Tonight has been frustrating in the extreme. I put J to bed around 8:30-8:45. 10:00 rolled around, 10:15, and he was STILL awake. So tired he could barely function, but still awake. I'm not sure why he was fighting sleep so hard tonight, but I was about ready to tear my hair out. I don't think the Wellbutrin made a bit of difference, I'm sure my blood pressure was through the roof and I know I felt like my head was about to pop off. He wanted to change underpants, wanted tea, wanted milk, wanted to rock, and then we started back with "the fan no like me" (we'd had this discussion previously, about the ceiling fan being part of the house, and he'd decided it was OK - tonight he didn't like it, or it didn't like him, one or the other). AARGH. And then he kept saying, "mama, you not go bye-bye", and I kept telling him no, I'd be right here in the house with him. I don't know what prompted this tonight. It was just unbelievably vexing, and then I felt bad for being so frustrated. Will my child ever go to sleep in less than an hour? Are we going back to daycare drop-off being hell every day? (He told me tonight, "We're not going back to school," and I told him no, not tonight, but we'll go in the morning. I worry that his statement doesn't bode well for tomorrow's drop-off.) I'm going to go bang my head into a wall in sheer frustration now....
And tomorrow is my interview. I'm excited and nervous about that at the same time. If the job is offered to me, I just don't want to see only the improved paycheck and jump at it because of that if it's not truly a good fit. Granted, I could put up with a lot of crap for the salary they offer, but I don't want to jump out of the frying pan into the fire, so to speak.
I should go to sleep now. Tomorrow promises to be a big busy day.
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