Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Work and dating and so tired, oh my!

I had some thoughts, but I'm so tired I'm not even sure where to start. J was up until 10:00 last night - again - and woke up at 4:40 this morning, wanting daddy. I told him daddy was at the bitty house, that it was time to go back to sleep, and he said he didn't want to sleep, he wanted to rock. So we rocked in the rocking chair, and when I thought he'd gone back to sleep, I got up to put him back in the bed. He said he didn't WANT to go back to bed, and when I put him down, he laid down in the floor and wanted me to lay down next to him. I said no, I wasn't laying down in the floor, if he wanted me to lay down with him, he could go get in the bed. So he did, finally, and I laid down with him, hoping he'd go on back to sleep. But he was bouncy-fidgety-squirmy (even though he was yawning fit to pop his head right off), and it took him a while to settle down. By the time he gave it up and went back to sleep, it was 5:30. I contemplated just staying up, since my alarm goes off at 5:45. But then I said, no, I want just that little bit more rest - and then I promptly overslept. I heard my alarms, I just kept hitting snooze. Why is it that having your sleep interrupted in the middle of the night can wipe you out more than just staying up late? I feel like I could fall over. I think it's time for some Diet Coke and Sudafed.

K has plans for the evening. I have no problem with that, but it struck me that I'll be a lot more limited in terms of opportunities to have plans than he will. We've agreed that we won't have people around J if they're people we're just casually seeing - no one spends time with the boy unless it looks like they'll be around for the long term. Well, J is with me except for every other weekend. So that pretty much means that every other weekend is the only time I'll have for socializing. I know K has said he'd watch J for me, but I can't put that off on him all the time, and besides, it would be kind of odd to go on a date with your soon-to-be-ex providing child care. Not that I really have a whole lot of energy to go out on weeknights - most all of my effort goes into work and taking care of J. But still - should I ever reach a point where I'm fairly serious about someone but not quite yet to the point where I'd be ready for them to be around J, it might be a bit challenging trying to see where a relationship might go if the only time I'm free is every other weekend. Perhaps I worry too much, I don't know. And sometimes I think I'm nuts to try to get out and meet people at all, given that J is so young right now and requires more attention and effort from mama than an older child would. I don't know. This may all be a wasted worry. It's just something that's popped into my mind recently.

We're going out to lunch for the October birthdays on the team today - On the Border, yummy! I'm starving - good thing we're going kind of early.

And on the job front - I am buried right now, but in the long run, it's all for the good. Once a lot of this stuff is cleaned up and taken care of, it won't be a problem in the future - a lot of it is work that only needs to be done once. So in the long run, it should pay off. I've decided to stick it out and give this my best effort, and see if me doing a better job leads to a bonus and/or raise. If this team approach to administration is working, and I'm blowing the top off the admin/compliance stuff and John is blowing the top off the client touch stuff and we still don't get any sort of financial benefit for the effort, then I'll rethink that. But right now, barring some really strange developments, I'm going to stay here.

Back to work - the reviews won't do themselves. More later!


A Mother's Serenity said...

not just you ...if A. or L. gets up in the night I am wiped out the rest of the day. Thank good ness that doesn't happen too often now....*knocking on wood*

lioness01 said...

I wish I would've taken things slower because I agree with you that having a relationship while having young children is almost an oxymoron. Maybe if the guy was not as needy as mine it wouldn't be that way...maybe. In my mind, when you have a healthy relationship with the Father they understand/welcome your attentiveness to the needs of the children and share in it, whereas when you are in a relationship with a man who is not the father, they are more likely to feel resentment or try to make you quit "babying" the children. Just my 2 cents. I'm sure not all guys are like that but ...