Hitting where it hurts

How is it that children know, even at an early age, how to say things that will cut their parents to the core? Tonight I was seriously wondering if J had some kind of sociopathic tendencies. After his bath, J went into my bathroom. K is staying here for now since family from N.O. is at his apartment, so he's got stuff in the bathroom. J thinks daddy's disposable razors look like hammers (which he loves, thanks to Bob the Builder), and he grabbed one, with his hand wrapped around the blade. I freaked out and raised my voice telling him to give it to mama, we didn't play with that, and he just started screaming. I got down on the floor and hugged him and told him I wasn't mad, asked him to look at me, and he said, "No, I don't WANT to look at mama!" He said he was mad, and I told him I was sorry I'd yelled, but that razors could cut and I didn't want him to get hurt. He was howling so much that it was hard to understand what he said next, but finally he got it out - "I cut mama." "You want to cut mama?" "Yeah." And on and on in the same vein, he didn't like mama, he didn't want to hug mama, he wouldn't say he was sorry. I stood in the bathroom and cried. I know he didn't *mean* what he said - this is the same child who asks me at bedtime if I'll be right here for him and wants me to hold his hand until he goes to sleep. But still, it hurt like hell, especially him saying he wanted to cut me. If this is a preview, the teenage years should be loads of fun.

And tomorrow morning I have the whole "I don't want to go to school, I don't like school" routine to look forward to, before I even get to the big load o' crap that is my job. Oh, and tomorrow is my late night, too, so I get the privilege of staying at the office until 7:00. Forget the margaritas, just give me the bottle of tequila and a straw....