So close...! Next year will be better, I can feel it. :-)
Tomorrow will be my 10th wedding anniversary. Surprise, surprise, we decided not to make a big deal out of it. How weird would that be? "We're splitting up, but we're out celebrating our 10th anniversary." I'm OK with a fair degree of weirdness in my life, but I think that might be too much even for me.
But is it silly for me to be a little sad thinking I may never celebrate a "big" wedding anniversary? When I got married, I envisioned having a 50th wedding anniversary party someday, with our children and grandchildren and friends there. Now I'm 36 and getting closer to being single again. If I remarry someday, when I'm even older than I am now, it's pretty likely that both of us won't live long enough to celebrate a 50th anniversary. Maybe a 25th, but probably not a 50th. And that makes me just a little bit sad. It's no reason to try to fix something that neither of us thinks can be fixed, but still - there's just a little twinge of regret at the thought.
In other news: I actually got to do something fun at my job today - I mean really fun, something I can really get into. It looks like there may have been some fraud involved with one of my accounts, someone getting stuff they shouldn't have had, some shenanigans going on that might entitle someone to a good ol' ass-kicking. I'm seeing what I can find out, and when it comes down to it, I plan to stay involved and do as much on it as higher-ups will let me. I love investigating stuff, finding out things people don't want found out, the idea (and the actuality) of meting out justice where it's warranted. Hmm, perhaps I *should* consider a return to prosecution - perhaps the new me would be better at it than the old me was ten or eleven years ago. Seriously, though, if my current job could somehow be all business investigations and things like what I'm doing now, I would LOVE it.
And J's big boy bed will be here Jan. 10! Woo hoo!!!! I've ordered the bed rail to (hopefully) keep him from falling out *too* often in his sleep, and the mattress will be delivered that day. Before then, the little dresser in his room will be moved to my room, to make room to set up his big bed (it will be a full-size bed, no toddler bed for the moose boy!), and I'll have to clean out some stuff in both rooms to make way for the changes. I just hope he likes the big boy bed. The crib converts to full-size, and once it's switched, I am NOT switching it back! LOL
I'm going to finish my wine and chocolate mousse and then get some sleep. Last night I foolishly stayed up until after 1 AM watching FOUR episodes of The Shield. I just love that show - it really sucks you in. I didn't intend to watch all the episodes on the DVD, but just when you'd think surely nothing else major could happen, something did, and I just had to see what happened next. When I got to the point where "seeing what happened next" would involve a trip to Blockbuster, I finally called it a night. And naturally, J woke up at about 1:50, just crying and wanting a change and to be rocked. *SIGH* So I'm fairly wiped out.
Only about 25 1/2 hours left in 2004 - I say, good riddance, you suck-ass excuse for a year...! Nah, it wasn't all bad. I've certainly changed for the better, even if the life lessons that are responsible for those changes haven't been a whole lot of fun. And I wouldn't trade J for anything, sleepless nights and tantrums and lots of clean-up and all. But I will be glad to get a fresh start in the new year. I am seriously looking forward to changes for the better in more than just the Lisa growth and character-building department - time for good news in other areas of my life, too. Bring it on, I say!!!
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
A dilemma
Should I eat the leftover chili I brought for lunch, which is relatively healthy and has some nutritional value, or should I stick with Hershey kisses? Seriously, my job is stressing me out so much right now, the Hershey kisses would probably go down a lot easier than the chili.
I am trying so hard to keep a positive attitude. I know life could be so much worse - look at the victims of the earthquake and tsunami in Asia, now there's a situation that I can't even imagine how horrible it must be. When you know there are people in the world facing loss of loved ones, loss of everything they own and everything they know, the risk of disease, whose very survival is nothing short of a miracle, it seems so petty for me to whine and complain about my little problems. My pitiful bank balance and troubles at work seem so small in comparison to the suffering of others, and I feel like I don't even have the right to whine and gripe and complain. And yet my job keeps finding ways to attack my resolution to be more positive, new barbs and stings to bring me down. And it does bring me down. I feel my shoulders stoop as I sit here at my desk, feeling like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. YUCK. I don't expect I'll ever have a job I'm truly passionate about and absolutely adore, but is it too much to hope for one that doesn't make me feel like I'm a failure and a screw-up every time I turn around? Whine whine, bitch bitch. So much for that positive attitude, huh?
I'd better go grab something for lunch - jury's still out as to whether it will be chocolate or chili. We'll see.
I am trying so hard to keep a positive attitude. I know life could be so much worse - look at the victims of the earthquake and tsunami in Asia, now there's a situation that I can't even imagine how horrible it must be. When you know there are people in the world facing loss of loved ones, loss of everything they own and everything they know, the risk of disease, whose very survival is nothing short of a miracle, it seems so petty for me to whine and complain about my little problems. My pitiful bank balance and troubles at work seem so small in comparison to the suffering of others, and I feel like I don't even have the right to whine and gripe and complain. And yet my job keeps finding ways to attack my resolution to be more positive, new barbs and stings to bring me down. And it does bring me down. I feel my shoulders stoop as I sit here at my desk, feeling like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. YUCK. I don't expect I'll ever have a job I'm truly passionate about and absolutely adore, but is it too much to hope for one that doesn't make me feel like I'm a failure and a screw-up every time I turn around? Whine whine, bitch bitch. So much for that positive attitude, huh?
I'd better go grab something for lunch - jury's still out as to whether it will be chocolate or chili. We'll see.
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Gone
She's gone like a freight train,
Gone like yesterday,
Gone like a soldier in the Civil War, bang bang,
Gone like a '59 Cadillac,
Like the good things that ain't never coming back,
She's gone.
--Gone, Montgomery Gentry
I heard that song on the radio, and just had to buy the CD (I've listened to part of it and think I'll like it) - wonder why? LOLOL
Gone like yesterday,
Gone like a soldier in the Civil War, bang bang,
Gone like a '59 Cadillac,
Like the good things that ain't never coming back,
She's gone.
--Gone, Montgomery Gentry
I heard that song on the radio, and just had to buy the CD (I've listened to part of it and think I'll like it) - wonder why? LOLOL
A change in attitude
The last couple of days I've been a grump. I've whined and complained and looked for the worst in everything. I don't like myself very much when I've got that little black rain cloud hovering over my head, and I can't imagine that other people like me much when I'm Captain Bring-down, so I decided tonight to try to cultivate a more positive attitude. Sometimes it will be hard, and this doesn't mean I won't still vent and whine and grumble. But I'm going to try to recognize the blessings I have and look for ones I haven't noticed yet, rather than dwelling on the things in my life that are less than perfect. And I'm going to try to find the gumption to actually *do* something about things that bother me, instead of just bitching about them. If I manage to do both of those things, 2005 should be an interesting year indeed!
I used my Target gift cards tonight - new phones to replace the old crapped-out ones (plugged 'em in, voila, dial tone!), and a new stereo for the bedroom! I still had my old stereo that I bought in 1989 when I moved into my first apartment (if I remember correctly, my mother bought that for me for my birthday - $750 on sale! Some things have changed for the better - I got the new one for just $160). I got a little Sony bookshelf system with a six-disc changer, bass boost, and more power than my big ol' rack system! It's a neat-looking little stereo, and I like the sound. I'll have a nice place to put it when J's room is rearranged for the big boy bed. I'll move his little dresser into my room, and put my stereo up there.
Right now I'm waiting for laundry to dry and enjoying a lovely glass of red wine while I wait and type. Bolla Sangiovese di Romagna, I think that's my new favorite red wine. I found some blue goblets in the big box o' wedding gifts, and they make good wine glasses - nice and big. :-) Hopefully the laundry won't take too long - it would be nice to get to bed before midnight for once!
I used my Target gift cards tonight - new phones to replace the old crapped-out ones (plugged 'em in, voila, dial tone!), and a new stereo for the bedroom! I still had my old stereo that I bought in 1989 when I moved into my first apartment (if I remember correctly, my mother bought that for me for my birthday - $750 on sale! Some things have changed for the better - I got the new one for just $160). I got a little Sony bookshelf system with a six-disc changer, bass boost, and more power than my big ol' rack system! It's a neat-looking little stereo, and I like the sound. I'll have a nice place to put it when J's room is rearranged for the big boy bed. I'll move his little dresser into my room, and put my stereo up there.
Right now I'm waiting for laundry to dry and enjoying a lovely glass of red wine while I wait and type. Bolla Sangiovese di Romagna, I think that's my new favorite red wine. I found some blue goblets in the big box o' wedding gifts, and they make good wine glasses - nice and big. :-) Hopefully the laundry won't take too long - it would be nice to get to bed before midnight for once!
What's the point...
of striving to meet goals that get you points on your annual review when the customers don't care about you getting in touch with them and are often rather rude about it?! Yeah, that's a kick in the teeth - do this to do well at your job, but by the way, the customers won't appreciate it, will hang up on you, will yell at you, or will ask a million questions and turn what should have been a 5-minute phone call into a day and a half of extra work. *SIGH* But if you don't meet the goals, higher-ups aren't happy, which usually translates into "no raise or bonus for you". Working sucks rocks.
Monday, December 27, 2004
Twas the Monday after Christmas
And I'm feeling just about like I've been beaten with sticks. I don't know if it's the post-holiday letdown, an emotional hangover from my cleaning spree yesterday, being back at work, or all of the above. I'm trying to write in little snippets at work while doing other things, so hopefully it will come out in a relatively coherent fashion. I can't write at home until I figure out what's up with the phone - the phones seem to have died, I still get my call notes when I call my home number on my cell phone, but I can't get a dial tone to get on the Internet. ???? So I'm not sure if it's the phones or the line or what. At any rate, no Internet at home until that's cleared up. So I'll write as much as I can here.
Christmas was fun. K's parents came. J adores them, especially his PaPa. And he wouldn't pet their dachshund, but he sure did get excited to see her. Every time he saw her, he'd say, "Look at Annie!" and just laugh and laugh. And the first thing he said when he woke up yesterday morning (after family had gone home) was, "PaPa Annie doing?" (as in, what are PaPa and Annie doing) He was oversugared, overstimulated, and too wound up for words most of the weekend. He fought naptime and bedtime like a little maniac, that's for sure.
He did like his presents, though! He got trucks galore, including two big Tonka trucks that light up and talk and all that good stuff. I'd wondered if the lights and sound would freak him out, but he really liked the trucks. His favorite, though, was his Thomas the Tank Engine playset and the engines that went along with it (Thomas, Percy and James). He wanted to take his playset to bed with him last night, and was most disturbed when I told him it wasn't a bedtime toy! LOL I'm glad he's enjoying it so much.
Yesterday K and I cleaned out the closet in J's room. (Getting ready for his big boy bed, coming in January - he needs a big boy closet to go with it, not one filled with mama's old crap! LOL) There was a big box marked "wedding gifts", and we went through that and divided it up, stuff for me, stuff for him, and stuff to take to the resale shop. I know it's very doubtful that he and I will be together for the long term, and I know that that's probably the best thing for us, but still - it was draining, going through things meant for a shared life and splitting them up. (And this was stuff that's been in a box for 10 years - I reckon it will be that much harder when it comes time to finally divvy up the things we actually lived with.) And in the course of sorting out pictures, I came across some taken at my mother's funeral in 1995. Those really got to me, and while J was napping, I sat there and cried. I miss my mother.
In a few days it will be the tenth anniversary of my marriage. In a few days after that, it will be the tenth anniversary of my mother's death. Sad to think that what began so soon before her passing is now, ten years later, so close to ending itself. I really wish she were here so I could talk to her. I'd love to know why she and my father stayed together for 43 years, until she died, when even as a child I could see that they weren't really happy. I have my theories, but I wish I could hear it from her. I'd love to know if she thought it was more important for me to do what makes me happy, or to do what's best for Julian, or to know if she thinks those could be one and the same thing. I miss her.
And along the lines of thinking about relationship things, I've started reading a book called Second Loves: Women With Two Lives, by Sonya Friedman. It's about women who are married and who have long-term affairs. I'd never do something like that - most days I barely have the energy to live my own life, much less have some secret life that my husband knew nothing about. But reading the reasons why these women chose that kind of life, how they saw their marriages, what they get out of these long-term relationships has given me a lot to think about. It's given me a lot to think about as far as what I haven't gotten out of my marriage, why I'm looking to get out of it. It's given me a lot to think about as far as what I'd seriously want to look for in another long-term relationship when I get to the point where I'm looking for one. I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on the topic later, when I've got more time to write. I just wanted to mention this, and suffice it to say I think so much, it's a wonder my brain doesn't leak out my ears.
Is the work day over yet?!?!
Christmas was fun. K's parents came. J adores them, especially his PaPa. And he wouldn't pet their dachshund, but he sure did get excited to see her. Every time he saw her, he'd say, "Look at Annie!" and just laugh and laugh. And the first thing he said when he woke up yesterday morning (after family had gone home) was, "PaPa Annie doing?" (as in, what are PaPa and Annie doing) He was oversugared, overstimulated, and too wound up for words most of the weekend. He fought naptime and bedtime like a little maniac, that's for sure.
He did like his presents, though! He got trucks galore, including two big Tonka trucks that light up and talk and all that good stuff. I'd wondered if the lights and sound would freak him out, but he really liked the trucks. His favorite, though, was his Thomas the Tank Engine playset and the engines that went along with it (Thomas, Percy and James). He wanted to take his playset to bed with him last night, and was most disturbed when I told him it wasn't a bedtime toy! LOL I'm glad he's enjoying it so much.
Yesterday K and I cleaned out the closet in J's room. (Getting ready for his big boy bed, coming in January - he needs a big boy closet to go with it, not one filled with mama's old crap! LOL) There was a big box marked "wedding gifts", and we went through that and divided it up, stuff for me, stuff for him, and stuff to take to the resale shop. I know it's very doubtful that he and I will be together for the long term, and I know that that's probably the best thing for us, but still - it was draining, going through things meant for a shared life and splitting them up. (And this was stuff that's been in a box for 10 years - I reckon it will be that much harder when it comes time to finally divvy up the things we actually lived with.) And in the course of sorting out pictures, I came across some taken at my mother's funeral in 1995. Those really got to me, and while J was napping, I sat there and cried. I miss my mother.
In a few days it will be the tenth anniversary of my marriage. In a few days after that, it will be the tenth anniversary of my mother's death. Sad to think that what began so soon before her passing is now, ten years later, so close to ending itself. I really wish she were here so I could talk to her. I'd love to know why she and my father stayed together for 43 years, until she died, when even as a child I could see that they weren't really happy. I have my theories, but I wish I could hear it from her. I'd love to know if she thought it was more important for me to do what makes me happy, or to do what's best for Julian, or to know if she thinks those could be one and the same thing. I miss her.
And along the lines of thinking about relationship things, I've started reading a book called Second Loves: Women With Two Lives, by Sonya Friedman. It's about women who are married and who have long-term affairs. I'd never do something like that - most days I barely have the energy to live my own life, much less have some secret life that my husband knew nothing about. But reading the reasons why these women chose that kind of life, how they saw their marriages, what they get out of these long-term relationships has given me a lot to think about. It's given me a lot to think about as far as what I haven't gotten out of my marriage, why I'm looking to get out of it. It's given me a lot to think about as far as what I'd seriously want to look for in another long-term relationship when I get to the point where I'm looking for one. I'm sure I'll have more thoughts on the topic later, when I've got more time to write. I just wanted to mention this, and suffice it to say I think so much, it's a wonder my brain doesn't leak out my ears.
Is the work day over yet?!?!
Friday, December 24, 2004
The best Christmas gift of all
Just a quick post - family is here, J is sleeping. But I got the best Christmas present of all last night. J was having a hard time settling down to sleep, and he asked me to rock him. Usually when he does that, we'll rock for a couple of minutes and then he'll want to go get back in his bed. But last night we rocked, and he went to sleep on my shoulder. :-) Rocking my baby to sleep, I don't think I could ask for anything more this year.
And the second best Christmas gift came this morning - when J woke up at 6:45, the grandparents got up with him, and I got to sleep until almost 9:00. Ah, bliss. :-)
It's already been a great Christmas, and Santa Claus hasn't even come yet!
Hope everyone has a very, very Merry Christmas.
And the second best Christmas gift came this morning - when J woke up at 6:45, the grandparents got up with him, and I got to sleep until almost 9:00. Ah, bliss. :-)
It's already been a great Christmas, and Santa Claus hasn't even come yet!
Hope everyone has a very, very Merry Christmas.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Today's online fortune cookie
"Your path is arduous but will be amply rewarded."
Well, they got the arduous part right - so where's my ample reward? LOLOL
Today hasn't been too bad. I talked to the person I needed to talk to about the screw-up I made - we reached a resolution, and he was surprisingly pleasant, so that was nice. I've actually been trying to meet one of the goals that I think I'll fall short on. I still think I'll fall short, but at least I'm making an effort.
It's 3:30, and my brain is already gone. I wish they'd just let us go early.
Well, they got the arduous part right - so where's my ample reward? LOLOL
Today hasn't been too bad. I talked to the person I needed to talk to about the screw-up I made - we reached a resolution, and he was surprisingly pleasant, so that was nice. I've actually been trying to meet one of the goals that I think I'll fall short on. I still think I'll fall short, but at least I'm making an effort.
It's 3:30, and my brain is already gone. I wish they'd just let us go early.
It's Friday for me.
That's because we're closed tomorrow - WOO HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm at work today. The roads were all right this morning, and traffic was light - I guess lots of people are taking off for the holiday weekend. The only bad thing is, I totally overslept. I didn't wake up until I heard J calling at 7:15. YIKES. Somehow I still managed to make it here by 8:30, though, which isn't too bad.
And now I'm here, and I'm so overwhelmed I don't know what to focus on first. I'm still feeling just beat down today. Too much to do, I can't get it all done, and no matter what I try to do, someone will still be unhappy with me about something. I've got to make a phone call today regarding that thing I screwed up (called the person I need to talk to yesterday, he was out, we've played phone tag, now it's my turn to call) - yeah, I'm really looking forward to a phone call where I know someone will be yelling at me. *SIGH* Logically I know I'm not stupid, I know I'm not incompetent, but this job sure does its level best to make me feel that way every day.
I'd better get back to it. It feels like the day is dragging, but hopefully 5:00 will be here before I know it. Yeah, that's right, 5:00 - I have to work all day the day before a holiday, and that sucks, too.
I'm at work today. The roads were all right this morning, and traffic was light - I guess lots of people are taking off for the holiday weekend. The only bad thing is, I totally overslept. I didn't wake up until I heard J calling at 7:15. YIKES. Somehow I still managed to make it here by 8:30, though, which isn't too bad.
And now I'm here, and I'm so overwhelmed I don't know what to focus on first. I'm still feeling just beat down today. Too much to do, I can't get it all done, and no matter what I try to do, someone will still be unhappy with me about something. I've got to make a phone call today regarding that thing I screwed up (called the person I need to talk to yesterday, he was out, we've played phone tag, now it's my turn to call) - yeah, I'm really looking forward to a phone call where I know someone will be yelling at me. *SIGH* Logically I know I'm not stupid, I know I'm not incompetent, but this job sure does its level best to make me feel that way every day.
I'd better get back to it. It feels like the day is dragging, but hopefully 5:00 will be here before I know it. Yeah, that's right, 5:00 - I have to work all day the day before a holiday, and that sucks, too.
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Fun with ice and snow.
Turns out I didn't have to work until 7:00 after all. The powers that be decided to close at 6:00 to allow everyone to get home safely, so those of us scheduled to stay late got to leave at their regular departure times. That meant I got to leave at 5:00. Yay, right? And not that I wasn't appreciative of not having to stay until 7:00. The only problem was, it started getting bad before 5:00.
My usually-45-minute commute took me almost two hours. I saw no less than six wrecks, and I counted the overpasses I went over on my way home (ten - yep, ten). My car slid on ice more than once, and all I could do was take my foot off the gas, hang on to the steering wheel so hard I thought my hands might melt into it, and pray that I stayed on the road. Thankfully, both the car and I made it home safely. K's work sensibly let their employees off at 2:00, *before* the weather got bad, so he was able to pick up J for me. Thank goodness for that - I wouldn't have made it to daycare until about half an hour after closing time.
So what's on the agenda for tomorrow? I'm supposed to go to work. Our official policy re: inclement weather is that if public transportation (the buses, at least) are running, then we're open. Pardon me if I think that's a bit silly. The drivers of the public transit buses around here are insane drivers on good days. I don't want to be on the roads with them if there's even a suggestion of ice to be found. I saw at least three of those buses involved in wrecks on my way home today. But the long and short of it is, if the office is officially open and I don't think I can make it to work (and I don't think I can - the bridges were already iced tonight, it's not getting above freezing before Friday, and I'll still have to drive over those bridges to get back to work), then I have to take a personal day to stay home. And if I do that, I'll be worried about getting even farther behind than I already am. UGH. I'm going to get up at the usual time and check the weather and my driveway (it tends to turn into a solid sheet of ice if the weather gets squirrelly), and I guess I'll go to work if I have to. I just hope no one holds it against me if it takes me two hours to get there in the morning.
And now, on a completely different note. I find myself wondering lately - do I have it in me to ever be really happy with anyone for the long term? I think of things I'd get annoyed with K for doing or not doing, and I wonder - was it K's actions that rubbed me the wrong way, was he truly inconsiderate of me at times, or was it just selfishness/not wanting to do for him on my part, would I eventually end up feeling that way about anyone? Is my personality such that I could ever gladly do things for my significant other without coming to resent that person or get annoyed with them for asking me to do things? I worry about that. What if the flaw is more with me than with the dynamic between K and me? I wonder if I'll end up alone, or if I'd be better off just staying that way, and thinking of staying alone makes me sad. I don't think I'd like that.
OK, enough of the deep thoughts and whining about work and ice and snow and such. It's late, I've got to get some sleep just in case I have to brave the freeways in the morning. Part of me almost hopes I just go on to work, so I don't get even farther behind (how sad is that, to have a job where you feel guilty for taking time off, even if it's time you're entitled to take or time you're taking for a really good reason), but part of me would really just like to stay home and drink hot chocolate and play with J. We'll see what happens.
My usually-45-minute commute took me almost two hours. I saw no less than six wrecks, and I counted the overpasses I went over on my way home (ten - yep, ten). My car slid on ice more than once, and all I could do was take my foot off the gas, hang on to the steering wheel so hard I thought my hands might melt into it, and pray that I stayed on the road. Thankfully, both the car and I made it home safely. K's work sensibly let their employees off at 2:00, *before* the weather got bad, so he was able to pick up J for me. Thank goodness for that - I wouldn't have made it to daycare until about half an hour after closing time.
So what's on the agenda for tomorrow? I'm supposed to go to work. Our official policy re: inclement weather is that if public transportation (the buses, at least) are running, then we're open. Pardon me if I think that's a bit silly. The drivers of the public transit buses around here are insane drivers on good days. I don't want to be on the roads with them if there's even a suggestion of ice to be found. I saw at least three of those buses involved in wrecks on my way home today. But the long and short of it is, if the office is officially open and I don't think I can make it to work (and I don't think I can - the bridges were already iced tonight, it's not getting above freezing before Friday, and I'll still have to drive over those bridges to get back to work), then I have to take a personal day to stay home. And if I do that, I'll be worried about getting even farther behind than I already am. UGH. I'm going to get up at the usual time and check the weather and my driveway (it tends to turn into a solid sheet of ice if the weather gets squirrelly), and I guess I'll go to work if I have to. I just hope no one holds it against me if it takes me two hours to get there in the morning.
And now, on a completely different note. I find myself wondering lately - do I have it in me to ever be really happy with anyone for the long term? I think of things I'd get annoyed with K for doing or not doing, and I wonder - was it K's actions that rubbed me the wrong way, was he truly inconsiderate of me at times, or was it just selfishness/not wanting to do for him on my part, would I eventually end up feeling that way about anyone? Is my personality such that I could ever gladly do things for my significant other without coming to resent that person or get annoyed with them for asking me to do things? I worry about that. What if the flaw is more with me than with the dynamic between K and me? I wonder if I'll end up alone, or if I'd be better off just staying that way, and thinking of staying alone makes me sad. I don't think I'd like that.
OK, enough of the deep thoughts and whining about work and ice and snow and such. It's late, I've got to get some sleep just in case I have to brave the freeways in the morning. Part of me almost hopes I just go on to work, so I don't get even farther behind (how sad is that, to have a job where you feel guilty for taking time off, even if it's time you're entitled to take or time you're taking for a really good reason), but part of me would really just like to stay home and drink hot chocolate and play with J. We'll see what happens.
*SIGH*
Great. Just found out I screwed something up big-time. Incorrect distributions were made to 36 people, so now I have to ask for all that money to be sent back, so we can redo them correctly. Another day, another kick in the teeth.
Add to that concerns about the weather - will it freeze, will it not? - and I'm a mess. I'm supposed to be here until 7:00 tonight. I don't have time to take off if we don't close early, and if we don't, I really can't just blow off my late night and leave, since I'm one of three people who will be here to answer phones. But then, I don't get paid enough in one day to cover my insurance deductible if the roads are icy and I have a wreck, and this job sure isn't worth me ending up hurt or worse over. So I don't know what to do. Why do we have to wait until the weather actually *is* bad to decide when so many of us live in outlying areas and commute to work? Does it take a rocket scientist to figure out that if the weather gets bad like they're anticipating, many of us will have a hard time getting home? UGH.
Add to that concerns about the weather - will it freeze, will it not? - and I'm a mess. I'm supposed to be here until 7:00 tonight. I don't have time to take off if we don't close early, and if we don't, I really can't just blow off my late night and leave, since I'm one of three people who will be here to answer phones. But then, I don't get paid enough in one day to cover my insurance deductible if the roads are icy and I have a wreck, and this job sure isn't worth me ending up hurt or worse over. So I don't know what to do. Why do we have to wait until the weather actually *is* bad to decide when so many of us live in outlying areas and commute to work? Does it take a rocket scientist to figure out that if the weather gets bad like they're anticipating, many of us will have a hard time getting home? UGH.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...
Yep, snow flurries and sleet here in Texas!!! Joy. I don't mind snow, but we usually get ice, and that makes driving a challenge. And tonight is my night to work until 7:00 - if the weather gets bad, late night be damned, I'm going home. My job isn't worth risking life and limb for.
J has bought into the Santa Claus concept big-time. His stocking is hanging on the mantel, and every time he sees it, he points to it and says, "Santa Claus, come out my presents!" This morning he started talking about trucks, and I asked him if Santa was going to leave a truck in his stocking. "Hum!" He was very excited by that idea. LOL (Fortunately, Santa does have a truck or two to come out of the stocking!)
I'd better dash. I'm still at home right now - the upside to late night at work is that you don't have to be there until 10:00. I'm hoping to get the oil changed in my car before I go in, it's way overdue. So I'd better go on if I hope to take care of that.
J has bought into the Santa Claus concept big-time. His stocking is hanging on the mantel, and every time he sees it, he points to it and says, "Santa Claus, come out my presents!" This morning he started talking about trucks, and I asked him if Santa was going to leave a truck in his stocking. "Hum!" He was very excited by that idea. LOL (Fortunately, Santa does have a truck or two to come out of the stocking!)
I'd better dash. I'm still at home right now - the upside to late night at work is that you don't have to be there until 10:00. I'm hoping to get the oil changed in my car before I go in, it's way overdue. So I'd better go on if I hope to take care of that.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Feeling down
Not so much emotionally, just tired and beat down. It feels like it takes more energy than I have to focus on my work. At this point, it's getting to be the end of the year, I know there are certain goals I won't meet, and I just can't bring myself to really care. It's one of those days where I feel like I'm stuck on a perpetual, mind-numbing treadmill of work, like I'll never do anything I truly enjoy, like my dad was right (he was - is - very much of the school of thought that work is something you have to do, it sucks, and it will always suck). I hate it. When you spend so much of your day at a job, you'd at least hope it's something you find moderately enjoyable. Right now I don't feel that way. Blech.
Nothing particularly profound on my mind today, just a good case of the blahs and a need to whine a little bit. Back to my regularly scheduled workday....
Nothing particularly profound on my mind today, just a good case of the blahs and a need to whine a little bit. Back to my regularly scheduled workday....
"Go 'way."
This is J's latest phrase. This morning when I told him it was time to get dressed and went to take his pajama top off, he hollered, "Go 'way!" and ran across the room. I was like, oh no, you did *not* just tell your mama to go away. So I tried again. Same thing - "Go 'way!", run, run, run. So we played chase-the-boy for about 10 minutes, before I reminded him that once we got to school, he got to go up the steps for breakfast. They're remodeling the gym, where they usually have breakfast, and so it's being served in the upstairs area above the gym, usually reserved for the big kids. Well, once I told him that, he couldn't get dressed and out of the house fast enough! LOL So drop-off went well this morning. But "go 'way" - sheesh. I thought I might have a couple of years yet before that attitude kicked in!
It's cold in my office. I don't like being cold - it makes me want to curl up and sleep. And when the really cold weather (well, really cold for us) hits tomorrow, I'll bet it's going to be miserable in here. YUCK. Why is it that so often the workplace is either roasting hot or freezing cold? Can they not find something resembling a happy medium?
And I've got so much to do, but I can't seem to get motivated. Oh well, next year is another year, a fresh start, right?
I'd better at least try to get some things done. More later!
It's cold in my office. I don't like being cold - it makes me want to curl up and sleep. And when the really cold weather (well, really cold for us) hits tomorrow, I'll bet it's going to be miserable in here. YUCK. Why is it that so often the workplace is either roasting hot or freezing cold? Can they not find something resembling a happy medium?
And I've got so much to do, but I can't seem to get motivated. Oh well, next year is another year, a fresh start, right?
I'd better at least try to get some things done. More later!
Monday, December 20, 2004
Monday
Just another day in paradise!
I don't have anything exciting to post. Well, I am excited at how well daycare drop-off went this morning, but that's about it. :-) Things are just going along. J is very two (as evidenced tonight by his grumpy, grumpy mood - he was so tired he could hardly keep his eyes open, but he kept fighting, and was a grouch about everything), I'm perpetually tired, and my job is a major bringdown. I am SO ready for 2005 to get here. Things have got to get better, right?
I don't have anything exciting to post. Well, I am excited at how well daycare drop-off went this morning, but that's about it. :-) Things are just going along. J is very two (as evidenced tonight by his grumpy, grumpy mood - he was so tired he could hardly keep his eyes open, but he kept fighting, and was a grouch about everything), I'm perpetually tired, and my job is a major bringdown. I am SO ready for 2005 to get here. Things have got to get better, right?
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Another weekend come and gone
Not much to write that's particularly exciting. I got Christmas shopping finished up this weekend, which is nice. It's been especially nice shopping with a budget and without credit cards - it's wonderful knowing that I won't have a crapload of new debt to deal with after the holidays. :-) Now I just have to keep things out of sight of the monkey man for a few more days. And no, it's not enough to wrap the presents - then he'll just want to "unlemp" (his word for "unwrap" or "open") them!
I'm still feeling somewhat puny. Whatever I've got, sinus, allergies, barking crud, seems to be determined to hang on. I don't feel bad enough to miss work or go to the doctor, necessarily, just bad enough to whine about it.
It's kind of funny - since K and I talked a few days ago, I've felt much less stressed about things. It's like now I know we've reached a sort of resolution. I may not know a specific time frame, but at least I think I know the direction things are heading. And knowing is much preferable to not knowing, so it's a relief to have talked about it. Yeah, there are still things in my life that aren't the way I want them to be for the long term, yeah, finances aren't great, yeah, my job is less than stellar, but it will all work out. Eventually. :-)
And tomorrow is another Monday - blech. At least it's a four-day week.
I'm still feeling somewhat puny. Whatever I've got, sinus, allergies, barking crud, seems to be determined to hang on. I don't feel bad enough to miss work or go to the doctor, necessarily, just bad enough to whine about it.
It's kind of funny - since K and I talked a few days ago, I've felt much less stressed about things. It's like now I know we've reached a sort of resolution. I may not know a specific time frame, but at least I think I know the direction things are heading. And knowing is much preferable to not knowing, so it's a relief to have talked about it. Yeah, there are still things in my life that aren't the way I want them to be for the long term, yeah, finances aren't great, yeah, my job is less than stellar, but it will all work out. Eventually. :-)
And tomorrow is another Monday - blech. At least it's a four-day week.
Friday, December 17, 2004
One of life's little mysteries...
How can my nose be immovably clogged and yet run at the same time? I thought losing my voice was just due to allergies. Now I wonder if I'm not working on a cold. Blech. I don't feel terrible, I just have a stuffy head and sneeze a lot. *SIGH* Talk about weekend fun.
I'm not in much of a thoughtful mood today. I'm tired, too tired to think profound thoughts right now. It's a big Friday night, I'm up too late, watching more episodes of The Shield, eating popcorn and drinking a Guinness. On the weekend agenda: a trip to the library and some Christmas shopping! I'll just be glad when the Christmas hoo-ha is done for another year, although I am really enjoying Christmas lights a lot more than I have in recent years, seeing them through J's eyes. He loves 'em all, every time we pass a house that's lit up, he yells, "mo' Christmet lights!" That's one of the great things about having a child, you re-learn to appreciate things you've taken for granted.
It's late - one more episode of The Shield, or bed? Eh, maybe one more - sleep's overrated anyway! LOL
I'm not in much of a thoughtful mood today. I'm tired, too tired to think profound thoughts right now. It's a big Friday night, I'm up too late, watching more episodes of The Shield, eating popcorn and drinking a Guinness. On the weekend agenda: a trip to the library and some Christmas shopping! I'll just be glad when the Christmas hoo-ha is done for another year, although I am really enjoying Christmas lights a lot more than I have in recent years, seeing them through J's eyes. He loves 'em all, every time we pass a house that's lit up, he yells, "mo' Christmet lights!" That's one of the great things about having a child, you re-learn to appreciate things you've taken for granted.
It's late - one more episode of The Shield, or bed? Eh, maybe one more - sleep's overrated anyway! LOL
I feel better...
Just a quick post. I'm proud of myself - I returned a phone call I'd been dreading. Sucking it up was rewarded, I got voice mail and left a message asking the person to call me back. So I've done my part, gotten the ball back in their court, AND I'm now prepared to talk when they do call back. Whew, what a relief that is.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Blogrolling
I decided to give it a try, so my links to blogs I'm reading may look a little out of whack until I get it set up the way I want it. :-)
It's late, I'm still up waiting for the cookies I made for J's Christmas party tomorrow to cool. Lesson: Never make anything for your child's school parties that involves melted chocolate that has to cool and re-harden. I'm waiting for the damned Hershey kisses on top of the cookies to cool enough that they won't completely squash when I pack the cookies. I'm about to just leave 'em out all night (or what's left of it, anyway) and go on to sleep.
It's late, I'm still up waiting for the cookies I made for J's Christmas party tomorrow to cool. Lesson: Never make anything for your child's school parties that involves melted chocolate that has to cool and re-harden. I'm waiting for the damned Hershey kisses on top of the cookies to cool enough that they won't completely squash when I pack the cookies. I'm about to just leave 'em out all night (or what's left of it, anyway) and go on to sleep.
Today's online fortune cookie
"Make your dreams reality."
Well!!!
It's been a long, hard day at the office. I ate lunch at my desk, I've barely stopped all day long, and I still don't feel like I've made a dent in my pile of stuff to do. *SIGH*
But at least now it's time to go home. :-) Time to go get J and hear him say, "MY ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma!" That sure makes up for a world of evils in the workplace.
Well!!!
It's been a long, hard day at the office. I ate lunch at my desk, I've barely stopped all day long, and I still don't feel like I've made a dent in my pile of stuff to do. *SIGH*
But at least now it's time to go home. :-) Time to go get J and hear him say, "MY ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma!" That sure makes up for a world of evils in the workplace.
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