Saturday, December 02, 2006

Moving forward

It's been a good, good weekend. Brian and I have had our reckoning, he knows that what he did was just plain stupid and attributes it to his tendency to go inward when he's feeling insecure. He felt uncertain about where we stood, so instead of talking to me, he put out that personal ad. He said he was glad this happened, because now we know where we are. And it sounds like we're in a very similar spot.

So. We talked. I'd asked him in my really pissed-off e-mail if he prayed about us. This was his response (in his e-mail):

Yes, I DO pray about us--a LOT. And I pray for you and J. And I've had long, agonizing conversations with God about why we found each other when it seems like sometimes we're just not going to happen, and it HURTS.

And today we talked about how the answer to prayer can be "yes", "no", or "not right now". He said that with people he's dated in the past, the answer was a clear "no" - he knew they weren't right for him, for whatever reason. With us, he says he just doesn't have a clear answer yet (and I understand that, because that's how I feel, too - I've debated with myself why I haven't said "I love you" yet) - he says his head can come up with a million and ten reasons why we would be so good for each other, yet his heart doesn't feel like the time is right. And I can understand that, can relate to that feeling. So, we're both seeing the possibilities and seeing that we could easily end up together and be quite happy for the long term, but neither of us is to the point where we feel like the time is right for a commitment to the long term (i.e., don't be counting on me getting a ring for Christmas! LOL). But, we aren't ready to call it quits, that's for sure, and it is just us, no looking, no more ridiculous ads, and if something is on his mind, he's to talk to me about it, ask me about it, and not do something stupid.

He said this evening that he didn't think that two people could really call themselves a couple until they'd worked through some big issue and come through it together. So, I guess we're officially a couple now (we talked about that, too).

And in an interesting turn, as he and I were exchanging e-mails on Thursday, at the same time I got this job listing in my inbox:

Waco firm is seeking an associate attorney. Primarily transactional with a concentration on real estate. Practice areas: Real estate, probate and estate planning, but with a focus on real estate.

Well. Of course I've applied - I like Waco and wouldn't mind going back there for a position I was sure I'd want for the long haul (and I'd consider that, Brian or no - I was very sad when we had to leave Waco due to me finding a new job). So I'll be curious to see what, if anything, comes of that.

All that to say, we know where we stand now, and I think we both feel a lot better, and a lot closer.


A Mother's Serenity said...

I hope this is a job lead Lisa. Perhaps God was waiting for you two to have the conversation about everyting before he put this lead into your path?

Lisa said...

I don't know, Holly. I went back to church this morning and one of the choruses we sang included these words:

When you and I embrace surrender,
When you and I choose to believe,
Then you and I will see
Who we were meant to be.

And it kind of jumped out and hit me over the head. There may be lots of things going into this. Brian and I had this talk, I've decided to go back to church, I'm sort of resigned to my job. Maybe I just have to get to the point where I realize that it's ALL out of my hands and REALLY let it go instead of paying lip service to the idea, before I'll see where I'm meant to be.

A Mother's Serenity said...

I think you have the right idea. Our sermon today was on really, honestly trusting your faith and path to God. We talked about how sometimes we pray to God about giving it over to him, but we don't really give up control in the end. It is much easier said than done, but I can say that I have walked that road...twice! And both times when I truly did give up my control to God...he did answer and very clearly too. My mom has a cross stitch up in her office that says "Sometimes we stare at the closed doors so long, that we miss the ones that God is opening" and I can see how that is very true for many people.

You are doing the best you can for you and J and you are making the effort to re-engage church in your life too. God will not let that go without answering you! And when He does will know without a shadow of a doubt because all needs and conditions for you and J will be met without question. I believe that 100%!!!

Okay...there is my Pastoral counseling for the night!! LOL