J was in full-out nuclear mode this morning. He woke up asking, "Mama, are we not going to school today?" When I broke the news that it was in fact Monday, and yes, he was going to school, the wailing commenced. "I don't liiiiiiiike school, I don't wanna go, there's a monster at school!" When I asked him where the monster was, he said the monster was in the road. Well, then, just run over him with a truck, problem solved! LOL He didn't buy that, nor did he go for the logic that maybe the monster was there because he wanted to learn cool stuff, too. But eventually the wailing toned down and we got out the door. Started up again when I had to stop for gas - he's insane with the desire to get out of the car at the gas station, and of course it takes more time to get him in and out than it does to put gas in the car, so the answer to that is always no. He howled over that. He howled when we didn't stop for donut holes (never mind that he'd already eaten, he wanted the donut holes RIGHT NOW) and that transmogrified itself into the "I don't want to go to school" fit when we got there. I hugged him and we talked a little bit, and he settled enough to get into the building without screaming. But when we got to class, he was glued to me (he generally grabs whatever article of clothing I'm wearing and does his best to pull it right off) and whining that he didn't want to go. He eventually went with his teacher with a minimum of fuss (thank God for Ms. Casey, she's just the best as far as helping me get him into class and myself out the door), but mornings like that just wear me out.
And of course, after a morning like that, my thoughts turn to the possibility of working from home, and medical transcription. I'm trying to research scholarships and financial aid for single moms - I know it's bound to be out there. K offered to help me out, but I know that would be a big financial hit for him, and I don't want to blow his savings. If I could find a scholarship, that would be fantastic, because I wouldn't have to pay it back. But a financial aid program of some sort would do - I know the school doesn't participate in any of the usual (i.e., federal) financial aid programs, though, so their payment plans (all of which involve putting at least $1000 down and then making payments for up to 24 months) may be my only option as far as any kind of payment plan goes. I'm looking - something's gotta give, this work/financial situation I'm in can't continue indefinitely!
I'm going to have to go to the eye doctor. I think I need bifocals. The unfairness of it all makes me want to scream - I can't possibly need bifocals, I'm not even 40 yet. But if I'm trying to do something up close, I find myself looking under the rim of my glasses to see it, because it gets sort of fuzzy if I try to look through my glasses. And sometimes I just have a hard time focusing on print. So I guess I'll have to suck up and go, and see what's going on. If I have to get bifocals, that will just make me feel so OLD.
In happier news, I had a lovely weekend with Brian. I really hope he can find a job up this way. It would be nice if we could see each other more often than every other weekend. Speaking of seeing people, K and I agree that no one gets to meet J or be around him until we're fairly confident that person will be around for a while. But we never have clarified how long we have to be seeing someone before that person fits the definition of "being around for a while". I don't think either K or I has any intention of remarrying anytime soon, so I think it would be a bit unrealistic to say that J can only meet someone if we intend to marry that person. For one thing, that wouldn't be fair to me, as that would only give me alternate weekends to try to build a relationship if that person can't ever be around J, unless I were to ask K to take care of J if I wanted to go out at some other time (and K has said he'd do that, but if I were to be really serious about someone, I couldn't ask him to do that perhaps as often as I'd like to see whoever I was serious about). For another, J is such a big part of my life that I don't feel like anyone can really know me unless they can see how I interact with my child, and see how important he is to me (because any guy I might get seriously involved with would need to know up front that he'd of course be important to me, but J is my first concern). So maybe K and I need to clarify that point. Not that I'm saying I'm to the point where I'm ready for Brian to be around J (I don't think I am, and I'm fairly sure K isn't ready to see that, either), but things do seem to be going well for us, and I'm just curious to see at what point some kind of outing might be acceptable to both K and I.
Sheesh, 1:00 already and I've accomplished exactly jack shit at work. I'd better get something done. I'll have to give myself an incentive - if I get some things done, then I can go over to Paradise and get a cookie (it's that horrible hormonally-induced craving for chocolate, yay!).