Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Men behaving badly

I'm amazed at the friends I have whose husbands and ex-husbands are just acting like complete asshats. One of my friends has a husband who, among other things, woke her up while she was trying to sleep off a migraine (or at least sleep through the worst of it), offered to help finish up something she'd been trying to do for work, and when she got up and showed him how to do it, then told her it was her job and he wouldn't do it. Then she was awake, with the migraine, and couldn't go back to sleep. I'm sorry, that's asshattery of the highest order. Yes, it's her job. But to disturb her rest (important to her physical well-being), *offer* to help, and then essentially say, "fuck you, I won't do it"? That's just rude and inconsiderate. And that's just one story of many.

Why do so many men not get it? They act like they can't lift a finger to help themselves, expect the women to wait on them, and then get upset when their wives or girlfriends don't want to just hop in the sack at every opportunity. This same friend I mentioned earlier is in counseling with her husband, and their therapist asked them to do an exercise for a few days that involved putting the other's needs first. The husband wouldn't do it, and when asked what he had to lose if doing that didn't improve their marriage, he said he'd lose the chance to have spent that time on himself. WTF?! It isn't worth pulling your head out of your ass for a few days and thinking of someone other than yourself to try to save your marriage? If it's not worth that, skip the counseling and go straight to divorce court, 'cause there's nothing left to save. I'm telling you, if a man will put the woman in his life first, and consider her needs above his, 9 times out of 10 the woman will fall all over herself to return the favor tenfold. If a man makes a woman feel like a queen and takes care of her, she'll be a lot more likely to respond physically and emotionally. Is this a hard concept to grasp? Because based on what I'm seeing, there sure are a lot of men out there who put themselves first and then whine because they never get any. It's not rocket science, dudes.

(And I realize this is a fairly broad generalization and there are men out there who are considerate and kind and respectful of their wives and girlfriends. This is not addressed to you - y'all have already gotten it! :) )

Edited to add: Seeing my friends deal with problems like this makes me thankful for K. Whatever our issues may have been, whatever inconsiderate moments he may have had, whatever we might have squabbled over, he has never been and never will be a complete asshat like some of these guys. In fact, we get along better now that we are divorced, and I'm very, very grateful. It makes life so much nicer.

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