Thursday, January 13, 2005

Another question for the guys

OK, men, I need your insight again. A former co-worker has asked me out to dinner. A bit of background: he and I worked together for four years, give or take. (This was at the job I held right before the one I have now.) He left for a new job, then I left for this one. I'd had a dreadful crush on him when I first started there - this was before my weight loss surgery, before J was born, when I was still fat, repressed, shy little Lisa. I told myself it was wrong, I was married, I didn't want to feel that way, and I talked myself out of it. (K is amazed at my ability to compartmentalize and just will myself out of something like that.) I wasn't necessarily *happy* in my marriage at the time (although my discontent didn't really start creeping in until after J was born, before that I was fairly OK and still committed to the marriage), but I certainly didn't want to do anything to trash it. (Besides, at the time I didn't think any guy in his right mind, other than the one I'd married who loved me just the way I was, would be even slightly interested in me.) So I talked myself out of the crush, and went on. After we'd both left the old job,we kept saying, oh, we should get together sometime. We were friends, after all - we'd worked in the same unit for a while, and we got along well. So we eventually got together for dinner one weekend (when was this, back in August or September or thereabouts? Several months ago, sometime when the weather was warm, I'm sure I have it written down in my handwritten journal), and as we were walking out to our respective cars, he grabbed my hand and kissed me. Totally out of the blue. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Long story short, this led to a makeout session of crazed-teenager proportions. I told him I'd had a crush on him, and he said he'd felt the same way, only he never thought of doing anything, I was married, etc. (this was before the separation, which happened while we both still worked there - he and I had talked just a bit about it). He said he'd call, etc., and then he kind of freaked out on me - didn't call, we didn't talk for a while. I'm pretty sure the weirdness of me being separated but not divorced got to him there for a bit (he's single, never been married - was engaged, but they broke it off, and from what he's told me, that's probably for the best - not good if you're fighting all the time *before* you're married). But we're both attorneys, we see each other at lawyer things sporadically, and we're friends. So I just laid low and let him decide when he felt like talking - I didn't call, didn't e-mail, and eventually he resurfaced. (Ooh, I'm just irresistible! LOL And modest, too! LOL) He had jury duty downtown three or so months ago (which is where I work), he called then, and we went out to lunch practically every day he was down here for that. And now he's asking about dinner. My question is: how in the wide world of sports do I interpret this? My gut instinct is to go into the evening with zero expectations other than dinner with a friend. But I can't help thinking, he knows my situation, it hasn't materially changed, and he's doing the asking - I am so not pushing this. (He actually brought it up a few weeks ago, before Christmas - called me, we talked for a bit, and he then said there was something he wanted to ask about, but wasn't sure if it would make things more difficult for me with K, and said he'd been wanting to ask me out to dinner. Again, I've not pushed - at the time I told him I'd love to go out to dinner anytime, but that I'd let him decide when he felt comfortable asking, and I've let him bring it up.) So, in y'all's expert guy opinions, what's on his mind? (I realize this is total speculation on y'all's part, being as how none of you know me in real life or him at all, and you're only going on what I've told you - that's all right, I just want a male point of view on it.) He's a very deliberate person, and I've never known him to do anything without giving it thought or to act rashly or on impulse. So part of me can't help but think, well, hmm, maybe there's more to it. Thoughts?

4 comments:

Jay said...

Even I, Mr. Obtuse, can read this one.

Let's go over the evidence:
-He admitted to a (past at least) crush on you.
-You made out a few months ago. Not just a goodnight peck on the cheek.
-It's taken a month after he first started to ask you to dinner until he completely got up the nerve.
-He was concerned about the appropriateness of this dinner with regards to your separation.

Analysis:
-"Crush" stipulated to by both parties.
-Mutual physical attraction evidenced by makeout session.
-Hunger for food not a motive, since he must have eaten in the month it took to ask you out.
-If his motive was just "dinner with a friend", there would be no reason for concern over your marital status.

He's clearly interested. Treat it as a second date. Nothing more, nothing less.

Jay (Who has had about 4 second dates in his life)

Lisa @ The Plain-Spoken Pen said...

Jay, that's what I thought, too. But given my history of being pretty much ignored in the romantic sense by the male gender, and my tendency not to trust my intuition any farther than I can throw it, I was hesitant to really let myself think that. Good to have a man's perspective on it - thanks!

L.

Jay said...

By the way Lisa, totally off subject-

Kitti had read your mentions of the "Bath Junkie" stores. When we were visiting her family (she's still there btw) we needed a gift for her sister's birthday. There happened to be a Bath Junkie in their town so we went over.

It was actually pretty fun. Way too much money of course ($100 for some bath salts, soap and lotion!).

Can you guess my favorite scent?
...
...
...
...Dirt...

Yup, it really smells like dirt. Not dirt really, dusty soil actually. I don't know how they do it but it's authentic.

I almost decided to get shave cream with Dirt, Sage, and maybe some Pine.

Now back to your regularly scheduled blog.

Jay

Lisa @ The Plain-Spoken Pen said...

Gee, I missed some comments!

Semper, thanks for the good thoughts. I'm doing my best to keep an open mind about the whole situation.

Jay, I actually asked about the dirt smell when I went in. My first thought was, ewww, who'd want that? But the guy who worked there mixed it with a rain scent, and it smelled just like the air does after a rain shower, nice and clean. I nearly bought it! I'll bet the combo you described would smell pretty good, too. So maybe there's something to the dirt scent after all.

L.