Because I just can't think of one today. The morning sucked ass before it was even 10:00. The hot water faucet handle in my shower came off this morning. It just needs to be screwed back on, but I didn't have time to mess with it today, so I had to wash my hair in the bathtub. (Thank goodness my hair isn't long like it used to be - it would have really been a chore then!) The puppies pooped on the floor four times. (Not their fault, just mess for me to try to clean up before I got out the door.) I had to take money from J's savings to keep my account from overdrawing before payday. (I'm 13 years out of law school, I should *not* be this broke all the time.) The seat belt on the side of the car where J's booster seat usually is jammed, so we had to switch the seat to the other side. Daycare drop-off was absolute flaming hell (more on that momentarily). And I was late to work - big-time late. UGH.
I'm getting concerned about J's separation anxiety. He doesn't want to let go of me at daycare - no matter how much I reassure him that I'm coming back, no matter that he tells me I'm coming back (so on some level he knows this), he cries and screams and says he's scared every time. This morning his teacher offered him a treat if he'd be a big boy and go with her, and he still wouldn't let go of me. And he was howling like a banshee when I left. This is killing me. Part of it may be him trying to manipulate me, but I think part of the reason that he so much wants to stay with me is because K has moved out, and J is anxious about that. I told K that I think we should take him to see a counselor - if it turns out just to be a function of age, well, then we'll know, and if not, perhaps the counselor can help. All I know is, I can't keep on with drop-off going like this, especially if I'm considering a new job. If I were to start somewhere new, I wouldn't be able to be late every day. Besides, it hurts me that J is so upset when I leave. After I've been gone a few minutes, I know he's fine - it's not like he sits in the corner all day and just sobs. But still, it's no fun to hear your child screaming for you as you walk away to come to a job that sucks ass.
I e-mailed my friend Kathy today - her son was about J's age when she and her ex split up, and their split wasn't amicable. She'd previously given me the name of a counselor who saw her son, and I wanted to ask her if her son had gone through this serious separation anxiety. She said he'd had some problems with acting out aggressively and not eating, and the counselor said he was very angry. I don't think J is angry - he's always happy to see daddy, and he isn't aggressive toward anyone (exuberant with me and K, but not angry). I think he's just anxious and insecure. I'm going to call Kathy tonight and we'll talk some more. It's good to have a friend who's gone through this and who can offer advice and support.
And the day has improved somewhat. I'm totally not interested in doing any work, but at least I don't want to just sit here and cry. So that's a step in the right direction.