Friday, December 01, 2006

Perhaps not the end of the world

Well, Brian and I have talked (e-mailed, but it's a form of conversation). Long story short, he did a big dumb-ass thing, he knows it's a big dumb-ass thing, said big dumb-ass thing has been removed and he knows if there's a repeat all hell will really break loose, he knows he must earn his way back into my good graces, and he is groveling appropriately. He is going to come up this weekend (I expect many chores to be completed to my satisfaction as part of the groveling process), and while it may not be as comfortable as our weekends have been, I think it will be interesting and ultimately good.

In fact, I think this has the potential to be a really good thing. I've been wondering where we might be headed, and when I saw that post, I thought, that's it, game over, we're going a big fat nowhere. But given the conversation we've had so far, that may not be the case. I think this conversation needed to happen - should have happened months ago - and this was the catalyst to make it happen. Sucks that it involved much rage on my part, but at least it didn't happen in such a way that it couldn't be worked through. I do think Brian and I can work through this - Lord knows people have worked through far worse - and if we can, then I see long-term potential there. I have a year invested in this relationship, so I think he deserves a chance to redeem himself. And we'll go from there.

In other news: I've decided to go back to my church home here, First Baptist. I know I've been wandering around looking for a better fit, but I also know myself well enough to know I'm not going to go to church if it's geographically disadvantageous, and I don't want to go if it's not close enough that I can be involved. So, FBC it is. It's literally three minutes from my house, I could walk if I had to (longish walk, but it could be done). I've already been in touch with my friend Jan, who directs handbells, and they'll be glad to have me back - I am THRILLED about that, I've missed ringing handbells. This came about after J said to me the other night, "Mama, we should read our Bible every day." (He saw mine by the bed.) That hit me like a hammer blow. I was raised in a household of faith, and I have done him such a disservice by not giving him that same benefit. I've also done myself a disservice by not being involved in a community of faith, and I regret that. But, you can always start somewhere, so here I am. I'm going this Sunday (without J the first time, since the church has moved to a new location - I want to familiarize myself with things before I have J in tow!), and I'm really looking forward to it. Sure, you can be spiritual and have a relationship with God without belonging to a church, but I need that structure. Left to my own devices, I get lazy. I don't expect that just getting back to church and renewing my relationship with God will automatically make things hunky-dory in my life, but I do believe it will give me the mental and emotional strength to deal better with the rough times.

And I'm off work today! Happy Friday!


A Mother's Serenity said...

YEA for a good conversation with Brian. I was hoping you'd let us know how it went. But it sucks you had to come full circle to have this conversation huh!

And yea for a church "home" again. Handbells is something I have never tried...I know shocking isn't it since I am all over every other thing musically related! LOL

Lisa said...

Well, we're not done conversing yet - I expect there'll be more this weekend. But it's a start in the right direction - at least he admitted it was a colossally stupid thing to do.

I'm glad to be going back to church, and SO excited about handbells! I've missed that. I can't believe you've never tried! LOL I love it.

A Mother's Serenity said...

Nope...never have done the bell ringing! Our hand bell choir just took off at the church since they finally got the $$$ for all the bells. so far, they are doing well and sound really good. They are going to attempt to play along with the Chancel choir for the cantata on the last song. They are supposed to join us in rehearsal next week...should be interesting!

Danelle said...

I hope it works out! I have been in the same situation, and at least for me, things were never quite the same.

meno said...

Just be careful, that's all. You've learned something about him, don't forget it.