Yuck. I'm thinking about many things at the start of the new year, one of the top things on my list being work.
I just don't want to be here. I've been out of law school 13 years, I should be at a point where I'm doing moderately well financially, not scraping and struggling about how I'll make it from one paycheck to the next. I don't have a lot of extravagant debt - I filed bankruptcy to get out from under the credit card debt, and still I struggle. Extravagance is buying an occasional CD at Target or getting takeout for dinner from Sonic, it's not about jewelry and expensive clothes and luxury items. I shouldn't have to worry if I'll have the money for daycare in my account when it's time to pay, or if buying a new outfit will keep me from paying a bill, or if I'll be able to pay for my child's education or my retirement. I'm 37 years old, and I have NOTHING saved for retirement - everything I'd saved before, we had to use when I changed jobs because our finances sucked, and I don't make enough here to even put anything in my 401(k). That's just not right. The workload is enormous, and it never slows down, it never gets any better - once you're behind, you just keep getting farther behind. There's no light at the end of the tunnel. It stresses me out, and I don't like the person this job makes me. Something has got to give, and I just hope it's not my sanity that gives first.
To go from such a good weekend to this - that's just wrong. Blech. If I can't find a job I'm passionate about (and I'm beginning to think there's no such job out there), is it too much to ask to find one that I at least enjoy and that pays me decently?
There, whine over for now. Back to the grind.