Monday already? Surely not.

In the aftermath of Rita, our family is all accounted for, even K's aunt and uncle who live in Sulphur (very close to Lake Charles), whose house is on the river, and who refused to leave. My dad said the big old pecan tree behind the house I grew up in got blown over and fell on his shed, causing some damage, and they lost some shingles off the house (the new house, where my dad and stepmom live, just a little way from the house I grew up in), but other than that, it was just a lot of high wind and rain. I'm sad about the pecan tree, although it was about half rotten anyway - it was a really old tree. K's parents are fine. My bio mom, who stayed in Lafayette, is fine - she didn't even lose power or phone. And K's bio family is still here, so they're OK, too. Well, his sister and brother aren't here, but they're all right. So in the grand scheme of things, Rita could have been much, much worse.

On another topic: I'm in a funk. I feel fat, lazy, undisciplined, and pretty useless right now. I see so many things around my house that need to be done, but I can't seem to work up the will to do them. Saturday night J fell asleep around 9:30. I was so worn out, I went to sleep as soon as I got him down, and didn't bother to pick up the toys on the living room floor or clean the dishes in the sink. Yesterday I was J's favorite plaything all day long (I don't think I even went to the bathroom by myself, except maybe once), and I didn't finish the dishes (I started them) or do any of the mountain of laundry. I know things need to be done, but when I find a little free time, I can't seem to muster up the motivation to do any of it. And I'm undisciplined - my eating habits are crap, lap band or no. I eat junk, and lots of it - I know I have things in the house that are better for me, but that requires time and effort to cook, and I don't wanna. I feel like a big fat slob, and I hate it. And I'm not sure I can dredge up the strength to do anything differently, at least not right now.

Today didn't start out much better than yesterday ended, with me being in such a crappy mood. I overslept. I was running around to get dressed, and found ants AGAIN, nasty little bastards - in the pantry and in my closet, in the laundry hamper. I had to toss all my clothes in the washing machine without regard to lights or darks, etc. I hope I don't get home to find that they've all turned some strange new color. On the bright side, I guess now I will at least have gotten some of the laundry done. And if the colors all mishmash together in the wash, well, that gives me a reason to buy new clothes, doesn't it? At any rate, I'll have to finish the wash when I get home - didn't have time to get it completely done this morning, and I didn't want to go off and leave the washing machine running (I have a fear of coming home to a floor covered in water from a freaked-out washing machine if I do that!).

Some word should come out on the internal position I applied for this week. Not sure if it will be an announcement as to who's been selected to fill the position, or if it will be a second round of interviews, but hopefully we'll hear something. I really, really, REALLY want this position. Even if I only had the job for six months and then the powers that be wanted me to move back into what I currently do, at least that would be six months free of phone time and proactives, six months where I could do my job without a lot of outside interference, six months where I could do something I could really EXCEL at. And right now, I feel mediocre at everything (in spite of my manager's assurances that I've made some positive improvements, I know I'm nowhere near setting the world on fire at this job), and I need some kind of break. I can't keep juggling things here at work, and there's no help to be had for it. Everyone who holds my same position has the same problem - we can't keep up with the work load and can't always keep track of things we're supposed to do, simply because there's too much of it. So I really want some good news about this internal job. I really, really, really, really want it. Have I said that I really want it? I just hope they don't think that, because of my education, that I'd be bored or that my talents would be "wasted". I hope I've managed to make them see that the talents I have, the things I'm really good at, are the things this position requires. And I like structure, it doesn't bore me, I work well with it. It's chaos I don't deal well with, and my current position has an abundance of that.

Once again, I feel like every major area of my life sucks. Finances suck. My job sucks. My marriage is trashed. And I love my son, but he's so very three that it's just tiring. I thought 2005 was supposed to be a good year, but I'm not seeing it. Maybe 2006 will be better, if I can hang on that long?!