The Toddler's Creed

If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it is a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached - at any cost.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked and eaten.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a wax crayon or permanent marker, it must write on the refrigerator, furniture, floor and/or walls.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting filled.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be rolled upon.
If it is a stroller, it must, under no circumstances, be ridden in without protest. It must be pushed by me instead.
If it is a car seat, it must be protested with arched back and endless screaming.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon - preferably with a very hard object.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled open and - if at all possible - pulled completely out.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it isn't a toothbrush, it must also be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must scream to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stick on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it sticks on my spoon, the spoon must be dropped on the floor.
If it is NOT food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must NOT be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, juice, pee, or toilet water.

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Someone posted this on one of the parenting boards I frequent. I laughed so hard, I nearly hurt myself. So true, so true.