Thursday, January 27, 2005

Just a day.

It's Thursday. It's kind of cool-ish. It's just a day.

I did find out that I'm done with my proactives for January - wooooooo hooooooo!!! Exceeding expectations, that's me. :)

I watched Bruce Almighty last night, the movie where Jim Carrey is given all of God's powers for a while. It took me a little bit to get into it, but it turned out to be a funny little movie. I enjoyed it.

Daycare drop-off continues to be a bit of a struggle, although it wasn't quite as bad as usual this morning. Still, it makes me tired.

This post in The Good Husband's blog got me to thinking. Do all guys really need to be asked or told to do things? Do men not have the initiative to see when something needs to be done and do it? If a man sees that his significant other is in a situation where she could use the help, can he not jump in and help? That's kind of what the post brought to mind, making me think that men are just big helpless lumps who can't act without direction. Surely that can't be true, can it? ;-) But what if a woman is really independent? Guys, do you wait to be asked for help if you think she can handle something by herself? Do you hold back from helping for fear of her getting insulted and taking your assistance as a sign that she can't handle the situation? Do you help, not because she needs the help, but because you think she might appreciate it? I'm pretty darned independent and pretty inclined to do things myself, and this is something I'd really like to know. If I end up with someone else down the road, will I have to constantly ask for help, tell him what to do, make him feel needed, and never expect spontaneous gestures of helpfulness? If that's the case, I'll either need to work on that tendency of mine to bulldoze ahead with things or just be single forever. LOL


Jay said...

It has something to do with being raised in the last half of the twentieth century in America.

Ask, tell, nag, etc. Most will not do it for us. Somehow, someway, you have to hit that part of his brain that responds out of love and will keep responding, at least until he forgets.

Nag when he's about to do it on his own and you both lose. Tell him how when he already knows how and he's pissed. Act like his mother and he'll respond like a baby.

Good luck. When you figure it out write a book.

Raise your son to be the way you'ld like your man to be. He will eventually thank you, and some day his wife will also.


StuckForNow said...

I think some of it has to do with tendencies..If you consistently tell someone that you don’t need help, eventually the person will stop questioning.. The key is to mix it up a bit..sometimes even if you don’t need help let your partner give you a hand. There nothing wrong with being independent at all.. At the same time you cant that the request of help as an inference that you cant handle the job yourself. I do agree with Jay, if you figure it all out, write a book, oh and I want and autographed copy too.

Chris said...

I think Jay has this right. Make us feel useful on occasion, but don't nag us when we are about to do something. Guys are difficult to understand, but we're a hell of a lot easier to figure out then a woman.

Lisa said...

Thanks, y'all! (Chris, I resemble that remark about women! LOLOL)

I guess my problem is, I do have a hard time asking for help if it's something I *can* do myself, even if it's a challenge for me. I tend not to think to cater to the male ego and ask for help if it's something I can do for myself, and maybe that's something I need to work on. It's not like I feel like I'm admitting weakness if I ask for help, it's just that it honestly doesn't occur to me to ask for help if I can handle it alone, even if it's something I'd appreciate help with. Did that even make sense? I don't ask for help until I really need it, is what I'm saying, and I don't think to ask for help to make a guy feel needed. Hmm. From what y'all have said, I may have to be more aware of that tendency of mine in the future.