Just another manic Monday...oh wait, it's Tuesday

Bedtime last night was another major ordeal. It took two hours for J to finally settle down and go to sleep. His innards have the worst possible timing - after I put him in bed for the first time at 9:00, he had two poops and then a soaked pair of underpants necessitating a change of sheets. And after I had to get him out of bed for a change of sheets (and pants, and shirt), he went into meltdown mode. UGH. He finally settled down and went to sleep around 11:00. It makes me tired being up that late, I know it can't be good for him to be up until 10:00 or 11:00 and then up at 6:30. But I can't make him sleep. I just feel bad that to some extent, we're prisoners of the schedule I keep, because of me working where I work and having the commute I have. I wish I could find work closer to home, but there aren't many options close to home in my field - either the DA's office or opening my own practice (which I may do, but which I'm nowhere near ready to do right now).

I'm supposed to go see my counselor tomorrow. However, we've changed insurance. I'd told her who my new health care provider was, and she takes that (Blue Cross Blue Shield). I found out today, though, that BCBS doesn't cover our mental health benefits, Cigna Behavioral Health does. My counselor isn't a covered provider with Cigna. *SIGH* I've put a call in to her to explain what's going on and see what can be done. What a freakin' pain insurance can be sometimes. Granted, there are times (like my c-section and my weight-loss surgery) when I'm mighty thankful to have it and the options it offers. But for a lot of routine stuff, it's just a big pain in the ass.

I've been thinking about things I miss about being in a marriage or serious relationship. Here's what I've come up with so far:

*I miss hugs and kisses. Not sex, just hugs and kisses and hand-holding and someone to snuggle with. Sure, sex is nice, but I miss those lower-key expressions of love and affection, those displays that are "just because". I felt like those had disappeared from my marriage a while before the separation anyway, and I wasn't going to ask for affection from K - I was his wife, I didn't think I should have to ask for hugs and kisses. Anyway, that's something I feel like I've gone without for a long time now, and I really miss it. A hug can be a remarkably refreshing and comforting thing when you've had a shitty day.

*I miss adult companionship for dinner. I miss having someone to talk to at mealtimes. K and I didn't always sit down at the table and make a formal thing of it. More often than not, we'd sit in the living room and eat off of TV trays. But I miss the presence of another adult at that time of day. Not that J isn't a fascinating conversationalist, but it's not the same as talking to someone my age! :-)

I'm sure there are more things I miss, but those are two that really stand out at the moment.

Better get back to work.