Friday, January 27, 2006

Not good news

I called the hiring manager today, to see if there was any word on the position I interviewed for. He called back. I didn't get the job. They've made an offer to someone who had more experience, who used to work there. She hasn't accepted officially yet, but he said he felt like she would, and then the position would be filled. He said if it didn't work out, they'd keep me in mind. So it's over. I could cry. I have seriously got to find another job, from a financial standpoint if not from a stress standpoint. This job does not pay enough for me to make ends meet, and I can't keep relying on K (although he's been wonderful about helping me out), or his savings will be gone, too. And then what would happen if either of us had a true emergency? I've got bills now I don't know how I'll pay. I've already filed bankruptcy trying to get my finances straightened up. When does it freakin' get better? If I ever needed a miracle, now is the time.

I thought 2006 was supposed to be a good year. I'm not seeing it so far.

And I can't even go ease my pain with shopping therapy. I keep trying to tell myself that there's some good reason why this didn't work out, but it's not helping. And why the hell am I here, at this job? What am I supposed to learn? What am I supposed to gain from this neverending grunt work? A deeper appreciation for people slogging away in customer service jobs? Got it. A higher tolerance for bullshit and pain and stress? If the tolerance is pushed much higher, my head will pop off. I don't get it. When will something go RIGHT for me, and will I have to be living in a box under the bridge before it does?!

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