This won't be what you want to hear, but i view "love" as primarily a decision. I don't really think there is such thing as one soul mate for me in all the world. The are certainly prerequisites of course; humor, intelligence, chemistry, good anger managment skills, similar moral code and etc. Did i mention chemistry? Yeah, that's a good indicator too. :)
Meno, that's exactly the sort of thing I want to hear. I've never been a big believer in love at first sight or anything like that, and sometimes the fact that I tend not to get swept off my feet by some great wave of emotion has made me question my ability to feel really profound, deep love. But if it's a choice I make, then I'm good with that!
And looking at some of the things you mention, it would seem that Brian and I are indeed a very good match for each other. If we could just work out the logistics and figure out how we can both make a living and not live 90 miles apart....
I married the "decision" guy and there simply wasn't enough glue to keep us (and my ever-cycling Gemini mind) together when things were rough and we began to grow.
I've been in love twice in my life, and both times it's grown out of a set of circumstances that made it seem impossible. So I'm not sure that if my soul had ever been quenched in its search for "more" of that person, it would have proved stable long-term.
I've recently encountered the "love-at-first-sight" scenario, which my mind is logically arguing with nonstop. What is important for me is that we have enough in common to have a basis together, and yet our personalities are complementary too ... he is steady where I am flaky, I am strong where he is weak. We need to be both mental people first, but greatly passionate people as well, so the trust has to be a huge part of what is between us. And the sexual chemistry has to be there because it's a huge part of my life. I've given up trying to write dating profiles of who I'm looking for because I've fallen for people who would never fit them. But above all, I believe that "spark" has got to be there - yet the longterm mental spark, not just the initial bursts of lust or infatuation - and not even I can "rationalize" myself into loving someone.
Kalleigh, I think it's interesting that you're a Gemini - so am I. We seem to share some similar thought processes.
I'd never rationalize myself into a relationship with someone - like you said, there has to be some connection there first. Brian and I do have a lot in common, we have similar moral and political viewpoints, and we've each said that the other makes us feel more grounded, more centered, so our personalities complement each other well. And of course there's got to be some chemistry there - I wouldn't have invested this much time in the relationship if there weren't. :-)
I guess for me, the "decision" would be more along the lines of me deciding I am willing to take the step of calling it love and I am willing to pursue something long-term. I can't even imagine contemplating the possibility of spending the rest of my life with someone I didn't have much in common with or feel any connection with.
So if everything else seems right, how do I know I'm making the right decision? Or is it just a crapshoot like most everything else in life?
5 comments:
Good question. Hope you get some constructive feeback.
This won't be what you want to hear, but i view "love" as primarily a decision. I don't really think there is such thing as one soul mate for me in all the world.
The are certainly prerequisites of course; humor, intelligence, chemistry, good anger managment skills, similar moral code and etc.
Did i mention chemistry? Yeah, that's a good indicator too. :)
Meno, that's exactly the sort of thing I want to hear. I've never been a big believer in love at first sight or anything like that, and sometimes the fact that I tend not to get swept off my feet by some great wave of emotion has made me question my ability to feel really profound, deep love. But if it's a choice I make, then I'm good with that!
And looking at some of the things you mention, it would seem that Brian and I are indeed a very good match for each other. If we could just work out the logistics and figure out how we can both make a living and not live 90 miles apart....
I married the "decision" guy and there simply wasn't enough glue to keep us (and my ever-cycling Gemini mind) together when things were rough and we began to grow.
I've been in love twice in my life, and both times it's grown out of a set of circumstances that made it seem impossible. So I'm not sure that if my soul had ever been quenched in its search for "more" of that person, it would have proved stable long-term.
I've recently encountered the "love-at-first-sight" scenario, which my mind is logically arguing with nonstop. What is important for me is that we have enough in common to have a basis together, and yet our personalities are complementary too ... he is steady where I am flaky, I am strong where he is weak. We need to be both mental people first, but greatly passionate people as well, so the trust has to be a huge part of what is between us. And the sexual chemistry has to be there because it's a huge part of my life. I've given up trying to write dating profiles of who I'm looking for because I've fallen for people who would never fit them. But above all, I believe that "spark" has got to be there - yet the longterm mental spark, not just the initial bursts of lust or infatuation - and not even I can "rationalize" myself into loving someone.
Kalleigh, I think it's interesting that you're a Gemini - so am I. We seem to share some similar thought processes.
I'd never rationalize myself into a relationship with someone - like you said, there has to be some connection there first. Brian and I do have a lot in common, we have similar moral and political viewpoints, and we've each said that the other makes us feel more grounded, more centered, so our personalities complement each other well. And of course there's got to be some chemistry there - I wouldn't have invested this much time in the relationship if there weren't. :-)
I guess for me, the "decision" would be more along the lines of me deciding I am willing to take the step of calling it love and I am willing to pursue something long-term. I can't even imagine contemplating the possibility of spending the rest of my life with someone I didn't have much in common with or feel any connection with.
So if everything else seems right, how do I know I'm making the right decision? Or is it just a crapshoot like most everything else in life?
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