He's not quite as familiar with the more southern parts of the metroplex as I am, but he said he'd check and find out what was in the area. I'm thinking we'll probably go out tomorrow, but I could be wrong. At any rate, it will be a nice evening, I think.

Other than that, it's just a day. We've got some high muckety-mucks here at the office today, taking a tour, so we've all had to dress presentably and clean up our work spaces. And on a Friday, too, which is usually a day to wear jeans. AND a Friday before a holiday, no less. Yeah, this is a good day to make a good impression. LOL

I'd better get back to work, though - much to do before I get out of here, and we're taking one of my co-workers to lunch today, so that will take up a good bit of the day. More later!

It was a day before I ever got out the door

Well. It's been an interesting morning already, and it's not even 9:30 yet.

First, J woke up wet. They've apparently revamped the Huggies GoodNites, and the underpants were disintegrating. I found him in his bed, pulling little bits of pee-soaked stuffing out of the underpants and scattering them around the bed. So I got him out of bed, took off the underpants...and then smelled poo. I noticed four or five brown blotches on the carpet right around the time J said, "Mama, I got poo-poo on my foot!" So I was trying to get him cleaned up, get the poo off his foot without him getting any more of it on the carpet, get the poo off the carpet, keep J from sitting in the poo before I got it up off the carpet, and just generally having a good time. I also had to get the sheet and mattress pad off the bed and into the wash and dispose of the underpants without leaving a trail of soggy pee-soaked diaper filling throughout the house. It was a day before I ever got out the door this morning. *SIGH*

And second, R called this morning. I've mentioned R just briefly before - we'd gone out a couple of times, and he'd then told me he didn't want to get too serious about anything before I got my life straightened out, but we continued to talk a bit. Well, he's engaged. I was surprised, to put it mildly. He'd mentioned not too long ago that he'd started dating someone and thought something about what if Lisa were available (which, I must confess, I found pretty flattering :) ). So I knew he wasn't just twiddling his thumbs waiting on me to get my life straight, and that's OK - I couldn't ask that of him, and wouldn't expect him to wait on me indefinitely. But wow, I never expected him to get engaged so quickly! I guess this just means he's at a place in his life where he's ready to be in a serious relationship, and that wouldn't have worked for me. I like him a lot, and I'd have loved to have had the chance to see where things might have gone, but I wouldn't have been ready to be engaged or married anytime soon. So I reckon he and I just weren't meant to be. I wished him well, and we're going to stay friends and stay in touch. That will be nice, it's always good to have friends.

And now I'm at work, and up to my eyeballs in things to do. I am so looking forward to Monday off, even if daycare is closed and I spend the day running after the wild man of Borneo. :)

Halfway through the week

You know, my mother always told me not to wish my life away. But sometimes, it's awfully hard not to wish for the weekend!

It's been a day. Busy, busy. Lots of stuff to do at work. I feel like I'm being moderately productive, but I'm not getting anywhere near caught up. It's like trying to go up the down escalator, I manage to do enough to not get pulled too far backward but I never feel like I make any real progress!

J's been having meltdown mornings at school, but today was surprisingly good. He decided he wanted to go eat breakfast (not something he normally does). He told me bye, gave me a kiss and walked off with his teacher with nary a peep. :)

I may have a date sometime soon! Woo hoo! T asked if I'd like to go see a movie with him. I said sure, but we haven't decided on a specific time yet. If it's this weekend, there could be problems - K may have plans, but he's not sure yet, either. Oooh, the first potential conflict over both of us wanting to go out on the same weekend. LOL See, this is why I need to find a good babysitter, and one of the major disadvantages of having family all living out of state.

I do have a possible lead on a babysitter, though. She's a student at a local college, and has stayed with my college roommate's son - he just loves her, asks his mom when the babysitter is coming back. LOL She's certified in child CPR, and if J takes to her, well, it may cost a bit more than most sitters, but it will be money well spent in my book. I need to call and touch base with her, even if it turns out I don't need her to keep J this weekend.

I'd better get back to it. I've got tons of phone calls to make and lots of other things to do. Is it 5:00 yet? And will someone please tell me to stay the hell away from the Reese's peanut butter cups?! I am craving sugar something fierce.

Fortune cookie du jour

Today's tidbit of wisdom: "Being aware of your fears will improve your life." Huh?! I don't get much from that even if I add "in bed" to it.

It's Monday. All day long. The day started out with a flaming meltdown at daycare. Normally J is pretty happy to go watch a movie until his teacher gets there. His other choice is going to the ballpit, and he doesn't care for that if it's more than just his class in there - too loud for his taste. This morning, though, he waffled. He wanted one, then the other, then the one, then the other. I thought it odd that he'd even ask to go to the ballpit, since normally he's not the slightest bit interested. Finally I told him that mama had to go to work, he could stay and watch the movie. One of his teachers picked him up, and he screamed his little head off as I left. I hate days like that. I sat in the car and cried. What a way to start the week. I did call later and check on him, and once his teacher got there and his routine was underway, he was fine. They'll be changing the procedures soon, and he'll be able to go straight to class when he arrives. That should suit him just fine - he'd stay in there by himself of a morning if I'd let him. LOL

Then there was traffic - the way I usually go was shut down due to a gas leak in, and evacuation of, a building in that area. So I had to slog up the interstate all the way to downtown, and I was late. *sigh*

And then there's the pile of work on my desk. So much work, so little get-up-and-go at the moment. I look at it and think, "hm, I'll do that tomorrow." Problem is, month-end is coming up and "tomorrows" are running short.

Weight loss - down another pound, for a total of 7.4 pounds gone. :) I really must get back on the treadmill, though.

Now I'm tired and would just like to go home. Is it 5:00 yet?

What a weekend.

Let's see, what's happened since I posted last?

I think I've mentioned T before - we've been talking via e-mail and phone since the beginning of April, and the conversations were going well. He was downtown for an interview on Friday and called to see if I'd like to go to lunch. Of course I said yes, and we had a nice time. He e-mailed Friday night, said he had a good time at lunch and that we should get together again, and said he'd call on Saturday (yesterday). Thus far, he's been very good about doing what he said he would - for example, he'd said he'd call one night, and he did call, just to tell me he'd just gotten home from his son's band recital and would it be OK if he called the next night. I mean, how many people think to call to let you know it's turned out not to be a good time to talk after all? Most people would have just thought, oh, I'll call tomorrow, and never given it a second thought. So anyway, he'd said on Friday that he'd call Saturday. Saturday came and went - no call, no e-mail. Hmm. Today has come and gone - no call, no e-mail. Based on what I know of T thus far, this seems to be pretty out of character. I can't decide whether I'm annoyed or concerned. I'd e-mailed him back Friday, so now I guess I just wait a bit and see if I hear from him.

In other news: I spent most of Saturday in the ER, fun, fun. I started having a pain in my left side on Friday evening, and it got worse until I was in tears. I didn't cry after my c-section, I didn't cry after my lap-band, I didn't cry when J head-butted me square in the nose (although I did say a couple of words he probably shouldn't learn) - I don't cry over pain very often. So the fact that this hurt so much I was crying was slightly worrisome to me. It still hurt Saturday morning, so J stayed with K (and was oh, such a handful for his daddy - "I want, I don't want, I'm so tired I don't know what I want, I think I'll just sit down and scream!!!") and I took myself to the ER. Six hours, bloodwork, a CT scan, and a $50 copay later, they couldn't tell me what the problem was. OY. So I had an IV stuck in my hand (which actually hurt more than my pain, I think), drank a vat of nasty-tasting stuff, and squandered a perfectly good Saturday for that. On the bright side, the pain was less last night, and today it seems to be mostly gone as long as I don't move too quickly. Maybe I just pulled a muscle? I have no clue.

The freaky thing is, K's dad was in the ER yesterday for a kidney stone - pain in the same place, had a CT scan, pretty much just like my day. And today he's feeling better. That's an interesting coincidence, no?

I'm tired, I think I'll call it a night. Tomorrow it's back to work. Blech.

A good day at the office!

Today actually hasn't been bad. I had my review meeting with my manager (it got rescheduled from yesterday) - I'm not the best on the team, but I don't suck. :) I actually manage to do a few things right now and then.

And today has been a good day workwise, too. I've gotten a whopping 28 account reviews done, and I feel VERY good about that. I was thinking I'd have to come in some weekend and catch up on those, but I managed to crank out a bunch to day, and so now I have a little breathing room. Always a good thing.

Tonight is my monthly turn of servitude on the phones - I'll be here until 7:00, praying that the phones don't ring. I hate phone time.

Other good news: got my security system bill caught up and will be getting the alarm system reconnected on Tuesday! Not that I've ever felt unsafe where I am, but you can't be too careful.

So there you have it, a day that's a bit better than average. Kind of nice for a change!

Just ugh.

Yesterday was good - had J's follow-up with the allergist. He was amazingly good for that, a trip to Target, and most of a trip to the post office. He finally had a fit when we were leaving the post office, he saw a fire truck outside and didn't want to get in the car, he wanted to stay outside and see the fire truck. Never mind that it had already gone by! LOL No nap, of course, but we played with trucks and read and watched a little TV, and I cooked dinner, did some laundry and picked up a little bit.

Last night J looked at a spot where some of K's stuff used to be and made a comment about the stuff being gone. This is the first thing he's ever said about things being different, and it just about made me want to cry. That's what I hate the most about this, the impact it will/may/could have on J. I wonder sometimes if I'm selfishly putting my own interests above those of my son in getting out of my marriage, if maybe I'm not doing the best I can for him. But then I think, but how much good would it do him for mom and dad to stay together just for his sake, and then split up when he's 18? What kind of damage would *that* do? And what sort of example would he grow up with, being in a house where mom and dad are friends but nothing more? Not like that would be exactly an ideal environment, either. So logically I know it's the right move, but emotionally it just hurt to hear J say that.

My job makes me tired. I have no get-up-and-go, this place just sucks the life out of me. If it weren't for the people I work with, I think I'd have gone stark raving mad by now.

I have my quarterly one-on-one review meeting with my manager this afternoon, and I have to return a call to a disgruntled client. Wish me luck.

Weight loss update

I got on the scale for my weekly weigh-in on Sunday - down 6.4 pounds!!! Woo hoo!!!!!! It was a good week foodwise - not a lot of cheats, although I did have a few nibbles I shouldn't have had yesterday. I'm pleased. I already feel like my skirts fit better, and my middle feels less pudgy. So only 18 more pounds to get to the lowest weight I'd reached after my lap-band surgery, and then onward and downward to lose more weight still!!!!

I feel good enough now that I'm going to get back to working out of an evening. I'll get back on the treadmill - it's boring as all get out to me, but it's what I have handy and it's easy to do after J goes to sleep.

I can do this, I can, I can!!!!

And so begins another week

It was a decent weekend. J was such a good boy for me on Saturday. I had to go to the post office and to Target, and he told me no, he didn't want to go to the post office. I explained that I needed to go there and he could help me, and when I asked him if he'd be a good boy, he said he would. So he came in at the P.O. with me and was just fascinated by the idea of opening little boxes with little keys and getting stuff out. He wanted me to open all the mailboxes! LOL He helped me carry mail out to the car and was quite pleased with himself. Then we went to Target, and when he started to have a moment, I reminded him he'd said he'd be a good boy and told him what a help it was to mama that he was being so good, and he was fine after that. What a difference it makes not trying to shop with a wailing child - it was actually a nice outing! Of course, he threw a fit when he got home, as if to say, "Mama, I've been good all morning, now I simply MUST have a fit!" LOL

The weekend's big project: putting together the DVD/VHS holder I bought at Target. It wasn't too bad - I got it put together in about half an hour, and didn't even need the electric screwdriver. Just a Phillips screwdriver and a little bit of elbow grease, and ta da! A place to store all of J's DVDs and videos so they don't get stacked up on top of my new TV. Now, the trick is to keep J from pulling them all off and examining them. He's done pretty well with it, although he did keep taking different videos out right at first.

I also got the new TV hooked up, finally. It's GREAT!!!! Such a difference from my old TV, in picture and in sound. And I'm getting rid of the old one through Freecycle - what a great concept that is. It's a mailing list (you can search the site to see if there's one in your area) that lets you offer stuff you'd otherwise be getting rid of to other list members - no money changes hands, you just offer and whoever accepts comes to pick it up. If someone can use what you've got, you get what's junk to you off of your hands, someone else gets something they need, and it keeps a lot of old stuff out of landfills. I think it's a pretty neat concept. So far I've gotten rid of two crapped-out lawnmowers, a boatload of kitchen stuff, and now the TV. Next on the Freecycle list: the old washing machine....

And in keeping with the electronic theme, I also got my iPod! Woo hoo!!!!!!!! I didn't realize just how small it would be - it's pretty tiny. I've downloaded exactly one song to go on it - with dial-up, it takes about 20 minutes to download an average-length song. So I'll download what, one song a day for the next four or five years before I get it filled up? LOL Nah, I'm sure I'll put a lot of music I already have on there, but it is cool to be able to download all those songs I like but wouldn't want to buy a whole album just to have. Now I need a case for the iPod so it doesn't get scratched up. Wonder if there's an adapter that would let me run it through my car CD player? Must find out.

Talked to T on Saturday - we chatted for about an hour. It was a nice conversation. I just enjoy talking to him! No one is in any big rush to meet in person, and right now, that's good with me. It's nice just being able to get to know each other by talking first.

Now, it's time to work - I can't believe it's 10:30 already, where has the morning gone?! More later!

Friday.

I still feel moderately crappy. I did go to the doctor yesterday - oh, surprise, another sinus infection. Did you know liquid Augmentin tastes pretty nasty? If all liquid antibiotics taste this bad, no wonder J balks at taking them.

Really, not a lot is going on right now. I'm just trying to make it through the work day and waiting for my meds to kick in, so I can start feeling better.

Moving up!

J has moved up to the three-year-old room at daycare! I can't believe he's getting to be such a big boy. *sniffle* I noticed yesterday that all the kids in his class, with the exception of one boy who's a week younger than Julian and who's new to the daycare, are at least four months younger than he is. Some of them are almost a full year younger than he is, and at this age, that's a big gap in terms of development. So I'd thought about asking the director when he could move up - he's not quite three, but he likes the teacher in the three-year-old class.

J's regular teacher has been out this week, recovering from minor surgery. He's been less than enthused about going to class in her absence. This morning he was asking to go to the three-year-old class before we even got to school. The director was at the front desk this morning, so I told her about Julian's interest in moving up, explained the age gap between him and the other children in the two-year-old class and that all his little buddies he's come up with have already moved up, and asked if he could go to that class for the morning if not go ahead and move up. The director seemed surprised that J was so enthusiastic about the move, but said that perhaps that's why he's been not so happy with his regular teacher out this week - he likes her, but doesn't fit well with the rest of the class. She said the three-year-old room had an opening that had just become available yesterday, so J could move up starting today! Woo hoo!!!!!!! He may be one of the youngest in the class, but he's bigger than most of the kids, and I know he's smarter than most - he's one of the two children in that group (they've been mostly together since the Infant II room, age 12-18 months) who's consistently been interested in the learning activities. So I think he'll do really well there, being with a teacher he likes and with all his familiar buddies.

In other news: getting back to a better eating plan has paid off - I'm down 3.4 pounds so far! :) I know it's probably all water weight at this point, but still, it's good to see the scale going down again. I haven't exercised the past two nights, because I feel like a hammered cow pie - hard to get excited about working out when you can't breathe through your nose. I'm going to do my weight training, though - I can do that even though I'm congested. I'd like to lose at least 10-15 pounds before I go back to see my surgeon, so hopefully he won't yell *too* much. LOL Surprisingly, it's been easy for me to stick to the WOE so far - I haven't even had any Somersize-legal desserts, much less bad sugary treats, because I just haven't had a craving for sweets. VERY unusual for me, but hey, I'll take it and say thank you as long as it lasts.

How could I forget?!

Happy Mother's Day to me! J got mama a spa gift certificate - pedicure and massage, here I come! :) I treated myself (finally) to an iPod - it should be here in a week or so. And I bought some new dishes (the old ones have this ridiculous country scene on them, I've had them for 15 years or so, it was time for them to go). Wonder how I'm going to find a way to top that for my birthday? LOL

Ugh.

I feel like Snots the dog in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I'm suffering through yet another round of allergies/sinus/cold/whatever the hell it is I've got. How can my nose simultaneously be congested *and* running? One of the great mysteries of life....

Other than the snot, it's just another day in paradise. :)

Still here!

I didn't realize how long it had been since I posted!

Life is pretty much rocking along. Nothing too major has happened. I deal with almost-3-year-old tantrums on a daily basis - seems like anything can set them off, and running errands is just a delight and a joy. (Note sarcasm.) Seems like J is good for about three minutes at wherever I need to go, and then he goes into combustion mode. *SIGH* It doesn't seem to matter if I run errands early, after work, weeknights, weekends, he just has a fit whenever we have to do something outside of his routine. Please tell me this gets better as he gets older!

Work is work. I'm about half sick today - not sure if it's allergies or a cold or sinuses or what, but I've dragged myself in feeling puny. Blech.

I've gotten back on an eating plan I tried several years ago, Somersizing. Basically it's food combining - you eat proteins/fats separate from carbs (veggies go with either), and there are a few "funky foods" to be avoided altogether. I lost about 38 pounds on it a few years ago, so I know it will help. I didn't have lap-band surgery to have that be just another failed weight-loss effort, so dammit, I WILL get the weight off. I want to lose a little bit before I go back to see my surgeon to have the band adjusted - I'd like to at least get back down to where I was the last time I saw him, maybe then he won't fuss at me quite as much. I started Saturday night, and I'm doing well so far. I must be serious about it, I tossed out an almost-full container of chocolate peanut butter ice cream! LOLOL And I'm going to work out regularly - if the only time I have is after J goes to bed, then that's the time I'll use. Y'all have my permission to ask me regularly how I'm doing, and to kick my butt if I'm not sticking with it. :)

Relationship matters - things are rocking along. An entertaining conversation with K - he's thinking about getting a house in a year or two, which I think is a great thing. I'd love to see him have a place of his own rather than having to rent. He was looking on realtor.com and found that there are some nice little houses, enough for what he'd want, in the area that would cost less than or about the same as what rent runs. There's the home equity loan on my house, which is considered community property at this point. He'd asked me if I thought that would affect his ability to get a loan, and I said that if there was a court order legally designating the debt as mine, I didn't think it could be used against him. He saw the kinds of houses that are available out there, and he asked (jokingly, I think! LOL), "Hey, can we sign those papers right now?" LOL I'm glad he's thinking of his future, and glad that we get along well enough that we can talk about things and joke about things. And I think if we know there's no chance of patching our marriage up (and at this point, I don't think there is a chance - we'd have started working in that direction by now if we were going to), hey, I'm all for hammering out the details and signing papers sooner rather than later - what purpose would be served in continuing for too long in the limbo of separation?

I've been talking to someone I met on one of the meet-and-greet sites, I'll call him T. We've talked mostly via e-mail, and one phone conversation. It's been fun talking to him, and I like that he's willing to get to know each other through e-mail and telephone calls first, and not necessarily wanting to get together in person right away. Certainly nothing serious right now, just some entertaining conversation and sort of seeing what direction things might go down the road. We'll see!

As for C, ha, he's completely buggered off. You know what? I seriously don't care. If I were to get divorced from K tomorrow and C were to come back interested once I was truly a free woman, I'd tell him to go soak his head. I don't need the misery of someone who apparently has a lot of growing up to do and isn't quite sure what he wants.

There, I think that's it in a nutshell. :) I'll try to update more frequently, and maybe actually get to visit other people occasionally!