Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Just a little black rain cloud

That's what I feel like. I feel like I'm always mopey and sad and upset and pitiful, and I hate it. And yet, the trend continues. Remember the stress I had over that day I was late to work because of my car? I thought maybe the brief conversation I'd had with my manager would be the end of it. Nope - I have an official attendance/performance review with him this afternoon at 1:00. This SUCKS. I hate feeling inadequate and incompetent at the place where I spend most of my waking hours (to the exclusion of time with my family). I've never had problems like this at any other job I've had. So is the problem suddenly with me or is it with this job? I don't know. All I know is, I'm tired of crap happening to me. Can I have one month, one week, that's crap-free? Is that too much to ask?

And my stinkin' bank account was overdrawn AGAIN. I'm also sick of not making enough to be able to take care of my business. My shower desperately needs to be fixed - the leak is hot water, which means it's running up my electric bill and my water bill. But what, I'm going to roll pennies to pay a plumber? I'd try to do it myself, but I'd be afraid I'd screw it up more and make it even more expensive to fix. I need new curtains or shutters or something for the front rooms in the house. I have outside light fixtures that need to be repaired. I have so many things that need attention, it just makes my head hurt. But I don't even make enough to pay my bills and buy the things J and I need, much less do I make enough to have any repairs done that aren't essential. This sucks. This job that pays me not enough is making me feel inadequate and incompetent and stupid, and is also giving me major financial stress - hmm, perhaps this is telling me something.

I'd better work. I have my meeting at 1:00. I feel like throwing up.

2 comments:

Nell said...

It's probably just a washer in the hot water thing - there's lots of how to's on the internet, and I have fixed the same problem myself.

Let us know how your meeting comes out.
~danelle
http://purplestar.typepad.com

Lisa said...

Thanks, Danelle! I'm sure it's a washer - that's what it's been the other two times it's been fixed. So you've done it? Not that hard? Someone with moderate fix-it skills could manage? I'm off to look for instructions....