Regrets only

Those of you who've been reading my blog for a while, or who've gone waaaaaay back in the archives, may remember me mentioning R, someone I went out with a couple of times last year. For those of you who haven't read back that far, R is, well, someone I went out with a couple of times last year. My uncertain status (i.e., not yet divorced, with no real timetable for when I'd file) put an end to any sort of dating relationship, but we do still talk from time to time and e-mail at irregular intervals. Well, R is getting married. I was really surprised when he told me this, as it had been less than a year since he'd told me things with us couldn't go anywhere unless and until my situation was more clearly defined, and only a few months since he'd mentioned that he'd met someone. On the one hand, that just shows me that things likely wouldn't have worked out for us anyway - he's been divorced for several years, and was clearly at a point where he wanted to get back into a serious relationship. Me, I'm still trying to untangle the relationship I have, and I'm not in any particular big hurry to be part of "Lisa and so-and-so" anytime soon. Had we gotten to go out more than we did, and had things worked out, if he'd have been proposing marriage to me less than a year out, I think I'd have wigged out and run, simply because I wouldn't have been at a point where I wanted to be married again.

The wedding is this Saturday. I got an invitation - it's going to be a pretty informal affair, and the reception will probably be a lot of fun. I won't be attending, since I'll be making the 350-mile drive to my dad's house on Saturday. (After a couple of hours in the car with a 3-year-old, I'll probably long to be at a wedding reception, drinking to excess on someone else's nickel! LOL) But I must confess to a certain wistfulness, wondering what might have happened, and a bit of regret that I didn't have that chance to see where things could have gone. Yes, R was a good bit older than me (K knew this and seldom missed an opportunity to make tacky comments about it), and that could have had a down side to it in a long-term relationship. But he also had a lot of qualities I'd like to see in whoever I may end up with down the road, and compared to him, all the other guys I've talked to just seem to fall a little short. I know things happen for a reason (or as I've seen it phrased elsewhere, "The universe speaks"), and R and I were just not meant to end up together. Still, I just can't help but wonder what if occasionally, and wonder just how much fun it would have been to go out with him for however long it took us to figure that out.