My curious feeling of lightness has dissipated, to be replaced by a crushing weight of apathy and despair. Just coming into work has this effect on me. Every e-mail I get, every piece of mail to be addressed, every question to be answered, I just look at it and can't seem to muster up the enthusiasm to do anything with it. I find it hard to care about this job, and I despair of finding a new one anytime soon, just because right now it does seem hopeless. I feel like I'll be trapped here forever, never able to move up, never able to move forward, until I'm just buried under the workload.
I'm trying to remind myself of what I *do* have and be thankful for that, and when you look at it, I'm indeed blessed. I have a house I can still make the payments on. I have a freezer and pantry full of food - maybe not what I'd choose to eat were my choices unlimited, but it's still good stuff. I have a car that goes. I have a wonderful, big, busy, happy, healthy son. I have K, who's helped me far beyond his ability to do so. I have friends who'll loan me lunch money and listen to me whine about work and make me laugh when life sucks rocks. Got no money, but money isn't everything, or so I'm told.
So why, then, does it feel like the weight of the world has settled on my shoulders and won't budge an inch? I've gotta get out of here.