Better

Surprisingly, I'm feeling better now. On some internal level it's finally registered with me that no matter what happens here, things will be OK. If I lose this job, it will suck, but it won't be the end of the world. Not that I'll necessarily like the sequence of events, not that I might not have some stressful moments, not that I might not throw the occasional screaming fit. But things will ultimately be OK, and God won't leave me living in a box under a bridge. I think this is what I've been wrestling with all this time, REALLY letting go and trusting God to take care of things. He'll work it out, if I'll just get out of the way and let Him. And this isn't to say I just quit looking and wait for something to fall in my lap - I have to do my part, and I have to look for opportunities that God may open up for me. But I don't have to worry about things working out, because they will.

And I've already thought about how I'd handle things if the worst case scenario came to pass - I contemplated it on the way to work this morning. So I have a game plan (I always do better when I know what direction things may be going - I don't generally do really well with the vast unknown and me just flailing about), and I'm a lot better than I was last night.

I can't remember the last time I was this unstressed about things. It feels kind of weird. But in a good way.