I'm somewhat recovered from my earlier wallow in the pity pit. Funny how a chocolate chip cookie can make almost anything seem a little better! :-)
And whatever I said earlier, I don't mean to bag on K. He is a good friend, and he is a good dad to J. And if he's got some difficulty coping with things sometimes, maybe part of that is due to his personality, and maybe part of it is due to the fact that I was such a huge control freak during most of our marriage (although I wasn't even really aware I was doing it, I did tend to take over most everything because I wanted it done my way). I think we've done a fair job of keeping things amicable, and I think we can continue to do that - after all that's been said and done, I can't imagine what could come up that would suddenly make us want to spit and hiss at each other on sight. I just need to learn to stand up for myself when it comes to having that little bit of time for myself, and he needs to learn that there's not much absolutely right or wrong in how J is raised, and that he can cope with things even if he isn't sure he can (or, that he's more capable than he thinks - I guess self-confidence would be the right term).
I'm just having the hardest time focusing at work! I feel like I do with J, having to constantly remind myself to stay on task. But it's just a pure effort, and it's making me tired.
And I still have to figure out what the hell to do about Cingular. I guess I'll suck up and call and see if they can work out some payment arrangement with me - I can't come up with $500 right now for the life of me. If not, what will they do? Sue? And attach what under a judgment? No liquid assets to speak of, no court would make me give up my only personal vehicle (and thus my means of getting to work), the house is mortgaged (and there again, I don't think any court would make me sell my home for a $500 unsecured debt). As far as I can tell, I'm pretty much judgment-proof. I just hate having to deal with nasty debt collection people. I thought that was over after I filed bankruptcy, dammit.
On the bright side: the wife of one of my co-workers wants to buy some of my bears that I'm wanting to part with! So far I'll be making about $100 on the ones she wants so far. If I sell some on eBay, I may make even more - I've realized going through my collection that I have a lot of nice pieces, collectors' pieces, limited editions.
And I'm going to get my brakes looked at and probably redone on Friday morning. It's my late night, so I don't have to be here until 10:00. I'm going to do my best to get up early, wrangle J to school early, and be at Sears when the automotive department opens at 8:00. I just hope they've got a Starbucks somewhere close by. But I'll feel better when the brakes are fixed - they aren't squealing or scraping yet, they just feel not quite as stable as they used to. Next to work on: new shocks and a new battery. And lots of prayers that nothing else major goes wrong!
Only 40 more minutes - I think I can, I think I can....