Thursday, December 30, 2004

Is it 2005 yet?

So close...! Next year will be better, I can feel it. :-)

Tomorrow will be my 10th wedding anniversary. Surprise, surprise, we decided not to make a big deal out of it. How weird would that be? "We're splitting up, but we're out celebrating our 10th anniversary." I'm OK with a fair degree of weirdness in my life, but I think that might be too much even for me.

But is it silly for me to be a little sad thinking I may never celebrate a "big" wedding anniversary? When I got married, I envisioned having a 50th wedding anniversary party someday, with our children and grandchildren and friends there. Now I'm 36 and getting closer to being single again. If I remarry someday, when I'm even older than I am now, it's pretty likely that both of us won't live long enough to celebrate a 50th anniversary. Maybe a 25th, but probably not a 50th. And that makes me just a little bit sad. It's no reason to try to fix something that neither of us thinks can be fixed, but still - there's just a little twinge of regret at the thought.

In other news: I actually got to do something fun at my job today - I mean really fun, something I can really get into. It looks like there may have been some fraud involved with one of my accounts, someone getting stuff they shouldn't have had, some shenanigans going on that might entitle someone to a good ol' ass-kicking. I'm seeing what I can find out, and when it comes down to it, I plan to stay involved and do as much on it as higher-ups will let me. I love investigating stuff, finding out things people don't want found out, the idea (and the actuality) of meting out justice where it's warranted. Hmm, perhaps I *should* consider a return to prosecution - perhaps the new me would be better at it than the old me was ten or eleven years ago. Seriously, though, if my current job could somehow be all business investigations and things like what I'm doing now, I would LOVE it.

And J's big boy bed will be here Jan. 10! Woo hoo!!!! I've ordered the bed rail to (hopefully) keep him from falling out *too* often in his sleep, and the mattress will be delivered that day. Before then, the little dresser in his room will be moved to my room, to make room to set up his big bed (it will be a full-size bed, no toddler bed for the moose boy!), and I'll have to clean out some stuff in both rooms to make way for the changes. I just hope he likes the big boy bed. The crib converts to full-size, and once it's switched, I am NOT switching it back! LOL

I'm going to finish my wine and chocolate mousse and then get some sleep. Last night I foolishly stayed up until after 1 AM watching FOUR episodes of The Shield. I just love that show - it really sucks you in. I didn't intend to watch all the episodes on the DVD, but just when you'd think surely nothing else major could happen, something did, and I just had to see what happened next. When I got to the point where "seeing what happened next" would involve a trip to Blockbuster, I finally called it a night. And naturally, J woke up at about 1:50, just crying and wanting a change and to be rocked. *SIGH* So I'm fairly wiped out.

Only about 25 1/2 hours left in 2004 - I say, good riddance, you suck-ass excuse for a year...! Nah, it wasn't all bad. I've certainly changed for the better, even if the life lessons that are responsible for those changes haven't been a whole lot of fun. And I wouldn't trade J for anything, sleepless nights and tantrums and lots of clean-up and all. But I will be glad to get a fresh start in the new year. I am seriously looking forward to changes for the better in more than just the Lisa growth and character-building department - time for good news in other areas of my life, too. Bring it on, I say!!!


Anonymous said...

Happy New Year!!
I am a "new comer" to reading your blog and love what you write. I hope for you that 2005 is everything that 2004 wasn't.
Go get'em!

E said...

Happy New Year. It is my anniversary too, and I just told the spouse about a month ago that I'm leaving. He wasn't surprised, of course, (we've been talking about it for years), but still, the anniversary is tough for everyone.

Hope yours is okay, and that 2005 is a banner year for you.


Chris said...


Every time I stop by to read your blog I feel this sense of kinship between us. You seem to be going through everything that I am going through and I know how much it sucks. When I got tot he part about not having a 50th wedding anniversary I felt so close to you. I too mourned the fact that I will never achieve this milestone either. It was something that I wanted to do in my life and now that chance is gone.

Mourning the shit that has happend to us is a full time habit of mine these days.

2004 was a shitty year wasn't it. Let's both hope that 2005 is better for us both.


Lisa said...

Azalea, Ellen and Chris - thanks for stopping by and for the good wishes for 2005!

Chris, you know I'm right there with you. Knowing the 50th anniversary thought has crossed someone else's mind helps - glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks of things like that. I think 2005 will be a much better year for us both - by golly, we deserve a good year after the crap we got in 2004!