I. Could. SCREAM. I just talked to K. He's all weird about me applying for jobs in Waco - he's convinced that he'd never find anything there, says he'd be dead against me going there, says he doesn't want to move there, doesn't understand why I'm even considering it, doesn't want to be apart from J. OK, I understand that when we lived there before, he couldn't find a job. Well, neither could I, when I lost the one I had - hence, we moved here. I had to go where the job was. But just because he found nothing before doesn't mean he'll find nothing now - I certainly didn't expect to find job openings in Waco, and it's not like I went looking specifically for Waco, I came across them in the course of looking for some job, any job. It's like he's already made up his mind that he won't even consider it no matter what, like he wouldn't even try to see if there'd be any jobs in the area that he'd be qualified for, and like he wants me just to rule the jobs out that I've found without even applying. He didn't mention Brian, but I'd be willing to bet that the fact that he's in Waco plays a part in K's unease as well. (Never mind that I'd apply whether he was there or not. I LIKE Waco, always did.) I told him that everything would need to work out for me to take a job down there, and to me, that includes him being able to move - I don't want him two hours away from J any more than he wants to be two hours away from J. Does that mean we'd find jobs at the exact same time? Not necessarily. Does it mean an opportunity would be there for him? Yes, and I believe it would if I'm meant to be there. And what would he do if I found a job in Austin, or Houston, or San Antonio? I'll bet he wouldn't be nearly so twisted about the possibility of me moving to those places - he'd say he has a better chance of finding something there. You'd think that would be the case, but you'd also think I'd at least get a phone call from a stinkin' placement agency or two here in Dallas. You'd think the odds of me finding a job would be way better here than in little old Waco. Thus far, it's not playing out that way. And it's not like I'm not looking.
My job sucks. It really sucks. It may be moved to someplace up north before all is said and done. I'm constantly broke, and K can't help me out anymore. And he's asking me not to apply to jobs that sound promising just because they're in Waco. I don't believe it. I'll bet if I asked him, he'd say he'd rather see me take a second job here and stay where I am than even try for the positions I've found. And yes, I need to consider his feelings, because he is J's dad. But I also have to be able to support myself, and to do that, I'll need to go where a good job is to be found.
Would I *rather* stay where I am? Well, yeah, all things being equal, I would. If it were my call to make, I'd have preferred to get the CPS job with Ellis County and have a ten-minute commute while staying in my house that I love. That seemed like the perfect opportunity. But things didn't work out the way I'd prefer, and I didn't get that job. Why? Beats the hell out of me. Why might something work out in Waco and not here? I don't know, it's not *my* divine plan and grand design.
Now I'm just vexed. I understand that he doesn't want to be apart from J, but I don't think he'd be near this wound up about the possibility of me moving if it was to anywhere else.
Am I wrong? Knowing it's not just me that I've got to consider, knowing I'd be flying completely solo if K and I weren't in the same place, knowing that he wants to be close to J, *should* I just blow off these opportunities?
And I'd have to feel damn certain after an interview that any job I took in Waco was one I'd want to keep for the duration. I've already moved from there once because the legal job market wasn't great - I'm not going to move back there if I don't feel sure that I'll make a career out of any job I may take, because I don't want to be in the bind of having to move again if another job in Waco falls through on me. I don't think he's taking that into consideration, or realizing that I've thought of that. I'm not going to jump into any job in Waco if I don't feel pretty confident that it will be a good fit and that I'll be able to stay there for the long term and do well there. Besides the smaller job market, I'm at a point in my working life where I'm tired of moving jobs. I *want* something where I can settle and stay and hopefully retire. I'm almost 40. I can't keep job hopping indefinitely. Does K not think I'd consider all of this?
Besides, I haven't even gotten a call for an interview yet, much less a job offer that I'd have to make a decision on.