Just tired

I'm tired. More on that momentarily.

I had my interview this morning. It was supposed to be 30 minutes, we talked for 40, so maybe that's good. My biggest concern is that the hiring manager told me this was a very structured position, and that she was concerned I'd be bored with it, that it wouldn't be challenging enough. I said that my personality is such that I really do better with structure than the chaos of my current position (and everyone acknowledges that the position I currently hold is chaotic, not just for me but for all the others in the same job role). I know I'd do a kick-ass good job at it, but if they're worried that I'll be bored in the new position, that shoots a hole in my chances. Also, there are two groups on the team I'm trying to join - one core group of people who want to do nothing but what that team does, and another group of people who are basically taken on that team and trained for other roles (and the most common move they make is to doing what I'm doing now). If a spot opens up doing what I currently do, that pool is the first place higher-ups look for people to fill those openings. The hiring manager asked me if I'd still be interested knowing that in a short time I could possibly be sent back to my current position. I told her that I felt much better suited for what I was interviewing for, but that if I had to go back to where I am now, I could do that. (Biggest fear there: ending up on a different team than I'm currently on and getting a manager I might not like or teammates I might not like as much as the ones I have now.) There are other places to move to, not just what I currently do, but it depends on what openings are out there. I said I'd still be interested, though. If I do get the job, I just hope that doesn't come back to bite me in the butt later.

They're hoping to have the position filled by October 1, so an announcement of some sort will likely come out next week. Until then, I just wait.

Tired - I'm tired of my job. Tired of whiny people. Tired of phone time and phone calls and proactive contacts. Tired of the four million things clamoring for my attention each and every day. Tired of never going home at night feeling caught up and feeling like I've had a really good day. Tired of coming in to work every day knowing that a mountain of things to do awaits, and that every time I get one things done three more pop up to replace it.

I'm tired of power struggles with J - everything is a battle with him. I wish that just once in a while, he'd do what I ask without all the "I don't want" and "I don't like". I love him more than life itself, but I hope this phase passes quickly, because it's wearing me out. It's hard to stand your ground against a howling child - sometimes I think it would be easier to give in, but then that just lays the groundwork for trouble later on, so that's not an option. I just keep trying to hold firm and hope that my persistence holds out longer than his.

And I'm stinkin' tired of worrying about the weather. When Katrina hit, I worried about family. Now that Katrina has come and gone, I worry about the Gulf Coast getting rebuilt and what family will end up doing for the long term, how will they rebuild, will they be OK in the meantime. I worry that New Orleans will get hit again and fall right off into the Gulf. Now Rita is out there, apparently headed for Texas, and I've seen reports that it could still be a Cat 1 by the time it gets as far north as I am (and the coast is a damn far sight away from me, I don't generally consider myself anywhere *near* the coast). I grew up in Louisiana, and never got hit by a hurricane. Now one may make it all the way up to north Texas?! Somehow, that's just not right.

Besides that, I'm just TIRED. When your child doesn't go to sleep until 9:30 or 10:00 and wakes up at 5:45 (!!!) proclaiming, "It's time to wake up!", that means 1) I have very little time to myself if I go right to bed after J goes to sleep, or 2) I stay up stupid late just to have some time to myself. So I guess I have no one to blame but myself for my fatigue, because I do make the choice to stay up. But if I don't, then everything I do - work, things for J, fixing meals, laundry - is for the benefit of other people. If I don't get time to myself occasionally, where I can do whatever I want, I'll just explode. So I'm tired.

Also, my doc gave me a new prescription for Wellbutrin. I'd run out and not had any for about four or five days before I got the new prescription, and now I find myself very short-tempered. I'd read that agitation and anxiety can be one of the side effects of Wellbutrin (which I find ironic, given that some people, me included, take it to *help* with anxiety), so I'm hoping that's all this is and that it will pass in a few more days. It's just no fun. I don't like being short-tempered.

Only 3 1/2 hours until time to go home. Yay.