First, an update on J. He's better today - the swelling is almost all gone, he's just blotchy and crusty still. He still looks pretty rough, but he's healing. Of course, I now have one large and two small blotchy, itchy patches on my face. Oh, goody.
And now, what is wrong with me?! I've just felt unbearable today. I got a nap this afternoon (thanks to K coming over and helping with J), and I'm still tired. It's like I can't ever get caught up on my rest. I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow, because I know I'll be miserably far behind. How rotten is that, to have a job where a couple of days off puts you so much farther behind that it's hardly worth taking the time off? I've been short-tempered, and tonight J has been pushing my buttons big time. I got so vexed, I cried, and he looked at me and said, "Mama, you need to go to the doctor, you crying." That made me feel about three inches tall, let me tell you.
And I thought 2005 was supposed to be a better year. When does that happen? My job reeks. I'm still broke. I'm constantly tired, and my butt isn't any smaller. I'd love to sign up and go to Curves (they have one a block or two from my office), but I'm not sure I can squeeze $29 a month out of my budget. That's pathetic. So when does the year get better, and how the hell do I help the process along? I'm tired of constantly being financially strapped. I don't want to be filthy rich, I just want to make enough to pay all my bills, on time, to get the things I need, to pay for J's education and - oh, what a concept - to maybe save a little for retirement. I'm tired of going to a job that sucks the very heart and soul out of me. I don't necessarily want to save the world, but I'd like a job where I feel like I'm making a difference to someone, instead of just making so many people more upset, and I'd like a job where I felt like I could get a handle on my workload, and it would be nice to actually feel appreciated once in a while. Is that so much to ask?
Now, to complete the wallow in the pity pit, I'm going to have a glass of wine. Maybe two.
1 comment:
I feel for you, Lisa...I truly do. I don't have words of wisdom to give you (because I am in the same boat), but just know there are those of us who are rooting for you. There are times I feel I just need to just sit back, accept my life, and wait for fate to bring me something more than what I have. But then again, I also believe that I am the controller of my destiny. Talk about contradictions.
I hear ya, girl...loud and clear. Just keep your chin up and don't be so hard on yourself. We all have pity parties and times where we feel like life is just shit. But the next time you see J smile, it will feel different. If not the next...then the time after that. Being a single mother is very difficult...been there done that, too.
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