My job makes me want to throw up. We're having our 4th quarter reviews by the end of next week. Y'all may remember that my last review went OK, but there was a caveat attached to it, that if some things didn't improve, then I'd likely be out of a job. Well, I just got a complaint - one that is my fault, and one that will stick. I don't know if one will get me into trouble sufficient that I might lose my job, but I'm terrified. I'm trying hard to trust that all will work out. But what if it doesn't? What if my manager says, hey, you tried but not enough, we've got to let you go? I haven't managed to find anything in nearly two years of looking, what in the world will I do if I find myself out of a job? I'm trying not to nut out over this, but it's hard. Seriously, what would I do? I have no savings. I have virtually nothing in my retirement plan. If I were to lose this job, I would be beyond screwed.
I hate this. I hate that this job has ended up this way. It seemed so promising when I started. And I'm not stupid, that's what kills me. It's not that the work is so difficult that I'm not capable of doing it. There's just too much of it most days.